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Blood Stained	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 61648 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 60
- 61
- 62
For those you think they missed at lot updates, you didn't. I just posted over 30 chapters in one day to catch up. It's still behind 6 chapters, so I'll be posting 6 today.

Blood Stained
Chapter 61: Dark Times

Relaxation didn’t come easily.
Today she was supposed to enjoy a day out, away from the confinement of the hotel, away from the hunt, away from everything. Yet, the outside world didn’t seem great. There should be no danger, especially since she knew Kouga wouldn’t leave her side, not even for a second, but still.
Sesshomaru had left alone at the crack of dawn and she knew why; he would be talking to his beast. He wanted to do it alone and far away, perhaps wanting to shield her from pain. Still, some part of her wished she was around, even though it was hard. Maybe it was because she wanted to know what would be said.
Sesshomaru leaving by himself was the reason why she was out with Kouga and Kiyoshi.
Kouga hadn’t wanted her to remain in the room, closed up in her mind all day. Apparently he though she would go insane. She would have refused to go out but she felt that maybe she and Kiyoshi could use the fresh air. There was no denying it was nice to be outside just because, but she felt uneasy nonetheless.
“Earth to Kagome.”
She slowly lifted her head, her eyes meeting Kouga’s and she smiled softly. “Sorry, I guess I have a lot on my mind.”
“Let me guess, Doggie?”
Kagome couldn’t help but pinch her lips together, holding in a laugh. Five hundred years ago Sesshomaru would not have taken lightly to the name calling. Now, he only glared and dismissed it. Kouga however, was just the same.
“I just hope everything goes okay.”
Kouga sighed before sitting beside her on the bench. “I think Sesshomaru can handle… himself.”
He was trying to help her change her mind but it was difficult. He did know though that she was worried over nothing. Sesshomaru was most likely more in control of his beast now more than ever since he was honest with his feelings. What used to divide him and his beast were the conflicts of emotions, but now they felt the same about Kagome.
However, they had yet to merge again which was a bit strange. By now, they should have become one again, or at least be on their way to becoming one, yet it didn’t seem to be that way.
Could it be that there was more to it than sharing their feelings for Kagome? Maybe they needed to be the same? Perhaps until his beast understood his mistakes, or felt guilty, they would remain two. Problem was the longer that took; the longer Kagome and Sesshomaru would stay at the same stage of their relationship.
And Kagome wouldn’t heal.
Sesshomaru was stubborn, but hopefully he wouldn’t let his pride stand in the way of talking some sense into his beast. It would be a battle of power, and Sesshomaru needed to learn how to win without his youki, his heritage, and everything that he thought made him powerful.
“I suppose you’re right.”
Sesshomaru was a big boy now, and he didn’t need her worrying over him. Plus, he was the only one who could talk some sense into his beast. The best she could do was enjoy her day out with her friend and her son, and hope that everything would work out.
Kagome truly wanted to move forward with Sesshomaru, but she could only do that with all of him.
"Do you think we’re right? For each other I mean.”
“Well, I’m better, but I guess he’s not that bad.”
Kagome couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. “We really need to find you a girl.”
“I don’t know. Are you available?”
She inclined her head to the side slightly, as if she was reprimanding him. She knew he was harmlessly flirting, and she didn’t mind.
“Just asking,” said Kouga as he threw his arms in the air, acting innocent.
He didn’t feel for her what he used to feel, but he did care. He couldn’t have her as his mate, but she would always be important, and like family; she was like a sister.
“Ow!”
Kagome frowned at the sound coming from Kouga only to notice a soft orange glow. Immediately she glanced down at her son realizing it was coming from him. She almost gasped as she dropped to her knees, almost trying to cover him. Kagome hadn’t expected him to display his powers in public. Then again, Kiyoshi didn’t know where he was.
“Sorry,” she said to Kouga as she grabbed Kiyoshi from his stroller.
Carefully she tucked him in her arms, making sure he was wrapped comfortably in his blanket. The glow didn’t cease immediately which agitated her slightly but after a few seconds of rocking him in her arms it dimed greatly.
The fact that his aura kept being a different color was far in the back of her mind since her priority was to make sure nobody had noticed. Apparently they would have to be very careful with Kiyoshi. So much for a quiet relaxing day out.
“Maybe we should head back,” said Kagome peering from right to left.
“I guess,” responded Kouga glancing around at himself, making sure he hadn’t been burnt.
He was beginning to wonder if he had done it on purpose, and that Kiyoshi had something against him. Like father like son. Maybe Kiyoshi just didn’t like Kouga hitting on his mom.
Now they would have to head back. Hopefully Kagome wouldn’t spend her time thinking about Sesshomaru. Maybe he could get her to relax, heck even read a book. Had she even had time to herself? Hunting, kidnapping, childbirth, child caring, Sesshomaru… When did Kagome have time to be alone?
Maybe it would be something he would run by Sesshomaru.
Even Kagome had a limit.
-B-
The weather was cold as he ventured further into the emptiness. His beast was not as reckless as it used to be, but Sesshomaru would rather take precautions nonetheless. As long as nobody was around, he should be fine. Although he still wasn’t sure of how the meeting would go down.
Sesshomaru had spent the night trying to figure out how to make his beast understand. He had read through many books hoping to find an answer. Frankly, all of them ended up saying that only he could control his beast, only he could show him, and only he could share.
But how?
Sesshomaru had much knowledge, but never until Kagome had come along did he think he would require knowing so much about his beast. He always thought it was a part of him who would not disobey. Apparently he had been wrong.
There was nothing he wished for more than to make things right with Kagome. Unfortunately it felt out of his control, and it drove him insane. There was also no denying the growing pain in his heart and the new suffering coming from his wrist where the watch was.
Was it simply the beast rebelling, or was it the merging he had been warned of? Would it be okay if he merged back with his beast without Kagome being able to make peace with it? No if that happened, she wouldn’t heal and he would never have a chance to have her as his.
His heart began to beat faster as he came to a full halt, knowing he had found the right spot. He lifted his head high to glance up at the grey sky before closing his eyes, his green orbs disappearing beneath his eyelids. Some part of him was experiencing fear; if it didn’t work he would lose her, he knew it.
She might be willing to try, but it would haunt her if his beast never understood.
Slowly he raised his arm, his eyes still shut, before getting ready to press the red button. As soon as his finger pushed it, he felt the familiar feeling and he fought to remain on his feet. His beast’s desire to be free felt stronger than before and he wondered if it was because it had been released recently.
Heavy breathing was imminent as he felt the youki fill his blood and running through his veins. The only moment he was looking forward to was the one where he would be whole, where he would fully be himself. It wouldn’t last long since his beast would over take, but it would be long enough for him to feel like he was himself.
He could not see the transformation but he could feel it and it wasn’t until his claws appeared that he knew. He was Sesshomaru. It was, of course, then that the pain took over and his hands clenched into fists as infuriation filled him. It was his own body he was losing control of, it was himself that he was locking away constantly.
When would freedom come?
Perhaps there was more to talking to his beast then freeing Kagome from her past. Maybe he had to free himself as well.
But he felt it; imprisonment. His eyes were bleeding red and all of the sudden he was pushed away very far within himself. His body wasn’t obeying him any longer, and he could feel his beast’s rage fill him inside.
“Why is mate so far?”
He could smell her, but she was not there. Had she not gotten over her tears from the last time he had seen her? Did she not wish his presence right by her side just like he craved hers?
“She is being protected.”
“From what?”
“You.”
It still didn’t feel right to the beast that, after all this time, she didn’t want him. She had given birth to their son; why didn’t that bring her happiness? Didn’t she want more pups? If she remained the way she was, it wouldn’t happen. He knew she craved a family, hence why he didn’t understand why she was denying herself that right.
He would give her all she wished for.
“Mate doesn’t need protecting from me. I love her.”
“Yet you keep hurting her. You wronged her.”
The beast shook his head. “I love her. I gave her everything and mate still refuses me.”
“You never gave her the things she wanted. Freedom, choices, and apologies.”
“Apology?”
He didn’t understand why his mate felt as if he gave her no freedom or choices. After all, he had gone along with what she wished for in the past, following her pace, and her ways. Even now, she had much more freedom than any other mate. Why wasn’t it enough?
And why did he have to apologize?
“It was not right to trap her.”
“We would have lost her!”
“She wasn’t ours, thus she was not ours to lose.”
In a fist of rage the beast turned around before raising his fist and hitting the nearest tree, causing it to shake so much it nearly fell to the ground by breaking in two. She was always theirs! How could he speak such words!
“Do you not love mate? Do you not wish for mate to stay with us?”
That was one thing he could not deny. If he had to let her go, he would but it would be difficult to bear. Somehow she had managed to make his life different and without her it wouldn’t be the same. He would go on, let her live her own life, but he would feel empty.
“I do care for her, and I wish for her to remain by our side. However, I only wish for this as long as it is also what she wants.”
“But she is ours!”
“Only if she wants to be!”
The frustration of the beast rose again and it made Sesshomaru understand that it was as if he was dealing with a four years old. The words Sesshomaru was speaking didn’t get to him; if the beast wasn’t getting his way, he was not listening. It was getting more and more obvious he could not speak to him. Perhaps the only way to make him understand was to show him.
Problem was he didn’t know how.
He could ask his beast, but he feared it would lead him nowhere. Though, he might be willing to help since it was nothing bad. He knew his beast was aware of the way to do it since he had done it before. The beast had knowledge of Sesshomaru’s past and feelings meaning Sesshomaru should be able to share as he pleased.
“Can you access my memories?”
“Why?”
“How can I make you see them?”
The beast wasn’t pleased with the way Sesshomaru was changing the subject. He wanted to know why his mate was not happy with him but Sesshomaru wasn’t giving him the answers he required. Sesshomaru was of no help, so why should he help him with what he was trying to do?
“Think of them.”
Think? Sesshomaru felt perplexed, but decided to give it a try anyway. He was doing this for himself, and Kagome; it had to work. He filled his mind with memories of the past first, memories of Kagome and the things they had inflicted upon her. Maybe if the beast could see her pain through his eyes it would help him understand why she felt the way she did.
Her back hit the wall, and her whole body was trembling. “NO! YOU DON’T WANT TO DO THIS! YOU DONT WANT ME!”
Her eyes were filled with tears as the blood kept dripping down her arm. She was trapped with no way to escape; she was his prey and he was about to catch her.
"Don't touch me, you MONSTER!" she yelled, before kicking him with her legs.
"NO!" screamed Kagome, wriggling under him. "Why are you doing THIS?"
All her screams, all her fights filled his mind and it was almost enough to drive Sesshomaru himself crazy. He couldn’t help the nausea he was experiencing as he pushed more memories forward.
“You disobeyed me, you went against me.”
“I’m not him, I will show you who owns you.”
Sesshomaru couldn’t stay silent. He had to explain to the beast the errors of his ways. “You treated her like an object. How can she think you cared when you forced her to give you her body, while you punished her, while you used her?”
It wasn’t his fault. She had made things difficult by not respecting him. When a female disrespected her mate in public he had to teach her a lesson. In her case, it seemed that taking her body was the only thing that hurt her. Her mind was strong, and hard to break… he had punished her the only way he knew.
If she had obeyed, he wouldn’t have done that.
She brought it upon herself.
“If she had done what I requested of her, it wouldn’t have happened. Why was she stubborn?”
“Because for her it wasn’t right. If you love her, why won’t you understand?”
The beast shook his head. “She needs to understand her place.”
This time, it was Sesshomaru’s turn to lose his temper. He tried to remind his beast of what he had done to Kagome but it was hopeless. Why couldn’t he see what he saw? Why couldn’t he experience what he experienced? Why was Sesshomaru the only one bearing the guilt of the past?
A surge filled him, and before he knew it, he was dropping to his knees as an overwhelming pain took over his heart. What was it? He began screaming, unable to stop and he almost fell forward on the ground. The ground tainted his clothes, but he did not care.
Pain.
Immense pain.
He grabbed his head with both hands before throwing it back, his screams increasing in loudness. His mind was forced with feelings and memories he didn’t want, that weren’t his. Why couldn’t he stop it?
“STOP!”
But the pain kept on going.
-B-
“Kagome?”
“Kagome?”
Her eyes widened as she finally came back to the real world, turning her head to the side to look at Kouga. She put down the empty plate she had been holding and offered him a weak smile.
“Off in your own world again?” he asked, taunting her a bit.
She shrugged her shoulders. “It’s been a while since he left. I just hope it went okay.”
Granted his beast could not be free permanently without her, but something bad could have happened. Maybe an accident, an injury or even worse. There was also the possibility that she was concerned over nothing.
“I told you; Doggie can handle himself.”
“I know,” she said, putting the plate in the sink. “I’m just saying that five hours is a long time.”
He had to agree with her on that. It was almost beginning to get dark outside and. not that Sesshomaru couldn’t fight whatever would come his way, but they didn’t know what lurked around at night. Also, Sesshomaru should know that Kagome would be worried; why didn’t he hurry?
“Want more food?”
Kagome immediately glared at him. “What are you saying?”
Right away Kouga backed up a bit. “I just wanted to know if you were still hungry?”
She shook her head prior to turning around and sitting down on the nearest chair. “I think I’ve had enough food.”
“Still feeling insecure?"
He knew it wasn’t something he should blur out like that, especially considering Kagome’s temper, but he despised the fact that she put herself down when she was a beautiful young woman. She had nothing to be ashamed of.
“It’s complicated.”
It wasn’t so much that she wasn’t okay with the way she looked; it had more to do with the fact that she felt different and looked different. Maybe it was related to healing and knowing she had to be someone else. Whatever the reason, she would eventually have to get over her self-consciousness.
But for now, she’d still be a bit anxious over it.
As Kouga was about to ask her to explain the complicated situation in detail, the door of the room came smashing open, and heavy footsteps were heard. Kagome’s first reaction was to jump in surprise and fear, while Kouga immediately became very alert.
It was Sesshomaru, except everything made it appear as if he was in a very bad mood.
Their suspicions were confirmed when he came into the kitchen. As soon as he stepped in, he raised his head before making contact with the two people in front of him. His expression was one of surprise, as if he was not expecting anyone to be in the room.
He ceased walking, glancing from left to right rapidly. “I’ll be in the shower,” he quickly said prior to disappearing from the field of view as fast as he had appeared.
As soon as they heard another door slam, the bathroom door, Kouga sat beside Kagome. “Just what the hell was all that about?”
Kagome’s lips were slightly parted and worry was dancing in her grey orbs. She weakly shook her head in answer. “I don’t know.”
Whatever had happened between Sesshomaru and his beast she could already tell it wasn’t good. A deep sigh rolled past her lips as her head hung low. A familiar twisting knot was created within her stomach and she closed her eyes shut tightly. Why did she not want to know?
For the first time in a while, Kouga found himself feeling awkward. Comforting Kagome should be the first thing to do, but he almost felt as if he would be crossing a boundary; it appeared as if she wanted her space.
“Anything you want me to help with?” he asked in a desperate attempt.
Once again, Kagome shook her head. “Maybe you should go.”
It wasn’t like she didn’t want Kouga around, but she had a feeling there would be a long talk between Sesshomaru and her when he would come out of the shower and it was probably better if Kouga wasn’t around.
Kouga nodded in agreement before getting up on his feet. “Okay, well, I’ll be right next door if ya need me.”
“Thank you,” she said weakly.
Her heart was pounding like a hammer as she shyly stood up, her hands fidgeting as a desperate attempt to find something to do while waiting became apparent. It was then that a cry came echoing through the room; Kiyoshi. Could it be that he sensed the disturbance in the room and it woke him from his sleep?
Kagome rushed in the next room and as soon as she was in Kiyoshi’s view, his cries seemed to die down. She bent down slightly to pick him up with his blanket, and tucked him against her chest. He balled his little hands into fists before resting them against her breasts, almost seeking her warmth.
She gently brushed away his bangs, smiling down at her son. “It’ll be okay,” she promised before pressing a kiss against his forehead.
There was actually nothing wrong. Maybe Sesshomaru was just worked up or tired from the encounter; after all it took a lot out of him. Also, she did tend to over agonize when it came to his beast. Everything was probably just fine.
Though having Kiyoshi in her arms to distract her was a good thing.
The minutes ticked away as she gently rocked her son in her arms, trying to bring him the secure feeling he was seeking while she waited for Sesshomaru to come out. It wasn’t until several minutes later that he did.
The bathroom door opened, though not as violently as it had been closed; perhaps the shower had helped him feel better? She couldn’t help but turn around to verify it with her own eyes. Sesshomaru was standing in the doorway in a white t-shirt and black pants, drying his hair with a towel.
It took a few seconds for him to raise his head and make eye contact with her.
He didn’t know what to say. Where would he even begin?
Sesshomaru wasn’t even sure he wanted to speak for the time being. Usually he had good control over his emotions but since then he felt like an emotional wreck. There was this rage building up inside of him and he couldn’t explain its presence. Why did he feel so infuriated? He had no reason to be angry.
He felt trapped, he felt betrayed, and he felt furious.
None of it was her fault; she caused none of it.
Problem was he had to be in her presence and he didn’t want his control to slip away.
Instead of speaking, and explaining things to her, he broke the eye contact, and focused his gaze on the floor. As he did that, Kagome found herself unable to explain the small pinch of pain that happened in her chest.
She could confront him, and ask, but she decided it was none of her business and remained silent. Kagome turned her head away from Sesshomaru and refocused her attention on Kiyoshi. If Sesshomaru wanted to keep things to himself that was his problem.
It did concern her, but he didn’t feel the need to share.
Sesshomaru didn’t need his youki to know that there was a change in Kagome’s aura. Her eyes had not changed her posture either but he could just tell. Obviously she was disappointed by his lack of talking. But what if he became upset, what if he shared just how difficult his beast was?
“Kagome?”
“Hm?” she inquired never turning around.
Oh yes, she was upset.
“Would you mind sitting down?”
He still didn’t know exactly what he would tell her yet, but he couldn’t stand her being angry or hurt by him. He had pained her enough in the past, and he didn’t want to keep doing it. Though, he wasn’t sure that sharing would her would make her feel any better.
Sesshomaru’s eyes were locked on her back as he watched her sigh heavily. He observed her every movement as she put Kiyoshi back in his crib. His son’s arms were stretched as if he didn’t wish to let go of his mother but he eventually gave up when his back touched his little blue mattress.
It took a few more seconds for Kagome to turn around and walk over to the bed. Slowly she sat down, her eyes locked on his face as if she was desperate for him to say something. Sesshomaru bent down so he would be eye level with her rather than being higher and he took a deep breath.
“I tried sharing my memories, and it did work.”
Kagome felt a little jolt of joy spread through her body. Surely that couldn’t be a bad thing right? She never thought that the beast having Sesshomaru’s memories would transform him, but it would do something, it had to. She patiently waited for him to add more, not wanting to pressure him.
He would disappoint her, he knew it. “I don’t know what happened. I felt pain, and it only disappeared when the ten minutes was over. I tried pressing the button again but…”
This time she couldn’t resist. “But?”
Sesshomaru shrugged slightly. “My youki appeared, but he never came, no matter how many times I tried.”
Kagome couldn’t help but be left perplexed; what did it mean? It couldn’t be that his beast had disappeared or merged could it? There was no way it was that easy; there had to be another explanation. Perhaps the beast was still trying to process the memories, or maybe he didn’t wish to come out anymore.
Maybe all of it had an impact on it?
No, it was all hopeful thinking.
All she could do was nod. “Well, it was worth a try.”
She didn’t mean to but he heard a slight disappointment in her voice. “I’m sorry.”
Truly he tried, he wanted to make this better for her, but at the moment it was out of his control. The guilt he felt from failing didn’t help the rage settling inside of him and for a split second he found himself holding back a curse.
Kagome was able to see the change in his expression and frowned. The heavy footsteps, the anger, the door slamming. What exactly had happened to Sesshomaru out there?
“Are you okay?” she asked with genuine concern.
“I’m fine,” he answered, a bit dry. “Just a bit frustrated.”
Since she knew Sesshomaru in the modern era, it hadn’t been like him to experience emotions like that. Maybe him sharing his emotions with his beast had done something and perhaps it wasn’t something good. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she raised her hands and cupped Sesshomaru’s face.
A slight expression of surprise appeared on his face as he glanced into her grey orbs, wondering what she was doing.
“Thank you for trying,” she said prior to bending forward, and pressing her lips to his forehead.
She appreciated the efforts he did for her, and she wanted him to know that. Kagome expected him to remain still, but was surprised when he wrapped his arms around her and brought her into a tight, warm embrace. She couldn’t stop the gasp that went past her lips as he buried his face in the crook of her neck.
Kagome was used to certain closeness with Sesshomaru and it wasn’t really that she was uncomfortable with it, but more that he was so brusque with it. Once again, it didn’t feel like the Sesshomaru she was used to. Kagome was a bit tense for a few seconds but allowed herself to relax; nothing would happen.
He loved her smell, and he couldn’t help but bury his nose deeper into her skin. He wanted to keep a certain distance; especially after she had almost flinched a few seconds back but he couldn’t help himself. His emotions were rawer than before, and it seemed harder to control them.
Sesshomaru didn’t feel quite like himself, and somehow it scared him. He knew he couldn’t lose control, it was the only thing he had, but some part of him feared he would anyway. His heart was pounding so hard he knew she could probably feel it against her own chest.
He had to pull away, this was bad.
As he made his attempt to pull away from her, he felt Kagome still hold on to his neck, as if she was preventing him from pulling away. Truth was she was worried about his jump in emotions, and wanted to ask him if he was okay. She thought he was about to run away from her, and she had attempted to stop him so they could talk.
But before any words could be said, his actions spoke for him.
Before he knew what was going to happen he pressed his lips against her, bringing Kagome into a passionate kiss. At first she was a bit unresponsive, but then he felt her lips move and a surge of passion went through him. It wasn’t until he held the back of her head with his hand that he realized he was losing himself.
All he could do once more was pull away from her, earning himself a look of surprise from Kagome.
She wasn’t sure how she felt about the kiss since it was so spontaneous, but she could immediately tell something was wrong with Sesshomaru; he was not acting like his usual self. It almost scared her; was she losing him? After all the efforts, all the work they had put into this relationship, was he slipping away?
How had it happen?
“I’m sorry. I’m not sure what came over me,” he said before rising to his feet.
His lips were still glistening from the moisture of her mouth, and unconsciously he wiped them. The only emotions he could feel was regret; had he done something very bad today? He could help but think that sharing his memories with the beast had been a very bad idea. Sesshomaru thought it had no effects on him, but perhaps he had been wrong.
As he ran his fingers through his hair, he couldn’t help but back away from her. “I think I should just…not be here tonight.” His sentence didn’t make much sense, but he couldn’t find the right words.
Something didn’t feel right.
“I, hm I’ll be next door.”
Before Kagome even had a chance to open her mouth, Sesshomaru disappear from her view. All she could do was stretch out her arm, almost reaching out for him.
And then, she heard the door close.
Her heart clenched, and it became difficult to breathe. She was losing the Sesshomaru she had learned to know, the one she had learned to care for and she found it terrifying. It had been so hard to learn to be around him, and now out of the blue he was being taken away from her. Kagome had spent so much time trying to put her past behind them; she had even considered being with him even though he was the one to create a painful past for her.
Now, she would lose him?
Granted nothing was telling her she was losing him, but it was the look in his eyes and the way he acted; it was too different. If she lost him, she would be lost as well; he has become her guide, her way to pull through.
Immediately she inclined her head to the side, glancing at her son. He was also her everything and he was a part of Sesshomaru.
During all that time, she had been unsure if it was a good idea to start a relationship with Sesshomaru and now that it could all be gone. She thought that perhaps it was the only relationship she could ever have. Had she gone insane?
Kagome had kept some emotions and information from Sesshomaru in the past, but he had always been blunt about his thoughts and feelings. For the first time. he was actually keeping something from her and she wasn’t sure how she felt about it.
Slowly she brought a hand to her chest, and pressed her palm against it.
Yes, she felt the pain.
It did hurt.
Before she could dwell upon her new feeling, she heard loud yelling coming from the room next door. At least Sesshomaru didn’t lie about that; he would truly be next door. A part of her was rushing her to go there, but she knew she couldn’t. If he left, it was for a reason.
Another sigh escaped her before she rose to her feet and headed towards her own bed. It wasn’t until she was in front of it that she realized the emptiness that surrounded her. For a while now there had always been someone around her; either Kouga or Sesshomaru. Now she would be left completely alone with Kiyoshi.
Some alone time was something she had been thinking about, but now that it was actually happening she wasn’t sure how she felt about it. When she was alone, it was silent and it led her to think. It was terrifying; perhaps there were some things she would rather not think about.
Meanwhile on the other side, Kouga could do nothing but lean against the wall, a small frustration filling him as Sesshomaru sat on the couch, his head between his legs like a sad puppy. They had barely exchanged two words before the insults had begun flying and tempers had gotten out control – mostly on Sesshomaru’s part.
Really it wasn’t Kouga’s fault. He had taunted Sesshomaru more than once, and it had never aggravated him, but apparently tonight he had no patience.
“So, are you gonna drown in self-pity, or are you gonna tell me what the hell you’re doing here?”
Kouga really wasn’t the person he wanted to be talking to, but he had very little choice. Who else was a youkai and was available? Now his only problem was that he didn’t know how to explain the situation to the Wolf, not that he would necessarily understand.
“I shared my memories with my beast.”
“And?” asked Kouga, obviously not intending on wasting any time.
Sesshomaru might be in his human form, and unable to sense Kagome’s distress, but the same could not be said about Kouga. He wanted to get the puppy out of his room, and back with his mate.
“Something happened, something snapped.” He raised his head before running his hand down his face. “I don’t have control over myself.”
Kouga raised an eyebrow. “Don’t you have the watch?”
“Yes, and it’s still working.”
“So it can’t be your beast right?”
To that Sesshomaru had no answer. “What if it is?”
“I thought the watch was preventing him from reaching you?”
“It does. It’s supposed to…” He paused for a second, almost catching his breath. “But what if his emotions are too much? What if it can’t control them and I can’t either?”
“Why do you suppose it feels that way?”
“Because it was too much to bear?”
His beast was stubborn, but going through all the steps and changes Sesshomaru went through in a few minutes… perhaps it drove his beast insane. Maybe it was an over flow of emotions Sesshomaru was experiencing, hence why he had no control over it.
“Well maybe you should control it.”
“I can’t.”
“So you’ll just leave her there by herself?”
“It’s better this way.”
If he couldn’t protect her, he might harm her feelings. The further he was the better for now. “I’ll stay here until it dies down.”
Kouga wanted to say more, but he held it back. It wasn’t his business to mingle in. All he knew was that Sesshomaru better get a hold of himself soon. He glanced at him one last time before exiting the room, not wanting to be around the unstable youkai any longer.
Sesshomaru watched him leave, and once he was out of view he glanced down at his wrist. He had been feeling it the whole time; the unbearable pain coming from his left wrist where the watch was. If he had been unsure before of what it meant, he now was sure.
The watch wouldn’t hold on forever.
It wasn’t a perfect contraption, at least not anymore. His beast was becoming too out of control and it was overflowing; hence the pain.
Now the question was how much longer would it be able to hold it in? And what would happen once the dam broke?
-B-
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Blood Stained