Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Blood Stained	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 61648 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 62
- 63
- 64
Thank you Daniella for beta-reading!
Blood Stained
Chapter 63: One Step Back, Two Steps Forward
A few hours had passed, and all he could do was sit as the woman was supposed to be fixing his watch. Though now he found himself wondering; what was the point? The watch had already stopped functioning, yet his beast had not come out. He wasn't sure why such thing had occurred, thus rending the watch useless.
His beast.
It did feel like he was gone. There was a part inside of him Sesshomaru could not feel. He was not complete; he was almost empty. He raised his hand, grabbed his shirt near where his heart was located, and clenched his fist around the fabric. His beast had brought him so much misfortune already: did he truly require more?
It was the sound of footsteps that brought Sesshomaru out of his thoughts. He tilted his head to the side just in time to see the woman walk back inside the room, the watch firmly secured in her hand. Her eyes were filled with secrets, but he was unable to read any of them. His eyes never left her as she sat down in front of him. Slowly, she set the watch down on the table before him..
"I believe it will work now."
Sesshomaru's temper quickly flared. "You believe?"
There was some information she wasn't certain if he would want to hear. It wasn't as if she wanted to withhold information from him, but she knew it wasn't something he would like to find out.
"The watch wasn't completely broken."
"Is that why my human appearance remained?"
She nodded. "You see covering your appearance, and locking your youki away are two different things. Normal watches usually only hide the youkai appearance. Some hide the youki as well, and then there was your watch which was also designed with a timer and a spell so only one person could remove the watch."
Sesshomaru was a bit surprise that she had been able to figure it all out just by fixing it. Though, it did make him trust her skills a bit more.
"The part of your watch that failed was the one restraining your youki."
"How is that possible?"
She offered a quick shrug. "I am not as familiar with those watches. Though I believe that intense power and emotions coming from your beast could eventually wear out the watch. Perhaps your inner self had been enraged, and had been trying to break free for a while. Something could have pushed it over the edge."
He could already figure out what had caused that. It was the day he had shared his memories with his beast. If he had known things would have turned out so complicated, then perhaps he wouldn't have done it.
"There is something else."
The tone of her voice was serious and he glared just a bit; she didn't bear good news. "What is it?"
"Can you use your youki?"
With a bit of confusion in his mind, he glanced down at his hand. He raised it a bit, glancing at it, as he slowly clenched it forming a fist. Sesshomaru was trying to summon his power yet he felt nothing surging through him, and certainly nothing was flowing from him. His eyes moved to her face immediately and his expression hardened.
"What's going on?"
All she could do was sigh before bringing her blue hair into a ponytail. "Your youki is gone. All that remains of your youkai is your appearance."
Sesshomaru blinked once, then twice. "Gone?"
A youkai was what he was. How could everything he was simply be gone? There was no way he could be a human in a youkai costume. It wasn't the way it worked. He clenched his fist so hard his claws dug into his skin and blood began spilling down his wrist. Sesshomaru couldn't care less who this woman was. She was wrong.
"It seems insane, but that is the case. You have no youki. No inner self."
If his beast could be gone, he would know. He had been trying to get rid of this plague for many centuries. His beast was a part of himself, it could not leave him and it could not be on its own. Clearly the woman had no idea what she was speaking about.
"It is my inner self," he said, using her own words to somewhat mock her. "It cannot leave."
"Then perhaps it retracted itself from you. It is completely locked away, maybe destroyed. I have been doing this for a long time, My Lord."
His glare only increased as he bent a bit forward. "How do I retrieve it?"
"I do not know. Only you do. If it is possible for you to even have it once more, only you know how you wronged yourself," she said, her red eyes almost glistening with mischief.
There was a reason why she preferred dealing with humans rather than youkais. Youkais were so full of themselves and arrogant; they refused to listen to anyone. At least humans accepted her words like they were the only truth in the world. If Lord Sesshomaru decided that all she said was lies, then it was his problem. She wouldn't waste her breath trying to convince him otherwise.
It was not possible! This was not happening! Granted he had spent the last few years being human with his beast locked away… but this was different. He knew that he was whole, the part of him that was missing was still somewhere inside. There was hope to be whole and it kept him at peace. Now she was telling him he wouldn't be himself for the rest of his life.
He would live centuries as a human, with a youkai appearance?
As his rage intensified, he found himself punching the table nearly hard enough to dent the wood. Instead, he simply smudged it in blood.
His beast was frustrating, wild, and most of all; he had hurt Kagome more than once. It was still a big part of what made him who he was though. He didn't know anything else but to be himself. He had lived with every decision, every regret and every guilty feeling.
How could someone not be themselves?
His head hung low a bit, as his brain was attempting to process all the information she had shared with him. He wanted her to be wrong, she had to be wrong. He couldn't even understand how all of it made sense. How did his beast have so much control over him?
"He does not. You have control over yourself."
Surprised that she knew his thoughts, he raised his head. "Pardon me?"
"Your beast does not have all the control you seem to think he has. Maybe he only has it because you gave it. You tried to ignore situations, and you gave him the power to deal with them when you couldn't. You ignored yourself, and he fought for you when you couldn't. You control him, not the other way around."
Sesshomaru rose to his feet and smacked his hands against the table. "If I controlled him, things would have been much different."
Even though he had disliked her back then, he wouldn't have taken her body over and over. He wouldn't have dragged her through hell as much as he had. Also, his brother would still be alive. If he had that much control over his beast, his life would not be the mess it currently was.
"I cannot make you believe in what you refuse to see."
She imitated his actions by getting up, and walking closer to him; the little metal jewels hanging from her long silky skirt clanged together. "What will you believe in, Lord Sesshomaru?"
His eyes met hers, but he had no answer for her. He was experience a rage and furry like he never had before. There was a storm forming within him and he felt his own control slipping. What did he believe in? Nothing. He hadn't believed in anyone before, and he hadn't trusted anyone. Believing was useless; you had to work for things to happen.
"I don't believe."
He grabbed the watch from the table before reaching out for his wallet with his other hand. He was about to pull some money from it, when he felt her hand on his wrist.
"I don't require your money," she said, her eyes softening.
She couldn't see his whole soul, but he hurt, she could tell that much. What had happened to the great Lord Sesshomaru that he would be in so much pain and experience such an enormous amount of regret?
Sesshomaru pushed her hand away, before dropping the money on the table. He didn't take pity or anything else from anyone. He came for her services, she fixed his watch, and now he was going to pay her. End of the story. The more time he spent in her company, the more he disliked her.
He was about to put the watch on, when once again, his actions were stopped by her. "I believe that if you are the one to put on the watch, it defeats the whole purpose of only one person being able to take it off."
For once, she was right. Kagome was the only one that could put the watch on. Granted, it wasn't protecting anything at the moment but he refused to believe the woman's word. His youki was not gone. In time, it would return would it not? It was almost difficult to trust his own words…
…because he felt the emptiness inside of himself.
He closed his hand on the watch, holding it tightly. "Thank you for your services," he said before turning his back to her and exiting her little shop.
The female watched him leave, her arms crossed in front of his chest. He would be back.
-B-
The night had fallen a few hours ago and Kiyoshi was half asleep in his crib. Kagome was standing in front of the window holding the curtains with her hand. The other one was pressed against the window as she stared away; the moonlight lightening up the right side of her face.
He had said a few days, and it had barely been one yet. Though, it didn't stop her from waiting for him. She had tried not to worry, but it was difficult. She had no idea where he was and what was happening. Sesshomaru didn't share much of what was going on in his mind and she couldn't always guess.
She pushed her bangs behind her ear as she finally tore her eyes away from the window and the night scenery. She was about to take a step in direction of the bed, so she could lay down, when she suddenly heard someone turning the knob of the room. For a split second, her heart skipped a beat.
Could it be Kouga? But why would he come over so late at night? No, it couldn't be him; he would have knocked so she wouldn't worry. Then was it Sesshomaru? But why would he be back so fast when he said he'd be gone for a couple of days?
Her heart was hammering in her chest while she took a step forward heading towards the door. Her steps were small and quiet, almost as if she was trying to give herself enough room to back away in case it was a stranger. She reminded herself to not be scared, that Kouga was right next door, but it only half worked.
Though the person she was the most concerned for was Kiyoshi.
Kagome held on to the doorframe, her eyes locked on the main entrance. She glued her lips together as it slowly opened. Then, illuminated by the feeble light coming from outside, she distinguished the features. Silver hair, vivid markings… this was not Sesshomaru. It was him… but his beast?
In a moment of panic, forgetting that his beast was refusing to come out, Kagome turned around gasping and headed for the crib. She closed her eyes and grabbed onto the wood while she waited for him to come in. It wasn't until she felt hands on her hips that a small whispered scream escaped her.
He quickly turned her around, and as she was about to create some distance between them, she took notice of his face. It was Sesshomaru. Two shiny golden eyes were staring at her so intensively she almost shivered. All she could do was hold her breath as her eyes traveled all over his face. Her orbs lingered on his cheeks where she noticed his skin didn't seem as smooth.
Intrigued, she raised a hand while his remained on her waist. Gently, she rubbed it against his cheek. Immediately she felt an odd stickiness there and she frowned. Tears? There was no way, Sesshomaru did not cry. Perhaps it was sweat from exhaustion, though why would Sesshomaru be sweating? He was in his youkai form.
"What's wrong?" she finally managed to ask.
Sesshomaru refused to look anywhere but into her eyes. His whole body was on fire and he had never felt it reach such a temperature before. His heart was ready to explode and he didn't know what to think anymore. He had driven for a few hours trying to find an answer to what was happening, and he couldn't.
"It's gone."
She tilted her head to the side, her hair cascading down her shoulder "What's gone?"
"My youki, my beast… I'm not a youkai anymore."
Kagome put both of her hands on his face, moving herself closer to him. "Sesshomaru, what are you talking about, of course you're a youkai. Look at you."
"Feel my aura."
Though she was perplexed, she did it anyway only to realize he was right. Usually when she focused, his aura could be overwhelming because of its power, but in this case, there was absolutely nothing. Thinking perhaps something was wrong with her she flared her own aura causing it to gently caress his. Instead of a sizzling feeling of pain, he felt nothing, which she could tell when his expression didn't change.
"How- how is that possible?"
His beast, it was gone? She didn't know much about youkais, but she was pretty sure that it didn't make much sense for him to lose a part of himself. Her heart was pounding so hard she could barely hear anything else in her head then the sound of it echoing.
Sesshomaru's grip on her tightened a bit. "I am not sure."
Apparently it was his fault, but Sesshomaru had upset his beast before and it had not caused him to disappear. It had to be something else. At first he had even considered that perhaps they had merged, but it seemed that it was not the case.
"I am not myself," he explained still glancing down at her.
That was the feeling she could read in his eyes. Sesshomaru was lost. He always lived up to himself, learned from mistakes, and grew stronger and wiser. But now, he was in unknown territories. Unfortunately she knew too well what he felt.
"I'm not either."
Ever since that faithful encounter between her and his beast, she hadn't been able to be herself. A part of her had been ripped away and it was as if she would never be able to retrieve it. "I'm broken, I'm empty."
Those were the words he wanted to say.
Was this what Kagome felt inside of her all the time? Was this the misery he had brought up upon her? Yet after everything, she managed to smile and enjoy life? He had been right this whole time; he did not deserve her. She was much stronger than even he thought her to be.
Most of his life, he relied on his strong powers and his blood heritage. It was what made him strong and distinguished him from others, and it was probably the reason why he was still alive to this day though many youkais had perished.
Now that whole part had been taken away from him.
Her whole life had been ripped apart, and she had been thrown into a world she knew nothing of. He had taken every bit of home she had, and had given her a new life. He could smell her tears again and feel her heavy heart. For years he had carried the burden of guilt, but now it had reached a new level.
Sesshomaru didn't take pity on himself. He did what he did, and he had to live with it; he was fine with that. But this was life changing. How can one not be youkai anymore? How can one not be who they are?
"I'm sorry," he said, his eyes almost shining.
It was strange for Kagome to look at him and be so close to him when he was Sesshomaru. Usually when he had this appearance she had to face his beast. There was a small amount of fear inside of her, but she held it back. He looked broken and she didn't wish for him to think she was scared of him.
No matter what had happened in the past, that Sesshomaru, the one free of his beast, had been there for her. Even if it was difficult, she was there as well.
It was strange to think that the part that had harmed her most was gone. His beast, her worst nightmare, the one she never got to face… it had been wiped from Sesshomaru. Hadn't that always been the worst part of him?
Slowly she felt him press his forehead against hers.
She felt warm, she felt comforting, and he wanted to be closer to her. Just a little bit, he closed the distance between them. Kagome didn't move away or flinch and he took it as a good sign. He wasn't sure what he was trying to do but for once he was afraid of things to come.
He could no longer protect her.
Though his beast had harmed her, he wouldn't let anyone hurt her.
Now, what could he do for her? Nothing. Yet it seemed she could do so much for him.
Would he lose her?
Without thinking, he bent down and slowly captured her lips with his. Sesshomaru allowed himself to taste her and savor the feeling of her being so close. Kagome didn't pull away, but her hands dropped from his face to his chest where they rested flat.
Her heart was still beating fast from everything that had happened and the closeness wasn't helping. For the very first time, she was feeling need in his actions. But not the physical need, more like simply the need to feel, the need to be. To say she was not a bit scared was lying, especially considering his current appearance.
Still, she closed her eyes and kissed him back.
Sesshomaru's hands rose a little higher, almost right under her breasts, while remaining on her sides. He increased the intensity of the kiss just a bit, as he brought her body closer to his.
For a moment everything around them was spinning.
It was then that Sesshomaru pulled his mouth away from hers and attacked her neck. He lapped and he kissed all the way from her jaw to the crook of her neck where her mating mark was resting. She could feel it pulse the closer he got to it. Involuntarily, the tears began to spill from her eyes, but he didn't notice just yet. Kagome didn't feel pain, or fear, but the tears still rolled down her cheeks.
Sesshomaru only realized when he felt something wet hit his shoulder. When he looked up he noticed her closed eyes and the tears staining her face. Immediately he pulled away, almost surprising Kagome.
"Did I hurt you?" he inquired, his tone indicating he was a bit panicked.
Kagome slowly opened her eyes as she shook her head. She, herself, could not really explain the tears. "I'm fine, you didn't do anything, I promise."
Maybe it was the overwhelming situation, or the way he looked. She was unsure, but she knew he hadn't forced her to do anything, nor had he hurt her and she didn't want him thinking otherwise. She took a step in his direction, pressing her hand against his chest.
"I'm fine."
Sesshomaru lifted his hand and with his thumb he pressed away some of the tears; he didn't like to see sorrow in her eyes. Gently he approached her face, and pressed a kiss on her cheek, kissing the tears away. His cold lips made a striking contrast with her warm tears and she felt her skin jolting.
Instead of pulling away, Sesshomaru kissed more of her tears away, bringing her closer to him once again. During their interactions they had pulled away from the crib more and more, and they had gotten closer to the bed. They took a few other steps back, while his hand was carefully cupping her left cheek.
Somehow him pressing his lips against her cheek made her feel better and him at the same time. Her heart was pounding so much she thought it would explode, and she licked her dry lips unconsciously. Intimacy hadn't been the easiest thing between them ever, and each step they took felt like a cliff.
Would she fall?
Would he drop her?
At the moment, both of them were broken and missing part of each other. Was there a way for either of them to be themselves, to retrieve what they lost, or to live without it? He had barely begun, and she had been trying for months. Could broken people be mended, could stories be erased and re-written?
Sesshomaru was slowly working his way back to her neck where her mark was. It was calling to him, he wanted to devour her neck, and he wanted her closer. He gently held on to one of her wrists and positioned her arm around his neck. Then, he did the same with the other one. She didn't resist him; she didn't seem to not want it.
If she told him to stop, if she pushed him away, he would.
Kami he didn't want to, he needed her, but he would.
He could feel her tiny hands on his neck, and it was enough to send jolts down his spine. She was shy, blushing, and her eyes were still threatening to spill tears, he could tell. He wasn't using her to make himself feel better, he truly wasn't. He did need this, but did she as well?
Wasn't that why she had kissed him back?
She wanted her life back.
He wanted him self back.
One more step and Kagome fell on her back on the bed. The intensity, the heat, it felt as if everything had been cranked up a notch. Her eyes were still closed, her arms still wrapped around his neck, as he kept kissing her neck, gently nibbling at her mark. Every time his fangs landed on it, a spark would go through her making her uncomfortable.
This was heading somewhere fast.
She did feel a bit panicked and afraid that she wouldn't be able to stop him. Flashbacks of what had happened and what the beast had done to her were still present in her mind, especially now. She could see herself fighting him, trying to push him off while she screamed helplessly. She had to remind herself that now if she screamed it would all be over.
Touching was associated with so many bad memories… was it sick of her to somewhat enjoy it? Did it make her a twisted person?
Wasn't she allowed to be as normal as anyone else? Did she have to be stuck in the past forever?
Sesshomaru's hands went a bit lower, just to the edge of her shirt, and he carefully slid a finger underneath.. He wanted Kagome to feel good, but not because he wanted it. His wish was for her to want to feel good. After everything that had been force upon her, he wanted it to come from her from now on.
She could hear the beast's voice in her mind, and she did her best to chase it away. This was Sesshomaru, a better one, one that understood her, that cared for her. He wouldn't hurt her.
Slowly she grabbed his face, pulling a bit, indicating she wanted him to kiss her. Sesshomaru didn't waste any time as he captured her lips once more. Never had he been nervous before, but now he was terrified. He didn't want to do the wrong thing; he didn't want to hurt her.
She was shaking under him just a bit, and he didn't know if it was out of fear or out of sensations.
"Do you wish for me to stop?" he whispered against her lips.
He could feel the hesitation in her eyes, and he decided to pull away. He could see that his actions were confusing her, but she would soon understand. He had been more than blessed by her already, and she needed to know a different side to a physical relationship.
All she had associated with them were bad things, and he wanted her to know it could also be pleasant.
Gently he sat on the bed and when he noticed she was about to imitate his actions, he stopped her by softly pressing his hand against her stomach keeping her down. He moved up in the bed a bit, before grabbing her arm. Slowly he pressed his lips against her wrist, before darting his tongue out.
She could feel him tracing circles with his tongue and the jolts going through her body resumed. She had experience a twisted pleasure in the past from his attentions. Her body had reacted to certain things, though her mind had been against it. However this time, she was allowing him to do it. It should be different; it was different.
Sesshomaru slowly worked his way up, his tongue trailing upon her burning skin. Her whole body was heated as if someone had lit her on fire, and her face was scorching with a heavy blush. Yes he had touched her before, and done much more but this was a different situation. She was actually participating in this one.
He couldn't be who he used to be. Maybe he'd never find himself again, but even if he couldn't protect her, he could still be there. What do you believe in Lord Sesshomaru. The words of the woman were still echoing through his mind and he had an answer for her this time. He believed in Kagome.
When all else failed, when all had succumbed to the darkness, she still shone through. Even after she had been swallowed whole, she still fought.
If she could find it in her to give him a chance, he could find it in himself to be someone new and launch himself into new territories. He knew nothing but how to be a youkai, and he had never wished to be human. However he was not. He was neither youkai, nor human.
Perhaps he was only himself.
Kagome felt his mouth reach high upon her shoulder, and she squirmed. The beast had tried many times to please her, and make her feel what he wanted her to feel, but each time he had brought her nothing but pain. This time, it was different. Her heart was filled with fear, and memories, but Sesshomaru didn't make her experience pain.
His touch felt soft against her skin, and she reminded herself to relax a bit. She could tell there was a thin layer of sweat on the back of her neck, but it was hard to stop herself from panicking a bit. This situation was not the most comfortable for her.
The seconds ticked away, until he made his way to her neck again and when he did, she carefully wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his chest. Thinking she meant for him to stop, Sesshomaru pulled away slightly and embraced her, enveloping her with his arms. He gently kissed the top of her head, rubbing her back to soothe her.
He didn't want to push her over her limits and he had made sure to not take it too far for too long.
If this was how she wanted it, he would respect her wishes.
"Sesshomaru, are you scared?"
Her question surprised him. Not many things did scare him, but perhaps a few, yes. "Of what?"
She shrugged in his embrace. "Of not being yourself anymore? Of not knowing who you are, and who you are supposed to be?"
"Are you?"
It was silent for a few seconds, almost as if she was thinking about it and then she finally nodded softly. Yes even now that she had her son, and even Sesshomaru, she feared that she'd never find herself, that she would be lost forever. Would she be swimming forever in the uncertainty?
But now, wasn't Sesshomaru the same as her? Weren't they both broken?
At first, she thought she was the only one who needed fixing, but the more she discovered about Sesshomaru and the more time passed, the more she realized that perhaps, he required some adjusting himself.
"I am," he finally admitted.
It was Kagome, he wouldn't lie to her, and he wouldn't keep anything from her.
He did fear what would come. After all, he didn't know what would become of him, if he would lose his family, or if he'd even be able to complete his task and help her complete the jewel.
Could he do anything?
-B-
The light of the sun came into the room through the curtains Kagome had left open the previous night. It was shining very brightly right upon Kagome's face, almost blinding her as she fought to keep her eyes closed. Her eyes became very irritated and she finally gave up on resisting. Her eyes slowly opened and she blinked a few times trying to adjust to the light.
In an attempt the shield herself, she tried to turn around but unfortunately she quickly realized that was impossible since something was holding in her place. She glanced down at her stomach, only to see an arm decorated with two magenta stripes. Sesshomaru's.
Instead of panicking however, she slowly turned her neck and glanced at him. His eyes were still closed, and he appeared peacefully asleep. Suddenly his eyes flashed open, and she couldn't help but gasp in surprise. She almost backed away, but his hold on her kept her in place.
"Sor-ry I thought you were asleep."
Surprisingly, even though he apparently had no youki, he didn't feel tired or the need to rest. Perhaps his level of adrenaline was still very high and it was what was keeping him up.
"I do not require rest."
She wasn't sure why but she simply nodded as she turned back into her side. "He's sleeping." Knowing he wouldn't know what she was talking about she explained further. "Kiyoshi was upset when you left. It took everything to calm him down, and he wouldn't sleep or eat."
Once again, Sesshomaru was attacked by a bit of guilt. When he had left he had done it for their sake, he hadn't meant for it to bring pain to his family. After all, they were all he had and he didn't want to lose them. Though in the end, maybe it would be the safest thing.
"Is he well?"
Unfortunately, even though he was supposed to be himself, he could not sense his own son's aura. He could not tell how he was or what he was feeling.
As a natural reaction, Sesshomaru pressed a kiss on Kagome's shoulder. He didn't want to break any boundaries, or encroach in her personal space but he did enjoy having her closer. Hopefully, the reality of their life wouldn't be shattered.
Knowing their history, they did not get very many good moments.
He hoped that one day he would be able to change that.
Kagome's eyes remained on his wrist, feeling as if something was different. It took her a few seconds, but she finally realized that his watch was missing. "Is the watch broken?" she asked, slightly confused.
"It was fixed," he said, pulling his wrist away from her view. "You're the only one who can put it back."
She nodded slightly, her hands traveling to his wrist. "I think your skin is burnt."
Intrigued, Sesshomaru glanced at her fingers. It was barely noticeable, as a matter of fact he was surprised she saw it, but there was a print of the watch on his skin. And as she stated, it was as if he had been burnt. Could it be the effect of the watch breaking? Had the intensity been too much?
"I don't think we should put it back."
The silliness of her words caused him to pull away a bit and sit up in the bed. "Kagome, if the beast comes back, it could be dangerous."
She shrugged. "I know, but, we won't be going out for a while. I mean not until we know what's going on. Why don't you enjoy looking like yourself for a while?"
His glance fell to the bed. "Isn't it difficult for you to see me like this?"
He hadn't forgotten the bad memories attached to this side of him. Sesshomaru had no desire to bring forth more pain in her life.
"It's okay. I know who you are." True, it was hard sometimes, but the look in his eyes was so different… it was almost hard to mistake him for the monster of the past. Sometimes it might be harder than others, but this was who he was and dealing with it would be a step forward.
Considering the fact that he had almost lost everything, it was a little gain. "Thank you."
She smiled. "You don't have to think me for letting you be yourself."
Sesshomaru gently grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "Thank you for everything."
She nodded, but remained silent.
For a while, she would hold on to the notion that everything happened for a reason. Lives were intertwined, and everything was meant to be was it not? In harder times, it was difficult to believe but when you could see everything clearly it was easier. Life seemed horrible back when she had been his prisoner in the Feudal Era, but now things were looking up.
Not everything from then was terrible.
As the thought crossed her mind, she found herself peering at her son. He was her everything.
Kagome might be feeling a bit better, but Sesshomaru was still concerned. He knew his beast; he had fought him way too many times. He didn't always care what the woman said; he had power. If Sesshomaru could have tamed his beast, he would have already. He was not giving up control; the beast was taking it by force.
Sesshomaru also knew it meant his beast wouldn't give up. Obviously whatever had upset it had been a huge deal and this wasn't over. It was never over.
As he watched Kagome sit on the edge of the bed, looking at their son, his heart warmed up a bit. Perhaps being gifted this youki-less period wasn't the worst thing. Maybe it was his chance to make a few steps in the right direction.
Unfortunately he might lose it all when it came back.
Surely, he wouldn't remain empty forever. No matter how much Sesshomaru despised his beast, the things he had done, and the way it acted, there was one thing he couldn't deny; it was a part of him. Unfortunately it might be a part of himself he couldn't live without.
As twisted and sick as it was, he needed his beast, and it killed him to even have such a thought.
But for her sake, he would bear it for now.
-B-
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Blood Stained