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The Seven: Wanted Dead or Alive	By : Hairann Category: InuYasha AU/AR > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 2714 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Title: Mommy dearest

Prompt and Word Count: Flower (Mother's day challenge)-1193

Characters: Jakotsu

Prompt Summary: Jakotsu finds his mother.

"Actually I know for certain she didn't. Miss Abi tried to sell it a few years back, but she couldn't get any takers. Folks don't have much money round these parts. Too many bank robbers and thieves and not enough work for honest folk has left this town as dried up as an old creek bed," the sheriff had joked, completely missing the look of surprise that passed through Jakotsu's eyes.

"My mother...my mother came back here? When? Do you know where she is now?" Jakotsu demanded quite desperately, not caring how he sounded to the man standing before him. This was the first clue he had gotten to his mother's whereabouts since she had abandoned him all those years ago.

"It must have been five years back that she came back to town. Was just planning on selling her land and moving on, but was never able to sell it," the sheriff explained after thinking it over for a moment.

"Where is she now?" Jakotsu prompted, doing his best to ignore the fact that five years ago he was still in the orphanage. If she had wanted him, she could have found him easily when she came back. The sheriff still remembered him now, no doubt he had then and would have been able to tell her Jakotsu's location had she asked.

"Same place she's been since The Grip came to town about two winters back. Right next to the church," the sheriff said softly and before he could explain fully, Jakotsu was already taking off down the steps toward the church he spotted up on a hill when he came to town; unaware that the man he had not noticed on the way there, was now gone.

Even without the sheriff having had the chance to tell him, Jakotsu already knew what to expect. Very few things were built next to a church; lodgings for the priest, extra hospital rooms during times of outbreaks or war or sometimes, rarely, a schoolhouse. Jakotsu didn't believe for one moment that his mother would be living with a priest; platonically or otherwise, given her past. There was no war going on at that moment and the townsfolk sure didn't act like there was an outbreak going on. Strangers were shunned even more during those times.

And he certainly couldn't imagine his mother ever stepping foot inside of a schoolhouse. That only left one other, previously unmentioned, possibility and as Jakotsu stopped beside the church, he found it to be the right answer. A graveyard. After all these years, he had found his mother, only to learn she had already passed. But more than he was upset to learn of her death, Jakotsu was relieved just to finally have an answer.

Clearing his throat, Jakotsu opened the old, weathered gate and walked into the graveyard; searching the stones for one bearing his mother's name. It did not take long as a good deal of them bore the same year. Stepping in front of her's, Jakotsu's hands seemed to feel empty and a quick glance around showed him the reason why; he had nothing to give her. "I'm sorry momma, but I ain't got any flowers for you. Perhaps next time.

"All these years, I thought and planned what I would say to you the next chance I got, but now that it's here, nothing comes to mind. What do you say to a woman who gave birth to you, only to grow to hate who she gave birth to. I'm not a monster, momma. I'm not queer. I am just your son; given to you by God to love and protect. Not to be disgusted by and throw away.

"Not to be abandoned at the young age of four, left alone to die because you were afraid of what people would think about you if they knew what your son was like. Were you afraid of what papa would think? Did you think the man would blame you for how his son turned out? Why care, momma? He abandoned you, just like you abandoned me. He didn't want either of us.

"But we could have had each other. I never would have abandoned you, momma, I could have taken care of you. Did you truly hate me so much that you would rather die alone than send for me? I would have forgiven you if only just to see you one last time. I would have come, momma, and I know they would have been happy to get rid of me like you were, so I know you never tried to send for me.

"But I suppose I can not blame not blame you for that, can I? Why would you want to spend your last days with someone who reminded you of your past, of your failings, of yourself. Did you see that coming momma? Did you know that I would follow in your footsteps? I was a saloon girl, I gave myself to men I did not know and would never see again. I let then use me and throw me away because that was all that I could do.

"But unlike you, I did not fall in love with one of the faceless men to pay for my company. I did not sit at home every night, lonely and hopelessly waiting for him to come back. As least I know that while my past might mirror yours in many ways, my future will not. I will not give birth to a child just to abandon it because its father was a bastard.

"I may never get the chance to be the mother I so desperately wished for, wanted to be, but at least I can take solace in the fact that I will never become a mother like you. I want you to know something momma, this is the end of the road. I know now where you are and the type of person you were to the very end. And I wish I never knew you, that you had abandoned me at birth. At least then I could have believed in some fantasy of my mind's own creation of how you were such a wonderful person and mother, that you had to abandoned me to protect me.

"That you were still out there searching for me or perhaps you died saving me; given up your life so your only child could live. But the truth can not be unlearned, forgotten. Know from this moment on, that you will no longer cross my mind. I will no longer search for a mother's love that never existed in the first place. Just as you had forgotten me, so shall I forget you," Jakotsu swore as he defiantly wiped a tear for his cheek.

Glancing down at her headstone, Jakotsu stared at the empty spot in front of it; realizing its bareness was the perfect metaphor for the spot in his heart that should have been filled by her. "Sorry momma, but it looks like you won't be gettin' those flowers after all," Jakotsu informed her before turning and walking away from the graveyard.

...

AN: Just a couple of notes for this part, the grip is what the influenza used to be called. And back then, queer just meant odd or weird, not gay. So he's not claiming to not be gay, but to not be weird. Hope that makes sense outside my head :). And I know Mother's day is usually to celebrate the accomplishments of our mothers and to thank them for loving us and all that, but let's face it. Not all mothers are mothers of the year. This entry is dedicated to those who made it this far without mothers who were worthy of celebration.
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The Seven: Wanted Dead or Alive