Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

M.I.A	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Kouga/Kagome Views: 4873 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
M.I.A
Chapter 7: We Gotta Get Out Of This Place
Her heart was stuck in her throat while a wave of exhaustion and nausea washed over her. He left her there. It was by mere luck that there were a few crumbled dollars in her jacket. The best she had managed to do was give them and then walk away with shame filling her chest. He had abandoned her in the restaurant, post-incident, and he had not given a crap about her. He hammered about how he was not the same - but she had refused to believe that he had lost who he was to his core. Kouga would have never left her like this. Especially considering the fact that she did not even possess a clue as how to get back.
If she could have, she would not have returned.
Unfortunately for her, all that she owned was over at his house.
Right now, the only detail she could focus on was how she was fuming with an absolute, blinding rage. That and that damn tree she was sure she had seen like four times already. She had stumbled upon him by complete accident the first time and she was not quite convinced it was a feat she could repeat. She tried to recognize anything she could as she marched down the forest, hoping to sense his aura. When she had first found him, she had not been looking for him. Now, she was a lot more in tune with his aura and even if he masked it completely, she hoped her powers would be enough to sense it. At least he would give her a hint as to which direction to head towards.
Asshole.
She was trying to put the pieces back together but it did not work. She was well aware that the little waitress incident put a pause on the moment but… he had taken her out for breakfast. He was different, but pieces of him remained. She knew that if it was not the case, he would not have taken her in and he certainly would not have kept her around. He had a lot of issues going on and he clearly did not want to dwell on the past. She represented every single thing he was trying to avoid. And yet he kept her there. Be it because of old times sake, because he was who he was, or because she was who she was. Although, there was no way feelings lasted centuries.
It was just sex.
And it was fine.
At least it was until he abandoned her in the middle of fucking nowhere.
Now it no longer was fine.
Now she was pissed.
Finally, in the midst of all her rage, she saw a glimpse of hope; she saw his house. She was still quite a way but now that she spotted it, she could head that way. She used her left over energy to jog as fast as she could towards him. All she could hope for was that she would not trip on a root and die. Once the house was in view, her cheeks were red both from the effort and the rage that flowed through her blood. She could not exactly feel him but she knew he was in there. And where else could he hide? He did not go anywhere, he kept to himself and he had no one. She was quite convinced she was the only friend he had left and they were not friends.
As she stood in front of the door, she forgot all politeness she was ever taught by her mother, and slammed the door open. Wood slammed against wood, the walls of the sturdy house shaking from the force of the impact. If that did not announce to him that she was there and she was pissed, she did not know what would. Her blue eyes rapidly scanned the kitchen only to find nothing. A long sigh slipped her lips; he was in the living room. Most likely drinking. She headed there, her heart hammering in her chest and an indescribable pain in her neck. Had he hurt her neck during their little - get together? Most of it was light, pain and feeling - also drunkness. It was hard for her to recall all the details perfectly.
"Kouga, I know you're here," she warned, her voice tense from her anger.
"Not hidin'," a voice came.
He was not hiding. If he had been hiding, he would have not come back home. Although, he came back here because he did not know where else to go. His first instinct was to shift into his natural form and dash into the forest until exhaustion claimed him. It had been tempting but - but he had not been able to shift into that form in centuries. Not ever since her. Instead, he was forced to walk around, on human feet, but that thing nothing to ease the rage swirling in his chest. None of that took away what he did and he could not properly vent what he had to vent. Instead, he broke in two a few trees. Not caring if anyone saw him accomplish something like that with his bare hands.
He needed an out and there was none.
And then he sensed her. All walking and anger. And he could have left but again, he had nowhere to go.
There was only one solution; make her leave. She had somewhere else to go. She had continents and cities and - she could go anywhere. She did not have to be here. They were probably people waiting on her. If he could not leave, she would have to go.
Luckily for him, he had become a master at chasing people away. He had not tried his best with her yet but he was about to - she had seen a nice side of him and now she might just believe everything he was about to scream at her.
The only thing he regretted was not having enough alcohol to get through this. He was not trying to hurt her on purpose; although he knew this was going to happen. Then moment she came back into his life he knew he was going to wreck her and that he was going to take everything she had and everything she was. What he did not know was what it would take from him. He was supposed to be empty; everything was taken from him a long time ago. How was there something left for him to take? How was he this reckless and how did he let himself fall back into instincts he did not know he still had? He could no longer take his normal form, but he could mark her?
His body was broken and his mind was shattered.
And somehow that was not enough.
Somehow, he needed much more than that.
She finally appeared in front of him and she looked exactly like he had expected; angry, red cheeks and completely disheveled. He had not meant to leave her in trouble, but he was glad to see she did indeed have money to pay. The moment he had seen that mark on her neck he had done the one thing he had learned to do; run. If something was coming, the best thing to do was run. His instincts had always been on point about that - except that one time. But that was not his instincts. His downfall came with another shape; it came through his pride. And it had cost everything he had and more.
"What the fuck," was all she found to say.
He was on the couch, like it was no big deal, staring into the emptiness with a nearly empty bottle. She could not tell if her drank it or it was a left over from the days before.
All she knew was that she wanted him to be doing something else. Like grovelling at her feet for forgiveness. But he was not going to do that.
"I'll give ya the money back."
He brought the bottle to his red lips, and swung the harsh, warm liquid down his throat. It slushed around his mouth before making its way down his throat. Yeah, he did not have nearly enough alcohol to deal with her. He did not have enough to forget.
There was only two things he knew; he was going to get rid of her and he was never going to tell her.
One day she would be better and she would deserve much better. If she knew, she might stay and she might try to have something that he could never give her. He would never be better. He would never be a loving boyfriend, husband or whatever. And most of all, he did not want to be any of that. He liked his life, he liked being alone. This was better and this was safer. He did not need either of them to be tied down to the other. He could live with her being far, far away from him. He knew that was the better option - and she would never know.
What was the harm?
She did not need to know and she would be able to live her life the way she was meant to - and it would at least be the one good thing he did. Would that not tip the balance back in his favor? He could not tell anymore.
"I don't want the fucking money back." This was the second time she swore in two sentences. He truly was having the worst influence on her. "I wanna know what's wrong with you, why did you leave?"
"Because I didn't wanna be there," he replied with a shrug of the shoulders. He had been cold with her before and it had not worked. He did not think this time would be any different. But he had to lay in the ground works.
"You don't want to be anywhere. That's not much of an answer." She had not had alcohol in a few hours and she had exercises off most of what had been left in her body. For once, she would not let herself get distracted with trivial things. She wanted to get to the bottom of this. And if he did not like it? She did not care. He did not take her into consideration when he decided to leave her alone in the middle of nowhere so now, she was returning the favor. He could suck it.
"Only one you'll get."
"Everything was fine. What's wrong?"
"Nothing is wrong," he replied as he jumped to his feet. He downed the rest of the alcohol and then paused. Did he want to be overly dramatic? Did he want to be scary? What would make her leave? She could not sense distress and she could not think that she could help him or save him; that would make her stay. It had to be big enough to send her packing. It was worth a try. He threw the bottle on the ground, the force of the impact forcing it to shatter in pieces around them. She jumped, startled by the noise and the shards of glass spilling everywhere and he watched while she hid her face with her hand.
"This is who I am."
"This is not who you are," she said as she let her arm fall back to her side. He had tried to be scary before and it had not worked. He could not keep on avoiding questions by simply hiding behind his rage. Whatever happened to him - it could not be worth everything he was. She had come to him for answers, she had hoped to find a way to push through it. But - as time went along, she realized more and more that he was not pushing through it; he was burying himself further.
Except now he had given her a taste of that kind of life. The one where you could forget.
She hated it.
"How the fuck do you know who I am?"
"Because I know you."
"No you don't!" he shouted loudly as he closed the distance between their bodies. "You know the little stupid wolf. The one who believed, the one who thought he could have it all." He banged on his chest, his index finger nearly going through. "I am not that person anymore, do you get that?"
"I know that," she screamed back. The tears began to prick at her eyes and she did her best to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. She had to be dominant, she had to put out as much as he was giving out. She had to stand her ground or he would push her away or walk away again. "But that person is still inside."
"That person is dead. Stop. Do you get that? I took you in… by pity." He had to get mean, he had to hurt her feelings until there was no coming back. He had to focus on recking her even if it took away all the humanity he had left inside of him. "I fucked you, because you were the only option." He scoffed. "You're the only strong thing that can hurt me. You think I wanted this?" He bumped her chest with his. "This isn't a game. This is life. And life is shit. I told you and I told you. I told you to leave, but you stayed." His nose touched hers. "You're pathetic. You can't even run when you're told to run."
Her whole body was shaking from the intensity of the feelings filling her. Her fists were shaking by her sides and even if she wanted to shout, she could not. Her voice was gone and her throat was clamping up. "Fuck you."
"You mean fuck you." He leaned his head to the side, avoiding the side of her neck that had his mark and he let his warm breath tickle over her ear. "You begged me to do it remember?" He let his hands wander to her waist and he expected her to slap them away but she did not. She let him grab her and he tilted his hips into hers, his erect cock applying pressure.
Of course he was hard. How could he not be? At least it did not go against the words coming out of his mouth.
"Do you want that again?" He scoffed. "I ran away," he whispered in her ear before nibbling her earlobe. "I treated you like shit, and now, you want me to fuck you?"
She froze; her body already responding to the touches. She was mad at him and she wanted to rip his head off for the way he was treating her, for how he was referring to her but - but she liked the feelings, the void it created in her when he fucked her. She forgot who she was and she could be anything. She craved that feeling. He gave her addictions and now it was like he was trying to take them all away from her. How was she supposed to find her groundings, how was she supposed to improve when he kept her on this tight lease?
"I don't," she finally whispered.
His fingers tickled under her shirt, the fingertips simply brushing the sensitive skin. Immediately, she shivered, goosebumps covering her whole body. She wanted the promises his fingers held but she wanted to hold her ground even more. She moved, her fingers wrapped around his wrist and she tugged him away. He was stronger than her, he could have stayed, but he obeyed the command and removed his hand.
"Still a little bit of fighting left," he said as he finally pulled his face away from hers. "Why don't you use it to leave?"
"Why are you so scared?"
"I ain't scared."
Now it was her turn to scoff. "You're terrified."
"I ain't." She did not know fear. In fact, she knew nothing at all if she thought the emotions shining in his eyes resembled fear. She had never known true fear - she had never known anything. He did experience fear in his life, until he was scared to death and everything was taken from him. Now, after being dragged through hell, he was not scared of anything. Fear no longer existed in his heart. Nothing could break him, nothing could scare him. He had experience something close to fear when he saw the mark on her neck but - it was not permanent. He could get rid of her, he could forget all about it.
If he knew how to do one thing, it was that.
"You don't know what fear is," he finally added before turning his back on her. This was not going the way he wanted. This was not her being scared - it was her grasping at straws and trying to pull him back in.
"Get your shit and get out."
She wanted to fight, she wanted to do something and make a difference but - she could not impose herself any more than he had not impose himself on her.
"If that's what you want."
He almost turned around because he could not believe she had given up this easily. He thought he would have to scare her, to prove to her that he was nothing more than a monster but - but she gave into it just like that.
"It is," he said, his teeth gritted as he stared through the nearest window.
She waited there, thinking he was going to turn around. But he never did. Instead he remained there, completely stiffed. She let her shoulders slumped and finally resigned herself to walk away. She dragged her feet towards the bedroom, knowing it was the only place she remembered having any of her stuff. It was not as though she had brought much. She listened for any words, but there was nothing, not even a sound. Her feet were heavy, her words were stuck in her throat. What in the world… all they did was have breakfast and then - and then she did not know what happened. He never explained it to her. He just - flipped.
What happened to him.
What made him so cold, so flip-floppy.
She wanted to know and yet, she could not force anymore than she had. Or could she?
Something made him flip like this. Something made him push her away. Was it the other girl or was it something else? She did not know what to do. Once she reached the bedroom, she grabbed her bag. She could see some of her stuff covering the bed and the ground but - she did not want it. She did not want to begin picking up her stuff and gently packing it away. She wanted to leave because he wanted her to go. Not once had he forced her out and now he was. And he was right on some level; she did not know this Kouga.
The bag was heavy as she swung it over her shoulder.
She exited the room and she nearly expected to find an empty living room but no - this Kouga, was standing his ground. Though he was not the same Kouga as early in the breakfast place. He was a whole other Kouga. He was one who did not flee. How many versions of himself did he have inside of him? And what shattered him in so many pieces?
"I'm going," she whispered, knowing only his sensitive ears could ever hear those words.
He said nothing.
There was a heaviness in her chest, there was a pain in her heart and a burning on her neck. What - what was happening? She winced through the pain, thinking he might notice but he did not. She pinched her lips together, forcing them to turn white. This was not how she thought it might go when she first found him. And it certainly did not seem like it would end like this. Now he was forcing her out. He had made a blip in her life, he had forced her to walk around different venues but he snatched it all away. Now, all she could do was… try to make sense of it all.
He lived off the grid. She would never see him again. She would never stare into blue eyes again.
This was it.
She finally popped her lips and then, she made her way to the final destination; the door.
It took a while but once he heard the door close, he finally let himself collapse to the floor. He wrapped his arms around his legs, hugging himself. It would hurt for a while. She would not feel it - she did not even know. There might be some pain. But nothing she could not live through. He on the other hand had added himself another layer of pain. Now there were no other choice for him; he needed to get more alcohol.
He needed to forget her.
All over again.
-M-
Life. Life was a bitch.
Life put her in a situation that she never wanted to be in.
Years went by and then, everything became kind of muted. There were a few things that gave her some joy, things that made her smile but they were things she needed to mute. Some days it was fine. Other days she did feel the urge to forget. It was a nagging pain inside of her, one that she could never get rid of, no matter what she did. In the beginning, it was simply annoying and she considered it normal. After all, what had happened had been slightly traumatic. It was normal that she needed time to get over it.
But then weeks became months and months became years and it remained.
She had not loved him. He could not have made that much of an impact on her life and yet he had.
He had thrown a curve ball and fucked up every sides of her life.
Of course, he was not there to deal with the consequences of his actions but she was. She had to take it upon herself to be everything and to clean the damage his recklessness had left behind. Some times, she almost gave up. She had come to him in need of answers and all he had done was give her more questions. How was she to figure out this whole mess? How was she supposed to be something when she did not know how to be anything?
And every time she almost gave up, her mother was there to lift her back up.
She had welcomed her back with open arms and she had not asked questions. At least not at first. Sometimes she did but - then she gave up.
And it was why Kagome still lived at home, now that she was 23 years old. It had given her little brother a chance to live his dream of being a soccer player. Despite her job at the local library, Kagome helped around the shrine. During nights, she studied. Of course, it was classes by correspondence because she never had the grades to get into anything. Because of the two jobs, it was taking her forever but eventually she would finish and her life would be better.
And yet she would remain at the shrine.
"Kagome, did you have time to buy groceries?"
She looked up from her book, her glasses sliding down her nose. "Hm, no I forgot."
Her mother looked at her, then her book and finally at the glass beside her. No, she had not forgotten the rum. She did not always do that. She did keep herself on a tight lease but sometimes it took the edge away. After all, it was what Kouga had taught her; if you want to forget something, drink it away. He had proven that it did not work but - it helped for a while. It was probably the only thing her mother passed a judgement upon. The other things she let slide or at least, Kagome never noticed if she did not. She was always careful, she never even brought anybody home with her. If things were to happen, they happened somewhere else and she always came back home.
Sometimes it was the same person, other times it was a rather person. Although, that was less and less. She no longer had the time to be going around bars, picking up men she did not know. And once she was over twenty years old - it - it simply was something that did not feel right anymore. It was better to have the same person all the time. Unless there were feelings involved. Those were messy. She did not want feelings and she was not looking for a relationship. She did not have time for that.
Two things. Two things that helped her numb the pain and neither lasted for very long.
It was something.
She did have that one thing though. It was something that made her happy and sad at the same time. It was everything all at once.
"Mama?"
She dropped her book to the table and both her mother and her turned their heads in direction of the stairs. "What's going on buddy?"
"Nigh-mare."
Kagome's mouth twisted into a pout and she got up from the table. She rushed to his side before ruffling his brown hair with her hand. "Did the light go off?"
He nodded. "The elephant gone!"
She had slowly started to put a timer on it in the hopes that soon enough he would get used to not having it but it was not happening. Anytime it went off, he would wake up. There was something about the darkness that simply terrified him and no matter what she did, nothing worked. "Come on, I'll go up with you."
"I can go if you need to study."
"It's fine," Kagome said with a smile. She had mostly been at the drinking part of the studying thing. It did not matter at this point. Plus, she had a pounding headache and laying down would be good for her.
"Night, granny."
"Night, pumpkin."
Kagome helped him up the stairs - one at a time and very slowly - but eventually they reached the top. She did what he always liked; she grabbed both of his hands and swung him over the last step. He wee-ed as his tiny feet hit the ground. "Your bed mama?"
She nodded. "Yours is too small."
At first he had been sleeping with her but once Souta left, they modified his room slightly. He was far away for college and he did not mind giving his nephew his room. And she figured that his intentions were to not come back. Now that someone was officially there to take over the shrine, there was no point. She had relieved him of his duties. Their grandpa had argued for a bit but then - then he passed away and none of it mattered. Her mother and her decided it was best for Souta to do what he liked and she had no real plans. The shrine was better than nothing and it was big enough for her. She had enough room for everyone and everything.
Plus, she could never move out. How would she do all of this without her mother's help?
She had been too young and too stupid. Honestly, she still was. On some days, she needed her mother to remind her that someone depended on her or she would let the darkness and the pain claim her. When he was around, it was not a problem. It was the moment he was out of sight. Once she numbed herself enough, for a mere moment, she forgot. But she loved him, she loved him so much. He was the only man she would ever love. Looking into his eyes eased the pain in her heart.
He was a mistake, one that certainly was not planned and something she almost did not go through with. She knew the risk it entailed to raise someone who was half-half. She knew the difficulties of doing it at a young age and most of all, it bothered her that he was born out of love. But she gave him enough love for two people. Everyone made sure that he was not missing a part of his life. Souta had been a strong male figure in his life and he continued to be, even though he was far away from them.
Sometimes she wondered if it would have turned out like this if she had stayed. She would have lost it, or maybe even terminated it.
But there was one thing she was absolutely sure of; Kouga could not be a father.
She could barely hold it together and he was worse off than she was. It was better this way. Sometimes, there were questions. Especially once he realized that other people had a dad. At first, since her own father was dead, it was not something he pieced together. Then, he saw other kids' parents and the questions came. She dogged them as much as possible. She answered the best she could, but she left a lot of details out. It was the best way to go about it. What could she even tell him? She did not know Kouga.
"Mama?"
"Yes Haru?"
"Blue eyes. It scare me."
She frowned. "In your dream?"
He nodded, his growing hair swaying. His eyes were a deep blue, exactly like his. He had gotten a lot from him. No tail though. And his ears were normal but - she did not know if it was a forever thing or a growing up thing. Her knowledge of half youkai was - limited to Inuyasha and there was nobody she could ask to about this kind of stuff.
They did the best they could.
But the blue eyes did worry her.
She had the same dreams.
Sometimes it would spread like a shadow in her mind, waking her up in the middle of the night.
It had happened at first upon her return but eventually it went away. Except now it was coming back? And it was inflicting her son as well?
"It's just a dream," she said as she scooped him from the ground and dropped him on the bed. "I'll protect you," she said as she kicked the blanket away with her feet.
She laid down and he snuggled himself close to her, burying his face against her. She pressed her chin to his head, tucking him close to her. She would always protect him. She had her flaws and she made a lot of mistakes but she would not let anything happen to him. He was her whole life. He was the reason she kept going. Nobody would get to him. And she would not let any harm come his way, no matter the cost. He was better off being protected like this.
From nightmares.
From Kouga.
-M-
- 6
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- 8
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M.I.A