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The Diary	By : Tomosaho Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 15843 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Next chapter!

Thanks to all of my reviewers.� It�s great to hear that everyone likes where
I�m taking Sesshoumaru and the (sort of) dialogue he has going with Kagome.

Anyway, here�s chapter eight!

///////////////////////////////////////////////

Soul

Silver mist glowed in the forest as the morning sun broke
through the canopy of leaves, creating a forlorn mood.� Rin shivered as she slept upon the dragon�s
back, and Jaken pulled the blanket covering her closer around her small body.� The group was once more on patrol as Ah-Un�s injuries had fully healed four days ago.� They once again walked the edges of the
Western Lands, keeping monitor of the safety of their lord�s domain.� Sesshoumaru�s senses were on alert, waiting
for any clue that would foreshadow danger.�

Tucked into his belt opposite his swords was the diary which
still haunted all of Sesshoumaru�s thoughts.��
He was suddenly questioning everything that he had believed for a very
long time, and it did not sit well with him.�
He could admit that now that, under the right circumstances, maybe
attachments and love was not such a bad thing, but the fact that he wanted to
know more was unsettling.� He had seen
time and time again how love had ruined a person, and the odds of the right
circumstances coming along seemed pretty rare.�
So, while he had no problem saying that someone who fell in love under
the right circumstances was not making a stupid decision anymore, the fact that
he still wanted to know of love was foolish.�

The right circumstances did not exist for those in power,
especially those who wielded power as great as that of Lord Sesshoumaru.� There was danger, betrayal, and intrigue surrounding
his Citadel, which was why he was loathe to take Rin
there anymore.� No one had cared when she
had been a little girl, because she had been no different than a pet dog in
their eyes.� However, she was no longer just
a human child, she was becoming a woman and no one saw her as just a thing
anymore.� It hardly mattered that
Sesshoumaru�s feelings for her were purely platonic, if he were to take her
there she would quickly be caught up in the deception and plotting in his
castle and killed in less than a week.�
Imagine trying to find love in such an environment, where even a little
girl is not safe.�

There was a multitude of risks and dangers surrounding the
woman who would become Sesshoumaru�s paramour, and only a woman with a lot to
gain would be willing to take the risk.�
That was why Sesshoumaru had never once considered any of the women who
had been presented to him before.� In the
past, when he had considered taking a wife, he had made his decision based on what
she could do for him.� He had wanted a
woman with good connections and strength more than anything else, and none of
those women fit his criteria.� They
simply couldn�t give as good as they got, and
Sesshoumaru wasn�t a generous man.� But,
he had not been considering love before, and while that changed many things, it
hardly made the outcome any better.� In
fact, it made it all the more depressing.

It didn�t take a genius to realize that none of the women in
his court were looking for love, but they were the only ones who would consider
a relationship with Sesshoumaru, whether or not it led to a marriage bed.� A woman who wished only for love would not
take on all of the risks surrounding the position of his wife unless she was
already in love with him.� That would be
the only reason, for no woman would risk her life in the hope that she would
fall in love with him eventually.� She
would already have to be in love, and a very deep love at that, but that was
just as impossible.� What woman in this
world was not aware of the dangers that surrounded a lord, especially one of
the great demon lords?� No, the only
women willing to take the risk were those who were after his title, and he did
not want any of them or wish to love them.

If it was only a matter of choosing a suitable wife, Sesshoumaru
would say that all he wanted was a great family name, great deportment, and a
suitable body for child-bearing.� But someone to love, well� Sesshoumaru didn�t know what he
wanted exactly, but he wanted more than just a name.� He would suppose it would have to be someone
that was interesting and could keep him amused, for he doubted he could be love
anyone who bored him to tears.� He also
thought that she would have to be someone who was attractive, but the highest criterion
on his list was someone who was intelligent.�
She would have to be someone that could hold clever conversations and
enjoyed the same pursuits that he did.�
In the end, Sesshoumaru guessed that the person he would fall in love
with would have to be someone he� liked.

Which meant that this was all doomed to
fail because he liked no one.� There was not a single person in this world
that did not disappoint him greatly and did not aggravate him.� Well, he could say that Rin was exempt from
that, but she was only a child.� Soon she
would grow up to be just like the rest of her kind, and he would not be able to
stand her either.� Which
meant that there was not a single person in the world save a little girl that
he liked.� And, if he was
incapable of finding someone he liked, how much harder would it be to find
someone he loved? �If it was anyone else,
he would think it was pathetic.�

A thought that he had been fighting scratched at the back of
his mind, demanding attention.� It had
been the same thing for a while now as Sesshoumaru�s thoughts circled.� Thinking of love lead him to thinking of
falling in love, and falling in love meant finding someone to fall in love
with, and whether or not there was an acceptable person in the world to love�
and then his brain supplied a particular person that he would not
consider.� He would never give his heart
away to a human.

So, Sesshoumaru simply let his thoughts turn back to more
important things, like those demons squabbling in the distance.� Turning their innards into outtards was sure to be the best way to soothe his
mind.� He commanded the others to stay as
he headed forward, masking his presence as his pace increased.� As he got closer, the faint scent of human
blood reached his nose, telling him that this group of demons had killed some
time ago.� He broke the tree line and
decimated half of the group with a swipe of his poison whip, taking out the
rest of the underlings with another.�
Only two demons remained who glared at Sesshoumaru with malice and
fear.� The leader shouted obscenities at
Sesshoumaru but he ignored them.� He
stared down the two remaining demons as he analyzed the scent of human blood
and death.

�What is your business here, other than to kill the
villagers in my land?� Sesshoumaru stated once he recognized the scent
permeating from the demons.� The fear in
the demons eyes grew once they realized who they were gazing upon, and they
lowered themselves to the ground in prostration.� Sesshoumaru hardly cared for apologies,
though.

�This Sesshoumaru does not repeat himself.�

�We were just having a little fun... Our lord sent us here
on a wild goose chase, so we were letting off some steam, you know?� The leader
of the two replied, his voice holding a simpering tone that had not been there
before.�

�Who is your lord and what was the reason?� Sesshoumaru
questioned, wondering who had sent them there.�
He assumed it was for reconnaissance, but which one in particular was
snooping around where he shouldn�t be�

�He just hired us, through a lackey,
we don�t know who he is.� He�s just looking
for someone, a priestess.�� Sesshoumaru�s
thoughts began to race at the mention of priestess.�

�For what reason?�

�Don�t know, he�s just looking.�
The demon replied, fear creeping into his voice as he realized how useless his
information was.�

�For what in particular?� Just any priestess will do?� Sesshoumaru
asked, his voice taking an even harder tone as his aura pressed down upon the
prostrate demons.�

�No, he wants a powerful one.� He said she�d be strong, and have a powerful
amulet.� If we found her, we were
supposed to either bring her back or tell that lackey, but there�s no one like
that in this area� as I�m sure you know� my lord.�

�What else do you know?�

�Errr�� The demon replied as his
mind drew a blank. �The lackey!� It was a young boy, dressed like an old
noble�s kid from a long time ago.� I
think he was a familiar, maybe a tsukaima or a shikigami.� Gave off
a weird aura, chilled the whole place around him.� *

�And what of his scent?�

�That�s what was really strange, no scent at all, like he
wasn�t even there.� The only thing he
gave off was that chill.�

�Is that all?�

�Eeehhhh..�
The demon stalled, thinking of anything that could possibly save him.

�I see.� Sesshoumaru replied, killing the leader.� The remaining demon stared at the corpse next
to him in shock, sputtering.�

�You,� Sesshoumaru stated, grabbing the demon�s attention. �will rendezvous with the familiar and tell him that you have
found the priestess they are looking for.�

�But I don�t have her!�

�Say that your strength was not capable, and you could not
capture her.� You will inform the
familiar that the priestess and her amulet are in the possession of Lord
Sesshoumaru, and travel in his company.�

�He�s going to want to know what she looks like.�

�She is young girl, of about twelve years.� If he wants the priestess, he must come to
me.� Sesshoumaru replied, giving the demon a look that stated quite clearly
that this discussion was over.� He turned
and left, his attention no longer worthy of the scene
before him.�

His mood had soured completely, not at all what he had
wanted.� So, some upstart was poking
around in his lands, and a pretentious one at that.� This demon would have to have a lot of nerve
to try and sharpen his claws on Lord Sesshoumaru, and the dog demon would have
no problem putting him in his place.�
What was most unsettling, though, was the upstart�s quarry.� A powerful priestess with a powerful amulet, didn�t that sound familiar�

�The Shikon no Tama, what a
bothersome thing�� He sighed to himself, feeling a headache forming.� Was the past about to repeat itself, and was
another vile creature going to decimate the countryside in his attempt to
possess it?� When would they ever learn
that it was a useless thing, incapable of giving them true strength and what
they really wanted?

Well, there wasn�t much more he could do about it now.� He hardly had any information about this cur,
only a weak semblance of his minion.� It
was hardly enough to give to his spies, but it was worth a shot, he supposed.� But in the end, Sesshoumaru was just going to
have to see what information came to him, and when he had more to go with, then
he form a more concrete plan.� ��

�Jaken.� Sesshoumaru stated when he
had returned to camp. �Call Yoin and her group.� I have a mission for them.�� Jaken started at the command.� Sesshoumaru didn�t call for that lot unless
he was serious, and Jaken had to wonder what had happened when their lord was
away.�

�Yes, my lord!� He replied with fervor before heading further
into the Western Lands towards the closest of the Citadel�s stations.� Sesshoumaru watched him leave for a moment
before turning his gaze towards Rin.� He
would have to keep his eye on her now, she couldn�t
leave his side for any reason until that familiar appeared.�

�What�s wrong, Sesshoumaru-sama?�
She asked as she rubbed her sleepy eyes.�
It was mid-morning and the chill had dissipated from the air.� The beginnings of a beautiful spring day
could be seen, and Rin was warmed at the sight.

�Rin, stay close to Ah-Un and this Sesshoumaru.� You must not leave.�

�Yes, my lord!� She stated, a serious look crossing her
face.� Sesshoumaru did not give her many
commands, so she took each one very seriously.�
They continued on their way, and Sesshoumaru brooded as they moved.

How far out did that familiar spread his web of spies?� Was he staying primarily in the northwest,
where Sesshoumaru was currently located, or had he spread them out
farther?� Sesshoumaru was very keen to
know that, and particularly if those spies were heading towards the east.�

What would happen if they should locate Kagome, Sesshoumaru
wondered.� The familiar would soon be
tipped off towards Sesshoumaru�s direction and in opposition of Kagome, but
that would only work if his double agent reached the minion in time.

He would hardly go running after her, though.� For one thing, that completely defeated the
purpose of diverting this upstart�s familiar, and two, Sesshoumaru would not
run around like a lost puppy.� It was
beneath him.� If the familiar has already
discovered her, then there wasn�t much Sesshoumaru could do anyway.�

That hardly meant that the thought sat well with him,
though, and numerous trees in the distance fell as Sesshoumaru�s poison whip
lashed out in his anger.

By nightfall, the group had made camp in a tall, shallow
cave.� It an extension of the rock face
they had been following since noon and was hardly much of a cave, but it would
provide good cover from the rain that would reach them during the night.� Rin had a good fire going with plenty of wood
set off to the side, and a few fish were roasting on spits over the
flames.� Sesshoumaru looked out into the
darkness, wondering if Jaken would return soon.�
Once he had reached a station, the message would be sent off via one of
the many bird demons in his hire.� It
wouldn�t take very long for the message to reach the castle, and then the spies
would only take a few days to find Sesshoumaru.�
He could not sense the toad�s presence, though, so he turned away from
the opening and headed towards the fire.�
He sat next to it and pulled the diary out of his belt, staring at its
worn appearance.�

He hadn�t read it in a while, but he was always a little
hesitant to do so these days.� It was
such a nuisance, it had done nothing but throw his world upside down.� He wanted to finish it though, so he turned
to the next entry he could find.

-And then we saw that Naraku�s demons were searching the mountain for Hijiri-sama, too.

Who?� It wasn�t the
beginning of her log, and he didn�t understand what was happening.� He almost didn�t want to read it, but further
inspection showed it was one of the only decent entries for a while.�

We figured that Naraku
must have noticed, too, that Hijiri-sama�s arrow was
a lot like Kikyou-sama�s arrows.� He must be thinking the same thing we are,
that Hijiri-sama really is Kikyou-sama
and that Naraku really did fail to kill her that time on Mount Hakurei.

Oh, so this was an account of that dead woman.� Sesshoumaru had wanted to learn more about
her, he knew so very little and he disliked that.� He also never did learn how she had survived
the river of miasma Naraku threw her into on Mount Hakurei.� Sesshoumaru had seen her fall to her death
with his own eyes, yet not too long afterwards she had joined the fight once
again.� How was it
that she had survived death� except not� how did a dead woman keep herself from
dying anyway?� Sesshoumaru�s headache was
starting to return, so he stopped pondering the mysteries of the dead and
semi-dead and returned to entry.

The presence of his
demons did tell us that were on the right path, though, so we kept heading the
mountain, and some villagers later told us of two bright lights that entered
the mountain last night.�

Needless to say, we
started increasing our pace towards the mountain.� It�s strange, we kept saying that we were
searching for the nest of those demon birds so we could stop them from killing
villages, but we hardly cared about that at all.� The objective had completely become finding Hijiri-sama and seeing if it really was Kikyou-sama.� And the most
determined out of all of us was Inuyasha.�
When he was carrying me, I could feel how tense he was, and a sad aura
was coming off of him.

Even as he holds a living, breathing woman that loves him,
he yearns for the dead one.� How
pathetic.

As we got closer, we
saw that Naraku�s demons had increased in number and
were heading down to the mountain as well, but purification arrows were
launched up at them.� Hijiri-sama
was definitely there.� The demons were
too numerous, though, and with me on his back, Inuyasha couldn�t deal with them
very well.� So, he handed me off to Sango-chan and Kirara-chan and
left us to deal with them.

They have to stop separating.� That�s when terrible things happen� generally
to Kagome.

But more demons came
soon after and we got stalled out.� While
we were fighting, I saw Kikyou-sama�s shinidama-chuu and headed off to follow them.� While I didn�t notice it, apparently I walked
into a barrier and none of the others could follow after me.

I knew it.�

After following the shinidama-chuu, I eventually found that waterfall I mentioned
before, and inside the pool was Kikyou-sama!� She looked oddly peaceful, as if she might
just have been asleep, but I don�t think she sleeps underwater and there was
this stuff leaking out of her.� It looked
noxious, and as I learned a little later, it was Naraku�s
miasma.�

She was still alive, even after taking the poison inside of
her body?

Then these servants
showed up, who I�m pretty sure were shikigami, and
said that the miasma had spread a lot and I had to choose whether or not to
save her.

What?

I asked them
specifically what had happened and what exactly they were talking about, and
they said that because Kikyou-sama�s body is made of
holy bones and burial soil, the miasma could not dissolve it, but because
Naraku had gravely injured her, the miasma had begun to leak inside of her body
and weaken her.� They said that as long
as the wounds in her body remained open, she would not heal, because Kikyou-sama�s body is not capable of closing a wound like that,
and they needed my help to do it.�

So the life of Inuyasha�s old lover depends entirely upon
his new one?� Surely she refused, but
then how was Kikyou still alive?

Of course, I accepted.

What!

They seemed so
surprised that I did, but how could I not?�
I just couldn�t leave someone to die like that, whether or not there
are� certain circumstances that might get in the way of good relations�

That�s a rather nice way of putting it, Sesshoumaru
scoffed.� Why on earth did Kagome save her?� This was the biggest obstacle to the object
of her affections, she would have been making her life far easier by getting
rid of the woman, and no one would have had to know.�

But, if she was the sort of person that couldn�t have lived
with herself if she hadn�t asked Sesshoumaru to save that otter demon�s life,
than saving the life of the one who meant the most to Inuyasha was probably
something she would have gone much farther out of her way to do.� �Would she have even died to save Kikyou?

They said that I
needed to touch her to purify the miasma.�

So they had come into contact.� Sesshoumaru wondered what would happen if the
same soul from two different times came into contact, and it seems he was about
to find out.�

The water was painful,
the miasma had been leaking into it for a while, but I didn�t let that stop
me.� I placed my hand against her heart
where the leak was strongest, and the next moment we were falling down through
the water, far deeper than I thought the pool went.� The light died away until it was only a
glimmer from above, and I realized that the clear water I had seen earlier was
an illusion, and in reality the pool had been completely blackened from miasma.

An illusion by Kikyou, no doubt.� If Kagome had known how dangerous that water
was, she might have had more common sense upon entering it.

I couldn�t imagine how
all of that came from Kikyou-sama�s body, so I took a
closer look at the wound and saw that it consumed her entire chest.� It was horrible, and miasma was spewing from
it.� I felt so sorry for her.

How is she capable of feeling pity for this woman?� They are rivals, she should hate her.

Then from above, I
could see something falling down, a trail of it.� When it reached my hand, it began glow and I
could see it sort of looked like sand.�
The two servants said it was Kikyou-sama�s
burial soil and that now that I had purified it, I should place it in her
wound.�

Sesshoumaru didn�t like the thought of that.� By purifying it, she had basically placed a
small amount of her soul into it.� It was
only the outer edges of her soul, something that would be replaced, but it was
her soul nonetheless.� Perhaps their bodies
had been a barrier before that kept their souls from contact, but now Kagome�s
soul would be breaking that barrier.

When I did so, the
miasma all came rushing out at once, and it burned terribly.� I wanted to stop, but I could see that the
wound was closing, so I put more of myself into it, trying to put all of my
energy into saving her.

Or more of her soul to be precise.

After that, the water
became pure and crystal clear.� I was
very tired and I soon passed out after this, but in that small moment, I felt euphoric,
like we were floating in a small corner of paradise.

It was probably hypoxia.�
She had been in the water for a long time.

A little while later,
I don�t know how long, I awoke to see Kikyou-sama
standing and watching me.� She wanted to
know why I had saved her, and I couldn�t think of anything to tell her.� I mean, I didn�t really have a specific reason, I would have saved her no matter what.� What reason did she expect me to have,
anyway, and what did she expect me to say?

It was the insanity.

When I couldn�t really
give her a reason, she said that because it had been my choice to save her, she
wouldn�t thank me for it.

Seems about right.

How rude!� She�s just as weird as ever!� I swear, I think she gets her kicks from
being all mysterious and messing with people�s heads.� Sometimes I just want to surprise her and see
how she�d react.� It would be nice if she
laughed every once in a while and proved she was still a human being.

Except she not.�

But anyway, she said
that Inuyasha would be coming soon, looking for me, and she started
leaving.� This made me mad, wasn�t she
going to stay and meet him?

Why does she care?�
She should be happy that the one she loves isn�t capable of meeting with
her rival, but then again, none of Kagome�s actions made any sense to
Sesshoumaru.�

Besides, Inuyasha came
specifically to meet her, it�s all he had been
thinking about.� I really didn�t think he
came to see me, despite what Kikyou-sama said.

He really is pathetic.

Well, anyway, we did
eventually meet up, and Inuyasha decided to stay with us for once instead of
following after her.� I don�t really know
why he made that decision, since he normally follows after, but Sango-chan said it might have been because I looked a
little angry.� Well, I suppose I was,
because while I had been waiting I had been thinking about why they had
questioned my motives.

Sesshoumaru questioned those as well.

Back then, I thought
that the only reason they thought I might not have done it was because of our
relationship with Inuyasha.� But now, I
don�t think that maybe that�s not the case.

Surprisingly, the world doesn�t revolve around
Inuyasha.�

When I look back on
what happened, and what I did, I think I might have given up more of my soul to
her, and that�s why they wondered why I did it.

She has given her soul to Kikyou before?� Why would Kikyou need it, did she not already
have a soul powering her body?

I mean, they probably
thought I wouldn�t want to give more of it away.� After all, she already ripped out a pretty
large chunk of it when Urasue made Kikyou-sama�s new body and took my soul out to power it.

Kikyou was powered not by the soul that had previously
inhabited her body, the one from this time, but by Kagome�s soul instead?� How was that possible?

You know, Diary, when
I think about when I was in the pool, pouring my self into Kikyou-sama, I thought that maybe I could feel it, our soul.

Our soul?� So they really did share just one soul,
instead of two souls that just happened to be the same.� That changed everything in how Sesshoumaru
viewed them, but he wondered if it was any less dangerous.� It seemed as if the barriers between them
were even weaker now.� What was it that
kept them apart, instead of oozing
into one another until they became one again?�
The soul desires to be one, what is it that kept their soul from
re-uniting, and their existences from merging?
��
I had never had a
chance to really feel it before like that, and it answered some questions of
mine� and brought up a whole bunch of new ones.

Sesshoumaru knew that feeling, all too well.

Before this, I had
always thought that after that whole debacle with Kikyou-sama,
in which my soul was stolen from my body and I somehow called most of it back
(we never really did find out how, did we Diary), I had always thought that my
soul had a big hole in it or something.�
That there was a big, fraying tear in it� but when I had been in the
pool with Kikyou-sama, I could feel the part of our soul that was inside of
her.� That tear I had always imagined, I
don�t think it�s really there.� I think
maybe, our soul really isn�t that torn up at all�

It was just as Sesshoumaru thought, nothing separated them
at all.� So why is it that they were
still two separate, sentient beings?� Why
hadn�t their minds merged as their soul became one again?

It�s a little scary,
isn�t it Diary?� I can still feel it now,
if I try really hard.� If I let my focus
die away, and look only into darkness, I think I can see the light of our soul
stretching out towards each other.�

Such a strange thing�
Well, that�s all I have to say now.� We
still don�t have any clues on getting into the Next World without dying.� If we learn of anything, I�ll let you know.� Bye!

Sesshoumaru set the diary aside as he stared into the fire.� Nothing separated the two, yet they were
still Kagome and Kikyou, or at least they were for now.� Who was to say that over the years they had
both been in existence, their minds and personalities had not been oozing into
one another.� How long would it take
before they ceased to be two different people?�

But if that was not the case, what barrier was in place that
kept them apart?� What was so powerful
that, even though the soul longed to be together, it remained in two?

And Inuyasha, what did he think of this?� Sesshoumaru would guess that he probably
wasn�t aware of how very closely tied the two women were.� More than likely, if Kagome had thought that
her soul had a tear in it, then all of her group had held that similar belief
or they would have corrected her of it.�
But Inuyasha must be aware of the fact that the woman at his side was
the reason for his beloved�s existence.�
Every time he looked at her, he must be thinking of Kikyou before he
thought of Kagome.� Everything about her
was a reminder to Inuyasha.� What did
that mean for his actions towards her?�
Sesshoumaru didn�t like how this sounded in his mind.�

But what was even more interesting
was Kagome�s actions towards Kikyou and Inuyasha.� Who was to say that Kagome�s affections for Inuyasha
were purely her own or those of Kikyou�s?�
When did she begin to love him, Sesshoumaru
wondered.� Did it happen after Kikyou�s
revival, and was it proof that their beings were becoming one?� And the way she acted towards Kikyou, it was
strange.� They were essentially a threat
to each other�s existence, yet for the most part they seemed rather ambivalent
towards each other.� Neither of them
seemed to be willing to make a move towards the other to secure their own
position, and in times seemed to act to the contrary.� Who were they to each other?� Sesshoumaru remembered the dream Kagome had
when she had been under the spell of Tsubaki, in
which Kikyou had asked her �Who are you, are you me?� and sighed.�

Just who were they, anyway?

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

It�s done!� Another
chapter finished, and it feels somewhat meaningful� sort of�

* This is what a Heian Period
child of the nobility looked like, and what I�m basing the familiar�s appearance
around- http://www.iz2.or.jp/english/fukusyoku/wayou/index.htm
- 7
- 8
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