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Fit For Dogs	By : Arianawray Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male > InuYasha/Sessh?maru > InuYasha/Sessh?maru Views: 25002 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its characters, and I do not make any money from these writings.

Chapter List
- 7
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Sick As A Dog
"You feel kind of hot," Inuyasha remarked as Sesshomaru curled up against him in bed with intent.
"Why, thank you," the taiyoukai replied.
"No, you idiot, I mean you literally feel kind of hot – are you running a temperature?"
"I doubt that. I don't feel unwell. I never do, do I?"
"The world is a different place now, Sesshomaru. All sorts of weird bugs that never used to trouble anyone before are killing living creatures left, right and centre. Maybe you've got canine distemper – I'm pretty damn sure you were never vaccinated against it in all the one thousand, two hundred years of your life."
"Don't be ridiculous – I haven't got canine distemper," Sesshomaru stated, nuzzling his brother's neck.
"Seriously – you could be sick – where's the thermometer?"
Inuyasha groped about the bedside table's top drawer for the old-fashioned mercury thermometer they kept in there, and promptly stuck it into Sesshomaru's mouth.
"Don't you dare bite down, or we'll have mercury all over the bloody sheets."
Sesshomaru's stony glare was slightly less effective than usual, being somewhat marred by the glass tube with the neon-yellow temperature-chart strip encased in it, protruding from his mouth.
Three minutes of stony glaring later, Inuyasha pulled the thermometer out of the taiyoukai's mouth and jumped at the reading.
"39.7 degrees Celsius! A dog's normal upper limit is 39.2! And you're normally only about 38 degrees, even when you're all wrapped up in the mokomoko. You do have a fever!"
"I do not," Sesshomaru said stiffly. "Dogs reach slightly higher temperatures when they are excited about something, and I hope I don't have to make it too plain to you exactly what I'm excited about right now. Besides, I'm a dog demon. I've reached far higher temperatures before on a variety of occasions."
"Not while resting at home you haven't," Inuyasha stated firmly, picking up his mobile phone and ringing the vet.
When the receptionist picked up at the other end, Inuyasha asked to speak to the doctor, who very promptly took the call, for this exceedingly rich client of his, whom he knew only as Mr Keiji Souga, was always bringing in strays to be treated and lost pets to be looked over, paying up in cash without hesitation. He never failed either to write him generous cheques for phone consultations concerning dogs that for one reason or another could not be taken to the clinic.
"Hey Doc, I need your advice about this overgrown adult pooch I have here whose temperature is normally 38 degrees, but he's now at 39.7. Isn't anything above 39.2 considered a fever?" Inuyasha asked.
"Mr Souga! It is always good to hear from you! Is that another lucky stray you rescued off the street? Yes, you are quite right – anything above 39.2 is technically considered an elevated temperature for a dog. However, some dogs who are nervous or excited about something may reach 39.7 degrees with little ill effect. Is the dog agitated?"
"Yeah, he's getting more so by the minute," Inuyasha said, glancing at the taiyoukai.
"Try to calm him down – his temperature should return to normal once he's been settled and still for a while."
"Not much chance of that," Inuyasha replied, casting another wary glance at his brother.
"What is he excited about?" the vet inquired.
"He's seriously horny. In fact, he's humping my leg as we speak."
"Oh dear, that is certainly not going to calm him down. I suggest that you confine him to a quiet, cool and not-too-brightly-lit room to get him into a less excited state. If necessary, restrain him."
"I somehow doubt that's going to work," Inuyasha murmured vaguely as the extremely improbable mental image of a collared and chained Sesshomaru being told to quietly sit and stay flashed through his mind. "Just let me know how high his temperature should be allowed to go before I have to worry."
"39.72 is really about the maximum in an agitated state. If it goes beyond that, or stays elevated at the current reading, there may be another cause besides agitation. It could be heatstroke, which will be accompanied by heavy panting, vomiting, very red gums and tongue, and possible collapse – but that is unlikely in this cool weather. Or it could be an infection, which will almost certainly be accompanied by other signs of illness like loss of appetite, coughing or depression. However, it doesn't sound like the dog you have there is sick – not if it's humping your leg. It's probably just excited. If you do notice any other signs of illness, or the temperature goes up, or remains at 39.7 an hour after he has calmed down, ring me back at once and I will make a house call to examine him. What kind of thermometer are you using, anyway? A digital one for the ear?"
"No – a mercury one."
"How did you manage to take his temperature with it, considering that he's so restless?" the vet asked.
"I just stuck it in his mouth."
"Oh, no, no!" the vet exclaimed. "He could bite it and swallow the mercury and then you'd have a medical emergency on your hands! We normally do not recommend using mercury thermometers on animals at all, but if you must use one, you're supposed to stick it into his rectum. You'll have to grasp the base of his tail to keep him still."
"Uh…" Inuyasha murmured, getting another mental image of his having to subdue Sesshomaru thoroughly enough to keep a fragile tube of glass shoved up his ass for at least two minutes. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Do not put it into his mouth again! Do you have a digital thermometer that you can put into his ear?"
"I'm sure I have one somewhere about," Inuyasha murmured, fumbling around in the middle drawer of the bedside table, and finally producing the digital pet-thermometer, still wrapped in its original packaging. "Here it is!"
"Good – use it, please!"
"Sure, doc. Thanks for the advice. I'll ring you back at once if I suspect he's sick."
"Any time, Mr Souga."
Inuyasha put the phone down and tried to ease Sesshomaru off his leg. "Hey, behave. Apparently your temperature is nothing to worry about yet. But if it stays like that, it could be a problem. You'd better not be sick."
"Do I look sick to you?" Sesshomaru rumbled, pouncing on Inuyasha and pinning him to the bed.
"I dunno, with all that pale-as-death skin and feverish golden eyes, not to mention the rash-like skin markings, I often wonder…"
"And what about you?" Sesshomaru growled, flicking Inuyasha's ears and pulling his mouth open. "You with the weird symptoms of monthly white-hair-loss and instant black-hair regrowth, the mysterious disappearance and reappearance of your ears and fangs, and even changing your eye colour – perhaps we should get the vet to check you out."
"Very fine words for someone who turns into a fluffy white dog the size of a T-Rex every now and again," Inuyasha snapped back. "Let's see what the zoo has to say about that!"
"At least I would be a star exhibit – you would surely be consigned to the petting zoo, where children would be allowed to pull your ears."
"It was obviously too kind of me to suggest that the zoo would take you – perhaps the taxidermist's would be a more appropriate destination, followed by the unnatural history museum!" Inuyasha snarled.
"Oh, really? What's your temperature, then, little brother? Let's see whether this interesting specimen squirming under me is more animal than human…"
Holding Inuyasha down with the weight of his body, Sesshomaru snatched the digital pet-thermometer out of his hand, unwrapped it, checked that the batteries were still working and not leaking, then inserted the long end of it past one of the white-furred ear flaps and into the ear canal.
When the thermometer beeped, Sesshomaru read off the display: "38 exactly. Squarely within normal dog temperature range."
Then another thought occurred to Sesshomaru, and he grabbed the mercury thermometer this time. He shook the mercury level down with two firm flicks of his wrist, and jammed the bulb into Inuyasha's mouth.
"Don't bite down now," he warned his brother. "Half-demons who swallow mercury will probably need their stomachs pumped, whereas a full demon would probably not even notice that he had swallowed any."
It was Inuyasha's turn to glare in silence for the next three minutes, at the end of which Sesshomaru whipped the glass thermometer out and peered at it. The taiyoukai snorted.
"What? What's so funny?" Inuyasha demanded.
With a smirk on his face, Sesshomaru said: "It reads 37 degrees Celsius. Perfectly normal human body temperature. Oh my, what a fascinating laboratory specimen you would be, my little brother – truly a half-dog-demon – dog temperature in the ears, human temperature in the mouth… what a very peculiar creature you are. We should donate your body to science!"
"Ha ha ha, very funny," Inuyasha snapped. "Now get off me."
"Not a chance, little brother," said the taiyoukai with an evil grin. "Not before I've found out what reading we get when we put this thing up that tasty behind of yours… maybe it will be a cat temperature or something…"
"Hey, don't you dare – Sesshomaru – I'm warning you – keep that thing away from my butt!"
"Oh no, I won't – isn't that exactly where the good veterinarian said it should be inserted? I could hear what he was saying, you know."
"Ow! Leave my ass alone! I'm calling in animal control to shoot you, I am! You probably have rabies or something, you sick bastard!"
"Grrr…" Sesshomaru gave a mock-growl, and pretended to foam at the mouth.
"Bloody hell, stop that – you're drooling all over me, you mucky puppy!"
"Come on, wimpy little pup," Sesshomaru cajoled. "Let me put this thermometer where it needs to go."
"It needs to go up YOUR ass, that's what it needs to do!" Inuyasha yelled. "It will probably show a reading of TOP-CLASS ASSHOLE, that's what it will show!"
With that, Inuyasha kicked out strongly and sent the mercury thermometer flying out of Sesshomaru's hand to break into pieces and send globs of shiny silver mercury all over the teak floor.
"Now look what you've done," Sesshomaru said. "It will take us forever to chase down every last drop of that mercury – we'll have to siphon it out from between the boards."
"Well, we're lucky that we have got forever, aren't we?" Inuyasha said sarcastically.
"You were just scared to have a teeny stick of glass and metal up your butt," Sesshomaru huffed.
"Was not. If I were scared of something so small, then I'd definitely have cut your dick off centuries ago."
"Was that a compliment?"
"No."
"You were scared, weren't you, Scaredy-cat? I'll bet I would have found a feline rectal temperature reading."
"Bullshit."
"Oh, so we're part bull too, are we?" Sesshomaru teased smoothly. "I wonder where I'd find that reading."
"You'd find it up your rectum, that's where you'd find it."
"Scaredy-cat..."
"Freak-show dog..."
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Note: Readers who use only the Fahrenheit system may like to know that 100 degrees Fahrenheit is equal to approximately 37.7 degrees Celsius. Hope you had fun reading this chapter!
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Fit For Dogs