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Learning to live	By : Syrra Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 10413 -:- Recommendations : 5 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha nor do I make any money from this story.

Chapter List
- 7
- 8
- 9
Chapter 8

Development

Kagome lay in her bed staring at the ceiling. She knew it was late. She knew she really should get to sleep but sleep evaded her the way demons evaded a holy man. She was going to pay for it when she had to get up. She'd be exhausted and more than slightly useless.

"I sure hope Sesshoumaru isn't planning on training me today." She muttered rolling over with a huff. She punched her pillow into a more comfortable shape and pulled the blankets up to her chin. Glaring out at the balcony doors she realized she wasn't sure how she felt about anything and that was the problem causing her insomnia.

She had expected to be angry at Sesshoumaru for what had almost happened with Masako but she wasn't. She was upset and hurt. By all rights she should be angry with him. He almost slept with another woman after promising that he would not. She was his wife. It's supposed to be her and only her that get the privilege of sleeping with him. At the same time she couldn't help but wonder if she should let him take a mistress. That way his obvious frustration would be abated somewhat. She was surprised to realize she found the idea of Sesshoumaru being with another woman seemed to make her feel jealous.

"Is it because I'm getting attached or because he's my husband?" She questioned herself softly. She grew frustrated when she could not sort her feelings out enough to answer her own question to satisfaction. Fuming silently she rolled onto her back and glared at the ceiling once more until the sun began to peek over the horizon.

Sesshoumaru lay in his large bed. He was kept awake by the turbulence of Kagome's emotions. Apparently the elixir Masako had given him had worn off and he could feel the emotions pouring through from Kagome. He had expected to feel anger. He was startled to feel hurt and confusion. He didn't quite know how to take that. In all his life he had never wanted to have a mate so he had never bothered preparing on how to deal with women short of pleasing them in bed. Not only was he dealing with a woman as his mate but also until very recently she was human and still retained her human emotions.

Sitting up he glanced at the hidden door in the wall. The door was made as a way to get to the other's room without using the hallways. The Lord and Lady suites they were called. It had been made like this when his father had renovated this part of the palace when he came to power. The rooms seemed to display the lack of love his parents felt for one another. He pondered the emotions coursing through Kagome wondering if his life would follow his parents' path or if Kagome's emotions would get the better of her.

He was willing to bet her emotions would get the better of her. She still acted as though she was human and humans, in all past experience, seemed to be ruled by their feelings. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

As soon as the faintest hint of light began to appear in the sky he rose from his bed. Kagome wasn't going to sleep anytime soon so he might as well get up. He could feel her exhaustion and decided against training her today. She would have to learn how to fight through exhaustion but she really needed the basics of fighting down before that came along.

As he entered his library he noticed Lenya by his desk waiting for her daily instructions. He noted how she eyed him wearily. He recalled literally throwing her from his room the night before. He sat down at his desk and began looking over the news Lenya had placed before him.

"A strange Miasma forms in the southeast. It must be Naraku." He said as his golden eyes quickly moved down the page. Lenya nodded in agreement.

"The southern Lord is wondering what you wish to do." She replied. Sesshoumaru leaned back and glanced out of the window.

"Nothing, for now. Blindly attacking Naraku seems to play right into his hands. We need information before we proceed. Send my best spies to the area and see what they can learn." He answered still gazing out the window. Lenya nodded and handed him the appropriate papers. He added his seal and signed it before she took it back. "Lenya go and check on Kagome. She was awake most of the night and upset. I suspect my presence would make it worse." He added.

"Yes my lord." She answered using the formality of his title. She almost never used that unless there were other powerful youkai or she was angry with him.

"What did you hope for Masako to accomplish when she was here? You were displeased with the numbing elixir." He asked. Lenya sighed softly.

"You have heard of the Dream Stare right?" She asked. When he nodded she continued, "I had hoped you would choose to do that with Kagome. Masako would put you both to sleep and create an artificial dream world and you would help her through her subconscious memories. I thought…since she trusts you it would make it easier for her." Lenya explained. Sesshoumaru nodded before motioning her dismissal with his hand.

Lenya nodded and bowed to him before leaving the room. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose again. Lenya was still angry with him from the night before. He'd have to find a way to pacify her later.

Kagome sat up as she heard a soft knock on her door.

"Come in." She called. The door slid open and Lenya came in. Smiling at Kagome she laid down her breakfast tray on the small table. Kagome gave her a halfhearted smile and dragged herself out of bed. Sitting down she began her morning meal. Lenya sat down across from her.

What is troubling you Lady Kagome?" She asked softly. Kagome gave her a big fake smile and waved aside the comment.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm perfectly fine." She said before hurriedly taking a big bite of breakfast.

"You really need to work on your lying Kagome." Lenya said giggling as Kagome shot her a dirty look. "Out with it Kagome." Kagome sighed and set her bowl down.

"I don't know how to feel." She said staring at the tabletop. Lenya gave her a blank stare.

"You don't know how to feel? Care to expand on that?" She asked mildly.

"About Sesshoumaru. I feel like I should be mad at him over what happened with Masako." She replied.

"What happened with Masako?" She asked confused. Kagome explained everything. "Sesshoumaru never mentioned that!" She exclaimed. "No wonder you're angry." Kagome shook her head.

"I'm not angry. I know I should be but I am more…. hurt than anything. I mean I don't know why. I was…jealous, jealous of Masako. Sesshoumaru is MY mate. Not hers. But…does this mean I like him? Doesn't hurt and jealousy hint at something more than friends? And if I do like him is it even possible for him to like me back? I don't want someone who doesn't want me and I'm not talking just about physically." She said in one big rush. She signed softly as if relieved to get that off her chest. Lenya stayed silent for a long moment, digesting what Kagome had said.

"Well I can't say how Sesshoumaru feels about you Kagome but I do know that he is not nearly as emotionless as he seems. I am sure he is capable of loving someone. His ward, Rin is proof of that. He cares very much for her. Perhaps instead of shutting yourself up away from Sesshoumaru you should spent some time with him. Maybe that way your feelings will become clearer to you." Lenya suggested. Kagome looked unsure. "I'll make sure to get him outside today. This afternoon by the Sakura trees."

Kagome nodded slowly before digging into her food again.

"Thank you Lenya. Its nice to have someone to talk to here." She said softly. Lenya smiled before getting up and leaving the room.

"And you are sure that's what you heard? Absolutely sure?" A female voice whispered urgently. The boy in front of her nodded.

"Yes Kagura. A woman said that Sesshoumaru had taken Kagome as his mate but she was raped and unable to consummate the bond." He replied. A faint blush spread across the shy boy's face at the mention of consummation. Kagura ignored his obvious embarrassment.

"What of the woman? Did you catch a glimpse of her or her name? Did you overhear what Naraku is planning?" She asked.

"I didn't catch her name or her appearance but I got the impression she's quite close to Sesshoumaru. She mentioned something about Kagome really being Midoriko and something about an incomplete bond being something he can use against Sesshoumaru." Kohaku said, his brow furrowing.

"Later this afternoon when Naraku send me to watch Sesshoumaru's palace I think I will meet with the great demon lord himself. He should know what Naraku knows." Kagura said musingly.

"But Kagura if Naraku finds out you've betrayed him he'll…. he'll" He stammered. Kagura cut him off.

"Yes I know. He'll kill me. Which is why I need you to cover for me if I don't get back in time. Tell him I had thought it a good idea to spy on Inuyasha and see what he's doing." She replied. Seeing him pale she added, "You want to be free of Naraku and see your sister again, don't you? Well Sesshoumaru is strong enough to take down Naraku. Also the more Sesshoumaru knows the better than chances that next time they meet will be the end of Naraku." She said. Kohaku nodded.

"I will try and placate Naraku if you are late." He said softly. Kagura nodded before laying back down in her small bed. She was expected to be resting for her mission that day.

"Oh and Kohaku? Keep Kanna busy so Naraku can't spy on me." She added before dozing off.

Sesshoumaru listened as Lenya came down the hall and entered the library. It was early afternoon and the sun streamed in through the window. He spared the deer youkai a glance as he wrote in a document.

"You have to go outside and talk to Kagome." She said.

"To say what exactly?" He asked.

"She is confused. She thinks she is developing feelings for you but is unsure if you're just a friend, a lover or her soul mate. She needs you Sesshoumaru. Spend time with her. Let he get to know you. Her biggest fear and concern right now is that one-day she'll fall in love with you only to realize you are incapable of loving her back. That thought hurts and terrifies her. And those thoughts and feelings will shape your relationship with her." Lenya explained. Sesshoumaru paused in his writing to look fully at his advisor.

"I will see her for dinner this evening." He said.

"No."

"No? You presume to tell me what to do. Lenya?" he asked in a deadly calm voice.

"When it comes to the welfare of your mate, yes. She is waiting for you outside. I can handle this while you see to your mate and ease her uncertainties. Beside you hate paperwork." She said while motioning for him to get up. Allowing himself a rare a sigh he acknowledged her demands and left the room to find Kagome.

He followed Kagome's unique scent out to the large grove of Sakura trees. Kagome sat among the roots of a particularly large tree. She sat dressed in a pale teal kimono decorated in darker teal and purple peacock feathers with a light purple obi wrapped around her waist. She made a very beautiful image as she stared at the trees around her. Saying nothing Sesshoumaru came and sat down beside her and crossed his arms in his large sleeves.

"Lenya tells me you are troubled about our relationship." He said. Kagome glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes and nodded slightly. "Is that what kept you awake all last night?" He asked. Again she nodded.

"Wait, how did you know about that?" She asked suddenly.

"Our bond. When I marked you it creates a strong bond between us. I can feel things from you. Strong emotions, danger and things of that nature." He explained.

"So how come I can't feel anything from you?"

"Our bond happens to be incomplete. You are required to mark me as I did to you for the bond to work both ways. However…until our bond is consummated I would not recommend it."

"Why not?"

"You feel the physical desire for me do you not?" He asked. When she nodded he continues, "It would make that stronger. I do not think we would be able to resist the pull. As I said I have no desire to force you into anything like that so soon." He said.

"Sesshoumaru, I don't feel what you feel from our incomplete bond so I have to ask…. Are you capable of caring for someone? Are you capable of loving someone?" Kagome asked softly. It was clear in her tone and body language she was extremely nervous about how he would answer so he chose his words with care.

"I believe I can." He said slowly. "Love is not unique to humans. We demons are quite capable of feeling it. Most of us chose to deliberately avoid it thought. It tends to cloud ones head and judgment." He replied.

"And me? Where do I fit in?" She asked timidly.

"You are unlike any woman I have met." He replied. He would have preferred to leave the conversation the way it was but he caught the disappointment on her face. He remembered Lenya's words of how Kagome was unsure of his emotions. Biting back a large sigh he hesitated before wrapping his arm around Kagome and pulling her close. "At this point I do not believe I love you. We have spent very little time together and relationships can take years to develop. I do however care about you and your well being. I want to see you happy here with me." He said quietly. Kagome stayed silent for a long moment thinking.

"You mentioned that demons tend to think that love causes bad judgment and clouds peoples heads?" She asked. When she receives his nod she continues, "Would you be willing to try and see if you can love me? I mean tell me, or show me. You…. wouldn't hide it from me would you?"

"This is important to you, Kagome?"

"Very important."

"May I ask why?"

Kagome watched him for a moment before letting a small smile come to her lips.

"When I was a little girl I used to dream of when I would get married. Most girls dream of their wedding day. I always wanted to marry someone I loved and who loved me. I know reality never usually works out like you hope and dream for it but I want to try anyways. The way I see it is that we are stuck together Sesshoumaru. We might as well make the most of it." She explained.

"I see. In that case I will try to work at these feelings you so highly value." He replied. Kagome leaned into him and closed her eyes.

"That would make me very happy if you could." She whispered.

Sesshoumaru sat outside with Kagome for much of the afternoon. They did not talk much but merely enjoyed each other's company. Sesshoumaru was amazed at the change within his mate. That simple conversation had relaxed much of the stress and anxiety that she felt and made her seem much more content. At some point in his silent musings Kagome nodded off against his side. He watched her sleep for several long moments before carefully picking her up. Pushing off the balls of his feet he leapt from the gardens to the balconies on the side of his palace. He quickly navigated the outside of his palace to Kagome's balcony and let himself into her room. He gently lay her down on her bed and covered her up warmly. He studied her sleeping face for a long moment before gently brushing back a wayward strand of hair. She smiled in her sleep at his touch, which caused his lips to slant upward ever so slightly. He moved back to the balcony and pulled the heavy curtains closed so Kagome could sleep better before leaving her room. Finding a servant he instructed that Kagome's meals be postponed until she had woken and asked for them. Satisfied with what he had accomplished, he made his way back to the library.

Lenya looked up from the desk she was working at. Seeing Sesshoumaru she stood and motioned to the stack of parchment.

"These all have your seal, they just need to be read over and signed." She said. Nodding Sesshoumaru took his seat and began reading the first of many papers.

"How did things go with Kagome?" She asked.

"Well." He continued reading for a moment before signing that paper and moving on to the next one. "Lenya why did you allow Inuyasha and his pack to remain in my home after I ordered them gone?"

"For Kagome. She loves her friends and I think that having them close at hand is best for her. Everyone knows how much you dislike your brother but he is her friend. They all are. You should know Kagome well enough now to understand how much it would mean to her to be able to have her friends nearby." She said softly. His golden eyes lifted from the paper to study her face for a long moment before nodding in agreement.

"Bring Inuyasha to me." He instructed. Lenya nodded and left the room.

Lenya walked out of the palace to the large gardens following Inuyasha's scent. Sango and Miroku sat with him on the ground. They spoke in a very low tone making it difficult to hear what they were saying. They stopped speaking the moment that they noticed her presence.

"Lord Inuyasha, you brother requires your presence in the library immediately." She said. Inuyasha looked slightly shocked at being addressed as lord. Inuyasha stood and joined Lenya as they made their way back to the library.

"What's the deal with the title?" He asked gruffly. Lenya smiled.

"It is your title. While your brother may not like you, care about you or even try to kill you you are still his blood brother. You are prince and only heir of the western land." She said. Inuyasha nearly choked.

"Heir? Me?"

"Of course. Sesshoumaru has no children at this point to take over. You are his only blood relative. It would be your responsibility to rule in the event that something happens to your brother before an heir can be born between him and Kagome." Lenya explained.

"How did you get in the position of his advisor anyways?" Inuyasha queried.

"My father and your father we close friends. My family comes from the Northern lands and a friendship was struck between our families. The north and west have always been natural allies so your father had to travel there frequently. That was how he came to meet my family. My parents although not of the ruling family were still minor nobility. Your father invited my family to live here in the west with him. My family accepted. Over time Sesshoumaru's mother conceived a child and not long later my mother conceived as well. Sesshoumaru was born and named heir of the west. Four months later I was born. Your brother and I were raised together from infancy. We took our lessons together; we trained in combat together, we were as close as a brother and sister. When the time came for Sesshoumaru to take power after your father's death he need an advisor. Who could he trust more than the person he had spent his entire life with?" She explained. Inuyasha grunted in response.

Opening the door she led him into the library and gestured for him to take a seat in front of Sesshoumaru. Lenya than proceeded to sit at a smaller desk and open all the new correspondents for that day while the brothers talked.

"Inuyasha, now that Kagome is my mate destroying Naraku is vital for her protection. I would now hear all of the dealings you have had with Naraku. Start at the beginning and leave nothing out." He said.

Inuyasha sighed before he began talking. He started with Kikyo and the human Onigumo. He explained how he turned Kikyo against him and him against Kikyo. He explained how he met Kagome and everything that had happened since than. He recounted every single detail or comment made that he could remember. He even told his brother about whom Kagome truly is.

It was an incredibly odd experience for Inuyasha. To sit before his brother and have his brother genuinely interested and paying attention to what he was saying; to be an important vessel of information regarding his enemies was a completely new experience for him. What was more odd was to see his brother not looking at him with anger or disappointment. Sesshoumaru seemed pleased with all Inuyasha could remember and often pressed him to remember more. Inuyasha was pleasantly surprised to learn his memory was much better than he gave it credit for.

"So do you think there are more jewel shards out there waiting to be found?" Sesshoumaru asked. Inuyasha shook his head.

"Last time we ran into Naraku he had the jewel with him. It looked complete except for a few shards. I imagine the few we have and kouga's are all that's missing." Inuyasha replied. Sesshoumaru leaned back in his chair, looking out the window thinking. "What are you planning Sesshoumaru?" he asked gruffly.

"Naraku is a schemer. His greatest strength lies in being able to outwit his opponents or to exploit any weakness they may have. A final confrontation with Naraku is inevitable so we must prepare for it. However it would be foolish to charge in blindly. Today Lenya dispatched 12 of my finest spies to gather information about Naraku and all of his incarnations. A strange miasma has been found in the southern lands and we are sure it is of Naraku's making. When we know more about what Naraku is planning we shall out scheme him." He explained. Inuyasha was surprised that his brother chose to tell him his plans.

"And what about Kagome?"

"I will train her as best I can for combat so she will be able to defend herself when the time comes. I would also ask the monk who travels with you to aid her in her Miko powers. She will need all the help she can get." Sesshoumaru replied. Inuyasha opened his mouth to say more but at that moment a disturbance in the courtyard caught the sensitive hearing of the demons.

Opening the window Sesshoumaru leapt outside followed by Inuyasha and Lenya. A group of soldiers clustered around a woman seated on a large feather hovering a foot off the ground.

"Stand down." Sesshoumaru ordered his soldiers. Once the soldiers had backed off Kagura stepped off the feather and placed its shrunken form into her hair. Surprising everyone present she bowed to Sesshoumaru.

"Lord Sesshoumaru I am here of my own will. I have information about Naraku you would find most helpful." She said. Sesshoumaru considered her for a long moment before nodding his consent and heading back into the palace. Sesshoumaru, Inuyasha, Lenya and Kagura remained secreted in the library until evening. By this point Miroku and Sango had seen Kagome and informed her of what was going on. After eating a late dinner they continued to wait.

Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru finally emerged from the library. Kagome, Sango and Miroku gathered around them, plying them with questions. Sesshoumaru took Kagome to his bedroom while Inuyasha took Sango and Miroku to his. Once there, Inuyasha filled them in on the basics and urged them to keep what he had told them secret, to not even discuss it between themselves.

Kagome followed Sesshoumaru silently to his room. Once there he lit several candles around the spacious bedroom.

"What did Kagura want?" Kagome asked.

"To give us information about Naraku. Her information was very useful. She confirmed that the miasma in the south is indeed his creation. She also warned me that he is aware of our relationship and the fact that our bond remains incomplete." He said.

"And why would she give you this information unless it's a trap?"

"She will help supply us with any information she can as long as it does not endanger her. She wishes for her freedom from Naraku. She will turn on him in the last moments and help us finish him in return for asylum in the western lands." He responded. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "You will begin your trained anew tomorrow. It will be very hard on you. You will have to master many things before I will allow you to accompany me into battle. In your currant state you are a liability. You will train with me in the dojo for 6 hours than you monk friend will work on your spiritual powers for the rest of the day."

Kagome groaned thinking about sore she was going to be. Six hours a day of physical training than she had to do her priestess training? It made her body hurt just thinking about it. She noticed the look on Sesshoumaru's face that meant he clearly had more to say.

"There is one other thing. Since Naraku knows about our incomplete bond he intends to use it against us. I will not let him. I am sorry to say this Kagome, but whether you are ready or not the time has come to complete out mating bond."

Author's note: This chapter would have been out a lot sooner but I scrapped it 2 times. It just wasn't coming out right. I wanted to talk some time to work on Sesshoumaru and Kagome's relationship as well as to start getting this moving for how it all comes together. I am the type of writer that knows how they want the story to end with a vague note. I can't plan for things to happen. Sometimes when I'm writing I know something has to happen but I don't know why. It isn't until later in the story that I understand why these happen and what bigger part they play. For me this chapter was uncovering exactly why things have happened to this point and where things are going from here. The very first lemon will be coming up soon. I don't know if it's going to be in chapter 9 or 10. I have a lot of stuff that's going to have to happen in 9 before we can get to that and I am fairly nervous. In all my time writing I have never actually written a lemon. I apologize for this chapter being considerably slower than the others but I feel these were things that needed to be written to further some of the character development. And as always, drop me a line and let me know what you think please!
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Learning to live