Pretending to Pretend | By : SplendentGoddess Category: InuYasha AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 4817 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi or VIZ Productions, and I do not gain financially from my fanfic in any way. |
Chapter Eight
The next couple of months seemed to zip on by. Everyone fell into a comfortable routine and the days were spent mostly the same way. Now that they were supposedly boyfriend and girlfriend, Inuyasha always picked Kagome up at her apartment before school. It wasn't that far of a walk to Tama University from her apartment complex, but it was the principle of the thing. The four of them always got together for lunch between classes, and still occasionally hit the arcade together afterwards on the days Miroku had that evening off, but if he had to work then he and Sango would go their separate way after school, leaving hanyou and miko to their own devices. Either way, Inuyasha always drove Kagome in his car, and always took her home afterwards, either from the arcade or straight from school. Except for the times he and her went somewhere fun for a cheap early dinner, first, like one of the western fast food chain places she loved so much.
Even though he loved taking her to the fancy restaurants, she'd made a valid point about also doing what she wanted to do on occasion, both in real life, and as if she were his girlfriend and he were accommodating her for that reason. Besides, it wasn't like he was really all that hoity-toity. On the contrary, he preferred fast junk food, too; it was just seeing her getting all dolled up in the pretty gowns that he loved so much when it came to taking her out to the nicer places, and she thankfully still humored him...on occasion. To be fair, though, he also let her have her turn dressing him up, when it came to Halloween, because she had the two of them going as classic western style vampires. We're talking Dracula era. Black pants and boots, white long sleeve shirt with dark red vest, and a large red lined black cape with standing collar. The only thing that broke with strict tradition was his hair, which she'd stuffed into a long black wig, but she'd made a very good point when she'd said that a short wig would've revealed the fact that he had no human ears on the sides of his head. The long wig, along with dark brown contact lenses, made him look just like he did on his human night, save for his fangs and claws. She had fake fangs and claws to match, and wore a black Gothic dress and high heels.
He had to admit, he hadn't thought he'd have a good time on Halloween, but he'd been wrong.
On the days their circle actually got together to practice judo he also happily assisted Kagome with all her moves, Sango offering a second set of hands if they were needed. Inuyasha also kept his word to help Kagome with her math, so a couple of days a week they spent about an hour sitting together on display in the library while Kagome went over her latest work with him, and he helped her to figure out where she'd messed up on the equations her teacher had marked incorrect. On Saturdays he let her take the train to the Higurashi Shrine but came to pick her back up on Sundays, usually arriving before her shift ended which was fine; he played video games with her brother to pass the time while she finished up, and stayed for dinner whenever her mother insisted.
In nearly every way, he seemed like the perfect boyfriend, and it was only when the two of them were alone that he dropped the lovey-dovey routine, but even then he was still fun for Kagome to be around, his original depression over the breakup thankfully a thing of the past. He did come inside now whenever he dropped her off at her apartment, both of them agreeing that they needed to kick up the supposed intimacy of their relationship. While Kagome didn't think she had nosy neighbors, per se, a lot of the people in her building did go to Tama U, so it was better to err on the side of caution. It wasn't awkward for the miko to be alone with him inside her apartment for a few hours, Inuyasha usually staying until it was time for Kagome to go to bed. They talked during those evenings. Really talked. Like they had during their first few drives together in Inuyasha's car when he'd first started to act like he was starting to like her. He thanked her often, for being willing to do this for him, telling her some of the things he'd started to overhear on campus, not from anyone they knew but just random students who were disgusted by their relationship. His words of gratitude had her telling him over and over again that she didn't mind, that she didn't care what people who weren't her friends thought of her, but she didn't mind him thanking her, either, and always told him it was fine with a laugh, her patience with him on the matter never wearing thin. If he kept on thanking her she would just keep on telling him that she was happy to do it, and mean it just as sincerely every time, no matter what either of them might overhear at school.
When he'd asked her, once, with a playfully suspicious brow raised, why she was so okay with it, what was in it for her, she'd thrown on her best fake smile and said, “Why, fancy dresses and dinners, of course.”
That had successfully lightened the mood as he'd laughed, knowing it wasn't true. He had no idea why Kagome really was willing to put up with so much, but maybe that was just what best friends were for. They were there for each other, no matter what. Indeed, if Kagome ever needed something from him, anything, Inuyasha couldn't imagine that he'd turn her down. He'd even tried to imagine, once, what he would've done if their situation had been reversed. If she'd been dumped by a boyfriend who'd turned out to only be using her, and she'd then believed herself wholly unlovable as a result, and the ex-boyfriend seemed to gloat in her misery every day, would he have been willing to pretend to be her new boyfriend to wipe that smirk off the asshole's face? Hell yeah. Would he have lived for the moments when he could put a genuine smile, however fleeting, on Kagome's face? Absolutely. Would he have given a damn if some of the kids at school started talking crap about him behind his back because dating Kagome was somehow considered taboo? Absolutely not. So no, as he'd thought about it, it wasn't quite so mysterious, after all, why she was willing to do all of that and more for him. That was simply what best friends did.
After making that revelation, he tried not to thank her quite so often, because even though he could tell it didn't bother her he was starting to feel a little silly saying the same thing over and over again. She knew he was grateful to her. It wasn't like she was going to forget if he stopped expressing it quite so often.
They also discussed Kikyou, sometimes. Another thing he really appreciated about Kagome, besides her willingness to pretend to be his girlfriend, was her willingness to really listen, as his friend, when he needed to get things off his chest. While showing too much emotion around Miroku and Sango was still somewhat embarrassing, he could fully open up around Kagome and it didn't bother him. He explained to her that while he did not miss Kikyou, at least not any longer, he missed the lie. He missed the blissful ignorance of thinking he was in a loving relationship. Going through the motions now was different, since he knew it was a lie, and while he assured Kagome that he cared about her tremendously as his best friend and he did enjoy hanging out with her, there was obviously a line of intimacy that friends could not cross.
She hadn't been able to dispute that claim without admitting to things she hadn't been prepared to admit, but he had made a tremendous leap forward, as far as she was concerned, when she'd asked him if he regretted the truth coming out, if he wished Kikyou had stayed with him instead, keeping the lie going, and he'd told her no. Explaining that he'd thought about it already, he'd told her that he wanted real love, what he'd thought he'd had, so hypothetically, should another gold digger come around, telling him plain to his face that she would act the part of a loving girlfriend, even a loving wife, and would make no qualms about his inu-youkai heritage, he would tell her to get lost. He didn't want someone just using him for his money, and he didn't deserve it. Despite what Kikyou had said, he deserved to be loved, truly loved. He accepted that now, and he'd told Kagome that if both she and his mother thought that there was somebody out there for him then he would believe it, too. It was just going to be a lonely existence until he found her.
Trying not to cry, Kagome had told him how proud she was of him, even as she'd mentally berated herself for chickening out when she could've used that moment to confess to him that there was a woman who loved him right now. Maybe she would tell him the truth, one day, but not now.
Telling her then that she made the wait bearable, that while he was still lonely in the love department at least he wasn't lonely in life, thanks to her, Kagome hadn't been able to keep a few rogue tears from falling, but she'd managed to make him laugh when she'd cracked a joke about her own 'stupid girlie, human emotions' before telling him how much his words really meant to her.
He'd promised her then that he'd make a genuine effort to not whine about how lonely he was, knowing it had to be upsetting for her to hear, and maybe not only from a standpoint of her heart aching for him in his time of need. He'd apologized as he'd admitted that it hadn't even occurred to him, at first, that by pretending to be his girlfriend she had taken herself off the market. She had to be lonely, too, he acknowledged, putting finding her own love on hold for his sake, and thanking her for that sacrifice, as well, he'd told her she was the very best friend that any guy could ask for, hanyou or no, and that he knew he was the luckiest hanyou, probably the luckiest man on the planet, to have a friend as awesome as she was.
In less emotionally heartfelt moments they also spent a lot of their alone time in her apartment strategically discussing the fake details of their fake relationships, hanyou and miko coming to an agreement on 'how far' they should or shouldn't have gotten with each other on any given night. While it was a bit of an awkward moment in the conversation, Inuyasha told Kagome one night of how he'd managed to never hurt Kikyou with his fangs while kissing her, so if anyone should say anything negative to her about kissing a boy with fangs, since they were supposed to be at that level of their relationship now where they supposedly spent these nights in her apartment making out, she could go ahead and defend that he knew what he was doing, he knew how to kiss with his fangs, and had never nicked her lip even once.
Kagome had almost been brave enough, or perhaps foolish enough, to jokingly suggest that he really kiss her, just once, so that she could speak from personal experience, but instead, she'd made a joke about how she was sure he also knew how to touch her without hurting her with his claws, once they supposedly got to that level of their relationship, so she'd make sure to brag about his skills accordingly. He'd blushed hotly as she'd laughed, then glared at her playfully, about the same way she had glared at him when he'd originally promised to take her to expensive restaurants, which of course had only made her laugh harder. Glad she had at least managed to break the awkwardness between them, because he hadn't really felt comfortable talking about the intimate things he'd done with Kikyou, he'd then gotten Kagome back by promising that, when the time was right, she could tell Sango all about his skills with his claws if she wanted to.
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Inuyasha had trouble remembering the last time he'd had so much fun. Maybe the first time he'd taken his friends to Disneyland, after surprising them with the fact that he had more than enough money to spoil all three of them rotten? That was a close second, at least. As it was, while Disneyland itself hadn't been part of the equation over the last two months he'd definitely still enjoyed himself, hanging out with Kagome and the others, and he did plan on treating everyone to Disneyland again during winter break. He owed them, all of them, for actually pulling him out of his funk when, originally when he'd concocted the plan, he'd honestly thought he would still be a miserable walking pile of depression four months later. For years later. Now, if Kikyou had been a fabulous, loving girlfriend, and then she'd died in some kind of tragic accident, then in that case he was sure he would still be sad, but there was really no reason to be sad and moping in this case. Just because Kikyou was a stupid bitch he was going to let that ruin his life?
I don't think so, he thought, smiling, as he headed over to Kagome's apartment to pick her up before school.
Kagome...
Inuyasha had been having so much fun hanging out with Kagome lately that he'd nearly forgotten she was his pretend girlfriend more than once. Not that he'd done something stupid and embarrassing like actually try to kiss her because it'd been the 'pretend' part he'd forgotten about. He'd just forgotten about the 'girlfriend' part because she was his friend, even though it turned out she could really, really kick his ass in the new first person shooter game at Shikon Arcade. Her laughter had been worth the blow to his manliness when he'd told her don't worry, he was still her friend, even though he was never, ever going to play that game with her ever again.
Aside from the arcade and karaoke places he'd also taken her to the movies a few times over the last couple of months, and he thanked whichever kami was responsible for the fact that Kagome was not into chick flicks. She'd also continued to indulge him, because fair was fair, and so since he had sung for her supper as she'd put it by letting her drag him to various karaoke places, he had most definitely taken her out to eat an an array of 'fancy pants' restaurants, as she called them. She now had an entire closet full of expensive, non-refundable, sequinned or beaded dresses in various lengths and colors.
Thinking about the times he'd taken her shopping made him smile again. At first, she'd tried to claim she could just always wear the same original dress, especially if he took her to a different restaurant every time, but while it was true that the wait staff wouldn't know, what if fellow patrons from one restaurant just coincidentally happened to be at a different restaurant at the same time as them? He was a Taisho; he could damn well make sure his girlfriend had a respectable selection of gowns and shorter cocktail length dresses. And purses and shoes to go with them, of course. She'd put her foot down when it came to jewelry, insisting it would be perfectly acceptable to wear the modest diamond necklace and earrings set he'd purchased for her for their first dinner at any subsequent dinners, and realizing he'd better agree with her if he knew what was good for him, the amused hanyou had let the matter drop.
“What are you thinking about?” Kagome asked as she came out to his car as soon as he pulled up, trying not to laugh at the dopey grin on his face.
“Just what a wonderful experience it is taking you shopping.”
Rolling her eyes, she got into the car and said, “You better not be planning any more shopping trips.”
He chuckled.
“Well, Christmas is coming up pretty soon...”
“Inuyasha...”
“All right all right!” Not having pulled out onto the street yet, he was able to lift both hands off the wheel and into the air as if in surrender, which made her laugh as well that time.
Arriving at school a few short minutes later, he took a moment to look her way as they sat together in his car. It still amazed him, all that she was willing to do for him, although he tried not to thank her too often anymore. He had even been worried, at first, that he was taking advantage of her friendship, even though she had volunteered. True, he would never ask her to do anything scandalously like actually kiss in public, although she had started holding his hand on occasion which had made him blush crimson the first time she'd done it. But again, she had done it voluntarily. He'd been worried, at first, that this whole routine might accidentally put a strain on their friendship, and risking his friendship with Kagome was the last thing he wanted to do, but now, looking back on the last few months, he realized the two of them had only grown closer together.
In fact, sometimes he worried that his feelings had crossed the line at one point, but he wasn't prepared to actually worry about that too much. He wished he had someone to talk to, but he'd still not filled his mother in on the goings on, and he didn't dare confide in Miroku because he would tell Sango and she would tell Kagome. He just needed to figure it out for himself. Was what he felt for Kagome real, or was it just his loneliness trying to point out that she could be used to fill that void? But within the alternate universe of the plan where they were an item, he had told her he was not using her as a substitute for Kikyou, and he would be damned if he actually did in real life. He would get his head on straight, and in the meantime he would just keep reminding himself that it was only a game. He was just having a little trouble telling fantasy from reality, sometimes. But he wasn't confused about where her feelings lied. He knew she only thought of him as a friend, and he would not risk ruining that friendship by foolishly allowing his heart to start believing in their make-believe.
That was his problem, and he would not burden her with it. Maybe, after their plan had run its course, and they 'broke up' in a couple months so as not to have to keep the deception going on forever, then, after a cooling off period, he could ask her out for real. As far as the school would have to know, they could say they'd given their relationship 'a break' because they weren't sure how they really felt, but then decided to get back together again. It was a nice fantasy, but definitely a worry for another day.
Right in that moment, with the way Kagome was starting to give him a curious look, Inuyasha abruptly realized he'd been staring at her for too long and scrambled to come up with a believable excuse.
“Sorry, didn't mean to zone out on you. I was just thinking about Christmas again, and wanting to get you something with rubies and emeralds in it.”
She sighed, exasperated, and as she rolled her eyes he secretly, mentally sighed in relief.
“Why do you insist upon buying me stuff?” she asked. “It's weird.” She spoke quietly enough to ensure they wouldn't be overheard. It also helped that the car windows were rolled up.
Inuyasha knew what she meant. She wasn't really his girlfriend, so doting on her was probably making her uncomfortable. Knowing he couldn't risk her accidentally catching on to his developing feelings, if he just told her the truth, that he loved buying her things, he had the perfect excuse.
“Because I think it's funny how it weirds you out,” he said, which was also true, so he wasn't really lying. “Any other girl in a fake relationship with her millionaire best friend would probably be going gaga over the chance to get a bunch of free jewelry no strings attached.” He laughed, but then offered her a tender smile. “I appreciate it, though, that you don't see this as an opportunity to get expensive presents. Even when it comes to the plan you aren't using me for my money. So...thank you.”
He felt like playfully adding, “But if I want to buy you something you're damn well going to accept it!” but thought better of it. They'd already had that conversation, and he knew she would accept anything he bought her, but also knowing she didn't want him to buy her anything too over the top, that it made her uncomfortable, he would try to tone it down a bit for her sake.
Getting out of the car, then, he headed around his car to meet Kagome as she exited the passenger side.
“Ready?” he asked.
Kagome flashed him her biggest, brightest smile, before reaching out and grasping his left hand in her right.
“Ready,” she answered, giving his hand a squeeze for good measure.
Blushing a little despite himself, because in their culture holding hands was a pretty public show of affection and one that always gave him a funny feeling in his stomach whenever she did it, he nonetheless smiled back, and Kagome watched in fascination as his genuine shyness morphed into the false bravado he'd gotten used to displaying. Now, he appeared for all the world like a happy man happily holding his girlfriend's hand, but it was only an appearance.
Keeping her own smile bright, Kagome walked hand in hand with Inuyasha onto campus, deliberately ignoring the few nasty looks sent their way although she offered friendly nods towards everyone who smiled back. It was just the two of them at the moment, as it was every morning, so the fact that they were 'boyfriend and girlfriend' was made even more obvious than later in the day when they got together with Sango and Miroku. The houshi was around there somewhere, his first class of the day being a study on Buddhist literature and writing ofuda, but since Sango spent her mornings at her family's dojo her first class of the day was Inuyasha's second. They didn't bother trying to track down Miroku. Instead, Inuyasha escorted Kagome to her math class before heading for his business class, head held high.
He could hear the whispers, same as every other day. It looked as if their hard work building things up slowly had paid off; while some people did not approve of their relationship, others did, were happy for them even, but so far, he'd never heard eve one murmur accusing them of faking it. Some people speculated that Kagome was only with him for his money, but that was different. Even the ones who thought she was faking it seemed to have no idea he was actually in on it.
After business class he met up with Kagome, who'd gotten out of her math class about ten minutes earlier and was waiting for him outside on a nearby bench. The concrete pathways on campus that led from building to building wound through wide patches of landscape where many students gathered between classes, sitting out in the sun or, in hotter weather, under the shade of trees, either studying their text books or working on other projects. Today, some art students were sketching, pairs from a theatre group were rehearsing their lines, and there was even one random student from the kendo club going through a kata with a wooden practice sword. Spotting Kagome, the miko looking like a Christmas card sitting there in her large forest green sweater and dark red wool pants, a dormant, leafless tree standing protectively behind her, he stealthily took out his phone and snapped a picture. The only thing missing was snow, but maybe he could add that in on his computer.
“Hi!” Kagome greeted enthusiastically as soon as she spotted him, waving him over.
Smiling despite himself at her overly cheerful demeanor, Inuyasha mentally sighed as he approached, feeling a kind of kinship with the theatre kids since this public scene was also staged, although they hadn't worked out an actual script so it was really more like improv than being in a play. They just always tried to make it a point of being seen together.
Sitting at her left, he sat close enough to reveal their supposed closeness but far enough away to be respectable. He also sat at a bit of an angle to her, stretching his right arm out behind her on the top of the bench that so he could more easily turn enough to face her as they spoke.
“So how did the exam go?” he asked as he got comfortable, knowing she'd had a test that morning. At least his curiosity was honest.
“I think I'm numerically dyslexic,” Kagome sighed, before chuckling and waving it off as unimportant. “Oh well, at least I don't really need advanced math to be a reiki coach.”
“That's true,” he acknowledged.
Her math class was just a remedial class to help her with her personal areas of struggle. The rest of her courses were about the spiritual and scientific aspects of reiki, the differences and similarities between reiki and youki, and more general information regarding how to properly teach young children, just generally speaking.
“Are you going to work in a reiki school, or try to start your own class out of the Higurashi shrine?” he asked, just to keep the conversation going. He already knew what she planned on doing.
“Oh, definitely starting my own,” she said. “Since I've got an especially strong ability to sense even the faintest hint of reiki in people, I figured my best contribution to society would be as a talent scout, of sorts,” she explained as if for the first time, also knowing that she and Inuyasha needed some kind of 'safe' conversation while in such a public setting. “I won't work for a particular school, but I'll have my teaching license, I'll be on the board, and I'll register the Higurashi shrine as a reiki school so we can legally accept young students. Then, I'll start going around to the regular elementary schools looking for any potential reiki users, doing one-on-ones with them and their families to explain everything and, hopefully, pick them up as a student.”
“You'll do fabulously,” he complemented, 'lovingly' brushing a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and blushing a little, she thanked him for having so much faith in her.
It really was something she felt very passionately about.
Being from a shrine family, her parents had actually suspected she would have the gift, so the discovery had not come as a shock to anyone, and her parents had been thrilled, but her own joy in learning she had the same power as her father and grandfather had been short lived, at first. She figured she would be able to help any children she discovered to adjust to the possibly unwanted news because she knew first hand how hard it could be, and how scary, for young children to discover they were different. Rare. Special. She'd been called worse by her classmates during her own elementary school days. Snob. Goody two-shoes. Freak. So she could relate to Inuyasha better than most, too, since as a kid, at least, she'd felt like an outcast among 'normal' humans, while being a miko surely meant that youkai would hate and fear her, or so her teacher at the time would've had her believe.
The truth of the matter, she'd learned later through Sango and her family's extensive study of youkai, was that while thousands of years ago reiki users might've been nature's way to even the playing field, back when youkai were killing humans left and right and miko and houshi were their sworn enemies, these days most youkai actually respected reiki users. They were considered the human equivalent to daiyoukai; the most powerful among their own kind. There were still a few small and conservative shrines, however, that taught that humans and youkai shouldn't mix, at all, and that reiki users were the saviors of mankind, created by the kami to protect against the perceived taint of the demonic. Strongly disagreeing with that philosophy, Kagome wanted to do her part to make sure the next generation of miko and houshi were raised right, to know that human or youkai, or hanyou, it made no difference. They were all created by the kami, and while they had been enemies, once, so too had different human governments at one time, or different clans of youkai. That was in the past, but they had, hopefully, learned from their past so that such mistakes would never be made again.
“And with you by my side, it'll be even easier for my students to learn how youkai and hanyou are really no different from us humans,” she added.
“Oh yeah?” he replied with playful sarcasm as he purposefully wiggled his ears back and forth, making her giggle. He grinned.
“We're the same where it counts most,” she argued with a smile of her own as she reached up without really thinking about it and playfully tweaked his right ear with her left hand.
It was over in an instant, and Kagome probably wouldn't even have realized she'd done it if not for the shell shocked look on Inuyasha's face, a blush that he obviously wasn't faking staining his cheeks as he averted his eyes.
Realizing then that she'd never touched his ears before, ever – wanting to for years and dreaming about it didn't count – Kagome felt heat rush to her own cheeks as she tried to play it off in a way that wouldn't blow their cover, so to speak. While nobody was necessarily paying them close attention they were in a rather public setting at the moment, so they couldn't break character.
“Sorry,” she whispered quietly, knowing those adorable and forbidden ears of his would be the only ones to hear her faintly uttered apology. She would apologize again later, and perhaps suggest they lay some ground rules so she would know what was and wasn't permitted, once they were alone.
To Inuyasha's credit, though, he got over his initial shock rather quickly. It had just caught him off guard because nobody besides his mother had ever touched his ears before, and she'd only done so when he was a child. That was another red flag, now that he thought about it. For as often as he and Kikyou had made out in private, and as often as she'd told him his ears didn't bother her in the slightest, she'd never once actually touched them. But she'd also never once smelled of deceit, so the little bitch had been damn good at lying.
Well, it had been true in a way, because she wouldn't have let a little thing like his ears get in the way of his money, if they had been his worst deformity, and so from that perspective she'd been telling the truth. His father had warned him about con men who could lie with the truth, a term Kagome also used. He couldn't rely on just on his nose to tell him who was or wasn't being honest in the business world, but at the time it'd never even occurred to him to not take Kikyou at her word.
Another lesson learned, he supposed.
As far as Kagome's little slip in that moment went, though, after realizing that nobody appeared to have noticed, or at least, nobody was staring at them and none of the nearby conversations he could hear were about them, Inuyasha immediately decided to both use it to his advantage and set her mind at ease at the same time. He could tell how nervous she was now, probably afraid that she'd upset him in some way, especially if that faintly whispered apology was anything to go by, so he would let her know there was nothing to be sorry about.
“Heh, just can't keep your hands off 'em, can you?” Reaching up with his right hand to rub the ear that still tingled from the memory of her touch, he said, “I wouldn't be surprised if you told Sango all about how much you love the stupid things, as crazy as you are, but I wouldn't want you any other way.”
He followed it up with a wink when he was sure no one was looking, and he could smell it the instant Kagome's nervousness left her. She nodded, then, letting him know she got the deeper meaning. It was okay to add mention of how soft and fuzzy and adorable his ears were to her non-private girl talk sessions with Sango.
Thinking about it a moment, Inuyasha realized he had the perfect gift for Kagome for Christmas. Instead of buying her jewelry she didn't want, or another dress she didn't want, or dragging her out to eat at a restaurant she didn't want to eat at, they could just hang out in her apartment same as they'd been doing in the evenings and he would let her rub his ears. It sounded silly, but he knew she really did like them, and she clearly wanted to touch them, but she'd hardly gotten much of a feel in so he would let her go all out for a few minutes and get it out of her system. The hard part, now, was just going to be waiting three weeks.
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