Dirty Little Secret

Disclaimer: I wish I may, I wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight. Don’t own it. Big sigh.

Author’s Note: Wow, you guys kinda scare me, I almost feel sorry for Kikyo. *Begins to edge away nervously as chants of “Down with Kikyo” become louder.*

Please be sure to read to entire chapter before you throw rotten vegetables at me. Have fun.

Chapter Eight:

Inuyasha’s PoV

A cold mist blanketed the ground as the sun tentatively peaked over the edge of the world. I feel like the dampness has settled in my very bones. I survey the rest of the group and they move like they are stiff and sore as well.

I leap down from my perch, landing silently beside Kagome. She refuses to look at me as she tries to start a fire for our breakfast. The wood must be damp, because it was taking longer than usual. I ignore her trembling hands.

I hear a faint moan before Kikyo’s soul catcher glides out of the mist. It winds itself around my body in a cold caress, before floating lazily away in a clear invitation for me to follow.

I step forward only to be halted by her soft voice.

“Inuyasha?” The one word holds a note of pleading in it. I look back to see her huge eyes shining with unshed tears, framed by her pale face. I feel my heart wrench, but the one thing she wants I can not give. I can not stay there with her. I seek to console her the best I can, but I am only a dumb hanyoI knI know that if she could hear that last thought she would venomously disagree, but it is what everyone has always told me, so it must be true.

“It’s okay Kagome.” I utter softly. Her face scrunches slightly and her eyes well up.

“But.” She starts, but before she can finish I cut her off.

“I have to go.” She turns away quickly to hide her tears from me, but I can smell them in the wind. Why can’t und understand that Kikyo is my responsibility? I have a duty to her and I must honor my word. For so long all I ever had in this world was honor. I can not allow that to be stripped from me. As I turn to slip into the mist I ignore the small voice that tells me I that I have Kagome now too.

Before I am out of earshot I hear a soft sob escape Kagome, as she asks Sango to take her home. My ears droop and my stomach clenches, but I follow steadily after Kikyo’s messenger.

After a short walk, the mist clears before me and I spy Kikyo in a small glade with one hand raised to welcome back her pet. It slides over her finger tips in a soft caress before floating away. I shudder involuntarily at the eerie ethereal picture she presents.

Her dead eyes pin me to the spot and I can not help but to contrast them to Kagome’s emotion filled gaze. Kagome’s eyes always expressed her feelings loud and clear. I shake my head slightly; I need to concentrate on the woman in front of me, not the one behind me.

She beckons me to her and I almost unwillingly move to stand in front of her. She wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my shoulder. I pull her close to me, such displays were rare from her and I remembered a time when I craved her touch. I catch her scent; it is the same as it used to be with only a hint of grave soil mixed in.

“I love you Inuyasha.” She whispers against my hoari and my heart leaps at finally hearing the words that I had so often dreamed of. I sigh deeply with pain, something doesn’t feel right and I can’t force the expected reply to pass my dry lips.

“I need you Inuyasha. I need you with me.” No inflection appeared in her voice, but this was Kikyo.

As she speaks I can feel my knees threaten to buckle and I hold her tighter. I know what she wants and I can’t deny her. I want to push her away and demand that we avenge ourselves from Naraku first, but I am not able to move. I am paralyzed like before, but at least this time I have control over my senses. Wind begins to whip violently around us and I can feel hen myn my skin. I can smell the sulfurous breath of hell as she opens the portal that will swallow us.

My last thoughts are of Kagome and I feel hot tracks of tears as they trail down my cheeks. I think about her tinkling laugh when she is happy and her soft moans of pleasure. I remember the feel of her breath against my ear as she pants for more while riding me. I will miss her and I wonder if I will remember her when I am in hell or if that small happiness wil str stripped from me.

I see her face as we stand in the well house. Her eyes showing me her every emotion. Her love surrounding me like protective armor and the pain she felt when she thought of me leaving her, piercing that armor like an arrow. She stood before me and told me that she could not live without me, but I know she can. She is strong. Kagome is the strongest person I know. She didn’t back down at the monumental task of collecting the jewel shards and only she accepted the responsibility for it shattering. She is good, kind and everything perfect. I love her so much.

I blink at this thought. Did I really love her? Yes, I am sure of it. I love her more deeply than I ever did Kikyo. I crush Kikyo to me tightly inhaling her rich scent. It doesn’t matter if I love Kagome or not, because I am pledged to Kikyo. Kagome would be better off without me anyways. I am nothing but a worthless hanyou that my own family did not want. It is better this way; she can go home and never return. She is safe there at least. I close my eyes and accept my fate.

Back at the village…..

“Will you ever come back Kagome?” Wailed Shippou. Kagome held him tight against her as her tears slid down her face.

“No Shippou-chan. I will not be back.”ippoippou began to cry great wracking sobs and Kagome had to pry him off her, handing him to Kaede to comforShe She turned to Sango who was crying as well.

“I will miss you Kagome-chan. I wish it didn’t have to be like this.” She sniffed as she said her goodbyes.

“I know, but I can’t live here without him. I wish you the best of luck in everything you do.” Kagome hugged her friend tight, not wanting to let go.

She turned to Miroku with a sob and threw herself in his arms. He gathered her up and for once didn’t try to grope her. “I will miss you as well Lady Kagome.” She sniffed against his shoulder before letting go. “Behave yourself.” She ordered with a watery smile and he just nodded.

She ran into the hut to gather her things before leaving her friends behind. She traveled swiftly down the path to the well, not looking behind her as she went. No one saw her pick up the rope from the floor of Kaede’s hut.

Back in hell…..

I hold her tight, no words passing between us. I know she thinks that I am in a daze like the last time she tried to pull me into hell. So at first when I hear her speak I didn’t think it was too me.

“It’s only fitting that you go to hell with me, Inuyasha. We wouldn’t’ be in this situation if you had just wished on the jewel when I first asked you too, instead of hesitating.” Her body was tense under my caress.

“All you had to do was make one lousy wish and you couldn’t even do that right, you dirty hanyou.” She hissed.

“If you had just done what you were told I would be a normal woman surrounded by my grandchildren.” She sighed deeply and I felt cold fingers slide down my spine.

Suddenly understanding snapped into place. Everything my unconscious mind knew but refused to accept. Kikyo never loved me. She was just using me. In order to free herself from the servitude of protecting the jewel she needed someone to make a wish on it. That some one was me. If she could convince me to wish myself human, she could go back to being a normal priestess and she would have done her miko duty by riding the world of my youkai taint.

My paralysis breaks and I jerk way from her to stare down into her startled eyes. She didn’t realize that I could hear every word.

“You bitch.” I spat. “You would drag me into hell to get you petty revenge over your own plan backfiring on you. I am glad that you never got your wish Kikyo. don don’t deserve happiness.”

I push her away from me as I bound out of the hole and head for the well, towards my love. I fly faster than I ever have and arrive in record time. I can smell her scent everywhere and I know that she has been here only moments before. I lean over the edge, my legs bunching as I ready myself to jump, when they collapse under me.

“No.” The word escapes my lips in a whisper. The blood drains from my face and my stomach lodges itself in my throat. I look down to see my beautiful Kagome hanging from her neck by a rope.

I leap into action and begin to haul her up, praying that she is still alive. I gather her still warm body in my arms and stare down at her dead eyes, so like Kikyo’s I think absently. Her head lolls to one side and it is very clearly broken from the fall.

I shake her roughly, trying to wake her even though the small voice in my head rings out over and over……you killed her.

My breath comes in panicked pants and tears flood down my face. I throw back my head and begin to howl at the sky. My song echoing with all the sorrow of my heart.

I don’t know how much time passed, but it couldn’t have been long, because Miroku, Shippou and Sango burst into the clearing their weapons drawn. They pause takin the the scene. Their eyes flit from Kagome’s slack face to my ravaged countenance. Sango sinks to her knees and begins to weep. Shippou, who has seen so much death in his short life time, begins to wail uncontrollably.

Miroku steps towards me, sadness etched on his features. “I am sorry Inuyasha, she said she couldn’t live with out you, but I didn’t think she meant this.”

I turn to glare at him and I feel rage well up inside of me. I can’t face the anger that I feel at myself so I seek to direct it elsewhere.

“Why did you let this happen, Miroku? Why didn’t you stop her? You should have known.” I begin to advance steadily towards him, fire burning in my heart. I only vaguely note his concerned expression as he begins to back away. I can see his mouth moving as he says something to me, but all I can hear is the rushing of blood in my ears and the pounding of my heart.

You killed her. Echoes in my head again. With every beat of my heart the words become louder until they become a roaring voice that I can not escape from. Then as suddenly as it came it was gone and there is only blissful silence and I am surrounded in a crimson haze.

Miroku raises his staff when he sees my eyes go from amber to red. My youkai stripes blaze down my cheeks instead of the tears that were there before. With a flick of my wrist I open up his throat and bath my claws in his blood. In a distance I can hear a woman screaming and I watch with disinterest as the Houshi crumples to the ground grabbing his neck.

“Inuyasha!” I snap my head to the left and I recognize the bitch who screamed my name from across the clearing. It was her, the reason for all my pain. Before I can react, I feel a searing pain in my chest. I look down to see one of her soul arrows protruding from my torso.

I look back up to see the cold-faced woman smirk at me. “There is more than one way to drag you to hell my love.” I growl at her angrily as my clawed hands reach up to pull the arrow out, but I am too weak and instead I collapse on the grass. I feel blood start to pour out of my mouth and I begin to choke. I feel like someone has put a boulder on my chest as I fight for every breath.

I turn my head to look into the glassy eyes of my love as I hear Sango’s battle cry coupled with her weapon’s trade mark whirl. I hear the sound of shattering pottery and I turn my head in time to see Kikyo features twisted into a vision of hate before they fissure and crack. She explodes into dust and returns to the earth where she should have stayed.

No longer do I see the world in a red film and I know my demon blood has passed. I feel a presence over me and I open my eyes to see Sango looking down at me. Tears leak out of her eyes and fall onto my face.

“I’m sorry.” I whisper to her. Before I lose myself to the darkness I hear her sobs in unison with the kitsune.


The sun shines softly down on the young woman and her elderly companion as they place flowers on four graves. They had decided to bury their friends at the shrine on top of the hill, next to Kikyo’s old grave. Sango was on her knees before the three graves that meant the most too her, sobbing brokenly while Kaede placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. A remorseful wind swept over the graves adding its voice to her cries.


Inuyasha jerkwakewake nearly falling from his perch on his limb. His breath was coming in great heavy gulps and his heart raced with fear. He quickly looked down to see Kagome asleep before the fire, the drying tracks from her tears glowing in the moonlight.

He scrambled down from his tree, leaning over to gather up Kagome in his arms.

“Inuyasha?” Her sleepy voice held a note of alarm.

“Shush it’s alright.” He soothed, before leaping back up in the tree with her.

“I am sorry, I am so sorry Kagome.” He crushed her against him as he settled her in his lap. He caressed her hair as he leaned down to nuzzle the top of her head.

“Inuyasha?” She asked again, this time uncertain of what was going on.

“Shush, go back to sleep. I promise that I will never leave you.” He whispered into her hair. He rocked her gently, like a babe. Still unsure, she leaned her head against his chest and listened to the rapid beating of his heart. She was asleep before she could hear the hitch in his throat and feel his tears in her hair.


Author’s Note: Oh the angst, I am going to have to go get a hug from my husband after this. Well this has all been pretty terrible, but as a reward to all my fellow hentai I guarantee special treats in the next chapter.


I do not in any way sanction suicide, this was just Inuyasha unconscious mind interpreting Kagome’s words in the worst way possible.