Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Blood Stained	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 61650 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 84
- 85
- 86
A/N: You're not dreaming, it's an update. I feel like I should hide in shame for taking so long, I'm sorry. But, I'm done school and all I have is a writing job for the summer, so I'm planning on writing, writing, and writing. Thank you guys for sticking with me :)
Also, a special thank you to Daniella. She's extremely busy, but she was kind enough to take me in pity and help me fix the mess that was this chapter. (Not gonna lie, I'm a little rusty!). So thank you so much love. I know you don't even have time to relax, so I really appreciate it.

Blood Stained

85. One day at a time
Loud screams woke up the Higurashi household before the sun was barely even breaking through the horizon.
Kagome, being the closest to the source of the cries, was the first to awaken. In a panicked moment, she sat up, confused, her hair tangled and her heart beating loudly in her chest. Despite the chill in the room, she was dripping with sweat and her face was flustered. She immediately looked at Kiyoshi's crib. Through the bars she saw him with his little arms raised and his hands clenched into fists.
She jumped to her feet and gently picked him up from his bed and held him carefully against her chest. Usually, it calmed him down but this time, he kept crying and screaming. Kagome tried rocking him in her arms but it did not help either.
"What's wrong?" she whispered softly.
Tilting forward, she pressed her lips against his forehead. He was not warm. Perhaps he was hungry. She sat on the bed and offered him her breast, but he did not take it. The more things she tried, the more obvious it became. Kiyoshi could not find his father's aura and it upset him. The three of them were separated for the very first time, but Kiyoshi could not understand why.
She felt a pinch of guilt in her heart which forced her to look away in shame. Normalcy was a new experience for them and they were trying to deal with it the best way they knew. It would take time to adjust.
"Is he alright?"
Kagome peeked at the door and saw her mother's head sticking in the room. "He's just upset."
It was silently shared that Sesshomaru's missing presence had something to do with it. Miyu nodded before fully coming in the room. "Would you like something to eat? I'm going to start your brother's breakfast before he gets up."
"I'd like that, thank you."
The morning routines were going to be different from now on too. Then again, if she thought about it carefully, it was not a big change. She went from being with Sesshomaru who took care of her to her mother taking care of her. That thought created an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. Kagome proved time and time again that she was independent and yet lately it felt like she needed someone.
Then again, she did.
If Sesshomaru never found her in the modern time, if their months of traveling never happened, she was not sure she would be getting better like she was.
"Are you alright? You look a little red," Miyu questioned with concern.
Kagome pressed the back of her hand to her cheek and felt the heat radiating from her skin. She did wake up in sweat did she not? Perhaps she had a nightmare she did not remember?
Kagome shrugged. "I'm not sure. I do feel a bit warm, but I'm fine." It was not fever warm, it was just warm; like she was boiling from inside. She did not know how to explain it.
Her mother nodded before disappearing downstairs. Kagome's eyes lingered a bit longer on the empty doorway before she looked at her son. His cries were not as loud anymore, but his sadness was quite obvious. It was an adjustment for everyone, especially him. A deep sigh escaped her as she rose to her feet again. She brushed her fingers softly on Kiyoshi's cheeks but his screams barely died down.
"We'll figure it out," she said against his skin.
Sesshomaru and she were trying to be normal and do this the right way. Now there he was in a hotel, and here she was in her childhood bedroom that was way too small to hold a crib. This was not a way to start a life fresh. It was a mess. She got used to his presence nearby and it was strange to not feel it.
Once again, she put her hand on the back of Kiyoshi's head and held him against her chest. He was no longer screaming but she felt his sobbing. His pain was turning her stomach inside out and the guilt was making her heart heavy in her chest. Maybe if she were able to calm her soul, Kiyoshi would sense it and it would soothe him. She had to try.
Kagome took slow, silent footsteps as she headed downstairs as silently as possible. Thought it was rather pointless since if Kiyoshi's screams did not wake up Souta, nothing would. Nonetheless, she tried to be respectful. Between the Feudal Era and her traveling days with Sesshomaru this home, her home, made her feel out of place. It almost felt like this wasn't her home anymore.
Yesterday, she felt happy and it was great to be back. She did not want to feel like a stranger here.
However, once she took a step downstairs, a feeling of familiarity settled in - mostly due to the smell of her mother's cooking. That was always home.
Miyu raised her head and then smiled at the sight of her daughter and grandson. "I'm making you some rice and rolled omelets."
Despite her hunger, Kagome's stomach churned. It was probably just the nervousness and guilt, or at least she dismissed it as such as she took a seat at the table. She rested Kiyoshi on her lap and held him tightly against her. The screams were gone, the tears were slightly dying down, but she still felt he was upset.
"He's not used to having his father so far away," Miyu said neutrally as she kept on chopping radishes.
It was unclear just how much of a sensitive subject Sesshomaru still was. No, her mother would never dictate her life, but Kagome was not trying to make her uncomfortable either. Her mother accepted Sesshomaru in her home and even allowed him to stay for dinner. She did not say anything about him not permitted to visit again.
And yet, Kagome never missed the agony in her mother's eyes last night. In the past she did, but now that she spent months dwelling in her own kind of suffering, she was keener about noticing pain in others.
Kagome refused to pretend Sesshomaru did not exist, but she found it preferable to let her mother bring up the subject on her own when she was comfortable with it. It seemed she was at the moment, unless she spoke without realizing.
"I'm sure the first night is the hardest," she finally replied.
"What about you," Miyu immediately inquired, "Are you missing him as well?"
Kagome bit on her bottom lip. All that filled her mind was the phone call from the previous night and the emptiness of the room. She did miss him because he was there every day for the past months of her life. He might be the one who broke her to pieces, but he also helped her put herself back together. Now, she was standing on her own.
"I did."
She would not lie to her mother; Miyu would know.
Miyu nodded while she kept cooking. She expected her daughter to miss him.
"Is he coming over today?"
They did say see you tomorrow last night, but… it was such a natural way to say goodbye. After all, they saw each other every day. Nothing prevented her from seeing him outside the house, but inside her mother's home? It was not something she would do without her mother consenting to it.
"We didn't really talk it over."
Miyu's footsteps echoed as she grabbed Kagome's plate and headed for the table. She put it down in front of her daughter and then picked up Kiyoshi.
"Thanks, Mom."
Kiyoshi rested comfortably against Miyu's left hip as she gently rocked him. Granted she never thought she would be a grandmother this young, but it did not mean she did not enjoy it. Considering how much she missed from her grandson's life already, she was simply happy to have him around.
"You know, you could call Sesshomaru. You could all go to the little park two streets down and maybe have a picnic as a family?"
Miyu did not say it, and probably did not mean to imply it, but Kagome felt like the sentence should be, as a normal family. Despite them being a family they had yet to do anything conventional. Maybe her mother was right; it could be a good idea. She was about to smile and nod when a less pleasing detail about this outing came to her mind.
Sesshomaru did not look much older than her, but he looked older. There were no rings but there was a young child. She did not care. She could take the stares and glares; the Feudal Era sure got her used to that. Unfortunately, it was not about her only. There was her family and the shrine. It was how her family lived. Would people still come to the shrine if they saw her situation?
Miyu smiled as she stared her daughter. She raised her hand and slowly, she removed her ring off her finger. "Take this."
Kagome's eyes widened. "Mom, I – can't."
"Of course you can," she said as she grabbed her daughter's hand and put it in the middle of her palm.
How her mother knew everything she knew, Kagome had no clue. If she could become half the mother Miyu was, she would be happy. "Thanks, Mom."
"Kagome?"
"Yes?"
"I'm not ashamed of you or Kiyoshi."
A smile tugged at her lips. "I know."
As her mother walked away to prepare Souta's breakfast, Kagome picked up her fork. This was new. Eating by herself. Technically she was not by herself, but… Sesshomaru was missing. It was strange how she finally noticed the impact he had on her life. During the past few months everything involved him. She cried with him, she was happy with him, she ate, she entertained herself… she did everything in his presence.
Now, it was just herself. Alone, in her mind. She felt like asking herself stupid questions. What does Kagome like to do? She certainly did not find amusement in the same things as in the past. What are Kagome's goals and interests? What does she do all day?
Most of all, what did Sesshomaru do all day? What did he like?

-B-
The weather was nice and cool with a gentle breeze blowing through the trees. Kagome was sitting on a blanket on the ground with Kiyoshi by her side in his baby seat. He was no longer upset, perhaps because he could feel her emotions. She was at ease and not as conflicted as she was this morning. The fever like symptoms she was having were gone and Sesshomaru was on his way.
"I apologize for my delayed arrival."
At the sound of Sesshomaru's voice, Kagome raised her head. There he was, in front of her, wearing quite the business like attire. She twisted her mouth and furrowed her eyebrows together.
"Overdressed?"
"I believe this is the most appropriate clothing I possessed."
Most men would be happy to trade the uncomfortable business clothes for a t-shirt and a pair of jeans, but she did not think Sesshomaru would like it. He would actually be uncomfortable in those simple clothes. Also, he looked rather handsome no matter what he wore. She did not know why but she felt butterflies fluttering in her stomach. It was not like her.
She smiled at him. "Thanks for coming."
As if he had anything else scheduled, he thought as he sat down beside them. He nodded at Kagome before taking a peek at his son. Kiyoshi was wearing a small blue hat that hid the moon on his forehead. The pink strips on his cheeks however were very visible.
"I think he missed you this morning. He would not stop crying."
Sesshomaru reached out for Kiyoshi's cheek and gently brushed it. He missed his son and he missed his family. When Kagome called him last night, he was taking a shower. He was unable to find rest or peace in such an empty room all on his own. He hated that he almost missed her phone call especially since she needed him.
"How are you doing?" he asked while never taking his eyes off Kiyoshi.
"Better," she said before running her fingers through her hair.
It was then that Sesshomaru noticed it. The ring. It seemed his stare was quite obvious since Kagome immediately put her hand down.
"It's my mother's. She – hm – she lent it to me."
She did not need to explain, he understood.
"I apologize."
"I don't care. I just - it's them too."
Kagome did not want Sesshomaru feeling guilty about this. No more guilt, no more bad emotions. This was a happy family outing. Carrying all the memories and the guilt around was getting quite heavy. They were doing better before their return to Japan. They could not let all of their efforts go to waste.
"My mother made the lunch, so it's safe to eat."
He almost flinched at the mention of her mother. "I will assume your house is not a safe place for me."
"It's not if my grandpa's there. I mean, he might try to attack you or throw sand at you. But it's nothing personal." She laughed gently. "My mother doesn't hate you, she just – she's confused and looking out for me."
It was a lot to take in at once for everyone.
Out of loneliness, Kagome reached out for Sesshomaru's hand and squeezed it gently. As soon as they made contact, she felt little shocks going through her hand. They did not even have a proper greeting, though she was not even sure what a proper greeting was for them. Didn't couples kiss and nuzzle or something when they saw each other? They were getting over the intimacy issue after all. Granted it was not the easiest, most natural thing all the time but still.
In the real world it seemed they were as awkward as ever.
When she touched him, Sesshomaru felt an overwhelming soothing feeling take hold of his heart. Already he was craving her, not just her touch but her, and he had to be far away. It did not make it easier on him and it was also a reason why he struggled to find rest. Before they returned to Japan, they were at the height of their connection and they were finally creating a bond.
In the last few days, they did not act the same.
Obviously, he expected this when they choose to leave. That knowledge, unfortunately, did not make it any better.
"Are you okay?" she asked with her voice filed with concern.
He nodded. "It is simply… different."
At least, she was not the only one who noticed it. Being by themselves was apparently new and difficult.
"Sorry I woke you up last night."
"Nonsense. I was awake. You also never have to apologize. You can call me anytime."
"You can't sleep?"
"I do not require much rest, and since you are far, your emotions are not affecting me." Was it foolish to say he missed it? She made him much more human. Through her, he experienced more feelings than he ever did in his life.
"I guess our bond isn't strong enough yet." He told her about the bonds many times. If it was as strong as it could be, she would not need to call him. He would know what she was thinking in her mind. All the words she wanted to say. "I'm sorry it's always so complicated."
They were together, and they were not. They could just buy a house and live there and be done with the confusion. She did love him and she felt safe with him. Nonetheless, they were many problems still left unsolved. She did not want to throw herself into a new life only to have it ripped apart later. Until they fixed everything, this was better. Not only that, but Kagome needed to be on her own a little.
Not like before. She was not trying to be strong by herself. She simply wanted to find herself. Who was Kagome without Sesshomaru? She lost that person a bit during the past few months. She did not want it to be about how to recover and be with him. She wanted it to be about being Kagome. That in no way meant she wanted him out of her life, though.
"You can take all the time you require. I will never pressure you." Oh, how badly he wanted to return to the nights where he held her in his arms, where he could touch her and listen to her heartbeat. He wanted to have her back as quickly as possible, but he would never be selfish. She came first.
"I know," she said as she reached out for his cheek with her free hand.
She ran her thumb over his bare skin, touching him more than usual, and took notice of the missing markings. "You covered them up."
"The hair is enough to stand out. I do not think humans believe grown men paint their faces before going outside."
Kagome laughed. "Grown men with children do. Look at your son."
"I thought my lack of markings would be better."
"I like you. The real you, the whole you." She could not say she forgot everything that happened, but she was learning to accept the real Sesshomaru, including the way he looked. She preferred that to a fake cover.
She leaned forward and gently pressed her lips against his. He loved when she was the first to initiate contact. They might have done everything, but he still feared pressuring her. It was always at her pace, not his.
Once she pulled away, he tucked some of her hair behind her ear. She was beautiful. She wore little make up, a simple t-shirt and jeans but she looked beautiful.
"I'm a mess," Kagome said before looking away. "Little sleep and a very disorganized life."
You would think that by now, she would be the queen of adjustments. She was always being thrown into a new environment. Of course, it was easier when she was on her own. Now with Kiyoshi, it was a different story.
"I just wanna do it right," she finally added.
"We will."
Now that Kagome was closer to him, and not kissing him, he detected an unfamiliar scent on her. He knew it, he smelled it before but it seemed so long ago… Oh.
"Did you stop breastfeeding?"
She arched an eyebrow. "Hm- no. Why is something wrong?"
"You're in heat," he plainly stated.
He hoped for more time before she was fertile again, but he was not that lucky. Now the fact that he lived a little farther from her was actually a good thing. If he fell victim to her charms before, he was not sure how he would resist her now.
"Oh." She blushed. "Is it – mm, is it supposed to be different from usual right now?"
He tilted his head to show his confusion. "Different?"
"Like – hot. I mean, me, am I suppose to feel hot or warm, or you know." She did touch him a lot too.
"Perhaps you're being affected by our bond. We did strengthen it."
"Our bond affects my – my heat?"
"Happy mates want to produce offspring. As many as possible."
She pinched her lips together and then opened her mouth only to close it again. "More?" Kagome was not against the idea of having more children, but not at the moment. She would like to at least be out of her teenager years the next time…
When he first saw Kagome in the modern era, he strongly believed Kiysohi would be his only child. However, now the situation changed. If she would like it, in the future, he would not be opposed to more. He even vividly remembered the dream he had where they were the proud parents of two children.
"I mean, one day. Just-"
"It is not the time," he finished for her.
"Will it get worse? I mean the feeling?"
"I am not quite experienced in that domain. I do know mates with a bond are more attracted to each other during that time, but I am afraid the exact effects are unknown to me."
She nodded and tightened her grip on his hand. They were not senseless teenagers. It was one more thing to add to their list. Plus, it was a positive thing. The stronger the bond, the more chances Sesshomaru would be one with his beast instead of still being divided.
For once, it looked like all the pieces were coming together.

-B-
Sesshomaru and Kagome spent another two hours at the park. Sometimes talking, sometimes in silence. Kagome especially wanted Kiyoshi and Sesshomaru to spend some time together. She would not let the current situation hurt her son and if he needed more time and connection with his father, she would do that for him. It always soothed her that they were all together.
The only awkward moment came along when they arrived at the shrine. Sesshomaru felt like the polite thing to do was to return to his current living quarters. However, he did miss his family. The decision was not really his to make and it forced him to go along with whatever Kagome decided. He did not want to impose himself in her mother's life.
"Hello children."
Kagome and Sesshomaru raised their heads only to see Miyu outside with a gardening hat on. She was kneeling on the ground digging a hole. "How was the park?" she asked while never looking their way.
"Good."
"Thank you for the lunch, Mrs. Higurashi."
"Are you staying?"
"I would not want to overstep my boundaries."
"Souta and grandpa are home. I think they would like to meet him." Miyu was uncertain of how that meeting would go. Despite their desire to shield some of the gruesome story from Souta he heard everything when Kagome returned to them. She did not think he would take a liking to Sesshomaru. The same could be said with her father.
"If you invite me into your home, I will meet them."
"They are inside," she said finally turning around to look at him. He did make it a bit hard. She would give him that. He was polite, respectful and since he began redeeming himself, he did treat Kagome right and gave her daughter her smile back...
"Protect your eyes," Kagome warned while walking ahead of him.
Right. The sand.
Affronting Miyu was still a hardship in itself. He did not want to imagine what it would be like to go against Kagome's brother and grandfather. He would show them the same respect that he showed Kagome's mother but he did not think they would care. Miyu herself did not seem to take it in consideration.
He could not erase the past, but he did his best to ensure a good future for Kagome.
Kagome was the first to enter the house with Kiyoshi carefully tucked against her chest. Knowing her grandpa, he was hiding in a corner ready to toss some of his dust and she did not want any of it to get into her son's eyes. Fortunately, the way seemed clear. She could feel Sesshomaru following her from behind rather closely.
When they felt the way was safe, they both relaxed. However, neither knew just how wrong they were.
Out of the blue, a cloud of dust surrounded them. Kagome barely had any on her but Sesshomaru on the other hand was covered. The dust stuck to his face, decorating his cheeks with little patches of light yellow. As if that was not enough, they heard someone jump and then, Sesshomaru's face was decorated a little more. Right there, on the left side of his head was a paper charm, or demon repellant to be more exact.
"This will keep your monster away."
Then, he threw more of his dusty ashes at Sesshomaru.
The urge to bare his fangs stirred within Sesshomaru and it took every ounce of self-control he had to keep himself in check. He felt his hands clench into fists and he took a deep breath.
"Grandpa!" Kagome screamed.
"Demon! He is a demon!"
Resisting the urge to face palm, Kagome turned around to help dust off Sesshomaru. "I warned you," she said with a cringe.
Oh yes, he was warned. It was not like he did not expect it from the old man, he simply… well he was not sure how he thought this would go. Surprisingly this was not too far off form the scenario he pictured.
Kagome raised her hand, ready to reach out for the paper when her grandpa grabbed her wrist. "It stays, or he goes."
Her eyes shifted from her grandfather to Sesshomaru and she waited to see which one of them would make the next move. Maybe it was a good thing she did not grow up liken normal teenagers did. She had a feeling her grandfather would have embarrassed her to death.
"I will keep it," Sesshomaru said as calmly as possible.
This thing was nothing more than regular paper with glue painted on the back, but it made her grandfather happy. He could not forget that he was a guest in the house and not a very welcomed one. If this made him more at ease, then so be it.
"Dinner will be ready later." Her grandfather began walking away, but he did come to a halt before leaving the room. "I have my eyes on you, Demon!"
"He means well," Kagome said while rocking Kiyoshi in her arms.
"Hn."
A smirk snuck up on her at his reply and she shook her head. "How about a tour of the house? You didn't see much of it last time." He brought everything inside the house, but never made it to her bedroom, or the rest of the first floor.
"I would enjoy that."
With a smile, she guided him upstairs. As she held his hand in hers, she could feel his nervousness and how tense he was. It was probably the first time in history that the Higurashi household did not make someone feel over welcomed. Granted her grandfather always used to bicker with Inuyasha, but her mother loved the hanyou.
And now was not a good time to be letting those feelings re-surface.
The first stop was luckily her bedroom. She took the first left and let him inside. It was not much, especially now that it was crowded with Kiyoshi's stuff. "This is where me and your son sleep."
While she remained by the door, he walked further in. It was still very teenager like. Well, of course it was; Kagome was not even out of her teenage years yet. It felt like she was much older, probably because she went through so much, partly because of him.
"It is… colorful."
"Is that an insult or a compliment?"
"Both?"
She grinned. "I have not re-done my room since I was 14. I mean, after that I was too busy traveling between this era and the Feudal era to care."
"It is lovely." It made him feel guilty. Her room seemed filled with happiness and it reminded him of whom Kagome used to be and of the person he broke into pieces.
Kagome put Kiyoshi down in his crib and sat down on her bed. Then, she patted the spot beside her, inviting Sesshomaru to join her. He did, though he left some space between them. While staring at her hands during the silence Kagome realized she was still wearing her mother's ring. Quickly, she slipped it off her finger.
"Knowing my luck, I'd lose it."
She was about to put her hand back down and Sesshomaru grabbed it. "Would you like one?"
"A ring?"
He nodded.
She always thought she would get married – one day. Then everything with Sesshomaru came along and she thought she would not want to be with anyone, ever. Now, the situation was slowly changing. If it was right, if it worked for them, heck if they worked out, then one day, maybe.
"I was just wearing it. I wasn't asking you to propose," she said nervously.
"I am aware. This is coming from me."
She could ask him if he wanted to, but it was clear he did. After all mating was marriage for him. It was even more of a bond than marriage. Perhaps it was why she was not wrapped up in the idea of a wedding. The bond already made her feel more than a wedding ever could. It was true that, in some cases like today, being married was practical.
"We are mated. Isn't that more?"
"It is for youkais. What about for you?"
"I know what it means. I mean, I'm not against marriage. I just - one step at a time."
Sesshomaru agreed silently. He was not trying to pressure her into this; he was simply trying to make her as comfortable as possible. If not being married was difficult for her, he would fix that in a heartbeat.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"You're always acting selflessly by putting me and Kiyoshi first. You know, it would be okay for you to say what you want to. It won't break me." She still had a fragile side, but it did not mean she would break down every second. Each day, she grew a bit stronger.
"The two of you are what I want."
He said he loved her first, he called her 'his mate', and he did every single first step in their relationship. Then, he always waited for her to catch up. Sometimes, she felt it was not fair.
Kagome leaned forward and kissed him gently. The progress he made from the person he used to be was insane. Although, just like she never wanted to lose herself, she did not want him to lose himself either. He was so afraid to hurt her again that he never voiced what he liked.
As he moved his lips against hers, he found himself cupping her cheek. Her scent was quite powerful and he missed her, a lot. Unlike her, he spent five hundred years with a weakened bond. It hurt him more than her to be apart from each other. A simple kiss was causing his heart to drop to his stomach.
A puddle of warmth formed in Kagome's stomach as the kiss grew more aggressive. It started as a thank you kiss, but it was slowly transforming. His skin was soft and loneliness was overflowing her heart. She raised her hands to hold on to his shirt and clenched them around the fabric.
He quickly left her mouth to press kisses on her neck. Immediately, she tilted her head backwards and closed her eyes. It did not take long before he showed his teeth and began nibbling at her flesh. He needed her because every cell in her body was calling out to him. After ravaging her neck for a few more moments, he forced himself away.
Bad idea, very bad idea.
He licked his lips, still tasting her and released his hold on her fully.
Kagome remained in the same position with her lips parted. Fire was burning in her loins and her face was flushed. Right, did he not mention something about her heat or – yeah. Apparently it did get worse.
"My apologies," he said before straightening his shirt. He almost cringed. That sounded too formal.
She pinched her lips tightly together and held back a sigh. "We can't do it like this." She closed her eyes. "If you keep tip toeing around me, I will not get better." She smiled at him. "I know you're doing this because of what happened in the past, but I won't break down. I know my limits and I'll let you known if they are overstepped."
Sesshomaru was doing it out of kindness and love for her. Unfortunately, she wanted to find out who Kagome was and she wanted Sesshomaru to find out who he was. "We spent all this time trapped, and I think we both lost who we were. You spent so much time trying to not be like your beast that you don't voice your opinion anymore."
She in no way wanted him to be like he was before. She did not need a cold-hearted selfish Sesshomaru in her life, but it was okay for him to disagree with her or have opinions and desires. He chose to move around her because her family was here and she was here. Maybe he preferred the country? Maybe he liked to be in the middle of the city?
The more she thought about it, the more she realized she knew so little of him because he never expressed himself. He had to be asking himself the same questions she was.
Sesshomaru stared at her while doing his best to not appear confused. He did the things he did because it also pleased him. After everything they went through, after five hundred years alone, he did learn to prioritize. Also, since their bond became stronger, he experienced many emotions and thoughts that he never knew existed. Humans and youkais went through situations differently.
He was learning to enjoy the new emotions she was sharing with him. Her happiness made him happy because even though it would never erase all of his guilt, it did lessen it.
He was looking for redemption and for her love.
Looking into Sesshomaru's eyes, Kagome felt all of her thoughts falling apart. She was not making any sense was she? Being alone made her edgy. She learned to find her safe place in that hotel room with Sesshomaru. She learned to push aside many of the bad memories there because they created something together in that location. Then it was ripped away from her upon their return.
Being home was great, but it also held memories. Like when she returned to her time, broken and pregnant. Back to a time where she never thought she would smile again.
Now, she was here with him but not with him, trying to figure their relationship out. They did have a relationship. She loved him and he loved her. They did all that in their safe haven.
They accepted their past, they were moving on but there were many things she did not know. She did not mind when he called her his mate, it made her blush sometimes even. But what did it mean? She was just human. She did not feel it like he did despite all the connections they tried to make. Before they made the final jump, she wanted to know what everything meant. She needed to understand it all and she wanted to know him, the rules, their life…
"I do the things I do because I want to." He thought about himself for long enough. Even during her suffering, he only took himself into consideration. He owed her a lifetime of sacrifices.
He pressed his lips against her forehead, feeling the warmth of her skin. She smelled delicious, and he wanted nothing more than to caress her flesh and make her feel good again. Her scent was enticing.
Despite what she thought, the guilt Kagome felt was not hers. It was not Sesshomaru's. The heavy guilt that made her think she was oppressing him originated from deep inside Sesshomaru.
From his other half.

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Blood Stained