Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Pretending to Pretend	By : SplendentGoddess Category: InuYasha AU/AR > Het - Male/Female Views: 4817 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Inuyasha, and the characters therein, are the property of Rumiko Takahashi. I am in no way affiliated with Takahashi or VIZ Productions, and I do not gain financially from my fanfic in any way.

Chapter List
- 8
- 9
- 10
Chapter Nine

Glad it was Friday, since Kagome always looked forward to heading home for the weekend, plus there was only one more week before Christmas and she always got happier the closer it got to her favorite holiday, she went through school that day with a cheerful attitude that the others found infectious when they all got together for their usual lunch date. Since Miroku had to work that evening, not to mention all the hangout places would be especially packed on a Friday, which Inuyasha would rather avoid whenever possible, it was agreed that the four of them wouldn't do anything together after class. Their martial arts circle was having a get-together, but nobody else from the circle would mind it if they didn't attend. In fact, the hard truth was that some of them would probably be delighted by their absence, not that Kagome or the others truly gave a rat's ass what Kikyou's band of haters thought of them. At least some of the guys were nice and Inuyasha was slowly getting used to the idea of having other guy friends in addition to Miroku. Maybe, one day, he and the monk would even 'hang out with the guys' and do something without the women, but there was no hurry for anything like that.

With Inuyasha's last class of the day letting out sooner than the rest of them, the hanyou usually waiting for her out by his car rather than in the school on such days so as to avoid having to hear quite so many crude jokes about him being a loyal puppy waiting for his mistress, such was the case on that day as Kagome got out of her last class and changed into her street shoes. Heading outside and towards the parking lot by herself, figuring the others would probably just head that way too and they'd all meet up at Inuyasha's car, Kagome sensed Kikyou's approaching reiki before she saw her. Pausing a moment and closing her eyes, Kagome mentally prepared herself for whatever it was going to be this time, and by the time Kikyou rounded the corner, along with Kagura, Yura, Abi, Botan and Momiji, Kagome was all smiles.

Her inner dialog helped her keep the smile from looking too forced.

Too afraid to face me one-on-one, huh?

Inwardly, she found that fact quite amusing.

“Oh, hi Kikyou,” she greeted politely as soon as Inuyasha's ex made it obvious Kagome was her target destination. She deliberately made her voice extra sweet and friendly because she knew it irked the other miko.

As expected, Kikyou's eyes narrowed a little more at Kagome's attitude, but not about to be distracted, knowing the slut (as Kikyou thought of Kagome in her mind) was doing it on purpose to get to her, Kikyou said what she'd come to say.

“At first I thought you two might have just been pretending,” she started, and Kagome immediately schooled her features, not about to let a wayward nervous lip bite give herself away although her friendly smile was gone now as she instead just stared blankly at Kikyou, as if silently telling her to get to the point. “But nobody would risk letting their reputation get destroyed by dating a hanyou unless there was something in it for them,” she added then. “I know that first hand.”

Kagome shifted her stance a little, her posture suggesting she was bored. “Is there a point to this?” she asked quietly, not caring so much about their growing audience as she was Inuyasha overhearing them.

She couldn't see his parking spot from her current position, one of the buildings being in the way, but she was sure he was waiting for her at his car, and while if he were human he wouldn't hear anything from them unless their conversation turned into a full blown yelling match, Kagome wasn't sure just how good his demonic hearing actually was. If he was distracted with his own conversation, if Sango and Miroku had already joined him and they were chatting while they waited for her, then he might not notice. But if he was standing there quietly...

She hoped he wasn't listening, wanting to spare him from whatever cruel things Kikyou was about to say, but no matter what, she would hold up her end of the bargain. It sounded like while Kikyou had thought they might be faking their relationship, she no longer felt that way, but it also sounded like she was still trying to imply that she was just using him for his money, which Kagome had already told her wasn't true more than once. No matter what, she would stick to the script. Whether Kikyou thought she was using him for his money, or even if Kikyou still tried to accuse their entire relationship of being a fraud he was in on, calling their bluff as it were, Kagome would maintain her position that she and Inuyasha were in a committed, loving relationship, that was not about his money.

“The point,” Kikyou said then, as if Kagome were mentally slow and she had to spell everything out for her, “is that you were obviously lying when you said you weren't using him for his money.”

And there it is, Kagome thought, her expression still blank.

“In fact,” Kikyou continued, “you're even more desperate than I was, since word has it you've crossed the line I wouldn't.”

And there that is.

Kagome had been wondering how long it would take for Kikyou to snap at that news.

“Jealous?” she teased, not letting Kikyou answer before she continued. “Even if I really were only with Inuyasha for his money, which for the bazillionth time I'm not, because I love him, and I would love him even if he were broke, although I know that's a concept too foreign for you to grasp, what difference does it really make to you one way or the other?” she asked, her tone dripping with disdain. “It's not like you care about him and are actually concerned for his well being, so why are you so obsessed with our relationship? You're acting like he's the one who dumped you and you can't get him out of your head.”

Several amused snickers came from the gathering crowd at her words. While most of the student body would probably not be willing to date a hanyou, themselves, most people also had the attitude of to each his (or in this case her) own. They did not hate Kagome for her relationship with 'the hanyou' although they did crinkle their noses amongst themselves and wonder just what on Earth she could possibly see in him. Then there were the more liberal, more open minded students of Tama U who fully supported Kagome's relationship with him, saying things like “You go girl!” whenever they saw her. The other minority, the ones who really thought intermixing was not only disgusting but an affront to the kami, were really no bigger fans of Kikyou because she'd dated him, too, and to some of them, being willing to date him just because he was rich was an even bigger offense than actually loving him, because while the latter was disgusting in a simpler way, the former made her a prostitute in their eyes. Her only redeeming quality, to some, like her clique of fellow gold diggers, was that she had, in fact, drawn the line at intimate physical contact. It was no wonder then, in Kagome's mind, why Kikyou was so desperate to get the rest of the school to believe that Kagome was an even worse version of herself, that she, too, was merely a gold digger, but not just a gold digger, an actual whore, willing to have sex with the freak for an even bigger payday.

Mentally, Kagome sighed, and when Kikyou responded, she actually had to resist the urge to reach up and pinch the bridge of her nose.

“It's not fair,” Kikyou hissed, the girl obviously humiliated by the way at least some of the gathering crowd appeared to be on Kagome's side. “You had no right to-”

“To what?” Kagome interrupted, getting more pissed off by the second. “You broke up with him. You broke up with him. That means he was free to get with me if he wanted. Do you really think that just because your master plan didn't work out, a decision that you made, that it means he somehow doesn't deserve a chance to find real happiness?”

“His happiness with you isn't any more real than it was with me and you know it,” Kikyou shot back, making Kagome roll her eyes. Some of the people who saw Kagome's reaction laughed again, but Kikyou's friends stood beside her in full support.

“You can't honestly expect us to believe that you two just up and fell for each other,” Kagura said.

“Tell us the truth,” Yura stressed, gesturing with her hands to all the people gathered around them.

It was an eclectic mix. While some of the people who had gathered to see what all the commotion was about were among those who were downright offended by Kagome's willingness to bed a hanyou, regardless of her motives, some others were among those who sympathized with Inuyasha's plight, some of those people actually still believing that Kikyou was probably right and Kagome was using him for his money, which they didn't approve of, while the rest of them believed her claim that she loved him and were fully supportive of their relationship. Yet more people thought Kagome was using him but were on her side, not seeing anything wrong with it and agreeing with Kagome's assessment that Kikyou was just jealous because she'd had her chance and she blew it, allowing Kagome to take her place.

In that moment, Kagome wouldn't have cared if the entire crowd of onlookers were a mob that had gathered on Kikyou's behalf, she was not about to back down.

Smirking as she saw Kagome's eyes narrow, Kikyou taunted, “Be honest. You saw an opportunity and pounced. You're no better than me. Worse in fact, because your standards are lower.”

Some people snickered at that, while others murmured things amongst themselves that Kagome's human hearing couldn't quite make out. She momentarily found herself actually wishing she had Inuyasha's hearing before quickly thinking better of it, not that she was glad she wasn't a hanyou. She honestly wouldn't mind being a hanyou like him, and in fact, it would certainly make a genuine relationship between them much easier, but in that moment she was just glad that she couldn't understand the racist bullshit she knew some of the people were spouting because it would've distracted her, and right in that moment, Kikyou deserved the full brunt of her ire.

“You want the truth?” she snapped. “Fine, I'll tell you the truth.”

That got everyone's attention, and as Kagome took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her nerves, you could've heard a pin drop in the sudden, deafening silence. Feeling an inner wave of tranquility wash over her as she thought about her feelings for the hanyou, Kagome knew what she had to do. There was no way anyone watching this display would possibly think she was this good of an actress. She wasn't acting at all; instead, she was completely honest.

“The truth is...I've loved him, with all my heart, for over two years now.”

The look in her eyes screamed of how honest that statement really was, and Kikyou looked genuinely surprised as a result. Several murmurs of shock and/or disgust reached Kagome's ears, but she didn't care, and she didn't back down.

“When we first befriended him, and you, I had no intention of developing inappropriate feelings for him. He was taken, you two were happy, or so I'd thought at the time, and I'm just not that kind of girl. You'd clearly known that, too, since you'd never had any qualms with the four of us hanging out without you on the many times you chose not to come along. You never seemed afraid that I might try to steal your man, and you were right, I never would have. When I'd first realized I was developing what at the time I'd hoped was only a crush, I had every intention of ignoring it, hoping it would go away. Then Sango and I started hearing the sorts of things you joked about with your other friends, and my heart broke for him when I realized you didn't really love him. It broke a little more every time I saw him with you, still as happy as could be. I cried to my mother, unsure of what to do, but even after Sango, Miroku and I tried to warn him about you he didn't want to listen. He still loved you, and even though I knew you didn't feel the same way and didn't deserve him, I convinced myself that his happiness was all that mattered. I told myself that if you were going to give him a happy life, even if it was only so you could live a life of luxury, so long as he was truly happy then that was all that mattered.”

A few rogue tears rolled down her cheeks against her will that she angrily wiped away. People didn't usually discuss such things in such a public setting but she didn't care. She wasn't embarrassed, and didn't give a damn how many people were disgusted by her declaration. She needed to get it through Kikyou's narcissistic, bitchy head. Not everything was about her and just because she was only capable of loving a man's money, that didn't mean all women thought that way.

“After you broke up with him, I didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, I was glad you were out of his life, not because you were the competition, but because you were no good for him. He deserves someone who really loves him, whether that's me or not. And of course the thought passed through my head, that he was actually available now, which meant I at least had a chance, but he was in no condition to think about dating again right after the breakup, let alone find out about how I felt. He didn't need that. As relieved as I was, in a way, that you were gone, he was so broken, so utterly miserable, that all I wanted was to be there for him as the friend I am. Sango, Miroku and I are all his friends and we all care about him. I knew he needed time to heal.”

Not about to actually reveal the plan to Kikyou and everyone else, it was the only fib Kagome told when she added, “Fortunately, he's made of tougher stuff than you thought. Yeah, he was heartbroken, at first, but we helped him to accept that just because you turned out to be a heartless bitch...” Some people in the crowd snickered at that. “...that doesn't mean he's all alone in the world. He still has his friends. I wasn't expecting him to end up developing stronger feelings for me. I tried to keep my own feelings for him hidden, but I wasn't about to lie and tell him I only saw him as a friend when he very bravely and shyly told me that he liked me. So if you think it's quite the coincidence that he and I just all of a sudden started liking each other after your breakup, you're right, I did fake it. I faked only barely falling for him at the same time he fell for me, when the truth is, I fell long ago. I just still hadn't felt that he needed to know that; I thought it would be awkward for him. But being his girlfriend is a dream come true and I don't give a damn about his money. If his family disowned him tomorrow, cut him off, I would happily stay with him. I would gladly live with him in a small apartment, both of us working two jobs just to get by.” That last part was so true. “So do me a favor, Kikyou, and quit projecting your personality flaws onto me. I'm glad you turned out to be not only a gold digger but a shallow, superficial one, deciding you're only willing to be the personal prostitute of a good looking human man. I am not a prostitute, but I will gladly share my life, and my bed, with the man I love.”

Here, she paused again, and glanced around at their audience, meeting several sets of eyes. Some people nodded their support, while others sneered at her in contempt.

“I don't care who disapproves of Inuyasha and I being together,” she said then, addressing the whole crowd, “but know that I am with him because I love him. If anyone hates me for loving a being who's different from myself, so be it, but don't you dare accuse me of only being willing to 'lower myself' because he pays me to. Just because you can't comprehend the existence of true love doesn't mean the whole world is as shallow and greedy as you are.”

With that said, she finally stormed away, the crowd parting for her as she went. Head held high, she noticed Sango and Miroku both looking at her with pride from their place at the back of the crowd, and she smiled for them when their eyes locked. Inside, her stomach was doing flip flops, but she refused to let it show.

“Kagome...” Sango started as she neared, everyone else going about their business at that point since the show was over. “That was...”

“Shocking, right?” the miko acknowledged. “I just...had to say it,” she said, as if confessing, but with a wink only Sango and Miroku would see. Okay, so it was the coward's way out, but she'd panicked, so sue her.

Knowing they couldn't talk openly with so many other students still meandering around, some of them possibly trying to listen in without looking like they were, Miroku merely told Kagome that he was proud of her for coming forward with the truth while Sango nodded agreement and then all three of them rounded the building and headed towards the part of the parking lot Miroku and Inuyasha always used.

Sure enough, the hanyou was waiting by his car, and if the look on his face was anything to go by, he'd heard every word of Kagome's impromptu speech to Kikyou, too. Now what? Should she admit the truth, or go the route she'd already chosen on the fly with Sango and Miroku and try to bluff her way through it? He had to give her a ride home; there was no way she couldn't get into his car after a speech like that, but she was not looking forward to being alone with him. There was no point in trying to get all four of them to go do something together like the arcade, though, because she'd still be going with Inuyasha in his car, either way, so then it didn't even matter. Besides, it was Friday, so Miroku had to work that night. She knew those two just planned on kicking back at Sango's place until Miroku had to leave for work, so she'd let Miroku and Sango go and worry about her own situation.

Meeting Inuyasha's eyes as they approached, his expression was unreadable, at first, but with so many other students who'd been a part of the gathered crowd also heading to their own cars in the same part of the parking lot, Kagome did what she had to do in that moment, for the greater good, and threw on her biggest, best fake smile as she enthusiastically waved at him.

As if seeing her throw on the act had reminded the hanyou that he, too, still needed to keep the act going, he immediately smiled as well, an expression that Kagome knew was just as fake and for show as her own.

“Hey, sorry to keep you waiting so long,” she said once she got to his car, having already parted ways with Sango and Miroku during the walk over. As the real happy couple among them headed to Miroku's car, Kagome swallowed her fear, prepared to face the music, alone.

“I'd wait for you for however long it took,” he answered sweetly, staying all smiles as Kagome got into his car.

Honestly, Inuyasha had no idea how to feel, and he also had no idea how to act. Even his inner actor was short-circuiting. Should he outwardly pretend that he hadn't even heard their conversation? But surely most people had to figure that he had probably heard it, since most people had a pretty good concept of how good youkai senses were. Especially inu-youkai. But how should he react to the news, if they were really a couple like the story went? This was certainly no revelation to be angry with Kagome about, so being all “Why didn't you tell me!?” was out of the question. That wasn't how he felt in real life, either. Well, maybe that question, but not in an agitated tone of voice. Besides that, there was a little voice inside his head warning him not to jump to conclusions. What if it wasn't even true?

But in that moment he figured that 'Inuyasha the Boyfriend' wouldn't want to have any kind of awkward or heartfelt conversation between the two of them out in public, so just acting sweet and lovey-dovey right in that moment seemed like the most logical choice. This would be a conversation they would have once they were alone. Now, what kind of conversation they were really about to have once they were alone was a whole other story.

It was no less awkward for Kagome as Inuyasha got into his car on the driver's side, but what could she do? She was dedicated to the cause, above all else, and in fact, if she knew he'd be okay with it she would have leaned over and kissed him just then as he sat down. Just a peck on the cheek. As it was, though, she wasn't sure how he was feeling, and the last thing she wanted to do was upset him further.

The drive was silent, at first, which only made the awkward tension between them build with each passing second. Finally, Inuyasha couldn't take listening to the frantic pounding of Kagome's heart anymore.

“That was quite the speech,” he began, keeping his tone carefully neutral. He figured the first step should be confirming for her that he had, in fact, been listening, although he also figured from her nervous state that she'd obviously assumed that he had, anyway. A nervous state that immediately got worse at his words.

Suddenly feeling like a trapped and frightened bunny, irrationally envisioning Inuyasha about to get angry with her, as if she'd somehow manipulated the entire situation for her own gain since the get-go in some form of using him that was even worse than what Kikyou had done, Kagome panicked.

“It was pretty good, wasn't it?” she said right away, trying to sound confident. A part of her tried to reason with herself that Inuyasha could undoubtedly sense her anxiety, but she pushed that pesky fact to the back of her mind. “Kikyou and her friends were just so convinced that it was unrealistic that we would both suddenly start falling for each other, and I felt like if I just kept on sticking to the original story but also kept denying I was using you for your money that they weren't going to believe me,” she stated honestly, since that had been the reason why she'd decided to say what she had. “Either they would remain convinced I was using you for your money, or they might really end up deciding we were faking it, and either scenario was not an option so I don't know, it just came to me, to say what I said. Seemed like the perfect 'confession' to reinforce the plan instead of letting everyone start to doubt our sincerity.”

Somewhat of an expert at 'lying with the truth' as Kagome called it, her words were technically honest, making it hard for the hanyou to determine whether or not she was trying to deceive him.

“So you just made that story up on the fly?” he asked, still keeping his tone neutral so she wouldn't be able to tell if he was hopeful or disappointed. He didn't want her to just tell him what she thought he wanted to hear; he wanted the truth.

Too many things were racing through his head at the moment, and he wasn't even sure whether he wanted Kagome's story to be true or not, but one thing he did know was that he was not angry with her, regardless of whether she'd made it up or had actually been completely honest with Kikyou. And although he was confused, it was clear to him that the miko sitting to his left was a nervous wreck, though whether that was because her story was true and she was afraid of his reaction to the revelation, or because her story was not true and she was merely afraid that he'd think it was, he would only be able to determine once and for all if he asked her point blank not to lie to him, which, in that moment, he was not prepared to do. If she really did love him then interrogating the poor girl about it wouldn't be fair, and while he wasn't quite sure yet if what he felt for her was real love or just his loneliness fucking with him, he definitely cared for her, too much to want to put her through that. So if she was telling him now that she'd made it up, he would not call her a liar. Besides, if she really had made it up, then insinuating he thought it was true would only put her in the awkward position of having to tell him straight out that she didn't love him, and he'd most definitely rather play it safe than risk looking like an idiot because he'd fallen for the lie of their own deception.

“That was quick thinking,” he complemented then, before she'd even answered him, essentially letting her off the hook in that moment.

Trying to sound laid back and amused, to his ears he still sounded marginally uncertain, but if Kagome could tell he still wasn't quite sure what to believe she didn't show it, as she latched onto the opportunity his words gave her.

“I know, right?” she said right away, clearly still nervous since she started rambling again. “I just thought, well, what would be believable, you know? And like I've said before, I don't care who disapproves of us being together, 'cause a lot of people don't approve of interracial relationships, not that I have to tell you that, obviously, but so I just hadn't wanted to let anyone actually think that I actually was just using you for your money, like Kikyou did. People thinking I'm willing to sleep with anyone if they pay me enough is totally different from them being disapproving of our supposed relationship, and so I just wanted to make sure that if there was gonna be negative talk about me, it was the positive kind of negative, if that makes any sense. In fact-”

“It makes perfect sense,” he interrupted, wanting to put her out of her misery because he knew a nervous ramble when he heard one. “There's a sense of pride, in a way, to be seen as a rebel when it comes to love. I understand that, because my mother's the same way. She told me she never minded, too much, the people that called her names for loving my father, because she loves him and that's all that matters. But Dad once told me that what really did bother Mom, in the beginning, was the people who called her a whore, implying she was just with him for his money. She also wanted to make sure everyone knew it wasn't about the money, and that she'd love him anyway,” he explained to Kagome, letting her know that he did, indeed, understand.

Whether she really did 'love him' love him, or only loved him as a friend and had been going along with the ruse out of the kindness of her heart because he was her best friend, either way, he could see her wanting to defend herself that her feelings for him, whatever they really were in real life, had nothing to do with his money either way.

Nothing more was said on the subject as he drove her home. Instead, they made almost painful small talk about Kagome going back home to her family's shrine tomorrow morning. They agreed that just like they'd been doing for the last few weekends, Kagome could just take herself there by train in the morning but he would come get her on Sunday, rather than letting her take the train back into the city after dark.

Figuring he'd better walk Kagome to the door when they got to her apartment, Inuyasha was outwardly the perfect boyfriend, smiling at her, telling her he would miss her tomorrow and wishing her goodnight. Fortunately, she did not invite him in, but they had a good excuse if anyone saw and asked one of them about it later. She needed an early night since she had to get up so early to walk to the train station in the morning.

In fact, if anyone thought it was odd why they wouldn't need to have a heart-to-heart inside her apartment that evening, it dawned on Inuyasha as he got back in his car and headed home that there was nothing in Kagome's little speech to Kikyou that directly implied that he had still been in the dark about the true nature of her feelings. Supposedly, assuming everything was true, meaning the alternate reality of their entire ruse, then she had only admitted to not confessing to him her preexisting love for him when he'd first confessed to her that he liked her, telling him instead that she was starting to see him that way, too, had been realizing that she liked him, too, and so she agreed to give dating him a try. But that was three months ago, and they were supposedly sexually active, now. In fact, it made much more sense that Kagome would be willing to admit all that she had to Kikyou if she had, in fact, already told him at one point, maybe even right before the two of them took that final step in their relationship.

He would run that possible scenario by Kagome tomorrow morning via text message. They at least had the weekend to get their story straight, so that was good, but by Monday they really needed to make sure they were on the same page. The loving smile he'd given her as she approached his car would also work perfectly with the idea that she had already told him, privately, the secret truth of her having loved him for so long, and perhaps they'd both decided to just keep it to themselves, not even telling Sango and Miroku since, supposedly, Kagome had been pretending not to love him, and so their other friends hadn't even known of her feelings for him, either

The little what if kept floating up to the forefront of his mind. What if it really was true? But he would worry about that later, including whether or not it was even something to be worried about. For now, he just wanted to get their story straight for Monday so the whole thing wouldn't blow up in their faces. He'd give Kagome credit for one thing, it was a fabulous story. True or made up, it was sure to put an end to most people believing she was only with him for his money.

That was the one thing he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt was completely, 100% true. She was not only with him for his money, or in real life, only his friend because he was rich. He knew that she, as well as Sango and Miroku, were genuinely his friends and nobody, Kikyou or anyone else, would ever be able to convince him otherwise. He was the luckiest hanyou alive, to have such loyal friends, and he damn well knew it, so he would gladly take the awkwardness of his own uncertain feelings coupled with his new found uncertainty regarding his best friend's feelings in return. They would get through this, one way or another, and remain the best of friends afterwards, no matter what. If Kagome only saw him as a friend then he would do his best to keep his own growing feelings for her to himself and just pretend to only see her as a friend, as well.

The irony that that could very well be what she'd been doing for the last two and a half years was not lost on him, but thinking on it any more that evening was going to give him a headache, so as Inuyasha walked into his own apartment and locked the door behind himself before slipping out of his shoes, he vowed to stop thinking about it. He had two foam cups of beef flavored noodles calling his name, and the TV had become a satisfactory distraction from his thoughts whenever he was alone.

Back in Kagome's apartment, the miko had broken down and started crying as soon as she was alone. Everything was such a mess, now, but she didn't regret what she'd done. She would live with the consequences, whatever they were, but at least for the purposes of their image, of Inuyasha's image, it was well and truly believed by all the people who'd been standing around watching her argument with Kikyou that he was loved. Word was sure to spread like wildfire and by Monday there would probably be more people who knew about the 'incident' outside the school than those who didn't. She wasn't sure if Inuyasha really bought her claim to have only made it up on the fly or not, and she was pretty sure that Sango and Miroku were suspicious, but she was grateful that Inuyasha had at least let it go during the drive, not pressing her further. Whether he really believed her or not, he seemed at least willing to act like he did. What it really meant for their friendship in the long run, though, if he now thought she was a liar and he'd lied to her in turn, pretending to believe her lie, she wasn't sure. She was hopeful, though, that they could recover from any damage this had caused. They were best friends, and best friends could survive little bumps in the road of life. Hopefully in time he would forgive her for the deception. She was just worried that it would be too weird for him to continue being her friend if knowing how she really felt about him would make him uncomfortable. It wasn't as if she could tell him that she'd gotten over those old feelings and didn't feel that way anymore. That would just be another lie, and moving forward, she would try her absolute best to never lie to him ever again.
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