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Blood Stained	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 61648 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 90
- 91
- 92
A/N: You get a heart attack, you get a heart attack, everyone gets a heart attack. An update and it hasn't been a year. I wonder how long I can keep that up, aha.
Seriously though, thank you guys for the amazing reviews and support. I swear I'm doing my best.
This was not beta. I'm sorry. I barely re-read it... because I work long hours and I'm tired.

Blood Stained

Chapter 91: The End of the World
Red; everywhere.
A sense of panic took hold of him as he watched the woman he loved bleed out beneath him. He could hear the people running out of their homes to see what happened, he could hear their screams, he could feel their rapid heartbeats but he ignored all of it. All of his attention was focused on her. And the fact that he had no idea what to do.
Kagome was fragile human. Kagome would not heal like he would.
At first all he wanted to do was remove that fucking stick out of her but then, his better judgement kicked in. What if it made her bleed out, what if it punctured something and it being there was what kept her alive. No, no he could not move her. Not even if he used his super speed; he could not risk killing her. He could not be the reason she died. Although, he already was… was he not? He should have heard the truck, he should have been faster and he should have protect her better.
He should have been a better shield.
The scent of blood was so overwhelming that he wanted to puke. He did not.
He stayed on top of her, covering her body. As though something else was going to come and harm her. It was foolish but he could not move - he did not want to move.
Sesshomaru heard the people gather around him and they were asking so many questions, all of them at the same time. He answered none of them. He waited. One of those idiots had to have called an ambulance by now. He hoped so because he knew his body would not listen to him. Even if he tried to move or take his cellphone, he would remain like this, like a frozen statue.
She could not die.
For the first time, he felt his tears. He had been crying for a while, he was certain of it, but now he could feel the tears running down his cheeks and falling upon her body. Her still breathing body. He could hear it; her faint heartbeat. He would hold on to it until he could no longer hear it. It would be his hope, his light. As long as that sound remained, she was alive, she was with him.
"Kagome," he whispered. "Stay with me."
She said she would not leave him. She was his, she was finally his. She was happy, she laughed… she lived. No, no, they could not take her from him. They could not take her life from her. He would give up anything to have her live, even if it meant he could never see her again. He wanted her to live. She went through too much to die. It should be him; he should be the one laying on that pavement, dying. She did not deserve to suffer again.
"Sir? Sir?"
That voice was different; more authoritarian. He managed to tilt his head to the right and saw it was a paramedic.
"Sir, I need to see if she's alive."
"She's alive."
"Do you know her?"
"She's my wife." Wait. Why did he say that? They were not married… though it was better than to say she was his mate, his everything.
"Are you injured?"
He shook his head; he only wished he was.
"We need to take her to a hospital."
He nodded.
Sesshomaru wanted to move fast, to get out of their way so they could save her but his body was slow and under a lot of stress. All of his limbs were shaking as he got off of her. He dropped to the ground, barely able to sit up. They moved in fast. His head was dizzy and though he wanted to make sure they handled her properly, all he saw was a blur of people. He even became deaf; all he heard was his own heartbeat echoing inside of his head and it drove him mad.
Time stood still until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Are you certain you do not require any assistance?"
No, no he just wanted everyone to leave him the fuck alone and take care of Kagome. "I am fine."
"Can you get up? You can ride in the back of the ambulance."
Yes, he could get up. Although, apparently only his brain was aware of that since his legs did not listen. Instead, he was forced to have the man help him. His ego, his pride; none of it mattered. Once he was standing, he followed him to the ambulance. There he saw her, strapped to the stretcher, blood staining everywhere.
He could not look. He was going to be sick.
He wanted to scream, he wanted to rip everyone's head off.
It was everyone's fault and all of his fault at once.
If she died, he would die with her because he could not forgive himself.
He felt the ambulance move but his eyes were locked on her. She had to make it, she had to live.
Life was a cruel bitch.

-B-
He hated everyone.
No matter how many times he tried to go through those doors, he was denied access. As if he could not break them down and go where he pleased. But he did not. He could not make a scene; he needed everyone to be calm while they tried to save his wife.
He thought he could get information in a more normal way. He could not. Every time he stopped someone and asked them a question, nobody ever knew anything. They all told him to sit and wait. As though it was easy. As though he could simply sit and hope for the best. Yet, he was forced to do exactly that. He was that close to exposing his true nature, this close to letting his youkai blood flow through but he held himself back and it was the hardest thing he had ever done.
"Sesshomaru?"
He did not need to see to know who it was. Only one person in the world could feel more broken, more desperate than he did right now; Kagome's mother. He did not call her though? Oh, right. She was probably Kagome's emergency contact. He could not be; they were not married and until recently…she hated him.
He rose to his feet and walked towards the woman.
Miyu's eyes were bloodshot, filled with tears. She had to take a cab to the hospital; she was not in any state to be driving. Without thinking, she lunged herself forward and grabbed Sesshomaru's shirt; it was the only thing holding her up. Not Kagome, not after everything she went through.
"W-what happened?" she barely managed to ask.
"A car." The real answer he wanted to give her was me. It was his fault. He should have seen it, he should have protected her better.
"Why didn't you protect her?" He was fine, he did not have a scratch but meanwhile…her daughter might be dead. She did not wish death upon Sesshomaru but… he healed so much better. Why was Kagome the one who was injured?
"I tried," he said, his voice shaking and threatening to break.
She clutched her fingers around Sesshomaru's shirt a little longer before letting go. The tears still stained her cheeks as she weakly reached out for the nearest chair and sat down. She took deep breaths, trying to calm down but it did not help. Sesshomaru sat down beside her, the same defeated look on his face.
"They will not tell me anything."
Miyu was not sure if it was for the worst. She preferred knowing nothing than learning that her daughter was dead. As long as nobody came to talk to them, there was hope that she lived and that she would be fine.
"She's strong," Miyu said with sadness in her voice. Kagome pulled through everything and she would pull through this as well.
Kami he hoped she was right. It was not until he intensively stared at Miyu that he realized something. "Kiyoshi?"
"Souta is watching over him."
He wanted to come as well but Miyu convinced him it was best to stay him and they needed someone to watch Kiyoshi. She refused to bring the baby to a hospital, especially considering the state of mind everyone was in. It was best that Kiyoshi stayed at the shrine. Plus, he would be safe there.
Sesshomaru nodded, strangely sad. Since he was so close to losing Kagome, the only thing he wanted was to hold his son in his arms. Kiyoshi… if he lost his mother it would all be Sesshomaru's fault.
He felt a hand cover his and saw it was Miyu's. Her feelings towards him did not matter, the past did not matter. They both cared for her and right now, they were both lost. All they could do was pray for Kagome's well being together. All they could do was hope she would pull through and they would get to see her smile again.
And wait.
And waiting they did.
Nine hours later, Miyu was half asleep on the uncomfortable orange chair while Sesshomaru was losing the fight as well. He did not need rest because his body was strong but this time, it was his mind that was exhausted. He never felt so mentally drained before. Nonetheless, he fought the fatigue and kept himself awake; he could not be asleep when they would get out of there. He needed answers as soon as they were available and so he fought as much as he could.
Soon enough, his long efforts were rewarded. As the door opened he smelled it; Kagome's blood. It was faint, probably washed up but he knew it was hers and his heart raced.
"Mr. Taisho? Mrs. Higurashi?"
Even Miyu jumped at the sound of her name. Both of them stood up in a rush and walked towards the doctor.
"Is she alive?"
"How is she?"
The doctor sighed. "Well, the good news is, she is alive."
Despite that being a good news, Sesshomaru did not let himself relax; the way the doctor said it almost made it sound as though it was a bad news.
"But she is in a coma."
"A coma?" Miyu asked with teary eyes.
"It could be temporary…it could be permanent."
There it was, that dreaded feeling of doom.
"For the moment there is a little bit of brain activity so she is not brain dead. That is good news."
Sesshomaru found that he hated this doctor's idea of good news. Though he would cherish what he had; she was alive. At the moment, they could not hope for more.
"May we see her?"
"Not yet. Her surgery was intensive and she lost a lot of blood. Her organs were badly damaged in the crash and she had a lot of internal bleeding."
Did he truly fail to protect her? Did he not even save her from one injury? He felt pitiful and most of all, he knew he failed her. She trusted him with her life and he failed her miserably.
"You should be able to see her in an hour or two. It might be good to talk to her even though she's unconscious."
Yeah, he heard that many time. He also heard many stories were coma patients did not wake up. What if Kagome was one of them? What if…she stayed like that forever? Was it a faith worse than death? Oh god.
Apparently it was all it took for Miyu to lose the one shred of strength she was keeping. Her legs became weak and before she knew it she dropped on her chair. She knew this dreadful feeling all too well; she lost her husband already. She could not lose her daughter as well.
Sesshomaru was quick to join her. Neither of them dismissed the doctor, they simply sat there with an impending doom lurking above their heads.

-B-
All doctors lied.
What was supposed to be one or two hours turned out to be four. Not until that but by then, Sesshomaru lost his nerves; he could not go in the room. Miyu went first and said she would stay until he wanted to go. That was forty-five minutes ago. He wanted to get up and walk in there but he could not; his legs refused to work. He was not sure how he would bear the sight of his Kagome, so broken, so near death. He could smell her from here and it killed him.
The fact that the whole thing was entirely his fault did not help. How could he look at her knowing he was the one who put her there? How would he ever look at his son again?
She is happier without us.
I told you to leave her.
Oh, how could he have forgotten?
His beast seemed to revel in this. Sesshomaru could hear its thoughts coming from deep inside. The worst part was, he could not tell it off, he could not tell him to shut up…because it was right. He hated it, he hated everything it did to Kagome but in this particular instance, it was right. Kagome would not be in this mess if he had left her alone. He refused to admit it to his beast and to himself but he knew it was the truth.
None of that made the voice go away.
It is not too late to listen.
Shut up! Cease your useless chatter. He did not want to hear it again. He did not want to know what could have been.
"Sesshomaru?"
At the sound of Miyu's voice, his head jerked up.
She was leaning near the wall, uncertain if she should move forward. "I'll stay with her. If you want to leave." She expected him to come in the room long ago but he never made an appearance. She understood he felt guilty; it was obvious. For a moment, even she blamed it so how could he not blame himself?
No, he could not leave. What kind of coward would take make him?
"I am fine."
"You can come again tomorrow."
Nobody would think less of him if he could not face Kagome. She herself almost did not make it into the room, especially after she saw what a poor state her daughter was in.
He knew Miyu did not mean to insult him but he felt attacked. He rose to his feet almost instantaneously. Where was that strength and courage earlier? He nodded at Miyu and headed straight for Kagome's room. She decided to remain behind for a little while; he probably wanted a moment alone with her.
He could hear his feet echoing through the hospital. Usually everything was too loud, today everything was too quiet. He wanted something - anything - to distract him from the sound of his own heartbeat. It was not too long before he stood in front of her closed door. He inhaled deeply, trying to give himself some courage. He had to remind himself that it was not over yet, that Kagome still lived. Instead of expecting to lose her, he should expect her to pull through.
It was a tenuous task; he lost all will to be hopeful.
Once he opened the door, a scent of sickness and death reached his nose. He tried to ignore it.
There she was; laying in a hospital bed, hooked up to too many machines. They all made a beeping sound that irritated him to no end. He quickly spotted the chair near the bed and sat in it. He did not know how much longer his legs could support him. He rested his hands on the bed rail and looked at her. Her skin was pale and she appeared fragile, breakable, especially with her head all bandaged up. He had not even realized she had hurt her head.
He rose a hand and brushed away her bangs; her flesh was cold to the touch.
"I am sorry," he whispered.
Sorry he could not protect her, sorry he put her in harm's ways.
I warned you this would happen.
Not now; this was difficult enough on its own.
This was not supposed to happen; they were happy. Hours ago they were together, laughing and kissing in the car. How could it have gone down this way?
Life kept on taking from her and it did not give anything in return.
I will make it right.
You cannot. You can no longer choose what happens to her. You are too late.
He was always too late. Too late to realize that he treated her badly. Too late to prevent her from going to into the past. Too late in loving her. The timing was never right. Each and every time, she got hurt because of him. When would he be enough? When would he be able to save her from all this pain?
He would do anything, sacrifice anything for her sake.
And it was not enough.

-B-
Words usually made sense to him but not today.
The doctors kept on talking but none of it made sense. They said her signals were strong and they were happy but they were worried. Worried because though her vitals were great, they were not improving. How could they be confident and worried at the same time? It did not make any sense. Was she or was she not going to wake up? Was it that hard to answer?
Why would nobody give him a fucking answer?
Every day it was the same thing, the same routine. He came in to the hospital as soon as the visits started and did not leave until they forced him to leave. It killed him each night that he had to leave her alone. He was almost convinced that she could feel his aura, hence why he wanted to be by her side at all time. Although, he knew somebody else depended on him; Kiyoshi. Miyu was often at the hospital as well and Kagome's brother and grandfather could not always look after Kiyoshi. It was perhaps the only thing that made him leave the hospital. After all, if he truly wanted to stay none of those humans could force him.
Two days after the accident, Miyu kindly offered him Kagome's room but he refused. He strongly believed that being surrounded by all her things would make this whole thing even harder. Also, he thought it might be best if their son was away from the bad auras. If he stayed in that house, where everyone was upset, it would be worst. He was too young to understand what was happening.
That was his life now; he would come to the hospital during the day and hide in his hotel room at night. What else was he supposed to do with his life? Kagome was his life. Somedays, he even pictured what she should say to him. She would say she was right and that he should have listened to her. This was why she wanted him to be selfish and to do things for himself. Now, he had nothing. And she was right but he did not care because he rather have her and nothing else than everything and not her.
Kagome gave his life meaning.
Now he was lost and he did not know where to begin.
He did all he could do. He had money, he had connections; humans and youkais. He had a few friends fly over to take a look at her. They all said the same thing though; they did not know when she was going to wake up. How could nobody know? Apparently she was doing okay, her aura was still there but…she was not waking up.
What if she did not want to wake up? What if she had enough of all the pain and suffering?
"How are you holding up?"
Sesshomaru sighed; Dr. Izumi. He did not know why but he thought Kagome might appreciate a doctor she was familiar with and he wasted no time in calling him. Izumi also hurried to Japan when he heard what happened. Sesshomaru was grateful for his time and efforts even though it did not lead anywhere.
"I am fine."
"I've never seen a youkai look as terrible as you," he somewhat teased though the concern in his voice was obvious.
Youkais could go days without sleeping. Sesshomaru had not slept in eight days. That should not affect him too badly but it did. He had dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and he looked unhealthy. Izumi proposed to prescribe him something to sleep but Sesshomaru always refused. The fact that he was not eating did not help either. He advised Sesshomaru that destroying himself would not help Kagome but he felt like his warnings were going unnoticed.
"She will wake up."
"I thought you did not know if she would."
"The tests won't tell us but I know."
He did not want to give Sesshomaru false hope but - this was Kagome. From what he saw in her, there was no way she would not pull through. The worst part was, her injuries were not the worst ones he had seen. She should have woken up by now. It was mystery yet it was common. Some people pulled through insane surgeries and some died from the simplest procedures. He simply wished there was something he could do.
"I do not know that."
At first, he tried to be hopeful but now it was too exhausting. Especially when he was this tired. He would be hopeful when someone would finally tell him something - good news or bad news. He just wanted to know at this point. Everyone's ignorance drove him crazy.
"How is Kiyoshi?"
"Fine." That was a bit of lie. He could tell his son was missing his mother and that all the disturbance in everyone's aura was getting to him. Unfortunately, he had no way of making it better.
"But you're not," he said, bringing up the topic again.
"I do not care about myself. Kagome is my priority. My health hardly matters, I will recover." She might not. If only… he had been better at protecting her.
"Is that what keeps you up at night?" Izumi asked as he walked in further into the room. "That if you had been hurt instead of her, you'd all be fine by now?"
"I heal faster than she does."
"You might be a youkai but it does not mean you can also be fast enough, Sesshomaru. Even we have our limits." He always thought he did not. Nothing ever stopped him in the best. Heck, he could not even stop his own beast. He was supposed to be the strong one.
He could not save her then, from himself, and he still could not save her now. She was also the one rescuing him and he felt hopeless. He thought about every possible solution and all of them failed. He tried, he tried so hard but he was not enough.
"We can't dictate life's path. We all have our own journey and destiny."
Sesshomaru did not care; this was not Kagome's destiny. She was not meant to die after all the hardships she endured. It was not fair. If that was the plan for her then what was the point? Why make her suffer only to kill her like this? No. There was another way, there was a reason why this happened. If only he could figure out what it was.
"I will not let her die."
Izumi wanted to tell Sesshomaru that he did not really have a choice in the matter but decided against it. He probably knew that already. People could do anything during desperate times. He just hoped Sesshomaru would not push himself too hard.
"I will be back later to check up on her again."
Sesshomaru did not even acknowledge him, he simply let him walk away.
His amber eyes were locked on Kagome. Life was a twisted bitch. If anyone deserved to be suffer and be in that hospital bed, close to death, it was him. Although, he was not a strong as her. He probably would have given up. Deep inside, he believed Kagome was fighting this with all she had. He had to believe that; it helped him get out of the bed in the morning.
She had to come back to him and to their son.
He did not care about fate or destiny. Kagome would live even if he had to screw with all of time and space to make sure it happened.

-B-
This was the worst idea. As Sesshomaru stood above Kagome's bed with their son in his arms, he came to the conclusion that he made a mistake. He thought that Kiyoshi's presence might jolt Kagome back into the world but now all he was doing was exposing his son to his sick mother. Kiyoshi was certainly able to feel his mother's sick aura and it could be traumatizing for their son.
Still, he remained there.
He wanted to give her a reason to wake up and he could not find one better than Kiyoshi. Sesshomaru was linked to many painful memories but their son was pure, he was her reason to keep going and fight. From the first moment she learned of her pregnancy, she protected her child with her life.
And if this was not the answer, he did not know what was.
He tried it all and nothing seemed to wake her. Even her doctors did not know. Nobody knew.
Sesshomaru held on to his son as tightly as he could, fighting off tears. Kagome had to live and he would find the way. There was nothing he wanted more than that, nothing he would not sacrifice for it.
As that one little thought crossed his mind, a purple light began to glow around him. It took him a few seconds to realize that it was coming from his son. The…jewel. His eyes widened and before he was even able to process what was happening, he felt a darkness take hold of him. As his world went black, he fell upon the floor with his son resting on top of him, still glowing.
He was inflicted with a painful headache as he struggled to find consciousness. There was blackness everywhere.
"You can save her."
The voice was screechy and it was coming from deep within his mind. Sesshomaru finally opened his eyes. He was no longer standing in the hospital, instead he was surrounded by darkness and swirls of purple.
"Where am I?" he asked, slightly panicked. Where was Kagome? Where was his son?
"Inside of me."
He arched an eyebrow; what was it talking about? It was not his beast, he could tell as much.
"You wished upon the jewel."
He remembered; his son was glowing. "I did not wish anything."
He would not dare to make a wish. He knew they always came with consequences. He never even spoke out loud! This was wrong - it was all a big mistake.
"You did. You wished with your heart. I can hear your thoughts."
"It is a mistake. I do not want to make a wish."
"I thought you wanted to sacrifice everything you had to make her live."
That was it? That was the wish the jewel thought he made? He wanted Kagome to live? That was obvious. But he would not temper with the jewel. The last time they did that it ended up stuck inside his son. He did not want this. He backed away, cornering himself in the darkness. There was no escape from her was there? He could not get out.
"I do want her to live but not like this." She was not dead yet, there was hope she would pull through. She used the jewel on him once. He could do the same but…was it worth the risk. God he felt like a selfish idiot for asking this. Was her life worth the consequences? Her life was worth everything. She was worth more than him.
"I can give her life. I can do more than that, I can give Kagome her whole life back. A new chance."
"More?" He should not ask but it was too tempting.
"This happened because of you. All the bad things in her life are your fault. I could take it all away."
For a moment, he forgot how to breathe. He knew he was responsible for all the misery in her life; he did not need to be reminded of that.
"What good did you ever give her?"
"Kiyoshi," he answered without thinking.
That was one answer he was sure of and nobody could argue.
"She could have had that happiness with someone else. Someone more deserving."
But Kiyoshi would not be Kiyoshi if he was not his and hers. It would not be the same.
"Did she really need all that pain? Does she need to live with all that suffering?"
"No," he answered against his will.
"I can answer your deepest wish. I can make it all go away. She will live and she will no longer no pain."
Do not ask. Do not ask. "How?" Fuck.
"I will make all of this disappeared. I will make it as though you never took her that night. I will even make it as though you never encountered her in the woods the first night. You will never take her against her will, you will never make her suffer, you will never kill your own brother. All of the bad will go away."
This was the solution? Kagome lived and she was happy but he would have to lose her forever? They would have to lose their son?
"Kagome would never get rid of her son."
"She will have him again with someone else. He will not be lost to her. The only thing that will be missing from her life will be you."
He had to give her up?
"She will always be miserable. You will lose her and she will be unhappy forever. You cannot bring goodness into her life. Only pain in misery. You always hurt her. You always take everything away from her. You are poison. You destroy her life. You are selfish for keeping her with you."
"She wants to stay with me."
"Because you never let her found out how good it was not to have you in her life. Give her that chance. Let her live and give her a fresh start."
The jewel could not be right; it could not all be his fault. He spent a lot of time trying to make it up to her. Every day he tried to do right by her. He always tried to keep her best interest in heart.
"How long do you think you can keep up this charade? One day, you will want more. Maybe your beast will - or your mother. Everything about you is made to hurt her. Let her go. Let her have the life she was meant to have. You took her future from her and now you can give it back."
His heart was racing and he felt deaf again. Would Kagome truly be happier if she kept going on the path she was meant to go on? Did he truly steal everything from her? He did not mean to - he thought she would be happy again… She looked happy lately. Did that not mean anything? Was he going to lose her again?
Would she be worst off now than before?
"Save her. If you love her, you should save her and set her free. It is the only way. Wash away all your sins."
"Would I remember?" Every choices, every wishes…they all came with consequences. Losing Kagome was already the biggest consequences he could ever think of but he knew that could not be the only thing. This was a very selfish wish. He wanted to save her. Even if it was done out of love, it was selfish right? Giving her up just so she could live. It was not the selfless wish the jewel required. If it was, it would not pressure him into doing it.
The jewel did not want to vanish.
"No. You would not have any memories."
It felt like a trap. It was a trap. Of course it was "But?"
"Your heart would remember. Not hers. She was the one for you but you are not the one for her. You said you would sacrifice yourself for her. This is your chance."
He was willing to give it all up for her but this was too much. It was not only him, it was his son and… And he did not want to say yes because he would lose it all. Their life was not perfect but it was theirs was it not? She smiled, she laughed and she loved. Did she hide sadness behind her eyes? Did he miss something? Could she truly find a better happiness if she was no longer by his side? Kouga and his brother came to mind.
His brother. He would be alive. Inuyasha would still live and reckless roam through the lands as though he was invicible.
He remembered how much she loved his little brother.
He could give it all back to her. He could give her the life she was meant to have; a life away from him.
All he had to do was say yes. All he had to do was give it all up. His life, his love, his memories.
All of it so that she would have a chance at a better life. He felt selfish if he said no and he felt selfish if he said yes. Selfish because he wanted to save her even if it meant using the jewel and selfish because…he did not want to lose her and their life together. Was there even a right answer to this dilemma?
"What will you choose?"
Would he choose himself or Kagome?

-B-
I know this story has a lot of chapters and I take my sweet time between updates, so for those who don't remember who Dr. Izumi is, he was Kagome's doctor, the one who helped her deliver Kiyoshi.
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Blood Stained