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Blood Stained	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 61728 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 7
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 94
- 95
- 96
A/N: Bet y'all thought I was kidding! Shame on you!
Blood Stained
Chapter 95: Merging or Losing?
Her throat was dry, her fingers were numb and her head was light. Kagome felt ill. She was clutching her hand to her thighs as she stared through the cab's window. Moments ago she felt something pierce her heart. She did not know how she felt it but she knew it was coming from Sesshomaru. It was like he called out to her soul. She was still not comfortable being behind the wheel which forced her to call a cab. She knew he was not dead but something bad happened, she could feel it. His house had felt close by before but now it felt too far away.
She could hear the meter ticking as the price went up. The trees were zooming by, becoming nothing more than blur of greens. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the cab came to a halt. She did not even look at the price. Instead, she handed way too much money to the driver and thanked him before rushing out of the car. Her heart was pounding louder and louder with each step she took. She was deaf by the time she reached the door, the thump being the only sound ringing in her ears.
Kagome raised her shaky hand and knocked on the door. She wanted to see him run to the door and opened it but she knew it was nothing more than a fantasy. If he was fine, if nothing was wrong, he would have already come to the door before she knocked. If he had not, it meant - she did not want to think about what it meant.
Forced to face reality, she wrapped her hand around the handle and slowly turned it; it was unlocked. At least. She pushed the door open and peaked inside. Nothing. She fully entered before closing the door behind her. She had yet to familiarize herself with the house. That would make finding him a little more difficult than anticipated. She walked through the hall, checking each room as she went in. Once she cleared the first floor, she was forced to take the stairs and check upstairs. Her legs were barely responding to her command as her entire body was trembling.
Nobody could harm him… right?
Could it be that it was the beast? A bad news concerning his beast?
Her heart skipped a beat and she rushed upstairs. Once his bedroom proved to be empty, she frowned. He had to be here; that was where she sensed him when her heart was transpierced by that feeling.
And then she found him.
As she entered the room next to his bedroom she saw him, unconscious, on the floor. Her eyes widened and she ran to his side. Immediately she dropped to her knees and laid his head on her lap. "Sesshomaru?" she tried, her voice cracking.
No response.
She laid a hand on his chest and tried to shake him. The first thing she noticed was that his clothes were soaked. She quickly realized it was because he was burning hot. She pressed a hand to his forehead and it left her palm moist. Was he sick? Did someone attack him? She did not sense any evil aura when she entered the house! She held him closer to her body, not knowing what else to do. How was she supposed to help him when she did not even know what was wrong in the first place?
Things were supposed to be better. He was supposed to be doing better.
Why could they not catch a break?
"Sesshomaru," she pleaded.
Kagome was shocked when his eyes twitched. She lowered her face to his and gently caressed his cheek. "Sesshomaru?" she whispered in his ear.
He shifted in her hold as he tried wake himself up. It seemed a difficult task as she heard him groan in pain. Finally, he opened his eyes. They were amber. And she almost sighed in relief. Nothing happened. He tilted his head backwards just enough to be able to look into her eyes. At first she saw confusion reflecting in them but then he seemed to remember what happened to him. She smiled at him before bending down and kissing the tip of his nose.
"You scared me," she said honestly.
"K-kagome," he said with a raspy voice.
"What happened?"
He took a few moment to let it sink in; it was gone. The beast was gone. He was gone too. Everything merged - he - yes he could remember the vivid pain he experienced and then… he passed out? He was not sure how it all happened but he knew one thing; he was not the same person he was earlier. He could feel it. His heart was beating to a different rhythm. He reached out for her ebony tresses, tangling them in his fingers, mesmerized. He was finally whole.
"Sesshomaru?" she asked with a hint of concern.
"It did it."
"It di- " She did not have to finish her question since the answer came to her. It was done. The nightmare was over, the long overdue quest was finally completed. The beast was gone. Not gone, gone…but he could never hurt anyone on his own. "Are you sure?" she asked with shining eyes.
He nodded.
And then he remembered everything else. The urges, the darkness his beast spoke about. Was it all threats or was it all real? It was not as though it answered any of Sesshomaru's questions. It simply let it all happened without an explication, only a warning. And that terrified him. What if he did indeed become different? What if he no longer was recognizable? What if he did things he would have never done before? What if… what if Kagome did not love this new person? What if he disliked who he was now?
No, nothing could completely changed him. He could not be a whole new person.
The beast was only trying to scare him, trying to make him change his mind and it did not happen. It was that simple.
"Yes, I am sure."
She felt the tears come to her eyes and she did nothing to stop them. Instead she let herself collapse on them of him and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly while he rested on her lap. "I'm so happy," she said as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. This moment, this freedom.
When he saw her happiness, he decided it was best not to share the beast's threats. What would be the point of it? She was happy and he had no intention of worrying her over nothing. He lifted one of his arm and hugged her back. After a moment, he felt her pull away and he used that moment to sit up on his own.
"Why were you on the floor?"
"I believe I fell unconscious."
"Is that why I felt it?"
Right. He remembered that surge of power that traveled through him and right to her. That explained her presence by his side. "I believe so."
"Are you okay?"
"I am simply a bit shaken. I will be fine."
He truly was fine; the pain he felt before had completely dissipated and was nothing more than a bad memory. To prove his point further he rose to his feet and then extended his hand to her to help. She happily took it and he pulled her up. He took this opportunity to put his arms around her waist and then rested his chin on top of her head.
"It is over."
Could it really be?
"How do you feel? Different?"
Yes. But he wanted to say no…and that would be a lie. He might not want to tell her what his beast said but he was not too keen on the idea of lying to her. "Yes."
Her eyebrows furrowed in concern as she pulled her head away from him. "Good or bad?"
"I am uncertain."
It was an honest answer and she knew he was simply trying to tell her the truth but it concerned her. Was this Sesshomaru her Sesshomaru? Did it do something to him, his body or his mind? Then again, there was no point in asking him a million questions; he knew about as much as she did it and she had no intention of overwhelming him.
"It's okay, we'll figure it out together."
Oh how he hoped she meant those words because he was at a loss. Last time he was whole was back in the Feudal Era and he remembered what kind of person he used to be. Was that who he was when he was fully himself? No. He evolved. Even combined with his beast, he changed throughout the years. There was no way he was still that person. He did not put himself through centuries of misery and lessons only to come out the same on the other side. That was one reality he would not accept.
He remained silent but nodded.
They did not know anything yet.
Kagome tried to search his eyes but he appeared to be lost in his thoughts. She waved a hand in front of his face and that seemed to catch his attention. She leaned forward, resting her hands on his sturdy chest. "Hey, it's finally over."
Was it bittersweet? No. It was the best news. Unless she was wrong.
"You're not gonna hurt anyone," she added with a little smile.
Not because his beast was inside of him that he was going to harm her. Now, Sesshomaru had full control of himself. He never had to do anything he did not want to do again. He was free. She was free. And yet she could see the missing spark in his eyes; he was not as happy as he should be about this. The thing she could not figure out was why? It was a possibility that the merging took a toll on him. She had never truly seen a tired, exhausted Sesshomaru before.
"I know."
Even if he was different, even if there was more darkness inside of him, neither him nor his beast ever wanted to hurt her - at least not on purpose. That would not change. He would not harm her, he would not let her shed a single tear because of him. He wanted to make her smile, every single day until the end. He took hold of her hand, brushing his thumb against the back of it.
"I will never hurt you."
"I never thought you would."
She squeezed his hand. "Do you wanna lay down? Are you sure you should be standing up?"
"Kagome, I merely joined my mind back with my beast. I am not ill." And he never would be.
"Yeah, I know. It's just… you like tired."
"It is probably from the merging. I will go away."
It had to - he had to get back to normal before he no longer believe the words he told her.
-B-
Sleeplessness.
Was that his new curse, his new affliction?
No matter how much he tossed and turned, Sesshomaru was unable to find rest. Granted he was a youkai and he barely needed it…but still. It had become his new habit. He slept. Each night. With Kagome. And then without her. He changed his routine to fit hers better. Unfortunately he was now restless. He tried every tricks in the book but he was unable to fall asleep. Instead, he spent his time staring at the ceiling with many thoughts filling his mind.
He managed to convince Kagome that he was well. She seemed to believe him. He did promise he would rest though - a promise he was not keeping at the moment.
All he could think about was the beast, the merging and her.
She was probably sleeping at the moment - unlike him. He had the sudden urge to see her, hold her. He spent two whole months without her and yet his bed never felt as lonely as it did right then. His heart was craving her, his body was pulsing for her. He wanted to feel her presence, sense their auras clashing together. Instead, she was far away from him. Usually he would make rationally decision. He would wait until morning - which he was going to do. Even though he had this urge to escape his bed and join her in hers.
But he would not do that.
Because that was insane and he was a rational, sane person.
Although it was the first time in his life he had to persuade himself to be sane.
Perhaps he was indeed losing it. Perhaps it was his beast.
He did not know anymore. Maybe he was looking for sign so badly that he was creating one - maybe his urge to see her was a normal one and he was turning it into a bigger deal than it actually was. Maybe it was all in his head. He pinched the bridge of his nose out of frustration and exhaled deeply. Did he really need to see her that badly? Could he not wait a few hours? Yes, he could wait. This was not an emergency and he was not a child. He had learned the virtues of patience.
Or at least it was what he thought.
As the minutes ticked away, as they began to turn into hours, he found that his restlessness was growing into some type of frustration. He was restraining himself and he was not happy about it. He tried to weight in the pros and the cons in his head. After a while, he decided that there were not many cons to his irrational desire. He still did not do it. Because no, he would not.
And then, his brain listened less and less to his arguments.
It was about four in the morning when he lost the battle.
At four in the morning, he found himself standing in front of the shrine, staring at her window. As if that was not crazy enough, he did something even more insane. He did not drive there, like the good human like youkai he had become. No, instead he found himself flying through the sky to reach his destination.
He was clearly losing his mind. He was losing the battle.
But none of those arguments made him leave. Instead, he kept staring at the window as though she was going to melt. The front door was out of the question. He was not going to wake up her family; they would not forgive him. Plus he had no logic explanation for his presence. No, the front door was clearly not an option. All that was left was the window but even that was not excellent. Although a better option would be to return to his own home but he knew he had gone too far to give up now. Kagome was near, he could feel her. All he had to do was reach out for her.
He already flew once, what was one more time?
Sesshomaru did not even have to convince himself. Immediately he began floating through the air and before he knew it he was up there. For the first time luck was on his side since the window was unlocked. A smirk formed on his lips as he slid it open. Silently, he let himself in. She did not even wake up or flinch. Of course not, why would she? It was not as though her body recognized his aura as a danger. He was not an enemy. Though he was happy that she was that comfortable in his presence.
He leaned against the wall, watching her sleep. He did not like being far from her. He did not like that they had different homes. He understood but he did not like it.
Sesshomaru dropped to his knees and balanced himself on the edge of her bed. Her face was inches away from his; he could feel her breath tickling his skin. He gave into the urge and dove his fingers in her ebony locks. That brought her out of her slumber. Luckily for him, she did not seem to be alarmed. Her eyes opened and she blinked a few times while a dazed smile adorned her lips. She thought it was a dream.
"Hey."
"I am sorry."
"F-for what," she asked, her tired eyelids begging to be closed again.
"For waking you up."
He saw the confusion appear on her face. Then, reality seemed to come crashing down. She jolted in her bed and got on all fours before inspecting her surroundings. Yes, she was in her bedroom. Then what in the world was Sesshomaru doing there in the middle of the night?
"Sesshomaru?"
"Morning, koi."
"Morning?" She turned her head to look at her alarm clock. 4:04am. That was not exactly morning. That was more…middle-of-the-night. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she rubbed her eyes awake.
"I wanted to see you."
Despite her confusion, she smiled at him. "At four in the morning?"
"I tried to wait but I could not sleep."
Her happiness soon turned to concern. "Are you okay? Is it the merging?"
"I could not sleep because you were far away."
Her eyes softened and she bent forward to press a clumsy kiss to his lips. "It won't be forever."
But he wanted her now, he wanted to be with her everyday. He wanted to be selfish. Sesshomaru did not even know how to explain it to her. Many thoughts and feelings were pushing around in his head and he was not sure where common sense began and where insanity ended. He wanted many things at the same time and he wished to be able to do it all at once. His head was ready to explode and yet it made perfect sense to him.
"I missed you."
He did not give her a chance to reply. Instead he closed the small distance between them and captured her lips with his. She tasted sweet, like cherry. At first, he meant for this to be a quick kiss but it quickly turned into something else. He was not slow and gentle; he was devouring her mouth. And she did not look like she minded. She raised her tiny hand to clutch at his shirt, bringing their body closer. Unfortunately, the mattress was in the way. Sesshomaru decided to fix the situation by rising to his feet and hopping onto her bed. She quickly followed his lead and laid down on her back while he hovered over her. His arms were holding him up, keeping some distance between them while he never stopped kissing her.
Kagome was still half asleep as she let his powerful aura make her dizzy. She was not certain how it started or why but she was not against it. The only other time they were close since her coma was - well the other night. And it was not the reunion she thought they would have. This - this was spontaneous, this was romantic. This was better was it not? Now all she had to do was ignore how strange and out of character is behaviour was.
Sesshomaru made it much harder for her to forget when he released her mouth from his hold and instead focused on her neck. His tongue lavished at her skin, tasting it, wetting it. She twisted her body beneath is, the pleasure flowing through her. Her mind was like on a cloud, floating high above ground. The daze of sleep still enveloped her as she let her hands roam at his sides. Her hands found their way inside his shirt and she glided her fingers across his chest, sprawling them across every inch of surface available. His skin was warm to the touch and she arched her back, trying to bring her own body closer.
And he gave in.
He stopped supporting himself and he let his body cover hers. He also let his mouth lower and lower until he was at the edge of her shirt, her lips being teased with the taste of her breasts. He got to have her yesterday but it was not the same. It was not making love, it was not closeness. This was. For two long months he was unable to taste her flesh, feel her heartbeat, smell her heavenly scent. He could finally fix this, he could finally love her the way she should be loved. He could chase the memories of red eyes from her mind, remind her what it was like when they loved each other.
Sesshomaru grabbed the edge of her shirt and slowly lifted it, revealing her stomach. She shivered under the cool air but his hand soon fixed the situation. This was what was missing last time, the spark, the love, the need. He was making her dizzy -and not only with his touch but with his aura as well. Her mind was filled with a fog while he kept on lifting her shirt until her breasts were free from the constraint. She bite on her bottom lip while he slowly inched his mouth closer and closer to his prize. Her body shivered in anticipation and when he finally wrapped his tongue around her nipple she moaned.
She should be quiet, she should not make any sound but he was taking hold of her body in a way she never experienced before. He was hungry, pleasing, loving. He was taking and giving without seeking permission because he already knew her answer. She did not feel like a fragile piece of glass, instead, she felt desirable. It was the same feeling she experienced when he took her roughly for the first time, when he let his instincts take over. This was the same thing. Was it easier for him to do this now that he was whole?
Kagome was not complaining.
Sesshomaru was devouring every inch of flesh available to his mouth. He was being greedy and he was not even trying to stop. The one thing that killed him was that he could not hear all the sounds she wanted to make. They had to be silent despite the fact that he wanted all of her. They could not wake her family. Although it seemed it was too much for her to hold in. How he missed the sounds of her moans.
Impatience was getting the best of him and while he trailed his mouth down her stomach all the way under her navel, he let one of his hands free her from her pyjama bottoms. He carelessly threw them on the ground and she did not seem to care either. As soon as her white underwear were revealing to him, he jumped down to his new goal. He buried his nose in her core through the fabric. Her wetness soaked right through and the scent filled his nose. He closed his eyes, enjoying it.
A pale tint of red colored her cheeks; she did not know why but she felt shy. It was not the first time she did this kind of thing with him but it was the first time his eyes pierced through her soul. He wanted her. His amber orbs were clouded with desire and it was bringing out a side of her she did not know she had.
She did know that he had way too much clothes on though while she laid there almost naked. Why did that always happen?
Kagome decided to take an initiative and began fumbling with the buttons of his shirt. One by one they become undone until his shirt fell from his shoulders. He removed the rest himself and tossed it away with her pyjama. Once he was bare chested, he returned to his zone of interest. This time however, he slowly sneaked one claw inside her underwear. Then, slowly, he sliced an opening for himself. She inhaled deeply when the cold air brushed against her wet core. He nearly licked his lips in anticipation before diving in. He pushed his tongue through, tasting her juices.
The unexpected action caused her to let slip yet another moan. However, she was too turned on to notice she was being quite loud. Her bottom lip kept shaking while she rested her feet on his hips. Every time she flexed her toes, she was dragging his pants down. That was when Sesshomaru decided that they had to go. He never once pulled away; instead he used his free hands to tug them down and then kicked them at his feet. Now it was much better.
There was only one more piece of clothing of hers he wanted to get rid of and lucky for him, it was already tattered.
He dared to pull himself away from her core. He saw as she raised her hips out of instinct. Soon. He grabbed her underwear and dragged it all the way down her leg. He then did the same with his own which he was grateful for since his erection was getting quite uncomfortable. He wasted no time as he positioned himself at her entrance. Despite all of his bold actions, he still paused to look at her. He needed to make sure she wanted to keep moving forward with this. She never gazed at him since her eyes were closed but she wrapped her arms around his neck and that was all the permission he needed.
In one stroke, he pushed himself in.
And after that, he felt like a possessed man.
His strokes were rough and fast he gave powerful hip stroke. She was left voiceless; her lips open but every sound dying before it reached them. The entire bed was moving with them, slightly hitting the wall with each stroke. But they ignored it, they ignored it all. He was taking hold of her body, making her dizzy with a need she did not realize she had. The faster he went, the more she squeezed him, trapping him between her legs. Desire drove him wild and he never stopped, never slowed.
This was where he wanted to be, this was where he belonged.
He wanted to feel her, touch her. His mind was filled with passion, filled with thoughts of her. He almost felt as though he was inside her head.
He took. He was selfish.
She let him.
-B-
A sharp cry echoed through the room, breaking the silence.
By the time Kagome came to, she felt like a truck ran her over. Nonetheless, she did manage to open her eyes. However, she could not move - which was mostly due to the fact that Sesshomaru's heavy body was covering her tiny frame. Sesshomaru. Every single muscle in her body ached - but in a good way. She gently grabbed his shoulder and tried to shake him awake. She never knew him to ever go in such a deep sleep; could he not hear their son cry? His hearing was much better than hers.
"Sesshomaru."
Her voice combined with the noises and her touch did the trick. In a bolt, he was sitting in the bed. It took him a few minutes to find his surroundings and realized who was crying. He wasted no time and ran to their son. He quickly retrieved Kiyoshi from his crib and brought him to the bed with them. As soon as Kiyoshi was with his parents, he stopped crying.
"I think someone wanted some attention," she said with a laugh.
She took Kiyoshi from Sesshomaru's arms and gently rested him against her chest. Then, she slowly tilted her head backward and looked into Sesshomaru's eyes.
"That was unexpected."
She had no idea. "I did not plan for this."
How could he explain it to her without sounding absolutely crazy.
"You didn't wanna come over at four in the morning?"
No, no. He did. "It was not what I intended, no." But he gave in anyway.
"What happened?"
"I do not know."
"And the - mm…" How could she still not say it? She had a son! They just did it. "Sex. Was that planned?"
"Definitively not." Although it was his favourite part of this whole nightly escapade and she appeared to have rather enjoyed it as well. Especially if he based himself on all the screams she had to hold back during their little activity.
She did not mind what happened. Kagome had to admit she was not quite used to such spontaneity when it came to Sesshomaru but it was not a bad thing. She enjoyed being surprise, she enjoyed watching him do things he wanted to do. He was sweet the whole time, making sure she was comfortable but he took actions. He did things. Seeing him happy made her happy as well. He appeared to be much more comfortable than before in his own skin.
Kagome was no fool; she could see the timing. Clearly whatever changes were happening were due to his recent merging. Did she prevent him from being happy? Did she keep his beast away from him for too long? Could he have been happier much before? She did not like those thoughts. And those changes, were they permanent? Were they more to come?
"Does this have something to do with the merging?"
He figured she would eventually connect the dots. His behaviour was too unusual for her not to notice. He meant to bring up the subject in a much nicer conversation but now his choices were limited. The only thing he could do was to tell her the truth.
"I believe so."
"What is it doing to you?"
"I am not certain." His answers were always the same; he never knew anything. He was not doing it on purpose, he was simply just as clueless as she was. "I believe it tried to warn me."
"Warn you?"
"It said it took away some sides of me."
"What kind?"
"Urges. Darkness."
She did not like to think about darkness and Sesshomaru together. She saw what his worst side could do and she had no desire to ever see that again. No, she could not think that way. It was a different situation. He would never be this dark, this cruel with her. He proved it countless times.
"Do you think it was right?"
"I did not wish to believe it earlier but I do believe this might prove it."
He would have never acted like that before. He would have never showed up at her window like a horny teenager; he had some self-control. The worst part was that he barely tried to fight it; he embraced it.
"So, does - does that mean you'll just be a bit more selfish?" she said with a hint of a smile. She always wanted him to think of himself. This could be good for him, it did not have to be a bad thing. At least one good thing had to come out of this mess.
"It might be a little more than that." He should not tell her, he should keep it to himself. Then again, she would soon notice. He was apparently incapable of keeping himself in check.
She was afraid to ask. "Like what?"
"I might be changing."
"You merged."
"I merged and now I am changing."
She took a few breaths, her eyes never looked away from his. Change was good, right? "As in… to be more like your beast?"
"I am becoming more like myself."
She licked her dry lips, the question stuck in her throat. "And who's the real you?"
"I have no idea," and that was the truth.
Desperation and fear shun in his eyes for a brief moment but she did not miss it. He was heading down a new path and he thought he had to do it alone. He was always by her side, every step of the way. And now it was her turn. She survived his beast, she survived all the darkness, all the nightmares. She said it herself, they went through the worst. Nothing they had to face now could be any worst than what they already lived through. He was always by her side protecting her and now it was her turn to do the same.
So what if he had to change. What if he had to become a new person that could be completely different from the Sesshomaru she knew and loved? It did not matter. At the core, he would always be the same and that was the only thing that mattered to her.
She reached out for his left hand and covered it with her own. "I'll be okay," she said with a re-assuring voice. "If you don't know, then we'll figure it out together."
"What if you do not appreciate the end result?"
"Sesshomaru," she said with a serious tone. "I have already stared into the darkest part of you. And I've accepted them - just as you've accepted mine. I already know I love you and nothing is going to change that." She shrugged her shoulders. "Maybe these are just the effects happening right now because you just merged. Maybe they'll go away or maybe nothing else is going to change. No matter what happens, we'll face it together."
She could be the strong one this time, she could be the one saving him from himself.
He was going crazy. He could not understand his own thoughts or what was happening to him. All he could do was sit there and watch it happen. Despite her positive speech he knew things would keep on changing; he could feel it inside his chest.
The real question was, who would he be when it was going to be over?
What Sesshomaru would stand in front of her at the end?
He was beginning to wonder if the merging he agreed to was just another way for him to lose and that thought alone terrified him.
He could not lose her.
Most of all, he could not lose himself.
-B-
- 94
- 95
- 96
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Blood Stained