Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Blood Stained	By : Maddiesan Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 61648 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 6
Disclaimer: Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, and I do not make any money from these writings

Chapter List
- 95
- 96
- 97
A/N: I was not kidding. A chapter a day until Blood Stained is over (better start the countdown!) Seriously, thanks for the love guys. It is what helps me keep my word!
3 out of 3 so far.
Blood Stained
Chapter 96: Unexpected Solution
"Work?"
"He has a job."
"He has a company right?"
She nodded.
"But he didn't use to go in to work."
No, he did not. It was one of his new habits he developed since the merging. And that was a good thing. He should have a more normal routine, they both needed that. She would be lying if she said she was not surprised when he first brought it up. He did talk to her about it before - even though his mind was pretty much made up. She did not mind; it was his life and his choices. He should not have to run everything by her. Yes, they were a couple but he was also his own person. There was one thing she had to admit; it was slightly terrifying. In the past, she felt bad, she felt like she was the one putting a barrier between them, forcing them to be apart.
Now, all of the sudden, Sesshomaru was throwing himself in the world and she was the one wondering if - if they should be apart.
She often feared that she was preventing him from being himself. She never forgot his mother's words. However, since he was whole, he changed, he became who she thought he would never be able to be. That was their obstacle right? The last thing she ever wanted for him was unhappiness. It might no longer be a threat to them. If everything was solved, if everything was now possible…why were they still apart? It was not like either of them were afraid of serious commitment and they were already mated and had a son. They proved they could grow strong together and beat the strongest enemies. What was left to do? What was left to prove?
Maybe there was something else. Maybe it was the reason for her hesitation.
Time.
That was the problem left; they needed time.
Sesshomaru just went through a life changing moment and he was changing. It did not matter what he said; things might not be alright. They might not be alright. Perhaps his emotions and reactions were heightened since it very recently happened but maybe it would only increase with time. Perhaps in a few weeks he would decide that he was not satisfied with their relationship. Perhaps he would realize that something else made him happier. She did not doubt that he loved her and she would never doubt that. However love did not almost mean happiness. To be happy in a relationship you had to be able to be yourself.
He was doing that now but it might not always be this way.
It was better if they waited for all the changes to settle.
She sighed heavily before looking at her mother. "I should do something."
"What do you mean?"
"I can't really work - I mean I can get a job but it would not be a very good one. I don't really wanna work at Wacdonald's."
Sesshomaru had money but that was his money and she already explained that she wanted her own money. She did not want to be given money, she wanted to work for it.
"You want to return to school?"
"A lot of people do it. I could do it part-time, finish high school." Then maybe college. She did have her son to think about but if she only went part-time and found - oh. She could not exactly put him in day care now could she? She had not even thought about it. Youkais and half-youkais were so common for her that sometimes she forget the world did not know about them.
That would be problematic.
If only there was a support group for this. Now she would need to hire a special babysitter. She could not ask her mother to take on that task. Kagome was well aware that her mother would not mind looking after her own grandson but Kagome refused to take advantage of her and her kindness. Plus, she would not always be living with her mother. She would need someone. It would be the first problem she would take care of and then she would move on to bigger one like; how was he going to attend school? Unless. Unless they used one of Sesshomaru's device? They could hide his special features. But - but would it work with Kiyoshi? He was not youkai, at least not full and he was a priest either. They did not even know what it was.
Also, unless they restricted his powers too… he was bound to use them at least once.
That would be his life? Hidden from the world, never truthful with anyone?
That was a sad life. It was the life she and Sesshomaru had to live. She lied to her friends, even to her family sometimes, and he lied to the world. If the world was going to be such a harsh difficult place, she would have to create a safe place for her son. Somewhere where he could be himself.
"I think it's a good idea," her mother said with a smile. "I can help you if you need."
"Thank you, but I'll manage."
She was not a single mother, she had to remember that. And if her mother could raise two kids - three if you counted her grandpa - all on her own, then Kagome could manage with Sesshomaru by her side.
"If you need anything, let me know."
Kagome thanked her mother with a nod.
"Oh, and maybe we should give Sesshomaru a key to the house?"
Kagome's eyes widened slightly as a small panic formed inside of her. Did she know? "Oh, why?"
"He's often over and it would be normal for him to have access to the house. You live here. Kiyoshi lives here."
Kagome felt her heartbeat slow down. She was aware that she was not exactly quiet when Sesshomaru came over. Although she could hardly be blamed for her reaction. She was not used to a rough, intense Sesshomaru. And he made her feel good. Perhaps that was another thing to add to the pro column; it would not be awkward to be intimate if they lived together. They would not have to hide anything or worry about someone walking in on them.
"Good idea. I'll talk to him about it."
Her mother smiled, happy with her daughter's decision before getting up and heading towards the kitchen so that she could begin working on their lunch. Right before she exited the room, she stopped and turned around.
"And that way he could use the front door instead of the window," she added with a smile.
This time, Kagome's cheeks turned full bright red and she was forced to look down at the ground, unable to gaze at her mother. Shame rose within her as she tried to form an explanation. How could she explain? Clearly they were trying to hide what they were doing. He did not even stay for breakfast that morning because he did not want her to have to explain his presence in the morning and he did not want to be disrespectful. He did not think it was polite of him to come over during the night. Even though that did not stop him from coming. She agreed with him since this was her mother's house.
And now… it turned out that she knew the whole time.
"Sorry," she mumbled. It was the only thing she could think of saying. It was the same thing she said last time it happened. She also promised that it would not happen again. She did not even try to stop it and she should have…
"He is allowed to come over."
Last time, Miyu's reaction was slightly different. However, things between her and Sesshomaru. Especially during Kagome's coma and despite all the pain, all the hurt she did know one thing; he made her daughter happy and he loved her. A lot. He would do anything for her.
She would not stand in the way of those two and if Kagome thought it was better that they did not live together just yet, then she did not want her daughter to rush into that decision. Because of that, it meant she would have to make some exceptions. And from what she understood, they were mated, which was a stronger commitment than marriage. They already made a lifetime commitment to each other - simply not in a human way.
"I know - but I - I'm sorry."
"I'll have the key made today."
"Thanks mom."
Although once Kagome would share this with Sesshomaru she had a feeling he might not want to come over. He was already uncomfortable in her mother's presence and this would not help the situation. Even she was uncomfortable. She would make sure to keep her bedroom door opened the next time he would be over. At least until they stopped looking so guilty. It was not as though her mother thought she was a virgin. Regardless, she did not need to know when she was doing it - or that it was happening under her very own roof. They were usually very discreet about it. It almost made it sound like they lacked passion before, but they did not. Their pace was simply slow and steady. Everything they did was done one little step at a time. They never jumped steps or made decision on the spot.
Perhaps that was something that was missing? Maybe they needed to be more spontaneous like normal people?
They would need to have a more in depth conversation about this. She did not want to push him, she did not wish for him to speak about it if he had no desire to do so. But - but they probably could not leave the situation as it was, especially with all the transformations happening.
Kagome leaned into the couch and sighed before staring at her son. His baby blue blanket was sprawled across the floor and he was happily laying on it as he played with his toys - not a care in the world. How she wished it could stay that way forever. She wanted him to remain unaware of the burden he carried inside. She would take care of it, she would make it go away. She was resourceful and so was Sesshomaru. There was no way the two of them could not fix this problem. She would carry it, she would protect it. She would not fail pray to the jewel once more. She was not the same person as before. Darkness used to swirl around inside of her but she got rid of it. She grew, she changed, yes. But she could be pure enough to carry it around with her.
It was her burden.
One that she did not choose for herself, but it was hers anyway.
She would never escape her destiny.
-B-
He no longer recognized himself.
Sesshomaru stared at the pile of papers in front of him and he was unsure of where to begin. He was gone for a long time. Granted, he had people who took care of things for him but it was as they said; if you want something done, do it yourself. Problems had accumulated, notices were passed and all the organization went through the window. Nobody seemed to have his dedication to perfection. Though, the fact that he did not require any sleep did help him stay organized. He was almost beginning to regret his decision but he could not back down now that he saw the mess that laid in front of him. He forgot all the responsibilities that came with owning a business. For a while, his little fake life far away with Kagome had become his real life.
But, no, reality was not as kind as his Kagome.
And now he had to come back to reality and work. He did not need the moment at the moment but he wanted to keep his business going. Not only would it provide money for him and his family for a long time but it was also a sanctuary for youkais. If one came to him, he offered it work. It was a hard place to be a youkai and if he could help he would. It also helped him make contacts and keep friendships alive. Contacts were essential in this world and they helped him fix a lot of problems in the past, including his little watch and finding the locations of the missing jewel shards.
Until now, he spent every second with Kagome and their son. If he was not with them, he was thinking about them. That was his whole life. He woke up in the morning thinking that might not be a healthy perspective on life and that perhaps it was putting too much pressure and constriction on his relationship with Kagome. Was she not the one who was constantly afraid he was unhappy? Selfishness was no longer his favourite trait but he understood the necessity of it. If they wanted to have a normal life together, then they needed to find a healthy balance again. It was not just them and they were not stuck days at a time in a hotel room. They had to think about themselves, their future and their happiness. At least that's what he came to understand today.
He was understanding a lot of things since the merging and a lot of his opinions were slightly different from before. Life-changing decisions had to be made with Kagome - that was a giving. But little things about his life? He could make those on his own. He already bought a house all on his own and he could choose to go to work on his own. He was not a child. He used to walk around her like she was a fragile sculpture of glass and he was going to break her. That was not the reality of their situation. Kagome was stronger than he was and she could voice her opinion when she did not agree about something. And she was right; his attitude was unhealthy for the both of them. Now that his mind was not as clouded, he could see and accept that.
Unfortunately, having those revelations were scary.
When it happened, Sesshomaru felt like he was losing himself. He did not think like that before. Why not? Was it because he was not whole or was it because it was not who he was? Perhaps he needed a good balance within him to be the person he was meant to be. Or maybe sometimes his beast was more logical than he used to be - and that was a terrifying thought. Though it would make sense would it not? The beast did mention that it took away some parts of Sesshomaru. That would mean that his judgement was affected when he was only half of himself. They were only small modification, nothing major. He had more urges, he responded more strongly to a few things - but… he was still himself. At least it was what he tried to tell himself every time he felt like he was having an out of body experience.
His dreams were strange as well. That meant he was barely getting any sleep. His beast's memories were merging with his but they mostly felt like dreams, not like real life experiences. He also took that as a hint that the merging was not fully completed. Perhaps there were other steps he was not aware of and that he would only find out about when they happened. For once, he almost regretted the fact that he could not ask his beast about it. He almost missed the second voice in his head. It seemed to have all the answers while Sesshomaru was always left behind, trying to piece it all together. Why did that trait not transfer over as well?
He also did not share all of this with Kagome. It was not as thought he did not want to or because he thought she would not understand. It was mostly because there was nothing she could do to help him. Plus, it would worry her and that was the last thing he wanted. He chose to be selfish; he could keep all of this to himself. If he ended up thinking it was bad or dangerous, then he would tell her but for her, it was safe.
Sesshomaru leaned back into his black leather chair and crossed his arms behind his head.
How was he supposed to focus on his work to do when his mind was scrambled with a million thoughts?
Could he call Kagome? He could. And he wanted to; was that not reason enough?
He picked up his office phone and quickly dialled her number. It rang a few times and for a while he thought she was not going to pick up. Fortunately for him, just as he was about to give up, someone picked up. "Moshi-Moshi. Higurashi residence."
"Mrs. Higurashi, this is Sesshomaru. Is Kagome home?" Where else would she be? Though she could leave to - she was free to do as she pleased.
"Just a minute."
He barely had to wait a second.
"Sesshomaru?"
"How are you?"
"I'm good. How's work?"
"Long. Boring. Clearly these people do not know how to run a company."
He heard her laugh. "Then it's a good thing you came back."
"I think so too. Are you free tonight?"
"Yes why?"
"I'm taking you out to dinner. We can bring Kiyoshi. Your mother does not need to babysit him." She was not their babysitter and he felt like they imposed on her a lot already. He sure did when Kagome was in a coma. It was hard to take care of a child when you were on your own. And he was not the most skilled when it came to parenthood - and diaper changing. His mother-in-law was definitively better than him at it. Plus, if they brought Kiyoshi he would be able to spend some time with him and their son was not a loud child and so it should not be a problem if he was with them.
"That'd be nice."
"I will pick you up tonight at 8." It was not even a question. That was rude of him. "If that is convenient for you."
"8'o clock is great."
"I miss you, Kagome."
He might want to work and busy up his day but it did not mean he did not miss her presence by his side. He had only gotten her back.
"I miss you too."
"I will see you tonight."
They exchanged their goodbyes and he hung up the phone. She deserved a special evening, she deserved to be treated like a queen. And he would do that for her. She did not enjoy being spoiled and he appreciated that about her but it did not mean he was not going to try. The merging only helped to confirm what he already knew; Kagome was the one, his mate. And it would always be that way. His beast only tried to push her away because it thought it was best for her. He understood it clearly now. He knew it was no longer necessary. He could be the one she needed and he could be himself all at the same time. It did not scare her, it did not push her away. For a while, he was afraid selfishness and darkness would be the reason she would leave but he was wrong.
It was by holding himself back that he could lose her.
He needed to go out with her, talk to her. Show her the new side of him and perhaps they could discuss of things to come.
Sesshomaru knew how she felt about many things. And he agreed on most of them.
However, for the first time, he was going to give his point of view.
-B-
Punctuality.
As per usual, Sesshomaru arrived at her house at eight o'clock sharp. She had already been awake for hours by the time he arrived. Since she did not know where they were going she opted for a black skirt and a red top. He was rather silent during the car drive and he remained that way until they arrived at the restaurant. Now that they were sitting down, and they had ordered, it was just the two of them. She chose to let him break the silence; obviously he had something to say and she refused to rush him.
Instead she stared at him, smiling, as she played with edge of the golden table cloth.
He was aware of the patience she was showing him and he appreciated that she allowed them to have a silent car ride. However, he did know that this could not go on forever. When he was alone in his office, he was convinced that he could speak with her without any trouble. Now however, he was kind of worried. He did not know why. It was one thing to imagine the conversation and it was another to actually have it. Plus, he did not know what kind of reaction to expect from her - or from himself for all that mattered.
"How was your day?" he finally asked.
"It was okay." Should she tell him? Oh why not. "I- I actually - I'm thinking about going back to school." She paused. "Part-time. But you know it would be nice to finally get my high school diploma."
"I agree."
"So you think it's a good idea?"
"If you would like to do it, I believe you should." She was not just a mother - or a mate. She could have goals and desires; there was nothing wrong with that and he would never stand in her way. He would help her any way he could.
She smiled. "Thank you. But - I was - I mean there is one problem. We can't exactly get a babysitter for Kiyoshi. And it's not like we've figured out a way to hide his youki."
"There are youkai babysitters."
"Are you serious? That's a thing?"
"I am not the only youkai in the world."
"Oh, I guess that makes sense. Could - could we get one of those?"
"Would you not rather leave him with your mother?"
It was almost foolish. Their son was strong and he was currently protecting a very precious item. It should be safer to leave him with a youkai and yet somehow he felt like his mother-in-law was better. Perhaps it was the shrine -which offered some kind of protection despite the fact that Kagome's grandfather was not a very powerful monk. Perhaps it was her.
"I know she'd do it if I asked but she has done so much. I don't want her to take over all these responsibilities that aren't hers."
He nodded in agreement. "It will be a lengthy process. I will not leave her son with just anyone."
"I agree." Especially considering the few problems they had in the past when it came to other youkai and the jewel. "That's something else I'm concerned about…" She did not mean to start the topic now. He had something he wanted to talk to her about. She should let him - but the jewel had occupied her mind so much lately, it was hard to let it go.
"About Kiyoshi?"
"And the jewel," she rapidly added. "I don't want it to stay where it is. I want to find a way to bring it back in my body."
He arched an eyebrow. "Your body?"
She nodded. "I'm the one who's supposed to protect it. I don't want his live in danger."
"I do not want either of your lives in danger."
"Rather mine than his."
They were both equally important to him but he understood. She was a mother; her child came first - there was no point in talking it over, he would not win this.
"What would you like to do about it?" It was not as though they had not tried to get rid of the jewel before…
"I don't know but we need to figure it out. I can't have him like this. It's not safe. I saw it in my dream," she said, ending the end in a whisper.
"In your coma?"
"Yes. He needs me, I know he needs me to protect him from it. I don't care who we have to find, who we need to talk to… we have to fix this."
He sighed heavily; she was not going to like his proposition. "There is one person who might be able to provide us with some answer."
"Who?"
"My mother."
Mizuki. Her favorite person in the entire world. The person who was almost responsible for pushing them apart. No, she was not exactly thrilled about the idea of ever seeing her again.
"How could she help?"
"My mother has been alive for a very long time Kagome. She knows many people."
She did say that she did not care who it was as long as it worked. That would have to include his horrible mother. "Fine."
"You would not mind if I invited her over?" He almost minded - although he was with her on this. Kiyoshi came first. Plus, there might be a chance they could find a way to destroy it completely, not just transfer it to Kagome's body. He still did not like that idea.
"It's for Kiyoshi. I'll tolerate her."
"Very well, I will take care of it tonight."
His last conversation with his mother did not end well. None of his conversation with the woman went very smoothly. Last time was worst though; she forced Kagome to face the beast and he was not quite ready to forgive her for that. At least this time, she could not repeat that little trick of hers. Also, perhaps this would be a great occasion to rub in her face that she was absolutely wrong about them and that they could do it. That Kagome could face her fears and love all of him. And she did. He was fairly certain that his mother did not see that coming.
And despite all of her flaws she might just want to help her own grandson.
"Thank you."
"He is also my son," he said, a hint of teasing in his voice.
"I know I just - I know you pretty much feel the same way I do about her."
"We will handle it - for Kiyoshi."
She nodded. There was no other option - at least not at the moment.
"What about you?" she finally dared to ask. She took the conversation so far away from him that he probably forgot whatever was on his mind. "Are you okay?" she tried to play it off.
"I am not certain."
That response again.
"Is it the merging again?"
"I am not the same person, Kagome."
"And that's fine, I already told you."
"I no longer feel like myself," he admitted. "I want things. I do things."
She shrugged her shoulders. "So? That's not a bad thing. You should want things, you should do what you wanna do."
"But -"
"This relationship is not only about me, Sesshomaru, I've told you that before. We are new people, we are not broken. It can't be about my happiness all the time. It's not right."
He treated her like a queen. He made sure she had everything she wanted and more. She could not complain. But she would not mind if he did things for himself. His new attitude was good.
"What if it goes too far? What if -"
"You'll never hurt me."
"What if I do?"
"Sesshomaru, we're going to fight. We're probably going to be very angry at each other sometimes. And that's okay. It happens."
He knew. Though they probably had enough fights in the Feudal Era to last them a lifetime. He would hate those moments. He would hate being angry with her and he would hate raising his voice at her. He never wanted to do that - but she was right, it would happen eventually.
"What if I do something worst?"
"You won't."
"Hn."
She could not help the laugh that escape her. "It's been a while since I've heard that."
"Perhaps I am regressing, perhaps I am going back to what I was."
Kagome reached over the table and grabbed his hand. "Sesshomaru, you are never going to be that person again. You don't have to be scared. You're changing and yes it might make a few differences but you'll always be Sesshomaru. It's okay for you to fully be who you want to be."
"Is it alright for me to want the things I want?"
"Yes."
"Come live with me."
From all the things he could have said, this would have never been what she thought he would ask for - not now. They talked about it before her coma. They agreed. Then they stopped talking about it. It was on her mind, she could not lie. She thought about it this very morning - but she came to the conclusion that it was not right, not when he was changing. And he only confirmed her suspicions; he wanted new things. And one day she might not be one of the things he wanted.
"Now?"
"Is the present not an appropriate time?" They pushed it back because of his beast and everything surrounding it but that problem had now vanish. What was holding them back?
"I just - is the timing right?"
"Was it ever? Will it ever be? The beast is gone." He was pushing her, forcing her into a decision she did not want to make but he could not stop himself. He did not want to stop.
"I-" How could she explain it to him? "This might not be what you want later on, down the road."
"I might not want to live with you?" She was not making any sense.
"You might not want me," she finally admitted out loud. She felt so foolish that she was forced to stare down at the table, unable to hold his gaze.
At her words, he felt his entire world crashing down around him. How could she think such foolishness? He raised his hand and grabbed her chin. Gently, he lifted her head, forcing her to stare into his eyes. "Kagome, I will always want you. You are the only certainty in my life. It does not matter how much I change, this will never change. I will always love you."
"What if you don't?"
"But I will. I promise you that. You said I cannot become a different person. I would need to be a completely different person, without my memories, to ever not want you."
All he could think about was how sure he was that she was the right choice, the one to be with him forever. How could she believe that there was even a possibility that he would not want her in his life? He was a better person because of her. He was a changed man. All the happiness he ever experienced, he owed it to her. She gave him everything; her love, a happy life, a son. He would never be able to repay all the joy he obtained from her love.
"How can you be so sure?"
"Aren't you? Will you ever not want me?"
"No."
"And I do not question it."
He was right - he was absolutely right. He never questioned her. He let her do everything and he believed in her. But really could he blame her? When did anything ever go right for them? Since the very beginning they went through hurdle after hurdle, never catching a break. It did not matter if they were in the Feudal Era or the present; there was always an obstacle standing in their way. Some days she did not even feel like she was living, it was just as though she was waiting for the next storm to hit. That was no way to live.
"You're right. I'm sorry."
He lifted his hand and gently caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. "You have nothing to apologize for, Kagome." He paused and stared into her eyes. "If you do not wish to move in just yet, I will wait. If you do not want to answer me, I will wait. I do not wish for you to do something you do not want to do."
"But you want this."
"I do."
"And you told me."
"Yes."
"You never would have done that before."
"I am changing."
"I think I like it."
He chuckled. "I do not mind it." Not if it made her smile like that. Even her grey eyes were sparkling with joy. He told her what he wanted and it went smoothly. He almost felt like an idiot for worrying in the first place.
"Step by step?"
He tilted his head to the side in confusion, his silver locks cascading down his shoulders. "Step by step?"
"We could go slowly. I could you know, have a drawer, clothes. Sleep over." And not just fall asleep after having sex with his beast. Something she would never ever have to do again.
"A drawer?"
"Mmm-hmm. And a toothbrush, let's not forget that." She bite her bottom lip. "I don't want to say no, because I want this. But I don't want to throw myself into this situation. I'm afraid the moment I'll start being really happy… is the moment it'll all go to hell and I don't want that. If I'm going to get burned then I want to be ready."
"Kagome…"
"When have we ever been lucky?"
He could not argue with that.
"Perhaps our luck has changed?"
"We'll see about that," she added with a tiny smirk. As long as he understood that it was not him she did not trust but life, it was okay. She was not doing this to hurt him.
"I agree."
"Step by step?"
"Step by step," he repeated after her.
He felt his heart swell within his chest and happiness traveled through him. He broke into a smile and realized selfishness was not that selfish. It was not all about getting what he wanted. It was the happiness that came with her and his happiness. He was taking step, he was reaching out to get what he wanted - and it was working. And he was not hurting anyone.
He enjoyed that.
He was whole, he was happy and most of all, he had Kagome by his side and nothing was going to change that.
-B-
- 95
- 96
- 97
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Blood Stained