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You Can't Help Me	By : kittydemon Category: InuYasha > General Views: 1689 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

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Title: You Can�t Help Me
Chapter one: Innocente
Date: 09/07/03
Author: Kittydemon
Disclaimer: Inu Yasha�s not mine and the chapter is named after a song by Delerium (Poem), also not mine.
Warnings: Angst, blood (but it�s not like you never see that in the actual series)- that�s it. I even managed to make this chapter without swearing- lol, hard, considering this is about Inu Yasha.
Authors Ramble: This is just an idea that I came up with when I was going to sleep one night. I noticed how there are quite a few fics about Kagome cutting herself, but there�s never one about Inu Yasha (at least I have never come across one), which I found strange considering Inu Yasha�s background and sad history. Thus, here you have the first chapter of You Can�t Help Me!

Ps. Please ignore my appalling spelling and weird expressions- plus I�m just sorry for my crappy writing skills!! ^ ^;

~*~

Bright drops of water glittered in the air like numerous little shards of some precious jewel. Another splash brought forth more drops to soar in the air, before they crashed back down to the rippling water of the pond. Inu Yasha carelessly rubbed the blood off of his arms in quick frenzy. The red thick liquid spread through the water he was in, making various beautiful yet strange shapes before it dissolved to become nothing.
A slight, quiet grunt escaped his lips while his eyes glazed slightly in uncontrolled emotion. The blood under his nails was buried deep under the hard claws, right where the skin was, and wouldn�t come out making it appear as if he had red-rimmed claws. His wet clothes and hair that clung didn�t seem to bother him, as he furiously tried to clean off the blood from his sight.
The blood. There was so much of it. So much.
The deep lashes on his arms throbbed in pain, but the blood loss and the cold water had numbed it to a certain degree.
The setting sun glistened in between the thick wood of trees that made up the forest, but its beauty was unnoticed this time. Inu Yasha stared at his distorted reflection, a blur of red amongst the many ripples plaguing the water that surrounded him. His red hiori turned an even darker red where the cold liquid touched it, and a near brown where it has been scorched by his own blood.
A small tear managed to escape from the corner of his right eye, but it was angrily wiped away. Yet the pain was too immense to bear, and too insistent to ignore. The gashes that stung on his arms now, were different from any wounds he had received before. They were his �first�. His first... self-induced wounds.
Another whimper tore from his throat as he viciously tried to contain any sound with in him.
This time he did �it�. The �it� he had wanted to do for too long but was too scared. He was too young and cowardly then. But now he finally managed to cut himself, to do away with his misery he had been keeping bottled up ever since he woke up on the God tree.
He had heard from eaves-dropping on humans that apparently they get �relief� from life�s troubles if they sacrifice their own blood to mother earth. Ever since that time it never left his mind and taunted him to try, but only now did his mind allow him to do this to himself. His eyes fell on the skin on his arms that looked paler than white sheets of paper now, with pink lines that weren�t bleeding anymore.
The ice-cold water rippled into the distance of the lake. Golden eyes blinked rapidly as memories of why this sacrifice of blood was made in the first place soared through his broken mind. Flashes of Kikyo, and bits of sentences, abusive words and tormenting glares prickled in his head as he relived every second over and over again.
�Everywhere you go, you bring ruin close after you...� His hands began to slow down their movement, while he drowned further in his memories of his encounter with the dead miko.
�Anyone you talk to, suffers...� His red sleeves slid down his arms, covering the offended limbs and once again rippling the smooth surface of the lake.
�Everyone you get close to, dies... like I did...� The drenched hanyou straightened up in the water and let out a struggled sigh as shivers crept through his body.
�You�re a disease, Inu Yasha. A sickness that needs crushing. You�re not worth the dirt you walk on!� Something clenched in his chest, and breathing became all the more difficult than it already was.
Inu Yasha forced himself to calm down and concentrate on the fuzzy feeling on his arms, instead of the past. After all, it�s not like this was the first time he�d ever heard those words come from someone�s lips. And it probably won�t be the last.
It was a pity that the relief he got from cutting himself was so short lived. The whole experience wasn�t very pleasant, but it had the potential to be... if only he he�d used something like one of those sharp knives from Kagome�s time, instead of his claws... perhaps it wouldn�t have been so painful. Inu Yasha closed his eyes, in an attempt to forget all that happened that summer afternoon.
Like predicted, nothing was forgotten. And his crippled heart would probably never let him forget the pain he allowed a single human to inflict on him.
No more. Never again. Finite thoughts ran through his head, as he urged himself to gather enough morale to keep gathering the Shikon shards. There was no doubt that he would become stronger in his heart as soon as he looses his feeble grip he has on his youkai�s strength. As soon as he lets his consciousness slowly wear away until all that�s left is desire, and no thought, he won�t have to feel misery. Or pain.
Then he wouldn�t care whether someone thinks he is a disease or not, then, he would only care to kill their weak pathetic beings, and destroy their lives, like they destroyed his.
Inu Yasha breathed out a controlled, steady breath, and opened his eyes to see the very last of the large red sun disappear beyond the horizon, before getting out of the cold waters of the lake Kagome had once bathed in.

~*~

Wooow! First time I�ve written angst! Well, I hope you guys like this! This story will probably be longer than ten chapters, so you have a lot to look forward to!

Otherwise, some one PLEASE leave me some advice about how to write!!

Flames are welcome...if that�s the only way you can express that you don�t like something- it�s fine!

Comment are welcome too! Tell me what you guys expect from this story, I really enjoy reading those!

Love you!

Bye!
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You Can't Help Me