Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

In Alignment With Angels	By : SchrodingersCat Category: InuYasha > General Views: 1767 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
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I know it's a shock, but I don't own Inuyasha.

Despite Inuyasha�s powerless position under Naraku�s merciless command, he manages to find the one person in the world who could possibly soothe his soul: Kagome. Inuyasha�s job used to be almost easy to do because of his apathy, but now that they�re together, they both have everything to lose. Can their love survive in such conditions, when giant obstacles and crushing despair lie around every corner? Please read, enjoy, and discover the secrets of our heroes� pasts and present in this chronologically confused tale in which two broken lives find both their salvation and destruction in each other.

***VERY IMPORTANT: THIS FIC (noticed I used the word fic which means that I don�t own any of the characters�you like how I slipped that disclaimer in there? Very sneaky, huh?) IS PURPOSELY WRITTEN OUT OF CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER, SO IF YOU PLAN ON HAVING THE SLIGHTEST IDEA OF WHAT�S GOING ON, YOU�LL WANT TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE DATES AT THE HEAD OF EVERY CHAPTER/SECTION***

Quick A/N: Whenever you can, or it inspires you to do so, put yourself in the character�s place; that�s what I did while writing this. I think it makes for a more effective story.
Please, please, and PLEASE review! I already have this story completed, as it was necessary to finish it before posting anything, so how quickly I update will depend on how many review I get, since I�ll most likely be more inspired to proofread it if I get a lot of reviews. Also, I�ve never really written a story like this before, and I really need input on it.
One more thing: Could anyone please tell me how to make things bold and italic? I�m totally computer-illiterate, so I haven�t figure it out yet. Please let me know, so that I can make the dates bold!

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October 5, 2004. 3:19 AM. Inuyasha.
Inuyasha shook his head, trying to dispel the image of blood seeping from a stranger�s walls from his mind, before entering his house. He unlocked the bolt and his hand closed around the doorknob, but he couldn�t find a way to get the image out of his mind. More and more often lately, he hadn�t been able to simply shrug off all the damage he caused, all the lives he took, as a way to maintain an income and a convenient outlet for all his frustrations. The fact that the blood covering his clothing was permeating his sensitive nose horribly wasn�t helping him to forget.

The only thing Inuyasha wanted to do was go in, throw out his clothes, take a shower, and curl up in bed, holding close the sleeping girlfriend who was inside waiting for him.

With a sigh, he gave up and opened the door and stepped into his home, festering gory images and all.

He took a deep breath, soaking in the distinctive, calming smell of the only person who truly cared for him, and realized that the scent wasn�t coming from their bedroom, where Kagome should have been at that time of night.

That wonderful, empty smell. For four months now, that smell had been lacking that which had made it so joyously complete. And it was entirely his fault.

Inuyasha cringed and locked the door, then shook off his shoes, dreading what would happen when he stepped into the living room ahead of him. After what he�d just done, a little confrontation with his girlfriend should have been nothing. But the thought of Kagome being angry was infinitely scarier than the possibility of what could have happened had his task gone wrong.

If their imminent argument led to Kagome finding out what he�d just been doing�

He didn�t want to finish the sentence, but his mind filled in the blanks unbidden.

She would leave him, and he�d be alone once again.

The lights were off and the room was nearly pitch black, but his eyes found her immediately. She was sitting cross-legged in their overstuffed armchair, looking very small, very hurt, and very angry. She was glaring at him with every once of negative emotion she was able to retain. The look was somewhat off-kilter amid her cozy-looking cotton gray pajamas.

�Where were you?� she demanded straight away.

Inuyasha sighed. �I got a call from work.�

�For what? What kind of emergency can they possibly have in the middle of the night in your line of work?�

She already didn�t believe him. That was fair though. By day, he was a martial arts instructor in a dojo downtown. It wasn�t just a lie; it was a stupid lie.

�Some kids were trying to break in. They called me to come and stop it.� It was the only possible excuse he could think of.

�As opposed to someone whose job it is to be awake at this time of night and take care of those things, like�oh, I don�t know�maybe the police?!�

�Look, I don�t know why they called me, but they-�

Kagome�s broken sigh interrupted him. �Inuyasha�it�s time to stop lying to me. Just admit it.�

�Kagome�it�s very, very late.�

�You think I haven�t noticed that?!� She was yelling now, very apparently fighting back tears. �Do you think that I haven�t noticed that it�s very late every time you mysteriously disappear in the middle of the night?� She took a deep breath. �Turn on the light, Inuyasha.�

That was something he couldn�t do. He knew perfectly well that he was covered in dried blood. Kagome would be terrified and beyond pissed to see him like this again. �I�� There was no way out of this.

Kagome gripped her own arms tighter, her face a picture of hesitant fear, and Inuyasha felt sandpaper wrapping around his heart and squeezing. Immediately, he strode over and put his arms around her. A small bit of relief came to him as she sank into him, pressing her face to his neck. His hand held the back of her head, and he turned his face into her long, soft hair.

�Tell me you don�t go every night where I think you go,� she whimpered, clinging to his shoulders. �What is it that you do when you leave me?�

�It�s nothing, Kagome. Nothing at all.� He lifted her and plopped into the chair, pulling her securely into his lap.

Her shoulders started shaking, and he smelled the salt of her frustrated, tired tears. �That�s such bullshit,� she whispered. �Every night, I wake up to hear you walking out, and I�m sick and tired of waiting for you to come back, waiting to see if you�ll stop keeping secrets from me out of your own volition. Goddamn it, Inuyasha, tell me I�m wrong! Tell me that you�d never do it again, simply because you promised me you wouldn�t.� She sounded spent, and she sniffled. All was quiet as he felt her shift slightly, then she jerked away from him.

�What is it?� Inuyasha asked

She scrambled off his lap and clenched his shoulders in her hands. �You bastard,� she cried, shaking him a little.

�What are you talking about?� He gently took her hands and pulled them away.

�It�s been a long time since I smelled blood on you in the middle of the night. It�s not yours, is it.� It wasn�t posed as a question.

Damn. He always underestimated human senses just when he needed to do the opposite. In all honesty, he�d forgotten about the blood on him, needing just to make things better between him and Kagome, every instinct telling him to comfort his mate.

He stood and she took slow steps backwards, away from him. �I knew it. I fucking knew it!�

�Kagome, this isn�t what it seems. Please, just calm down.� His voice was very even, and he walked towards her, hands outstretched to her.

She reached a wall, and her eyes never left his as he stepped ever closer to her. He didn�t smell real fear on her, but her anxiety was nearly suffocating. Suddenly, her hand flicked out, and the room was filled with harsh light.

Her gasp attacked his ears as she saw the state he was in: the soiled clothes, the hair matted with blood, the gash in his side that had stopped bleeding, but was taking its time to heal.

She slid down the wall and her hands clenched each other at her chest. �What the fuck did you do, Inuyasha?�

�Kagome�please-�

�Stop! Don�t come near me.�

A growl ripped through his throat, and in a fraction of a second, he was crouched in front of her and leaning to bring his face close to hers. His hand tenderly gripped her chin. �Kagome, you know I�d never hurt you.� He kissed her forehead lovingly. �You never have to be afraid of me.� His breath grazed her delicate skin as he spoke.

She shoved sharply at his chest, which didn�t actually accomplish much, but enabled her to glare at him fiercely. �Don�t you get it?! I�m not afraid of you, I�m afraid of what you did!�

He took her face in his hands. �You have nothing to be afraid of.�

She gripped his wrists and wrenched his hands away. �How can you possibly tell me that?!� She stood and skittered away a few steps. �After what you did, you have no right to tell me to calm down. You said that this would never happen again! You said�� She trailed off, staring at him in horror as he stood tiredly. �You promised me! How could you do this, Inuyasha?� She sounded so defeated, so broken, so full of hate.

�Kagome, please�please, just calm down.�

�How? Tell me how I can possibly calm down at a time like this, and I�ll do it. You bastard. You said-�

�I know what I said, Kagome.� He wanted to hang his head in shame, but he kept his eyes carefully, remorsefully on her. �And I�m sorrier for breaking that promise than I could possibly say, but I had to.�

�Oh really? Well, that makes me feel a lot better.�

He could practically taste her sarcasm, bitter and rancid. Inuyasha took a few steps toward her. Thankfully, she didn�t retreat. �Kagome, this has nothing at all to do with you. This time, we�re going to be completely separate from all that shit. This isn�t going to affect our lives ever again. I promise, I won�t let it.�

�No, Inuyasha, that�s just what you�d like to believe. Wanting things to be a certain way doesn�t make them so. And for further reference, your promises don�t mean shit anymore. Don�t touch me!� she spat angrily, batting his hand away from her face.

He growled, instincts and temper flaring, and stepped forward enough for her to have to crane her neck to look up at him. �I�ll touch you whenever I like, mate.�

Her brown eyes darkened. �No, Inuyasha, you�ve lost that privilege after all you�ve done. I�I can�t trust you anymore.�

Inuyasha�s jaw clenched. He couldn�t see a way out of his. �Kagome�look, just don�t do this. Right now, the last thing I want is to get into a fight with you. I just�I just want�� He trailed off, not knowing what to say.

�What exactly do you expect me to do? Back off and pretend everything�s okay, sleep in your arms like always just because you don�t want to face reality?�

He sighed once again. His body ached and his mind dragged. The smells of blood and various violently potent emotions were overwhelming him. �It would be a nice start,� he muttered.

�That�s not funny.�

�Alright, Kagome, what do you want me to say?�

Kagome chuckled softly. �I don�t even know, honestly. I don�t think there�s actually anything you can say at this point. It�s taken you a while, but you�ve managed to fuck up absolutely everything. By this time, I can�t think of a single thing that you could say to rectify the situation, so I guess you�re just out of luck.�

Inuyasha ran a hand over his eyes once, trying to dispel the throbbing fatigue. �Kagome�� His eyes softened, and he held his arms opened to her. �Come here,� he invited quietly. Who was he to deny the truth? But after all was said and done, she was still his mate. They�d been through a lot, but they�d been through it together. She still loved him. Didn�t she?

She swallowed hard, and shook her head. �I�I can�t. You think I can touch you now, when you�re covered in blood from doing what I know you did?�

His eyes flickered from hers. �Kagome�I cannot lose you. I won�t.�

Kagome buried her face in her hands, hunching in upon herself. �Go take a shower and get those clothes out of here. We�ll talk later.�

�I�m not leaving this room unless I know you�ll be here when I get back.�

�I didn�t leave you before, what makes you think I�ll have the strength to do so now?� She took a few steps and slumped back into the chair where he�d found her.

It took more effort than he knew he had in him to turn and walk to the bathroom. That was a lie. She had left him. But she came back, he reminded himself.

Steam began to filter into the air as he stripped off his ruined clothes.

When Inuyasha emerged from the shower, their bedroom was dark, and Kagome was lying in bed, tucked tightly under the covers. He could tell she wasn�t asleep, but her heavy breathing told him she was barely awake.

He let his towel fall to the floor, not bothering to put anything on, and slipped under the covers. He tentatively scooted closer and lay down on his side. He pulled in a deep breath laced with her scent, and wrapped an arm around her securely.

She jerked into full consciousness and realized what had awoken her. �Don�t touch me,� she whispered brokenly.

Inuyasha sighed and propped himself up on his elbow. Leaning over her, he kissed the side of her neck in the cover of the blackness of the room. His arm pulled her against him firmly. She felt so small. �Come on, Kagome. We can get through this. Don�t do this.� His kisses traveled lightly up her neck, and he nipped at her ear.

�Don�t do what?� She wouldn�t look at him, wouldn�t dignify his advances with a physical response.

�Don�t try to be distant.� Giving up, he flopped onto his back and let his arm fall across his eyes. He�d long-since resigned himself to self-hatred. He�d become an expert at pushing back emotions in favor of apathy, and accepting the truth for what it was, no matter how horrible and gruesome. �You knew what I was when you mated me. Don�t act so affronted.�

�You told me that people change,� she accused bitterly.

�Yeah, well, I lied. They don�t.�

She shook her head. �That�s the lie. You have changed, I know you have.�

He rolled his eyes and crawled over her, a leg and arm on either side of her curled body. �Kagome, look at me.�

Complying, she rolled onto her back within the confinement of his limbs. �Why would you do this, Inuyasha? Why would you make me feel like this again? I�m so tired of trying to figure out whether I can possibly love you anymore.� She sounded so damn hurt, and her eyes screamed offenses and regrets.

It was too much to take, and his eyes left hers, settling in the darkness of the rest of the room. �I went back because I had to.�

�Don�t give me that self-sacrificing crap. You didn�t have to do anything.�

�I did, Kagome. You honestly thought that Naraku would just let me go, and I let you believe that because it was easier than telling you that I couldn�t be what you wanted me to be. I mean�yeah, for a while we avoided him, but it didn�t last as long as you thought, and it only made things worse.�

�But�but weren�t you happy that time? Why did you go back to that bastard? I just can�t see how you could possibly go back after what happened to us. You�re willingly repeating the mistakes you made, after you promised me you would never do it again! Have you forgotten the consequences?�

�You know perfectly well that I haven�t forgotten. There�s nothing that could possibly make me forget what I did. But I didn�t choose to go back. I had to. Kagome�you just don�t understand what would have happened to us if I hadn�t complied. He would have punished me, and he would have done it by doing something horrible to you. If you think that I could have just sat back and let that happen, you�re insane. I can�t lose you too.�

�Inuyasha�do you know how many nightmares I used to have that you wouldn�t come home because you�d ended up on the wrong side of a job like you obviously had tonight? I don�t want to do this anymore; I don�t want to wake up alone in the middle of the night, scared that I�ll never see you again, and knowing that I can never lead a safe life with you.� Her voice spoke volumes; it said that she had completely given up.

�I don�t want that either. But what the hell am I supposed to do? If I do what Naraku says, yeah, I admit that there�s a chance that I�ll get hurt. But if I don�t do what he says, it�s definite that he�ll come after you, and if that happens, and I can�t protect you�it�s just not even a semblance of an option. For now, I�ve got to do what he says, until I find a way out of it.�

Her eyes filled with tears again.

�Kagome, please, don�t cry. Just�it doesn�t help anything, and it makes me feel like the biggest schmuck on the planet.�

�Good. You are the biggest schmuck on the planet.� She looked up at him hollowly. �Inuyasha�you make me hate you sometimes. You know that, don�t you.�

He settled his weight on his elbows, then wiped the tears from her face. �I know. But don�t be scared, Kagome. I�ll always protect you.�

�It�s you I�m worried about, you moron, not me.�

�What part of always didn�t you understand? How can I protect you if I�m not around?�

The beginning of Kagome�s smile died before it ever really existed. Her eyes were laced with their regular, compulsory sorrow. It never really left her expression. �Inuyasha�� A soft hand touched his cheek, then dropped away as a tear trailed down over her temple. �I miss the days when a promise like that would have made me feel safe.�

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A/N: This is, and will continue to be, an angsty story. However, it�s not angst for the sake of angst, really; I do have a very definite plot behind it.
I�m begging for reviews! Please!!!
I do think that the story gets better from here, but the dates also get far more confusing, so be sure to pay attention if you want to know what�s going on.
If this ends up being a huge problem, I might just end up redoing the story in chronological order, but that�s really, really not what I want to do with it.
And please get back to me on the bold/italic/underline thing!
I hope you enjoyed reading the first chapter of In Alignment With Angels.

~Schrodinger�s Cat

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In Alignment With Angels