• 1-Waking Up Beside You

Disclaimer: I don’t own Sesshomaru. As for the
other character—well you can’t prove whether I own that character or not! Why?
Because you can’t prove who it is! Okay, you can and I don’t own anyone or
anything. Hell, even Stabbing Westward owns most of the fic. The song’s from
the album Darkest Days.

Notes: Oh, God, what have I done? I’ve gone and
loaded up this gun. Another songfic writ for fun? And angst, quick! You better
run, before I do another one! (Or…if
you’d prefer a haiku):

Oh, what have I done?

I have loaded up this gun.

Another songfic.

(No, I haven’t been smoking anything… it’s just
1:30am)

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I've been so alone for so long

I closed my hand,
pressing my fist against my chest. My body ached as I stared at him. His
moonspun hair fluttered in the slight breeze, begging for me to run my fingers
through it. I had fought these urges over and over since he joined our party.
The love I had known to be unrequited no longer stung my heart or any other
part of me.

No one noticed when
I walked off into the forest, alone. I couldn’t stand to look at him anymore.
My body ached with the need to feel him against me, inside me. To feel the
weight of him above me, beneath me.

Who am I anymore? I
don’t know if I recognize my face reflected in the water. But I recognize his
when it joins mine.

Your
effervescent eyes have awakened me

The golden orbs glow in
the water and I turn, unable to bear the pale reflection of his splendor. It
almost pains me to look on him. He says I’m beautiful, but what beauty can stand
against his own? My heart is pounding just looking at him. I can barely
breathe.

When he touches my
face, oh so gently, his claws drag across my skin, making me shiver. He leans
in, his hot breath sliding along my cheek, causing my own breath to catch. He
slides his fingers into my hair, pressing his soft lips against my own. My
mouth opens, pleading for him to claim it. Claim me. His hand on my skin is
like fire, pushing against my clothes, seeking the skin beneath. Fingertips on
sensitive flesh sends burning ice across my body, causing me to ache and throb.
I want nothing more than to have him, all of him.

But I knew
you'd never stay

So, I memorized the
color of your eyes as I lost myself inside you

Yellow irises of gold fire
and rose eyelids. Long black lashes cast shadows on his cheeks in the moonlight
from those eyes, half-lidded with desire as we dance on the ground, our bodies
meeting intimately, our desires building and pulsing and aching. Just there on
the edge, his mouth opens, his breath coming fast, just a hint of fang as he
bites his lower lip. I hold off for just a moment longer to see him throw his
head back, hear the sound slip past his lips that brings me over the edge, hot
and floating.

And I memorized
the way our legs entwined as I drifted off beside you

At night I cling to you, I'm so afraid

I lay on his chest,
listening to his heart beat. I trail my fingers across his ribs, up his chest,
slide them up his neck, to his cheek and trace his stripes. He opens his eyes
to look at me.

I wonder if he sees
how lost I feel, how terrified I am that he will leave me. I wonder if he knows
I wake so often during the night to just watch him sleep. Because I’m so
afraid…

He stretches down to
kiss me, raising his hand to caress my face. I close my eyes, lost in his
taste, the feel of his skin on mine, his fingers gently stroking my face as I
touch his.

But you
promised that you'd not abandon me

“Always afraid I’ll leave?” he says. How he can read me so, I’ll
never know. I nodded, my eyes closed against my fear.

And kissed my fears away

He pressed his lips against the tears forming at the corners
of my eyes. He never acknowledged me around anyone else. He didn’t mean for
this to last, I know it.

“I promise I’ll be
here in the morning. I’ll always be here when you awake.”

But I woke up to that day

But I had memorized the way our eyes

would meet reflected in the bathroom mirror

I always found him gazing at me in the water. Always, his face hovering next to
mine.

And I memorized your naked silhouette as you slowly
brushed your hair

I miss

God I miss

Waking up beside you

He would wake before me most
mornings. The sun wouldn’t quite be up yet. He would wake me and sometimes we’d
make love. Other times, he would just hold me, or I would hold onto him, and
we’d watch the sun rise. We would always be back before anyone else was awake.
But those precious moments just after we awoke were the most peaceful of my
life.

I've been so
alone for so long

Wandering into the woods,
unarmed, alone. Where is he?

I forgot how much it hurts

To wake up so alone

I sat up that morning, thinking it was no different than any other. He had made
love to me with the intensity he always put into it. The silent movements, the
way he could find exactly how to touch me without my saying a word. I treasured
how I never wondered if I was pleasing him. He always let me know, without
words, in those eyes. Like the sun in his face, setting, surrounded by the
moon, shattered into a thousand strands of silk. And he wasn’t there.

It was like falling… and at
the end were jagged spikes that pierced my heart and wouldn’t let me die.

But I memorized how warm your body felt

I could still feel the heat of
his skin against my own.

As you lay half asleep beside me

Where did he go?

And I memorized the way the sunlight

filled the room and played upon your body

I so seldom saw him in the sun. But that
morning when he slept in, his clothes in a pile next to him, was a treasured
memory. The curves of his body, the light emphasizing the soft muscles in his
chest and arms drove me mad. I had to spoil it by touching him. He woke with a
start, then dressed and left without saying a word. Did he know that broke my
heart, just a little?

I miss

God I miss

Waking up beside you

Now I wake and feel like I’m falling,
every morning. I still don’t know where he went. One day he was there, the
next, he was gone. Not one of us saw him leave. Rin, Jakken and Ah-un were gone
as well. Gone from our lives. Gone from my life. Sometimes, I think I see him,
standing off in the distance. Sometimes, I stare at his brother’s hair and wish
it was his. I try to dig that thorn out of my heart, but I can’t seem to reach
it. Someday, I think I may cut it out. But I want to see his face, just one
last time…

I miss

God I miss

Waking up beside you.

Fin.

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In memory of my leoparde lionne.
My angel. The thorn in my heart that is now a scar. This fic has nothing to do
with you, but you once made this song my world.

Dedicated to everyone who ever woke up alone and
saw it coming…

NO LYRICS VERSION

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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

No one noticed when I walked off into the forest, alone. I couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. My body ached with the need to feel him against me, inside me. To feel the weight of him above me, beneath me.

Who am I anymore? I don’t know if I recognize my face reflected in the water. But I recognize his when it joins mine.

The golden orbs glow in the water and I turn, unable to bear the pale reflection of his splendor. It almost pains me to look on him. He says I’m beautiful, but what beauty can stand against his own? My heart is pounding just looking at him. I can barely breathe.

When he touches my face, oh so gently, his claws drag across my skin, making me shiver. He leans in, his hot breath sliding along my cheek, causing my own breath to catch. He slides his fingers into my hair, pressing his soft lips against my own. My mouth opens, pleading for him to claim it. Claim me. His hand on my skin is like fire, pushing against my clothes, seeking the skin beneath. Fingertips on sensitive flesh sends burning ice across my body, causing me to ache and throb. I want nothing more than to have him, all of him.

Yellow irises of gold fire and rose eyelids. Long black lashes cast shadows on his cheeks in the moonlight from those eyes, half-lidded with desire as we dance on the ground, our bodies meeting intimately, our desires building and pulsing and aching. Just there on the edge, his mouth opens, his breath coming fast, just a hint of fang as he bites his lower lip. I hold off for just a moment longer to see him throw his head back, hear the sound slip past his lips that brings me over the edge, hot and floating.

I lay on his chest, listening to his heart beat. I trail my fingers across his ribs, up his chest, slide them up his neck, to his cheek and trace his stripes. He opens his eyes to look at me.

I wonder if he sees how lost I feel, how terrified I am that he will leave me. I wonder if he knows I wake so often during the night to just watch him sleep. Because I’m so afraid…

He stretches down to kiss me, raising his hand to caress my face. I close my eyes, lost in his taste, the feel of his skin on mine, his fingers gently stroking my face as I touch his.

“Always afraid I’ll leave?” he says. How he can read me so, I’ll never know. I nodded, my eyes closed against my fear
He pressed his lips against the tears forming at the corners of my eyes. He never acknowledged me around anyone else. He didn’t mean for this to last, I know it.

“I promise I’ll be here in the morning. I’ll always be here when you awake.”

I always found him gazing at me in the water. Always, his face hovering next to mine.

He would wake before me most mornings. The sun wouldn’t quite be up yet. He would wake me and sometimes we’d make love. Other times, he would just hold me, or I would hold onto him, and we’d watch the sun rise. We would always be back before anyone else was awake. But those precious moments just after we awoke were the most peaceful of my life.

Wandering into the woods, unarmed, alone. Where is he?

I sat up that morning, thinking it was no different than any other. He had made love to me with the intensity he always put into it. The silent movements, the way he could find exactly how to touch me without my saying a word. I treasured how I never wondered if I was pleasing him. He always let me know, without words, in those eyes. Like the sun in his face, setting, surrounded by the moon, shattered into a thousand strands of silk. And he wasn’t there.

It was like falling… and at the end were jagged spikes that pierced my heart and wouldn’t let me die.

I could still feel the heat of his skin against my own.

Where did he go?

I so seldom saw him in the sun. But that morning when he slept in, his clothes in a pile next to him, was a treasured memory. The curves of his body, the light emphasizing the soft muscles in his chest and arms drove me mad. I had to spoil it by touching him. He woke with a start, then dressed and left without saying a word. Did he know that broke my heart, just a little?

Now I wake and feel like I’m falling, every morning. I still don’t know where he went. One day he was there, the next, he was gone. Not one of us saw him leave. Rin, Jakken and Ah-un were gone as well. Gone from our lives. Gone from my life. Sometimes, I think I see him, standing off in the distance. Sometimes, I stare at his brother’s hair and wish it was his. I try to dig that thorn out of my heart, but I can’t seem to reach it. Someday, I think I may cut it out. But I want to see his face, just one last time…

In memory of my leoparde lionne. My angel. The thorn in my heart that is now a scar. This fic has nothing to do with you, but you once made this song my world.

Dedicated to everyone who ever woke up alone and saw it coming…