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Sweet Surrender	By : inumom Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > InuYasha/Kagome Views: 7747 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
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Disclaimer: I don�t own anything except some soundtrack CDs and the entire set of (dubbed) DVDs, except for the 4^th movie, and I hope to get that soon.

AN: A couple of �firsts� here. This is the very first time I�ve tried to write anything in first person. Not only that, but I�ve actually tried to write first person citrus. A little creepy, if you think about it.

Sweet Surrender

1. Happy Birthday to Me!

It was late to be walking around in the forest. Still, I had made my decision, and I was determined to carry it out in spite of what my logical, rational side said. Fortunately, I had spent a great deal of time in this particular forest over the past couple of years, and knew exactly where my quarry would be.
As I drew nearer to my destination I nearly turned around, but decided that this was all for the best. Even if I could not have what I wanted, I might be able to gain a pale imitation of the secret passion I had been harboring for so long. That, I decided, would have to be enough.
Finally I was there. I looked up into the tree. Although it was dark I could see the smear of his snowy hair where he leaned his back against the massive trunk. He knew I was there but he waited for me to speak. �Could you come down here with me for a minute? I want to ask you something.�
In a blur of motion he rolled off the branch, dropping to land soundlessly on the thick moss behind me. �You shouldn�t be out here alone.�
Never able to resist pointing out the obvious, I said, �I�m not alone. I�m with you.�
�Is that really all that much safer?� he muttered. �So,� he said, his golden eyes shining in the dark, �What is it?�
Suddenly embarrassed, I sat on the mossy ground, staring at the hands clenching and unclenching themselves in my lap. �I don�t think I mentioned it, but tomorrow--no, tonight, it�s after midnight--is my seventeenth birthday.� He looked suddenly stricken, as though he�d realized that he�d done something terrible and expected me to �sit� him into oblivion.
�Relax,� I said with what I hoped was a reassuring smile, �You don�t have to get me anything.� At the expression of pure relief on his face, I continued, �There is something I�d like you to do for me, though.�
He looked suddenly suspicious. �What do you want?�
I hoped that he couldn�t see my red face in the darkness. The only way out of this conversation was to get through it, so I swallowed around the lump in my throat and blurted out, �I want you to take my innocence.�
Once he managed to close his mouth, he shook his head slowly, not exactly the reaction I was looking for. �No.�
I could feel the tears starting to form. I knew that he didn�t find me at all desirable--he�d said so often enough--but I�d hoped that I could convince him to give me this one brief moment of happiness before he finally left me to go back to his first love. �Why?� I moaned.
�It wouldn�t be right,� he whispered. �Someday you�ll want to take a mate--this is something you should only give to your chosen mate.�
I shook my head. �No,� I murmured. �I�ll never take a mate. I�ll never love anybody again--it hurts too much.� I couldn�t think clearly--I leaped up and ran blindly into the forest. I could hear him calling to me, demanding that I stop and return to him. Still I ran, my tears blinding me, leaves and twigs slashing at my exposed skin, the chilly air burning in my lungs.
My foot went through a place where a spring flood had washed out the soil, leaving a deep hole covered with a few leaves and twigs in the forest floor. I gasped in pain as a jagged stub from a long-dead tree branch tore through my calf, impaling me motionlessly to the ground. I cried out in pain as I tried to pull myself free, only to feel my flesh tearing further. My shoe was already filling up with blood.
The tears flowed freely now as I realized that I was in real trouble--hurt in the forest, and nobody knew where I was.
I felt that I was being watched long before I saw the pale figure standing in front of me. As always, the miko�s voice was cold. �Poor little fool. You seem to have a small problem.� Her voice hardened. �You should have left this place forever when I told you to.�
There was a growing darkness on the edges of my vision, and her voice seemed to come from far away. �As I see it,� she said, �I have a choice. Either I can let you lie there like the pathetic weakling that you are until you bleed to death, or,� she continued, pulling an arrow from the quiver slung over her shoulder and fitting it to her bowstring, �I can end your suffering now.�
She pulled back her bowstring and took careful aim at the center of my chest. I dared not move for fear of spoiling her aim and prolonging my pain. I was so tired--maybe it was blood loss or just a reaction to my emotional turmoil, but I just had to close my eyes, if only for a moment.
It was, I thought, oddly appropriate that the one to kill me--after two years of fighting youkai--would be the very one who had been slowly destroying my heart for almost exactly that long.
I forced my leaden eyelids open again as an object passed above my head. The blur of red and silver-white moved too fast for my fuzzy mind to understand, knocking the bow from the miko�s hands, but not before she released her arrow.
Apparently, she had been surprised by the enraged figure bearing down on her like a freight train, because her arrow missed its mark, sinking instead into the flesh of my shoulder. Too hurt, weak, and tired to make out what the indistinct voices were saying, I allowed my eyelids to slip shut once again.

*

I could feel the pain in my leg and shoulder. I didn�t dare open my eyes, but it was obvious that I was still alive. I could feel a firm surface beneath me, and realized that I had been moved from the forest floor.
I shifted position experimentally. What could I do? Although my wounds were obviously not mortal, I would be immobilized for at least days to come.
Even worse, how could I face my friends--how could I face him--after making such a fool of myself? Unfortunately, I had little choice: if I couldn�t persuade him to take me home I�d be stuck here until I healed well enough to jump into the old well without endangering my life.
Some birthday!
I cracked one eye open, hoping that nobody nearby would notice the motion. I was quite certain that I was alone--the occasional voices I heard were faint with distance. I cursed inwardly as I saw the silent figure hunched against the opposite wall of the hut.
Why? Why did I have to make such a fool of myself? Why did I try to pressure him into something he didn�t want? Why couldn�t I stop myself from wishing for something I could never have? Why did I keep coming back to this world to the inevitable heartache? Why did he interfere? Why had he stopped Kikyou from ending my pain forever?
�Why?� I was surprised at the weak, raspy sound of my voice.
He was by my side in an instant, leaning over me, his golden-amber eyes shining with concern and something else--pity, maybe? �Why what?�
I closed my eyes in a vain attempt to stop the tears that began burning their way down my face, soaking into the futon beneath me. �Why did you stop her? I would have been out of my pain and you and Kikyou could have been happy tog--�
�No,� he said quietly. �This isn�t about Kikyou. What is this really about?� His eyes widened as he recalled our last conversation. �I never wanted this,� he murmured, his voice rough with emotion.
I turned my face to the wall. After what I had done to him I couldn�t bear to look at his beautiful eyes. �Neither did I,� I whispered. �I didn�t want to force you into doing something you hated. I knew what a huge thing I was asking for, and I�m sorry. I mean, you�ve done so much for all of us--I just hoped that you could somehow bring yourself to give me one last happy memory--�
�Is that what you think this is about?� he whispered. He moved closer--I could smell the woodsy, masculine scent that had come to mean warmth and comfort�and pain. �We�re not the same. When inuyoukai take a mate, it�s for life. I couldn�t give you what you asked for knowing that you would be stuck with a filthy hanyou for the rest of your life.�
�I understand,� I said, the pain in my chest choking off my voice. Of course! How could he ever want somebody else--after all, he had Kikyou. �It makes perfect sense. If you mate for life, you could never do�that with anybody else.�
�Anybody else--?� His voice was clearly puzzled, and I turned to look at him, heedless of the pain in my shoulder. I�d been wrong. There was no pity in those amber eyes, only sadness, warmth, compassion, and something else--something that I couldn�t identify.
Even the few words we had exchanged had tired me out. I guess I was more weakened from blood loss than I had expected. Still, I had to make him understand. As my eyelids began to slip shut, I murmured, �I�m sorry�shouldn�t have asked�.�

*

It was an odd sensation---a warm, wet something moving along my wounds. Surprisingly, there was almost no pain as the gentle touches continued.
I could feel my muscles starting to relax as the treatment went on. The odd thing was that I couldn�t smell any of the herbs that Kaede usually used to prevent a wound from becoming infected.
The treatment ended all too soon, and I could feel snug bandages being placed on my leg and shoulder. Something soft and warm was wrapped around me, as my clothes had been badly damaged when I was injured. Breathing deeply, I could detect the warm, slightly spicy scent that clung to the garment along with the body heat of its owner.
My eyes flew open as I realized that it had not, after all, been the old miko who had been tending to my injuries. I could feel the heat growing in my face at the thought of his hands cleaning and rebandaging my wounds--tending the shoulder wound required that my upper body be completely exposed. It was embarrassing after the way I had practically begged for his attentions, but I would survive.
I had to--I had promised that I would remain at his side, regardless of the fact that he had chosen to protect the resurrected miko who hated him. There was no way I could even compete with her--after all, I had never died to follow him. �Or,� the little voice at the back of my mind nagged, �Did she refuse to get her wounds treated just so she could finally escape the life she had grown to hate so?�
I decided that it didn�t really matter. He believed himself at least partly responsible for Kikyou�s death, and would do whatever his sense of honor demanded of him to right the perceived wrong done to his first love--even if it meant that he would one day leave me behind to follow her into hell.
I opened my eyes slowly, not at all surprised to see him sitting by my side. I gave him a shaky smile. �I�m sorry to be such a bother.�
His eyes never left my face. �You�re no bother. Do you think you could drink some broth? Kaede-babaa said it would help to keep you strong while you healed.�
I nodded slowly, amazed that the snug bandages around my chest and shoulder did nothing to impede my movements. �I think so.� As he returned almost instantly with a cup of the rich broth, I glanced at the growing darkness outside the window. �Oh, no! It�s almost dark!�
I immediately understood the reason for his confusion--I had never gotten around to telling him that I had to return home tonight. I shrugged as well as I could, then tried to explain. �It�s nothing really important: Mama was planning a party for me tonight with some of my friends from school. I�m sure she�ll understand if I don�t make it.�
He shook his head. �You�ll get there. Finish your broth first.�
I had barely set the cup down when he scooped me up off the futon, wrapped the brilliant red haori around me a little tighter, and sprinted out the door. With his speed, he made it to the well that was the gateway between his world and mine in only a few minutes. As he leaped to the edge of the ancient wooden structure, I clutched at his creamy white kimono and glanced up to meet his eyes. �Will you stay for the party?�
With a slightly preoccupied nod, he leaped into the well that would take us to my home in twenty-first century Tokyo.
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Sweet Surrender