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Love Yourself	By : Akumi Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Sessh?maru/Kagome > Sessh?maru/Kagome Views: 2434 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
- 1
- 2
~~~~~A certain amount of years~~~~~ - Flash back
�Blah� � Talking
�Blah� - Thoughts

Love Yourself

�� Sitting silently in the fairly
large garden, her fingers were hard at work, surrounded in dark green gardening
gloves. This garden was her safe haven, it was her home. She could spend
countless hours just sitting among the petals and dirt. They have bared witness
to her tears, laughter, and her gasping breaths. She created this garden with
her very hands, staying up well into the night just to finish at times. This is
where she came to escape the pain, the memories, and the regret. Here she was
just Kagome; here all she was meant to do was help nature�s children grow. She
felt more attached to this small piece of landscape than she did to anything
else in this place, this home. No, this was no home. Not anymore anyways.
Drowning in self hatred and pity, she hated the way her life had turned out,
hated all of it.
Well, not all of it. She loved her
child, her little baby boy or girl. She had just been informed she was pregnant
two days ago. She honestly didn�t expect it; she was foolish enough to think it
was a simple stomach flu. �No, it was no flu, there was a baby growing
inside her. It was one of the happiest moments in her short life. Pregnant, she
was pregnant. She would have a child, a little baby to love, a mixture of
Sesshoumaru and herself.� It was amazing
how fast her mind fell into the plans for her child. Surprisingly, even with
those plans being made, she didn�t feel like a mother. Sure, she got the
morning sickness and such, but she didn�t feel like a child was inside of her.
She was looking forward to the day she did.
She had yet to tell her fianc�, and
she didn�t think she was going to. A sigh fell from her at the thought of that
conversation. He couldn�t even love her, how could he love their child? This was
the main reason for her self-hatred. She didn�t want to stay here. She never
wanted to be tied down the way she was. With this man, this man that had turned
out to be nothing like she had thought at first.
The largest issue wasn�t even that
he changed, that he ended up being someone different. It was that he was
nothing like who he was before, nothing. If it would have been just a change,
she could have handled it. If he turned out differently from who she thought he
was, she would have seen it coming and left before it was too late. No, this was
different. He completely transformed over night, and she had no weapon to
defend herself from it. She didn�t even understand why.
She remembered the first day she
met him. It was four years ago. She was only seventeen at the time. Seeing his
luring eyes, she was entranced from the first time their eyes collided.
Collided, that described all they did now. Every other word out of her fianc�s
mouth was silence. Now that makes very little sense to most people, but it was
all too real and understandable to her.
Well, maybe not understandable. The
saddest part was that the other half of his words was him saying that she can�t
do this, or she can�t do that. Horrible dictations on how she should do things
right. As far as she was told, she was a failure. Many arguments had broken out
over how he treated her, but it all ended the same. He would comment on how she
wasn�t a good enough mate for him, and she would be left watching him walk
away, eyes always blurred.
She was being trained on how to be
the perfect mate for him. You see, her fianc� was the heir to a very wealthy
and powerful kingdom. He was to be the next Lord of the West. As for her, she
was to be the Lady of the West. To normal girls this would make them scream and
jump for joy, not her. All this meant was that she had to become something
completely different from what she really was. She had to change, and knew she
lacked the cruelty to do so.
�She was no longer really Kagome. Oh no, she
was Lady Kagome. This was everything that she had never wanted. Being molded to
be this high standing woman, she never felt more like a liar. She didn�t want
to grow old in a life like this and didn�t want her child to either. No, she
most certainly didn�t want this for her child. All she wanted was for her child
to grow up in a house of love. Kagome looked longingly up at the darkening sky
and sighed.
The worst part out of everything
was the fact that she still loved him. Yes, she loved Sesshomaru more than life
itself. She couldn�t help but wonder though, if he loved her back, wouldn�t
that mean he loved the real her? Wouldn�t that mean that he wouldn�t want to
change her? How can there be love if you can�t be yourself? There is no love.
The love would be false if you had to change someone to make loving them ok. No,
he did not love her. He couldn�t. It just didn�t fit in with the concept of
love. If the old saying was correct, he wished her to leave.
��Action�s speak
louder than words.� She whispered the saying out loud to herself, the sound of
surrender twinning in the words. Pushing herself up off of the grassy expanses
of the walkway lining the blossoming flowers, she walked among the rainbows of
petals, the floral scent filtering through her nose. Even the scent of flowers
did little to ease her mind.
Kagome walked back to the now cold
home. She knew he wasn�t home. He wouldn�t be home for another three days. He
was away with his father getting contracts drawn up for the transition of
titles and what not. She used to be interested in all of the legal issues of his
kingdom, but not after he closed her out. She lost all interest in his dealings
after he turned his back on her. It stung her heart more than she�d care to
admit when she saw his back.
That seemed to be all that she saw
lately. She could describe it in perfect detail if need be. Her gaze lowered to
the stone steps that led to the large wooden door that was the entrance to this
dungeon. Yes, it was a dungeon. Lightly pushing the door open, the tarnished
stench of loneliness seeped into her mind. Moving silently through the hall she
reached the living room, her eyes straying above the mantle on top of the
fireplace, a sad and remorseful smile caressing her raspberry lips.
There was a large framed picture
hanging on the tan walls of a happy couple. Their smiles illuminated the dimmed
room and a tear abused her eye as she blinked rapidly to restrain it. The
picture was of Sesshoumaru and her, taken on the day he proposed to her. It was
such a happy night. They used to be so loving towards
one another, and now, now it could never be the same. He turned cold again.
What hurt wasn't that he was cold. No, what hurt was that he was cold towards
her.
Her heart broke a little more every
time she looked into his locked up eyes. His eyes should never be that locked
away, not when he was looking at her. Every time she felt the scream building
in her, her cry to understand, and every time she hid it. She might be selfish,
but that mattered little in the scheme of things. The things she wanted were not
too much to ask for from someone that is supposed to love you. All she asked
for was love. Maybe it was too much to ask.
The love that she asked for wasn�t
even for herself anymore. No, it was for her child,
their child. Could he love their baby? Would that change him back, or would it
make the situation worse? She knew if she had to question it, the answer was
already in place. No, her baby would never know the pain she faced.
Kagome turned and walked up the
crimson carpeted stairs that led to the upstairs portion of the house; the pace
of the walk slowing as she spotted five boxes with labels adorning their
cardboard surfaces. Her bottom lip was abused by callous teeth as a flashback
of one of her most precious memories assaulted her mind.

�� ~~~~~Three years earlier~~~~~

�� Leaning into the arms wrapped
tightly around her shoulders, she nuzzled her cheek into his warm chest, a soft
smile playing on her lips. A giggle broke out as she heard the soft rumble
coming from the very chest she leaned against. Tilting her head back, her eyes
danced with amusement as they met peaceful orbs. Grinning, she leaned into him
and caught his lips, letting her passion for him speak more than she ever
could. The rumble getting louder, she broke away and began to giggle more
helplessly. The giggles stopped rather forcefully as a squeak of protest was
heard.
�Hey! Let me go!� She spoke
indignantly, her eyes flaming.
Holding the fiery miko by her waist, the demon chuckled with false malice.
�Oh, and what shall you do about it little priestess?� Grinning, he began to
move his fingers over her ribs, his eyes softening slightly with her tinkling
laughter.
Taking deep breaths, Kagome tried
to get enough air into her lungs to shout her words of anger. Anger slipping
away easily, the laughter continued to flow un-bidden. Struggling to get her
hands over his, she squirmed.
�Now now Miko,
that wouldn�t be wise. I could easily drop you if you make me lose my grip.�
Sesshoumaru threatened, his fingers going slack, letting her body drop only an
inch before gripping onto her sides again.
Gasping, Kagome�s eyes grew wide,
as she froze in her movements. �You wouldn�t dare!� She said in a confident tone,
her eyes twinkling in mirth.
�Oh? And what makes you so sure
Priestess?� The demon lord said evilly, his fingers loosening.
Grinning, she leaned close to his
ear and took it between her teeth. Nibbling on it gently, she spoke with a
breathy tone. �Because you love me Darling.�
�A deep growl and lightning eyes was her only
response, or warning, before she was brought to the floor with a very eager
demon on top of her.

��
~~~~~Present~~~~~

�� Taking in a
deep breath, she struggled to find her strength once again. Just because they
were happy once made no difference now, it meant nothing now. She couldn�t stay
for that, she couldn�t live for her yesterdays. Reaching down slowly for the
first box that was labeled �shirts�, it was heaved up into her arms with a
quiet grunt. Turing around slowly she was careful not to trip and tumble down,
her baby at the front of her mind. Once she got to the door that led to the
garden she set the box down on the cold floor to open the door. She picked the
box up a little easier this time and exited the house.
She walked around the garden and
continued her way up to her blue Ford Escort that was parked on the long
circular driveway that led to the house. She opened the unlocked back door and
set the box in. Multiple trips were made to get the boxes situated, sweat
beading on her pale brow. Taking a deep breath, she walked to the driver�s door;
hand on the handle when she realized she forgot one more item.
She walked back to the door and
went into the living room to find her house key. She forgot to lock the door
and couldn�t just leave the house unguarded. Locating the silver key, it was
snatched off the coffee table that sat between two twin leather couches. Next
to where the key once lay was a neatly folded up letter with the name �Sesshoumaru�
written in nice penmanship. It was her letter to him. It explained all that she
could hope to explain.
�She turned to go back to the door when a glint
from the dying sun caught her attention. Eyes focusing on the culprit, she
moved towards it, her reflection meeting her gaze. It was the picture. She
could see herself and her old self in the picture, and hated what she was now. Reaching
up slowly, she traced the black circles that lined her eyes. Hand shaking, she
moved it to her non-existent laugh lines that she once wore with pride. So many
changes had happened, and none were for the better. None of them were things to
keep.
Reaching her tired arms up, the
frame was grasped at both sides as she lifted it slightly, taking it off the
nail that held it for so long. She set the picture softly on the hardwood floor
and looked back up at the now bleak wall. �It needs something.� The words were
thought without much notice. Giving a half hearted shrug she grabbed the frame
with her left hand, suddenly freezing. She knew exactly what was missing.
Having lifted her right hand, she inspected
her white gold engagement ring. It had a heart shaped diamond in the middle and
nothing else. She scowled at the ring and slowly took it off. Just barely
reaching, she stood in front of the mantle, her body stretched out with the
strain. With one final pull of her muscles, the ring was now on display. The
nail complimented the ring well, better than the picture at least.
Settling on her feet, she pivoted
and moved toward the door once again. She contemplated taking the picture, but
it didn�t seem right. It wasn�t how things were now, so why would she want to
have a memory of something that only hurt? A sad song she heard a few days ago
floated around in her ears. This was the song that gave her the incentive to
move one. It was �Wasted� by Carrie Underwood.

Standing at the back
door
She tried to make it
fast
One tear hit the hard
wood
It felt like broken
glass
She said sometimes
love slips away
And you just can't get
it back
Let's face it

�� Kagome reached her hand out for
the handle as her exhausted eyes resigned to letting out one tear. She knew she
couldn�t have her happy life back. Without the love, there was no way she could
live. That didn�t mean she didn�t wish for it, dream of it. At the end of the
day, when you curl up into yourself, arms wrapped securely around your body,
just trying to pretend you�re not alone, something is wrong.� She was so tired of feeling alone when
someone was there. It had to be better to actually be alone, right?

For one split second
She almost turned
around
But that would be like
pouring rain drops
Back into a cloud
So she took another
step and said
I see the way out and
I'm gonna' take it

Turning the handle and opening the
door, she knew there was no coming back. The door locked and the key on the key
holder, she felt the tingle of doubt creep up her spine. She felt like running
to her car and bringing all the boxes back in. She could make it ok again,
couldn�t she? Just put all of the boxes back and pretend nothing had happened,
pretend she was happy. He would see he was wrong; she would even talk to him
about it again.
Sighing heavily, her fingers
gripped onto the door handle. Would he change? Would he love her again? No. It
would be useless to stay. Nothing would change. Stepping outside, the door was
pulled shut behind her, the lock clicking into place far louder in her head
than it was. Fierce panic raced through her. She had made a mistake. Kami, help
her.
Shaking her head angrily, her mind
screamed at her heart. Knowing she had to leave and feeling it were two
different things. Closing her eyes, she knew it was for the best, it was the
best for her. She could not go back to that. She would not go back to that.
There was no way of getting back in, and she forced herself to believe she was
fine with that. She was fine with never coming back.
The words seemed hollow even to herself.

I don't wanna' spend my life jaded
Waitin' to wake up one day and find
That I've let all
these years go by
Wasted

Walking around the garden for the
last time, she had to stop and wish them well. Leaning down over a Lilly a
smile lifted her face, her eyes taking in the beauty before her. Gently
caressing the petal her lips turned dark. She would miss her garden. It had
been her safe haven for so long. Promising to never forget the wonderful place,
she stood to move to her car.
Settling in her car, the seat
welcomed her familiar body. Quirking an eyebrow at herself, she began the
search for her car keys; they were located above her, cleverly hidden in the
visor. Putting the key that was attached to a smiley face key chain into the
ignition, a large breath was sucked in greedily. She wanted so desperately to
look back at the house she lived in for three and a half years, but knew she
couldn�t. She didn�t want that life; it was only making her increasingly
bitter.
It was turning her heart cold, and
she didn�t want that for herself. Feeling a slight pang in her stomach, side
effects from this morning�s sickness, she couldn�t stop the smile. She didn�t
want that for her baby either. Slowly driving on the circular driveway, she
didn�t stop once, even as she hit the main road. Eyes never leaving the road,
she refused to glance at the reflection of the now blackening house in the
review mirror
�� She was headed to her friend�s
house. Smart? Not very. The smart part was that
Sesshomaru didn�t know who this friend of hers was. She had met her in the
market one day, and they instantly became friends. She knew she could settle
there for a while. Sango understood her pain. Sango would give her a free bed
and a warm supper. Not desiring more than that, it was perfect. All that was
known for sure about her plans was that she wasn�t turning back, no, not now.

��
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SESSHOUMARU~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

�� Sesshoumaru sighed heavily as he
drove up the driveway that led to his home. He had just turned off the radio
after hearing the song �Stupid Boy� be Keith Urban. It hit way too close for
comfort. He knew he wasn�t being the perfect fianc�, but it�s how it had to be.
If his fianc� didn�t like it, she would have to get used to it. He was soon to
be the Lord of the West. This is what needed to be done. This is how his father
treated his mother, and this how he would treat his wife. She had to get her
fairy tale ideals out of her head. She was going to become the Lady of the West.
�Getting to the front door of his house, a
clawed hand rubbed the bridge of his nose softly. It was midnight and he was so
very tired. His trip had taken longer than he had expected and he had to stay
an extra two nights in order to have everything prepared for the signing of the
contracts. He had forgotten to call Kagome and tell her, but he figured she was
fine. She always spent all her time in the stupid garden she had insisted on
having. He indulged her and let her make it. It kept her busy anyways.
He put his fingers around the car
key and turned off the black Mercedes. Stepping out of the car he walked
towards the dark house, pressing the lock button on his keychain, a quiet beep
answering his request. Reaching the door, he unlocked the deadbolt with an
echoing thud. Opening the heavy wood door he stepped into the dark and soulless
house. Tossing his keys onto the key holder he slowly walked to the stairs,
coming to a standstill when he noticed something different. Sleep clouding his
senses; he walked into the living room.
The first thing he noticed was that
that horrible picture he had been forced to take was on the floor. Questioning
it with his eyes, he stepped towards it. He allowed a soft smile slightly
brighten his face as he looked at his fianc�. She was so gorgeous in this
picture. She never smiled like that anymore. He supposed it was because of him,
but that wasn�t anything he could help. The questions came back once he escaped
the hypnoses of the picture. �Why is this on the floor?� He asked aloud to
himself. �Gaze traveling up to where it
should be resting, his brow furrowed.
Something was casting a shadow on
the darkened wall. He reached up with his right claw and touched the shadowed
object, it was round. Eyes narrowed in confusion as he took a hold of the
object and let it fall into his waiting hand. Frowning, his fingers slid over
the object, it felt like a ring. He walked to a lamp that sat on the coffee
table and turned it on. The note innocently laid
before his eyes.
�Dread filled his heart and soul as he opened
his hand and saw a ring. No, it wasn�t just any ring. This was the ring that he
gave to Kagome, his fianc�. Eyes widened a fraction as he felt the reality of
the situation sink in. Arm falling to his side limply, the sound of the ring
clattering to the surface of the coffee table echoed throughout the empty room.
Fear raced through his body as the
sleep wore off of his now alert senses. Taking in the scent of the room, hers
was stale. She, she wasn�t here. She hadn�t been here for five days. She left
him. How did he not notice it before? The entire presence she carried was
nothing but a phantom.
Sesshoumaru�s heart moved a mile a
minute as he crumbled to the black leather couch. Eyes became un-focused as he
looked at the white folded up note, and the ring that lay forgotten beside it.
He was dreading that note. He never wanted to read the words she had to say to
him, not in this situation. If he read that note, his fears would be confirmed,
and the fear was absurd in the first place. She wouldn�t dare leave him.
��Regardless of his thoughts his hand reached
deftly out towards the letter. Lifting it delicately into his hand, he contemplated
shredding it, but decided that wouldn�t help anything. He numbly un-folded the
letter and gazed down at the words written in black ink. Slowly beginning to
read the words before him, he failed at bracing himself for the impact. �

Dear Sesshoumaru,

�� I know this may seem unexpected
and cruel, but I assure you that was not my intention. As I am sure you have
concluded I have left. This letter is not to put the guilt on you, or to
justify my actions. This letter is to simply inform and explain, if that makes any sense at all. The main reason I have
left is because love is something that I cannot live without. I could not stay
here any longer feeling as though you loved me not. I love you with my whole
heart, but it is broken. I have no more love to offer. The reason we give our
love is that we can have it returned; otherwise there is just an empty spot in
your heart. You need to get love back to fill that empty spot Sesshoumaru. We
used to be so happy and in love, and now, now we are growing farther and
farther apart. You used to smile at me Sesshoumaru. I mean really smile, none
of that fake crap. This house used to be a home, a home where I would feel
safe. Now, it is like my dungeon. The first year we were engaged was marvelous,
what went wrong? Was it me? Was it you? Or worse, was it your title? I do
believe it is the later. You turned cold Sesshoumaru. You blocked off your
heart and wouldn�t let me in. You were slowly becoming cruel as well. The way
you would criticize me for my ideas, the way you said that I could do nothing.
It hurt. It all tore slowly at my soul. Then you wanted to change me. I was
molded into your perfect mate. This was the last straw. Didn�t you tell me that
I, as myself, was your perfect mate? I am no longer myself. You always said
that you loved how I was just simply myself no matter what. What changed? Why
did I have to change if what you said was true? Was I not good enough? Was I
not proper enough? Was I not perfect enough? What is so wrong with me that I couldn�t
be myself? Finally, I just couldn�t take it anymore. I am sorry if I have
ruined you reputation by leaving, or tarnished your honor, but it had to be
done. Maybe someday you will find a woman who makes you smile even when you are
a Lord. I wish so desperately that that could be me, but it can�t. You will
always be the man I love. I will love no other.
- Kagome

�� Sesshoumaru gripped the letter
tightly in his right hand as he let it fall to his knee. She left, because of
him. She left him, and he was at fault. Crumpling the letter in his ridged
hand, he was forced to remember the first day they met.

��
~~~~~Four years ago~~~~~

�� Letting her head fall back, her
laughter echoed throughout the cold space. She couldn�t control it, the
painting before her inspired so many emotions in her that she had no control,
nor did she see any reason to have it. Smiling, her
eyes inspected the painting once again, the dark aura misleading most to
believe it was a depressing piece. Laughter once again made its way to her
ears.
Slightly shocked at the laughter
coming from the small woman at his side, he glanced towards her. Noticing the
painting consuming her attention, his eyes roamed over the artwork. Not finding
anything amusing about it, his eyes narrowed. It was actually a very dark
piece, showing the pain and suffering of innocence. Was she trying to be
insulting? Pivoting towards her, he waited for her to notice his eyes on hers.
Finally giving in after several minutes, his frustrated voice broke through her
happy smile. �What in Kami�s name is so funny woman?�
Startled, her body reacted in the
form of a squeak and a slight jump. Her cheeks heating, a smile formed on her
lips once again. Looking at the tall demon before her, she gestured towards the
painting. �Nothing. If you�re wondering why I�m
laughing, it�s because of the painting. Such joy.� She
said softly, her eyes taking in the painting once again.
Confusion laced through his mind,
he wondered if she was insane. No one could find this picture funny. The
ignorance of people never stopped surprising him. �Obviously you don�t know how
to appreciate art, nor do you understand the meaning of this piece. It is very
dark.�
Tilting her head, she looked at him
with humor in her eyes. �Oh? Tell me, how should I interpret this piece? Should
I be wracked with misery, filled with sorrow and the darkness it seems to
hold?� Smiling at the topic of their discussion, she shook her head. �No. The
darkness is mistaken by most. I believe you lack understanding.�
Shocked once again by the little
girl, he raised an eyebrow. He felt anger course through him at the very fact
she pretend to know more than he did about art. Taking a step towards her, a
slight growl ran up his spine, making it to her ears. He was even more
frustrated by the twinkle her eyes had when he gave her that warning. How dare
she disrespect him?! His voice came out dark as he asked, �Do you know who I
am?�
Laughing once again, her eyes did
the twinkling that bothered him so much. �Why on earth should that make a
difference? We were talking about art and the meaning behind a painting, not
your social status.�
Forcing back another growl, he
clenched his fists as his eyes snapped to the painting once again. �Enlighten
me then. What is the meaning behind this piece, since you seem to know so much
about it.�
Smiling gently, her eyes stayed on
him a moment before moving to the take in the same thing as him. �I don�t know
so much about it, but I know what I feel. The reason for me saying you lack
understanding is because you attempted to tell me what I should feel while
looking at it.� Noticing his back stiffen, she let out a laugh. �Don�t get
defensive, it�s a natural thing for people to do, even demons.� She spoke the
last part with a teasing tone.
Glaring at the woman at his side,
he could not hold in the growl this time. Clenching his fists so tightly he
almost drew his own blood, he forced out his next words. �Then what do you
perceive as the meaning?�
Smiling gently, her eyes traveled
the art. Taking a moment to get her thoughts in order, she began to speak, her
tone soft and full of joy. �It�s very peaceful. I know that when you first look
at it, the sorrow and misery of the brush strokes enraptures you, but when you
look deeper, that�s not the feeling at all. Yes, there is sadness, sorrow and
pain, but there is also so much more. The happiness of making it through all of
the trials, the joy at simply still being alive is what you feel. Everyone
suffers, and everyone loses their innocence, but the painter accepts that. He
accepts the pain, because he knows it�s the only thing he can do. He knows that
the pain has made him who he is. It�s about overcoming sorrow and seeing
something wonderful about the fact that you survived. It celebrates strength
and life. It is the embodiment of being peaceful with whom you are. Why would I
find anything but joy in that?� Tilting her head towards him, her eyes smiled.
Standing still in surprise, his
eyes locked on the painting. He could see that now. He could feel the darkness
still, but the acceptance of it was astounding. Looking down at this little
woman, he couldn�t help but chuckle. �You saw all of that at one glance?�
Blushing, she let out a beautiful
laugh, her smile growing large. �I must admit that I have been to this exhibit
a few times.�
Chuckling at her once again, he
shook his head. Reaching out a hand, his eyes softened at her. �I am
Sesshomaru.�
Grinning, she slid
her hand into his and squeezed it gently, giving it a shake. �Kagome.
Nice to meet ya.�
�The pleasure is all mine. Would you like to show me the true meaning behind the
rest of these paintings?� He asked, his eyes taking on the bad influence of
sparkling.
Laughing once again, she nodded and
slipped to his side, looping her arm through his. �Of course!
I�ve always felt the need to educate those who lack knowledge.� Giggling at his
growl, she started to pull him forward.

��
~~~~~Present~~~~~

�� She was so care free and open.
She was wild, and yet so pure. Even her thoughts on the pieces of art the rest
of the world considered dark drastically wandered the different path, and she
saw no problem with that. �She didn�t
conform to what anyone wanted, but he had made her. He forced her to become
something even he didn�t want her to be. The song that he heard on the radio
sounded loudly in his head.

Well she was precious
like a flower
She grew wild, wild
but innocent
A perfect prayer in a
desperate hour
She was everything
beautiful and different
Stupid boy... you
can't fence that in
Stupid boy... it's
like holdin' back the wind

�� He had fallen in love with her
for who she was, not who she could be. She was perfect the way she was, and he
hated himself for making her think otherwise. He promised her his love and
soul, and he had betrayed her. She had given him everything he could have
possibly wanted in a mate, and he ruined it. He tore her apart with the cruel
coldness that he had become, hardening his heart against her and forced her to
wallow in loneliness. She had loved him, and he took it for granted. He
constantly told her she couldn�t be anything but his mate. She must have felt
so trapped, broken.

She laid her heart and
soul right in your hands
And you stole her
every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew
she had a choice
And that's what
happens when the only voice
She hears is telling
her she can't
Stupid boy
Stupid boy

�� He had forced himself to believe
that the only way he could ever be the Lord of the Western Lands was to be the
strongest, he had to be the best. He had to boost himself as high as he could.
He had to be the exact copy of what people thought they needed in a leader. Pushing
her down to feel stronger, he knew it was wrong, and yet didn�t stop. He had to
control something, and he knew he could control her. He knew she loved him with
her whole heart and would follow his rules. Kami, how stupid could he be?

So what made you think
you could take a life
And just push it, push
it around
I guess to build yourself up so high
You had to take her
and break her down
Well�

She laid her heart and
soul right in your hands
And you stole her
every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew
she had a choice
And that's what
happens when the only voice
She hears is telling
her she can't
Stupid boy
Stupid boy

�� Why did he do that to her? He
loved her, he really did. She made him happy. She made him smile. She made him
feel alive. Oh Kami help him. How can he fix this? He always told her she was
wrong. When she was trying to help with something, he always forced her away.
He just had to prove he was right with his beliefs didn�t he?

You stupid boy
You always had to be
right
And now you lost the
only thing that ever made you feel alive

She laid her heart and
soul right in your hands
And you stole her
every dream and you crushed her plans
She never even knew
she had a choice
And that's what happens
when the only voice
She hears is telling
her she can't
Stupid boy
Stupid boy

�� Standing stiffly from the couch,
he looked around the room. It felt as if the darkness was closing in around
him, and bringing the walls with it. He looked up at the stairs that led to
their bedroom. For a split second he entertained the thought of this all just
being an incredibly not funny joke. �Shaking his head free from the ridiculous
thought, the pain set it. The shock melting from him more, he fought with control.
It was no joke; this was the unforgiving truth. He had forced the woman he
loved to leave.
Walking up the stairs, he made his
way to their bedroom. No, it was only his bedroom now. He pushed the door open
and entered his now cold room. Stopping in the doorway, he just stared into the
emptiness of their bed. No, it was only his bed now. She had left. How long did
she feel the way she felt? How long did he make her suffer?

It took a while for
her to figure out
She could run
And when she did
She was long gone,
long gone

�� He let the pain and guilt swallow
him whole and he trudged to the mirror on the far wall. Standing deftly in
front of himself, he could see himself falling. Self loathing seeped from every
pore of his body as he gazed into his eyes. His heart shattered more as he
realized she probably felt this every day. �
Shocked, he found himself shutting
his eyes tightly to barricade in tears. No, he would not cry. Now was the time
to be strong. Tears would fix nothing. He had lost her, no, he had let her go.
He made the only one that held his heart leave. He deserved the pain, every bit
of it. Growling, he turned sharply from the mirror to conceal from his own
reflection the crystal that dropped from his right eye.

END!!!!!!!!!!!!
OK! So what do you all think?! I just got so inspired to
write this! I had to! So please review and all the good stuff. Songs in this
are �Wasted� by Carrie Underwood and �Stupid Boy� by Keith Urban. I do not take
credit for any Inuyasha characters or these two songs. I love you all! �Akumi <3
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