Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

SURVIVE	By : ajj77sunhawk Category: InuYasha > Yaoi - Male/Male Views: 26392 -:- Recommendations : 3 -:- Currently Reading : 3
Disclaimer: I do not own InuYasha, nor make money from this story.

Chapter List
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- 2
Arrgggghhh NanoWRIMo again! Yeah! Oh NOOOOO! I had wanted to continue Truth in Blood – but kindda got no ideas. Instead something else came to me – a lot darker and more angsty. Its set in the Turth in Blood world – but the history and story of the main character has been changed. Kindda only started Nano yesterday so I am two days behind and already lagging – gulp! HELP!
Trying to win 3 Nano's in a row – think I have a hope? Anyway you get a new fic – updated daily – or almost daily as per NanoWriMo. 50 thousand words in November ... shudders!
Anyway Read, review and enjoy! My Nano 2010 offering;
Every warning you can think of is up for this fic! I do not own Inuyahsa, I think he would probably kill me if I did – the stuff I put the poor puppy through!
SURVIVE
Chapter 1 : Alive... not quite!
The city was in chaos, citizens were gorging themselves, stealing, fighting, having sex and driving themselves to the brink of death by they own insatiable and out of control needs and desires. The unlucky ones that were in close vicinity to the demon, died as they attempted to over appease lusts and desires that just could not be satisfied. The demon of hunger, laughed at the folly of the once arrogant humans. So sure had they been that their priests and priestesses of light would be able to protect them they had allowed the demon get closer to the city then had been advised. Only when their first vanguard pf soldiers fell under the sway of the Demon, had they realized their stupidity.
As they were technically in negotiations for peace, the Demon Lord of the West had graciously warned the human city, that the Demon of Lust was on route and the best way to deal with that demon was to attack it with fire catapults from a far distance, before he got close enough to influence the people. But the priests of the Human city – deemed that an act of cowardice, they were priests of 'light' after all – it would be beneath them to act aggressively first.
That was of course a statement of pure hypocrisy on the part of the temple. When it suited them, they can and did initiate attacks on non-aggressive demons and seraphim alike. This time, they chose not to, because they believed if the Demon Lord of the West was warning them not to talk to this particular Demon – then perhaps they could use the demon against the Demon Lord. The blasted being who was defeating them on every front. They did not consider that the Demon Lord had shared the information because he considered the Demon a treat to humans, Seraphim and demons, indeed all sentient life on the planet.
So the foolish humans had allowed the demon to come within cross bolt range, and that was in range of the Demon's influence. Guards, soldiers and priests alike had been consumed by raging lust and desire, driven to acts of madness and extreme, by the proximity to the Demon. Unchallenged, chaos raging around him, the Demon had walked into the city. Driving citizens crazy on their own needs as he passed.
The Demon was leisurely making his way to the heart of the city where the Temple of Light and the Lord's Castle, now heavily barricaded stood. Even though the barriers, the demonic influence was being felt. Bellies growled in hunger for forbidden foods, legs crossed and uncrossed in a desperate attempt to hide the growing state of arousal. Panic and fear were beginning to set in, even as they sought to strengthen the barriers.
"This is impossible! How can one Demon be so powerful." Priestess Kagome, her stress levels rising, sweat rolled down her chest and back as her desire to copulate got stronger.
"Enough! Control yourselves!" High Priestess Kikyo, her meditations successful was emanated a powerfully vibrating force. She created a pool of tranquility. calming the desires of those around her. Unfortunately the area of her influence was limited, to a radius of about twenty feet.. "We need to focus on defeating this abomination."
Desperate plans were drawn up and discarded, there was little time for the more elaborate ideas, so far the best idea on the table was full scale evacuation – which had already been carried out in most of the city. The main fear was that the Demon, would just stay in the City and own it if they all evacuated, and the only way to get him out would be to actually destroy the city with long range weapons, in the hope of taking the Demon out as well.
The Demon was in no hurry to get to the Temple, he was taking his time strolling through the chaotic city – enjoying the desperate attempts to appease the lusts of those around him. Soldiers coming at him with weapons, lost their will to fight as their desires overwhelmed them. Some on seeing sweets and food, turned to looting the shops and eating, other were copulating on the streets. Duty and honor totally forgotten in their need to appease their gnawing desires. The Demon laughed as he walked slowly to his destination – taunting those that made plans to stand against him.
In spite of Lady Kikyo's energy, with the Demon approaching - lust was once again seeping into the temple.
"I will go." A quite rough, seldom used voice said from the shadows at the corner of the discussion room.
"You?" Kagome sneered, "Mongrel, you actually remember how to speak – be silent! We have no need to hear your empty yappings!"
"Kagome, it is the duty of the Priestess to be a light for beings that are beneath us. For all of Mongrel's short comings it does try to serve us well. Let the dog speak. Remember your place when you address you betters!" Lady Kikyo said pointedly, her tone was as mocking as Kagome's, the sneer of contempt clear in her voice.
Head bowed low, the bare foot figure dressed in a cloak of dark and cheap cloth, stepped slowly out of the shadows. Taller then the humans around him, the heavy chains that wrapped around him forced him to hunch forward, in a parody of a bow. Around his waist, was a belt of heavy iron, chains fell to his legs, forcing his movements to be limited and ungainly. His hands were chained together and linked to the belt, forcing then to cross submissively to all that crossed his path. The heavy collar on his neck was linked to the belt by the short chain that forced him to bend forward. With all that metal weighting the figure down, when he moved it was still without a sound.
"Forgive your mongrel." The figure said in a soft flat voice, "My Lady's mongrel requests that you send him to face the Demon." There was no inflection in the voice as he said those words.
"You? Don't be a fool, a half breed like yourself will be wallowing in lust before you even get close to the Demon." Lady Kagome sneered.
"Kagome, wait, the half demon's lust is to kill and for blood, if he stays here he will fall under the sway of Lust first, and we will need to waste our energy putting him down. But if we send him to meet the Demon, in he lust for blood he may kill some of our people but, he will probably at least be able to hurt the Demon. Once he succumbs to his lust to kill, he will especially dangerous, here he is as usual the weak link, out there he will at least be of some purpose. I suspect that he will give us enough time to plan a better course of action, if not, what is another dead dog on the streets." Kikyo said in a considering fashion. While Kagome always sought to make the half breed a laughing stock and beneath notice of those around them, Lady Kikyo was not so foolish. The half breed was strong – and if he did not die – killing a rabid mongrel would be a simple and expedient thing.
"Very well, mongrel, I order you to leave the temple and to go fight the Demon. Having you in this room where you blood lust can do damage would be a great mistake, so I decree that you must leave, NOW! Go fight the Demon, that is our orders to you. Remove the chains and go." Lady Kikyo snapped out, making it seem like it was her idea in the first place.
The figure bowed, his crossed hands touching areas on the heavy iron belt, the chains came free and slid the floor in clatter of metal. The chains were there not to hold the figure, they were just another layer of humiliation and control the Temple placed on the half demon. The Half breed could have broken them easily enough, it was not the chains that held him, it was the heavy black collar around the half breed's neck that bound the half breed to the Temple. Made from a combination of iron, dragon's blood and unicorn horns, the collar was heavy and full of dark magic that masqueraded as light. The collar's power laid heavy on spirit and soul, trapping the will of its bearer to the Temple.
The one wearing the collar, had bore the heavy weight of its dark magic since his 9th year, not a minute had gone by in the last 11 years when the collar had not weighted him down, trapped him, and stripped him of all that made life worth living.
The weight of the chains were nothing, he would wear them again when he returned, the mockery, the humiliation - they were nothing to him. They were his reality.
Wordlessly, the figure bowed and backed out of the room as he was trained to do. The heavy doors closed in his face, and only than did he stand tall. Without looking at the sneering humans around him, he jumped for the windows and disappeared towards the city.
His main garment was the cheap, dirty gray cloak, he wore a pair of rough trousers and a simple sleeveless tunic on his upper body. The material was the roughest and poorest material available in the city; he was only allowed to use clothing that was donated to the temple from the city's poorest sections. His bare feet hit the sides of building and roofs as he propelled himself forward.
Smoke rose from city houses, screams and cries of citizens were heard in pockets. He could see the areas that had been abandoned as the city folk had run from the influence of the Demon. Chaos reigned, his eyes scanned to access the damage to the city that he had been raised in, he was slightly glad that the Demon had chosen to enter the city from the main city gate, through the market place. The Demon's influence had hit the more affluent areas, the slums where he grew up in were fairly untouched. Many of the richer folks had retreated to the slums. The slums where he had roamed with some measure of freedom as a child were as yet uninfluenced by the demon, but that would not be for long.
As he left the main temple area, he finally pushed back the hood of the cloak, he was under strict orders not to be unhooded in the temple area, lest he pollute the eyes of the Holy priests and priestess with his lowly half breed features. His hair was short, messy and fell to his neck, in uneven patches. His hair grew rapidly, it seemed to want to be naturally long, so of course the temple had ordered him to ensure that his hair never fell below his neck. He was not provided with blades of any sort, nor would anyone lower themselves to assist him, so at regular intervals he used his claws to ensure his hair was at a length that the Priestess found acceptable. Too long or too short, and his punishment was severe. The Priestess changed their minds about what was appropriate often, and the half breed had long come to accept that as par for course. Even though he was a Half breed with a high healing factor, his back and limbs bore testament that the Priest and Priestess of the Temple of Light were extraordinarily diligent in their punishment of the half breed. The level of 'correction' far exceeding even his body's ability to heal properly.
Still he moved as if they made no difference, fluid, graceful and silent.
He headed to the heart of the disturbance, he stirred with unease as he saw the levels of degradation the human's overcome by their lust was sinking to. He closed his mind to them and focused on reaching the his goal, the source of the disturbance – the Lust Demon.
The lust demon with a twisted smile and a happy chuckle, walked though an almost empty square, he was getting a little bored of how easily the humans were destroying themselves, and was now looking forward to helping the uppity Priests reveal their of perversions and degradations. He looked at the temple spire, and jauntily began to walk towards it.
A figure with a real messy crop of white hair, and a pair of white puppy ears dropped from the roof top in front of him. He had no weapons, but his claws were sharp and his fangs gleamed. The demon's eye brow rose, well... well... his day had just gotten a little more interesting – he hoped the half breed would hold out at least a minute against his influence.
"Well, well, well... if it isn't the pet mongrel of the Temple of Light, I had heard rumours that the temple maintained an abomination as a pet, such a pleasure to see that the rumours were true. Before you kill yourself in your own lust, pray tell me your name." The Demon said with an engaging smile.
The figure shrugged, "As you stated, I am know as mongrel. You can go no further." His voice was again dry and flat, mirroring exactly the energy of the golden eyes, flat. No lust, no rising desires were reflected in those eyes.
The lust Demon's eyes widened, "Why are you so calm? Why are you unaffected?" His voice rose in shocked surprise, since he had come to his power in his 14th year, none had come this close to him without displaying some lust, without being impacted in some way. This half breed however showed nothing.
The Demon reached out and slammed his power into the half demon's mind, he faltered for a second, because there were no defenses on the surface of the being's mind – it was shockingly open. The lust demon almost reeled in shock. This disgusted even him.
The collar the half demon wore, destroyed all surface barriers of the mind, the young half demon had no mental or spiritual protection from mental probing, magics and intrusions. It was like being kept mentally naked to any who wished to peek into his conscious thoughts. The energy of the collar had taken root in the half breed just below the level of his conscious mind, the deeper levels of his mind were blanketed by the power of the collar. The priests cared not what was in their's pet's unconsciousness, he could not plan an escape without their knowledge, he could not consciously plot against them. But everything the crossed the surface level of his mind could be used against him, by those with the power to enter minds.
To be stripped of privacy in such a way, and be still sane – was unbelievable.
The demon groped for something in the mind to ignite, for lust and desires – and found...
"Nothing! You want for nothing, you need nothing – you... you.. have no hunger.. no lust.. because you...you.. are dead." The lust demon whispered, he shuddered in horror as he looked into the flat, but suddenly sad – golden eyes.
The half breed nodded slowly, "Yeah, I know. I had wondered about that. Whether there was still anything left alive in this part of me. I was kindda hoping there was – but oh well... I guess its just a matter of time till the rest of me catches up."
"How.. how can you survive like this? Its like a hollowness, emptiness.. that.. that.. do you not even want death, freedom?" The demon asked.
"Freedom, once I wanted freedom, a long time ago, but I was shown clearly how foolish it was for a thing like me to want freedom – to want anything. Wanting things just.. just gave them more to take, to destroy.. so I killed it before they could. I stopped wanting, stopped needing, a long time ago. I just exist and do what I have to do." The half breed said softly there was no anger, no hate – just nothing in his voice. "As for death.. too many seek my death, so why should I seek that as well? Me not wanting life or death – seems to be more of a problem to others than anything else."
The demon's eyes took on a strange almost needy light, "You can come near me, you can touch me, do you know how long it has been since I touched someone?" The demon came forward almost eagerly, he reached out and laid a hand on the cheek of the half breed, the half breed did not react or flinch. The demon trembled in delight, he desired this – someone who was not influenced by his ability, some new challenge, something new he could take, use and slowly corrupt.
"Join me." He whispered, "Join me, against those who used you – those who collared you. I can destroy them, and you can be with me as I rule the world." The demon said almost imploringly, he ran his fingers down the half breed jaw, one hand rested on the half breed's chest. "Take your place, beside me, and I will give you anything you want, I will give you everything you could possibly desire." He cooed... then he suddenly gasped in pained shock. The tangy taste of copper and blood filled his mouth as his lungs were pierced, and claws closed around his heart.
"I'm sorry, if I desired anything – I would be in your power. I need nothing – I want nothing – but I know what I don't what, I know what I won't be. I won't be what the high priests think I am, when I die – I will die knowing that they may have owned me, but they never mastered me truly, never knew me. For all their magicks, I do not do evil things because of the collar repressing me, I don't do evil things, because even as a child I never wanted to hurt anybody. I never wanted to kill, and until they messed with my brain, I never knew blood lust – even now I still don't – unless they trigger the collar and cause it. Thank you demon, you gave me something precious, now I am sure that it is truly not me that causes the blood lust – it is them. In the deep parts of me, parts that is not dead, I worried about that." The half breed said with a soft sad smile.
"I cannot come with you, because sooner or later your hunger will cause you to do what the high Priests will not do, go to the deeper layers of my mind – masked by the collar. That tiny part of me, deep inside is the only part of me that is 'alive'.. but it is separate form me in a strange way. And sooner or later – someone will take that from me as well, and then – there will be nothing left – its a matter of time. I know that, I understand that.
When I am finally turned into nothing, at least – I will have this gift you have given me – at least I know that on my own, I am not an evil blood thirsty, lusting creature that the world thinks I am. That they will turn me into that one day, I have no doubt, but this knowledge now they cannot take from me." The half breed spoke as if he was speaking about a meal, or the weather, no anger, no rage, only a tiny sadness in his voice.
"You hide things from them? In spite of the collar?" The demon was chocking on blood, but he was holding on because he wanted to know.
"Thoughts directed at my self, are beyond the collar's influence. No plans, no external desires – no consequences on the outside world, only this, just thoughts about me, slip past the collar and move deep within. My thoughts about me, I guess is stored in a part of my brain beneath where the collar sits – so they cannot see that. Even though you gave me a gift, you hurt those around you, and you enjoy it, the Temple has ordered your destruction, and so you will die." The hard breed said his eyes saying that he was sorry for the act.
The demon's smile was a twisted parody, "You know, ever since I came into this cursed power, I have been alone. Oh don't get me wrong – I have enjoyed it – reveled in it for centuries. But in all these centuries I have been hungry – my own hunger gnaws at me. I always thought I would die as catapults and ranged weapons rained down on me from afar, I never imagined I would die, cradled by a warm half breed, his hand around my heart." The demon coughed.
"I am dying, and for the first time I feel no hunger." His eyes began to cloud, he looked at the half breed standing impassive with his claws embedded deep into his heart. "Can you stay with me until I die? I don't want to die alone."
The half breed did not answer he sank to his knees and held the dying demon. As gentle as he was, as he rested the demon against him, his claws did not relent from the heart nor did not allow the heart to heal. They both knew that only once all the Demon's blood left his body, would the demon be actually dead.
"I once had a name, given by my parents. Once they killed themselves because of the lust that I induced in them, no one has called me by that name. I did not want them to die, but my power... hunger ... it is a force that is difficult to control ...while you are alive." The half breed did not flinch at the words, there were true. Most of him was dead, that was a fact he lived with. "Will you call me by my name? Will you tell me yours?"
The half breed's expression did not change he spoke in the same flat and sad voice, "I had no parents, I was found amongst the garbage floating in the city bay, the gang that raised me, the priests – none saw the need to give me a real name. Brat, Trash, Scum, Mongrel, abomination or Monster, is what I am called."
The demon's purple eyes widened, he felt a strange pity that he had felt for no other in his recent memories. The half breed was strong and yet seemed so empty, so dead, and somehow so damn fragile at the same time. He hacked more blood, "Surely, you have something you call your self? Please, I was named Naraku by my parents, please." The world was fading from the demon's eyes. He had believed he would fear this moment, but as the half demon was holding him – he felt no fear – only warmth – and a comfort in the thought that he was not dying alone.
The half demon sighed softly, "No name, I have no need of such things ...but I guess I do had a kind of description of what I am, that I use when I think of myself. From my ears, I figure I am some kind of dog. That is pretty obvious, so I refer to what I am as Inuyasha, Dog Demon, just that nothing else."
Naraku smiled, as the light faded from his eyes, "Suits you.. I wish.. I hope.. I hope that you..." the demon coughed again, the last of his blood drained from his body and the demon died peacefully. His body relaxed against the half breed an after a moment, it began to crumble and turn to dust.
The half breed, stayed where he was kneeling on the now empty street. He looked at his hand, the acid from the demon's blood had eaten away most of the layers of skin and flesh. It would probably have saved him a great deal of pain – if he had ripped the demon's heart from his body, and left the demon to die. But.. he could not do that.. talking to someone – was such a rare occurrence, and the pain – he was used to that. If it scarred, what was one more.
He inhaled deeply, breathing the scent of his blood, the rot and decay around him, "Hope..." he whispered softly.. "What is that? I think that was the first thing that died.. in this part of me.."
He closed his eyes, and sank into himself. The energy of the collar, as it always did, scorched his being as he went deeper, he, as always accepted and ignored the pain.
"Are you alright?" a gentle voice said to his right.
"Keh! You should have taken the offer, demons are much better than humans." A rough voice said to his left.
Two hands came around his shoulders and helped him stand. It was strange, the feeling of being touched and not touched.. it was all the gentle touch he got – and so he was grateful – but it was still him – touching himself.
Inside a small domed area deep in his mind, Inuyasha looked at the two halves of himself. "I am alright I have to be, and do you really think that I should have gone with the demon? You know it would only be a matter of time."
His demon side shrugged, "Yeah, this was not a proper honourable demon. He would have wanted our Pup sooner or later, so you had to kill him. But you will see, when we find a honourable demon, things will be better." His demon side seemed strong and complete, he was red eyed, long fanged and had two purple stripes on his cheeks. He even had a fluffy while tail that he kept curled around his waist and leg. His hair was shining white and like the human counterpart's, fell past his waist.
"Not all humans are bad, our boss when we were a child was a good man, so was the gang." The dark haired human said with a sad smile. He was thin, even in spirit form the human body was bruised, damaged and scarred. But it was still strong, the will still alive in his eyes. "We did well."
The Half breed smiled, "Yeah we did." He had separated himself, compartmentalized his psyche a long time ago. It had been his one defence against the probing and the collar. At any one time, the ones on the outside could only attack one or two aspects of his mind. As long as he could keep one part separate he maintained some resemblance of self and sanity. The half breed part was the most dominant, but when his body became human, the human part rose, and he desperately locked down the demon side of him. He kept that part and the other separate and safe from the horrors that the human and half breed side of him experienced. The demon side understood and knew but was safe from feeling, the demon side came to comfort and feed strength into the human side while it recovered from what was done to it. The other was kept innocent.
"The demon kindda thought I was mad... was he right?" The half breed asked quietly.
The human and demon in unison shook their head, and both simultaneously reached out to touch the butchered short hair. "No, we are not crazy, yet, as long as the other is here, no matter how it seems, we are not crazy yet." In spite of their different voices, when the two spoke in concert they spoke as one, for ultimately they were one.
"Our inner child."
"As long as you can be a child and play – you can never be truly defeated." The half breed did not remember exactly when he had heard the words – it was while he had been wholly human externally, before his demon side was released forcibly by the Temple. He had been no more than 5 years old, even than he had never played or acted like a child. The slums were not conducive for innocence. Someone had said those words in passing, and it had stuck. He never wanted to be truly defeated.
The three figures looked up at the heart of their domed sanctuary, there slowly another sanctuary opened. The outer dome, had simple stone floors and rooms for various activities, the inner dome that opened was a lush and green forest. Not a planted garden that was the only kind of garden the half breed had seen in his life, but a forest of wild trees and flowers that he had only heard about and recreated in his psyche, to be the heart of his sanity.
A tiny half breed of 5 years old came running out. The tiny figure, saw the human and gasped with joy he changed into a human and threw himself at the human self for a hug, he was welcomed easily. Then he turned and with an equal gasp of delight he turned into a demon and sprang at the demon self – who slightly embarrassed hugged and cuddled the demon self. Then the child turned back into the half breed, and with a pure cry of pleasure tried to jump at the half breed adult. This time a human and a demon hand caught the child firmly, he squirmed trying to get at the Dominant aspect, but they held him firm, till finally he looked up with tearful eyes.. "Why don't you want to hug me?"
The half breed smiled the same empty and sad smile that he had smiled at the demon, "You know I cannot, you are the best of me, and the only way we can keep you happy is if you are not a part of me."
"But..." The child said with sadness and love in his eyes. Then he slowly beamed a smile at the half breed aspect, "You will still come and play sit in the garden for a little while? You will feel better."
"Feel better?" The human aspect made the child look at him, "Pup, What do you mean?"
"Inu, just now Pup felt really strange, like wanted to play and play and play but the feeling was wrong. It was bad somehow. So Pup went deeper into the forest to hide, and the feeling went away. Pup don't like the feeling." The child said earnestly.
The clawed hand of the demon aspect stroked the child's hair gently, "Don't worry Pup, Inuyasha dealt with it, Inu and I will come into the garden and play with you for a while, you go back in and wait for us." The demon said even as the three adult aspects exchanged looks of relief.
"Will you come too, Inuyasha?" The child asked the half breed aspect, and was unsurprised when he got a negative response. The half breed aspect only entered the garden on rare occasions. On those occasions when something really horrible had happened on the outside and all three aspects needed to hide.
"Not today, Pup. You go and play for me okay?" The pup nodded and skipped back into the garden.
"Guess we are not truly 'dead' yet if pup could feel something." 'Inu' The human side said softly.
"Hmm... I guess it was a good thing we killed the demon, we would not have been able to keep Pup safe if he had been around for too long." Yasha said with a scowl.
They both looked at the half breed, at it was strange to feel the sense of disconnect, the deadness of the part of them that survived and died over and over, to keep the rest of them intact and alive.
The demon and human, asked in concern they twin voices merging "Are you alright?"
There was pause and then all three voices spoke in concert, "I am alright – I have to be." The smiles on the three faces were identical, sad – lost – empty. "We are one, and I am me."
They parted and the half breed returned to the conscious level of thought, leaving all that was alive about him far beneath the burning malignant energy of the collar.
The whole inner trip had taken less than two seconds in the real world. The half breed rose to his feet, the collar dictating his will. Emotionless, empty he walked silently back to the temple, expecting nothing. And receiving less than nothing.
-tbc- in less then 24 hours - groan!
PLease review to give strength - hope I survive. lol.. and seriously hope you dont get sick of me too fast - so what do you think is this different from my other stuff.., suggestions and ideas definitely needed. N keep in mind its Nano - so if you see mistake cut paste and tell me - cause I have no time to properly edit.
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SURVIVE