Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

My Part: Shame	By : botticelliangel Category: InuYasha > General > DarkFic Views: 1927 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha or any associated products of the manga/show, thus I do not make money from this writing.

Chapter List
- 1-My Part: Shame
- 1
They look at me.

Those who have fear in their eyes are wise, yet entirely uninteresting.

Those who smile as if they have the upper hand are unwise, but they are also lame diversions.

Those who envy are the ones to watch out for. Those are the ones who will stop it nothing to drown others in their hate.

“Sesshomaru-sama!” A young girl with dark hair calls out to me. A human child, although I am not certain she is a child any longer.

I see envy every step that I take. The girl runs to my side her legs gangly tripping over themselves. With an energetic hop on the balls of her feet she stops in front of me. Dark hair and dark eyes, but her skin is the color of milk in tea. She does not notice the envy seeping around her in wisps of dark energy, caressing her skin, and trying to drag her into the darkness. She does not notice because she is alive still. Alive as I once was.

Something inside me snaps and I pick her up though it limits me much. I only have one arm. Her warm skin is pliable against my dead cold body. The darkness recedes not daring to touch my form. “Sesshomaru-sama smells really good.” She says before nuzzling my neck.

She will find no pulse there.

I see the exposed blades of those who envy me. The silver shines in the sunlight. I hear their half attempts to hide their laughing. They envy me, yes. But they are also disgusted with me for having a human companion. I huff under my breath.

As if I wouldn’t drop the human child and retaliate they attack me. They think I care too much.

The girl drops the muddy ground. I slice through my enemies spilling their blood, because I have none. They offer up their bodies in sacrifice, all because they are envious.

Red gushes bathe my body and I live for a moment. I enjoy the sticky red blood and the resistance of flesh against my blade. The flesh resists, only to rip.

Cutting down the numbers.

I make the first section from the top of the head to the navel. Guts fly.

The second cut is from the shoulder to the hip. The body is split on a diagonal.

The few left flee, and I find the human girl easily.

She is hiding under the broken limbs of a foolish youkai. Her hair is colored red with his blood.

“Rin.” I say. She climbs out to rejoin my side a smile still on her face.

I wonder sometimes if the sight of blood makes her ill. The red rivers we step over. It only makes me ill when it dries. There will be no more fights today. The demon city has fallen quiet lulled to placidity by the scent of blood, and the scent of me.

I spot my destination through well kept roads. The bath house. Its several stories high and painted a milky color. I think it would look better in red. I imagine myself splattering blood onto the milky wood making it look rich.

A pair of fat faced women greet me at the bath house door. One of them wrinkles her pudgy little nose at my blood soaked form. Her thick makeup cracks and falls off in dust.

She is lucky I ignore her.

“Sesshomaru-sama. What may I do for you today?” The owner of the bath house questions. He has a smile of lecherous intent. The flicker of envy is in his eyes.

“The ginger bath.” I reply uneasy as that lecherous smile is directed at the girl standing by my side. “And after a secluded room for tea.”

“Dry or wet?” ³

“You know I do not stay in the company of whores.” I reply knowing if I answered with either wet or dry he would send in a demon bitch, most likely one with poison more deadly than my own on her lips.

I walk past the owner holding my breath as his sour scent makes my nose shrivel inside. The dark haired girl walks with me her eyes looking around wonder.

The bath house is quite a sight from the inside. Workers rush about in their citrine uniforms bundles of cloth for drying in their arms, or sometimes herbs to mix with the water. Another class of workers dressed in passion red accompany rich males, and sometimes females through the polished wooden halls. And then there is the clientele. I wrinkle my nose. Any fat slug with money can bathe here. Most do their business here. Treaties and marriage agreements are made in the tea rooms on the top floor after the parties have dodged through selective scrupulous dialect.

A few stare as I walk by. Their expressions range from shocked, to envious that I have the gall to bring a human into the bath house. I care not. This bath house, though not owned directly by me, is on my land. If I had the inclination I could evict those living here and destroy it.

“Sesshomaru-sama.” She tugs on my empty sleeve and points to my room away from all the others. A darkness like death has covered her face and I see why as soon as I look to the bath she peeked into.

A female, beaten and battered lays on the floor. I am certain she is dead. There is vomit and blood at her lips. Her eyes have clouded over already. Her face is tilted up towards the ceiling. Maggots will be eating her heart in no time.

The sight makes me sick.

I usher the girl by my side away to the sanctuary of my private bath. The owner is frightened to let anyone but me use it. I can always smell it when someone else does.

“Leave your clothes here, Rin.” I speak. We’ve been here before though. Rin nods slinking out of her blood soaked clothing. The death mask that was on her face has not gone away, but I know better than to be worried. Even if she was to die I would use Tensaiga to bring her back. She cannot leave me.

My armor drops to the floor collapsing in on itself. I put my swords next to the tub. Never leave them too far away. My clothes are dripping with blood. I can no longer see the pattern on my haori. This time the attendants who clean our clothing aren’t going to get the stains out, I realize.

Ah well, it was about time to replace the silk anyways.

I discard my clothes as Rin tilts her face up to wash the blood off of her neck and shoulders with the buckets of undiluted water the attendants left at the corner of my room. I kneel down next to her and she turns to me with a clean cloth gently wiping away all the blood.

She takes to the task solemnly as one would when cleaning a corpse.

“Sesshomaru-sama is cold.” She speaks. Her lips form a thin line on her face.

I do not reply except to lift her into the ginger bath. Her toes curl the second they reach the water, and she shivers. It’s not just ginger I notice as I sink into the thick water. This time they put the juice from oranges into it. Somehow this does not surprise me. This area is known for its oranges, and as they were harvested recently I am indulged in the citrus scent mingling with the pressed ginger in our water.

Sweet scented steam curls up under my nose. Rin plays trying to catch the bubbles of citrus juice that float on the surface. They slip out of her grasp by splitting apart making smaller bubbles.

The dark haired girl swims toward me in the large tub. Her body is a white arrow in the murky water.

She sits on my lap with a smile. She either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care that we are indecently touching. She rubs her slick center against me. I rise from the dead. We look away from each other pretending that we haven’t done this before.

Our charade starts.

I push her against the side of the bath bringing her legs up onto my shoulders. Her hand guides me to her positioning me just the way she wants.

I sink into life.

I can feel myself start to remember. Remembering life. I know Rin is too.

Her face flushes proof that her heart still beats.

I think she told me once about the one she sees when I am inside of her.

“It was that slayer boy.” She says. “I don’t remember his name.”

I do.

His name was Kohaku, and it wasn’t him who first pushed into her delicate flower. It was Naraku, but I do not tell this to her. It was a moment of honesty and confession for her. I would rather not shatter the illusion.

I’ve never told her who I see.

My heart beats and I am no longer with the dark haired girl.

I am alive again. Pain is real.

I am not a child, yet not an adult. Somewhere where Rin is.

I feel him near. The hot breath on my neck as he wraps his fingers around my part. All my blood rushes down leaving me light headed.

He is a great demon, the ruler of an empire! His thick silver hair is pulled back, as usual. The blood in his face tells me he is alive and enjoying what I am only enduring. The silver hair comes down. My fingers are twisted in their ends.

“It hurts.” I gasp thrusting my hips up. I want him to stop. His hand is hot, wet. Clenching and unclenching. The tension builds and I need to scream. He licks the tears off of my face as my body withers painfully.

“I envy you.” He whispers into my ear fangs nicking the tip. He flips me over onto my stomach. My chin digs against the floor as he spreads my legs. My knees are lifting my lower body, but he no longer pays attention to that. He has another agenda.

He slips one finger into my cavity as if preparing me for the onslaught of pain.

Nothing could ever prepare me for that.

Hot and hard he entered me. The motion rips my skin and I smell my blood. He holds me there his large hand on the back of my head. My jaw aches against the floor, but it is nothing compared to the pain inside.

With a feral growl he pulls out and thrusts again. Body contracting until every muscle is aching for breath.

This is the moment before death.

And in this moment I fight. I push back on my haunches. He enjoys this more and his thrusting quickens. Crying I try my best to dispel him from me.

My efforts are waste. Literally.

Slimy brown feces slide down the back of my thighs. He swears but doesn’t stop. All I can do is claw at the floor until my fingers break from the sheer force of it.

The muscle controlling his groin twitches as he cums in me. He disengages almost immediately flipping me over on my rear hard enough to bruise the abused flesh further.

“If you are going to make a mess you are going to clean it up.” He snarls gnashing my cheeks. I am gagging even before he forces my jaw open. The most horrible taste enters my mouth as he plunges in. Bile is swift to rise. I vomit in my mouth just as he plunges in again. Most of the liquid is shoved back down my esophagus, but the rest sprays out of the corners of my mouth. Green.

I am unable to breath as he controls the pace. The vomit rises over and over again. My throat and lungs burn. He cums for a second time and retreats from my body.

The green liquid is finally free to leave my body. It flows out of my mouth and nose. It covers the wooden floor like overturned stew.

“Sesshomaru.” I look up to his eyes. They glow red with anger.

I whisper his name; he cuffs me hard on my ear.

I whisper his title stating his leadership over all of our people. He throws his fist into my face.

“Father.” I intone. He does nothing as my heart stops beating and my lungs collapse.

My skin turns to stone and I die in front of him. He smiles as I stand without pain or thoughts.

“I envy you. We are not meant to live, but you refuse to let go even in death.”

~ ~ ~ ~

Rin smiles at me as she sips her tea. Her cheeks flare pink. The white yukata she wears is hanging off of her shoulders. Leaning over I trace my fingers across her collar bone watching as her eyes drip into darker shades of brown. I am pleased. Her skin remains smooth even after being bitten, nipped, and sucked.

“Sesshomaru-sama.” Her voice is breathy.

“Yes, Rin.” I reply calm as ever. Her heart beats under my fingertips. I am pleased she is still alive.

“I am pregnant.” Her voice does not loose it’s quality though I know she is afraid. We have been in this situation before too. The last time was a winter ago. Ice cold temperatures brought sickness. Jakin, AhUn, and Rin all fell to the illness. The two cold blooded demons died. I remember burying them with Rin by my side. She refused to stay inside our shelter and accompanied me out to the snow.

By then we knew the pup inside of her wasn’t going to live.

“I know.” My eyes are drawn toward the turquoise tea kettle in front of us. Automatic motion allows my hand to pick it up and pour her more of the semi bitter liquid.

“Is this one meant to live?” She must have been terrified of asking because her hands shake.

My throat clenches. That was how I consoled her about the loss last time. Some are just not meant to live. I sounded like my father.

I feel sometimes as if I am replaying his actions in different settings. I killed the first pup by making Rin birth him early. His tiny stone body was buried next to Jakin and AhUn’s. Rin named him even though he never took a breath in this world.

I don’t remember the name now.

“This one is meant to live.” I confirm. That was what father said to me when Inuyasha was born. This one is meant to live.

I envied Inuyasha for that right. Our fights were never about the swords really. They might have been to him, but they weren’t to me. It was terribly ironic and cruel that I should hold the sword of life and be a dead creature, while he got to hold the sword of death and be alive.

I envied him and wanted to drown him, like our father drowned me. I tell this to Rin as she takes another sip of the tea. With the eyes of naivety she puts down the cup and states,

“If you are dead why don’t you just use Tensaiga to revive yourself like you did me?”

The idea numbs my flesh. I stand up walking to the back of the room where I left my swords. I toss Tensaiga’s sheath aside and look at the blade.

Rin’s eyes widen as she sees me turn the blade in on myself. Her mouth opens to stop me, but it is too late.

I plunge the sword into my heart.
- 1
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My Part: Shame