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Reflections of a Mirror Girl	By : LordYouko Category: InuYasha > General Views: 840 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and make no money from the writing of this fic.

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Story: Reflections of a Mirror Girl
Summary: Kanna tells the story of Sesshoumaru and Kagura. Main characters: Kanna, Sesshoumaru, Kagura. Pairings: Sess/Inu if you squint.
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha and make no money from the writing of this fic.
A/N: This is set before the Tokijin was broken, before Sesshoumaru got bakusaiga and before Kagura died.
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I am Kanna; I am the mirror.
What do mirrors do? Mirrors reflect.
Because mirrors simply reflect, we don’t make mistakes. Mirrors know the heart of everything, the void inside people that they don’t want to see.
I am the mirror. I see.
Kagura, you know, is the wind. And the wind is never free. The wind blows where it’s supposed to, when it’s supposed to.
See Kagura in my mirror now, with her ruby red eyes and her blades that have laid whole tribes to waste. See her smiling as the blood splatters all around, as her dance of blades slices through her enemies – no, his enemies, our Master’s enemies. Kagura does not have enemies. Kagura hasn’t been alive long enough to make enemies.
Our Master made Kagura. Our Master, Naraku, wanted an assassin so he made Kagura, as a father makes his child. And she was born a grown woman with a hole where her heart should be. That is the perfect assassin, isn’t it? A woman without a heart.
See, there is Kagura now, her eyes shining with life and delight, eyes the colour of blood. If you hold a mirror in front of those eyes, you will see loneliness and terror and helplessness. See the feather she holds between her fingers. See as she steps on it and takes to the air. Kagura can fly. Kagura can soar through the sky. But she is as helpless as any bird ever was.
See how those ruby red eyes seek icy golden ones even as she has the whole sky in front of her. See how, when she looks up at the night sky, she sees – not a star studded sky filled with endless possibilities heralding unknown horizons – she sees a demon Lord with the second most powerful sword on earth.
I see them, the taiyoukai and the wind demoness. I see her watching him. I see her eyes when she looks at him. They are hopeful; always a dangerous thing to be. Her eyes follow him even when our Master has not ordered her to watch him. Her eyes follow him but her feet are grounded.
Once, she went after him. Once, she went up to Lord Sesshoumaru and asked him to free her.
But Kagura is the wind and the wind does not know how to ask for help. And Sesshoumaru is a demon and he does not know how compassion.
I see him too. In my mirror, I see him aimlessly wander the Western Lands in pursuit of his brother. I see the lies he tells himself as he goes through the Lands which are his, the anger and bitterness as he strikes the brother he’s sworn to kill but can’t.
He is the Lord without a home; the hanyou he pursues is also without a home. They are just as unhappy as the ones who do have a home, because not having a place one has to return to is freeing and lonely and Kagura, who has a home but not a heart, thinks,
If I could only have him, I would be happy.
(Mirrors can read minds; did you know that?)
And the tragedy is that he does not look at her. When she is injured and bare, his gaze is not upon her. And all she can think of is-
If only he would see me…if only he would rescue me.
But he never will and she doesn’t know that. If she looked in the mirror at his eyes when they look at her, she would see contempt and no mercy. But she can’t, because Kagura can never look at him in the mirror. Kagura can only look at him on a pedestal.
Do you know what a pedestal is? It is the place where gods are enshrined.
I see the eyes of those who worship at pedestals. If you want to see it too, next time, look at the sea of heads that bow down before a god. Some of them have their heads bowed and their eyes lowered for the entire time but others steal a glance up when they think no one else is looking; I see covetousness in their eyes.
They want what they cannot have, you see. They want heads bowed to them; they like heads bowed. Those who cannot raise their own head like to see others bowed too.
But those who are on pedestals are the ones with the loneliest eyes.
They are free but they are frozen; they look but they never see. The ones on pedestals are tired of bowed heads. Because they know that the heads that bow, are also raised up again and once they are raised up again, they turn around and leave and then all that remains is the pedestal.
Kagura cannot bear to look at the person on the pedestal, cannot look at the immortal demon Lord who is so close to being god but falls short. Kagura of the wind sorcery cannot look at her god’s eyes and see the thawed bit of his heart that makes him less than god.
And Sesshoumaru is looking for the one who doesn’t. In lands that are his, among subjects who aren’t fully his yet, Sesshoumaru searches for the one he can step off the pedestal with. So far, the only one he has found is his brother.
And when Kagura isn’t looking, I see the way he looks at her. In my mirror, I see eyes full of pity and his hand twitches towards tokijin. But then Kagura raises her eyes to his and the look is gone.
If Sesshoumaru never had that look in his eyes, he would be happy. And if he did not have that look in his eyes, tensaiga would not have chosen him.
Do you know what tenseiga becomes when reflected in my mirror? It becomes tessaiga. But Sesshoumaru doesn’t know that. He has never bothered to look.
People never really look in the mirror.
I am the wind and I will be free.
They are much too alike, those two. They both want power and when they dance, it rains blood. They are both alone and they are both heartless. They could be the same except that they are not. They are as alike as a body and shadow, a thing and its reflection.
Kagura is the reflection.
She is his Other self, looking out through the looking glass. Have you seen your reflection in the mirror? It looks over your shoulder at the world you are in. If you look carefully, you will see longing, a desire to cross the line that separates it from the world on the other side of the mirror. Kagura reaches out and lets her fingertips slide across the shining surface of the looking glass. People who do that are the one who are secretly hoping to be on the other side.
They are a man and a woman. They are themselves and each other. They are a Lord and a slave…and they are not meant to be together.
Her heart is not her own and neither is her life and neither is her soul and she looks at freedom through the bars of a cage and she longs. Those who long for things would never be happy if they got them. Longing itself does not make them happy either, and so they are eternally unhappy, trapped on the other side of the mirror.
If she had not asked him for his help, perhaps he could have loved her. Sesshoumaru does not help those who ask for it. He cannot yet help helping those who do not ask for it but he certainly does not help ones who ask. If he hadn’t been stronger than her master, perhaps she wouldn’t have fallen in love with him. If only she had been perfect, like she wanted and if only he hadn’t been, like he wanted, they would have been satisfied. If they hadn’t been themselves, they would have been happy.
Kagura is a child – stubborn and selfish and awed by strength. Kagura is a woman who is a child and Sesshoumaru has remained old too long. In the body of a youth is the man who has carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. The sword that brings life and the sword that cannot be sheathed weigh him down more than he knows. (If you hold tokijin in front of the mirror, it will cast no reflection.) Sesshoumaru has seen too many last times and when a man sees endings one too many times, they leave a stamp on his soul, a mark that can never be erased, that will always be visible to those who look in the mirror. It is a terrible thing, having to see things end all around you while you go on. Immortality is a terrible thing. If I wasn’t only a mirror, I would get tired of last times too.
Kagura pretends she fights for freedom – look, see the fire in her eyes as they burn with hatred when they look at her creator. See how she eyes her heart in the grip of the man who cares nothing for her. Kagura pretends she fights for freedom, even as she dreams of her new Master, dressed all in white.
And the irony is that Sesshoumaru does not want slaves. He is meant to be Master, that one. In my mirror, I see that his soul is one of a ruler. Then it won’t matter what the future brings because whether he has a kingdom and subjects or not, a king is always a king and whether she has a Master or not, a slave is always a slave. He would make a great ruler if he broke those chains that bind him, if he broke the sword without a reflection that weighs him down.
She is the slave who tried to shackle herself to him and he is the master who spurned her and remained free. He is taking the right path, the path that is right for the ruler. See how she gazes after him even as he refuses her and see him. See how she begs to be rescued and see how he turns and walks away.
Kagura is not meant to be free and Sesshoumaru is not meant to be anything else.
I am the mirror.
I know all these things because mirrors aren’t blinded by the illusions that screen the reality from the eyes of humans and demons alike. Mirrors never make mistakes because we do not participate in the affairs of living beings. Mirrors, you can say, are perfect, even more perfect than that taiyoukai you see, dressed in white silk and armour with icy golden eyes. We do not hope, like he does. Mirrors don’t have a heart. We see the truth about everything.
Mirrors are perfect.
Do you want to be a mirror?
Or would you rather be imperfect?

A/N: Review please!
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Reflections of a Mirror Girl