BY : Maddiesan
Category: InuYasha > Het - Male/Female > Kouga/Kagome
Dragon prints: 4138
Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

A/N: Short night, long morning. There might be a few wonky sentences, I'm sorry! But thanks for the reviews :)


Chapter 3: Eve of Destruction

Deep slumber was interrupted when a door creaked. Panic rushed through Kagome's blood as she forced her eyes open, temporarily forgetting her location. She took in her surroundings, her heart pounding the entire time. Once she recognized Kouga's living room, she breathed a little easier and brought a hand to her head. Good, would that hammering every stop? At least she did not feel like throwing up this time around. Feet stomping around in another room brought her out of her thoughts and she forced herself in a sitting position. Kagome waited a moment for the dizziness to subdue and then she pushed herself up to her feet.


He left.

She had waited for him, but - after all that alcohol, it had been impossible to remain awake. She did not even have any recollection of him actually leaving the bathroom. She heard a bit of a commotion happening in there and she had not dared to interrupt. Plus, he had turned her down. It was not like she planned on kissing him. She simply needed to tell him it was all a mistake - a drunk mistake - and things would return to… well they were never quite good. It was two days. They hung out of two days. Things could not go back to normal; they did not have a normal to go back to…

Kagome sighed, her lips pursing, and she tried to find the courage to walk up to him. He probably knew by now that she was awake; there was no point in being quiet. She took quick steps until she reached the kitchen, but what she found was not what she expected. Kouga had an arm drape over the refrigerator's door while he was bent over, looking inside. Except he was shirtless. She might have thought he had some scars on his face, but his back? Some of the wounds were deep, the flesh caving in, never quite forming right even after healing. It was like someone whipped his back until the flesh hung loose, until the gash were so inward that there was no hope for them to ever close again.

Horrified, she brought a hand to her lips and the little gasp that slipped her was what gave her away.

He turned his head to the side like a deer who heard the ruffling of the leaves. Once he stopped her, he closed the door and walked away from the fridge. Doing so allowed her to see that his chest was covered in the same kind of scars and this time, her eyelids lowered in pity while the corners of her mouth shifted downwards. As soon as he saw that look in her eyes, his hands shifted and he grabbed back his white t-shirt. He quickly slipped it back on, despite the fact that the damages were done. She was here. He thought - he thought she might be asleep or gone? He did not know what he expected.

Kouga knew he had to get out of the house and he did. There was that little bar down the road, the one where he got his occasional hookup. He waited until she fell asleep and he went there. He figured she would wake up from her slumber and leave. And he did not want to be there for it. Instead, he wasted some of his money on drinks - even though he had a good reserve of alcohol at home. Home was not home because someone else was there, throwing a wrench through his life habits. He limited his contacts with people, but her? It was hard to stay away.

"Hm, listen."

Kagome heard his words, but instead her eyes focused on something red on his collar. At first, it looked like a blotch of blood, but as she narrowed her eyes, she noticed it was something else; lipstick. He had - lip…stick on his collar. Huh. Well, that explained where he went or the odor of booze and cigarettes. He did smell more like alcohol than before. As the realization of what he did fully sunk in, she felt her stomach coiled. He ran from her and then went and found someone to have sex with. Was kissing her that awful? How many times would she have to tell him it was an accident? He did not have to run from his own house…

"It's fine," she dismissed with a gesture of the hand. "It was my fault - I - I was drunk."

Her f-ault? And why in the word was she so pissed off? Her face looked somewhat serene, but her aura was bursting around her like angry waves. Something was making her quite upset, but he could not figure it out. She had been staring at him an awful lot… maybe it had something to do with him? It was not the scars. No, when she saw them it was pity that radiated from her, not rage.

"I, hm," she cleared her throat. "I thought about it, and hm, if you just wanna tell me the right way out," she forced a chuckle, "I'll be out of your hair."

She - she wanted to go back to the hotel? He acted awkwardly around her and there was no good explanation to cover up what he did. Perhaps if she left it would be best for her. He was no good for her, he could not have her. In the past maybe, but this Kouga could not come near her. If she left, there would be no more temptation and there would be no chance for him to hurt her. She had time to walk away and be better than this. He wanted that for her - he wanted more than this broken life.

But yet, as it was time to speak, none of the words he should have said made it to his throat. Instead, there was a roaring in his chest, a demanding snarl that asked he kept her there. But he should not.

There was no reaction, he remained there, staring at her. Kagome's cheeks swelled and she let out a breath before turning around. Why should he stop her? Why should he not let her go? They had not been a part of each other's lives for over five hundred years. A few drinking nights together did not make them friends. A screwed up, drunk kiss, did not make them anything. She did not even know why she was upset about this. No, she was not upset - there was nothing to be upset about. She accidentally crossed a line which helped them realize how awkward all of this was and now it was over. It was as simple as that.

A gush of wind blew her hair and before she could inhale, she was pressed against the wooden wall, the air forcefully pushed out of her lungs. She dared to tilt her chin up and she found herself staring into deep blue eyes. His body was near her, his shirt threatening to touch hers while the palm of his hand was firmly planted on the wall, right above her head. She saw the twitching of his jaw while he tightened it and remained voiceless. His whole body twitched and for the first time, she felt the feel of his aura as it flickered against her, almost challenging her.

He fucked up.

He did not mean to grab her and corner her. It happened too fast; he saw her walk out and his mind revved for an answer. This was it - but it was the wrong one.

Kouga could sense the fear swirling inside of her, the uncertainty that danced in her eyes. He was threatening her while he did not even mean to do it. He took a deep breath, forcing the air through his nostrils, and then he pulled away from her, his arms hanging into the emptiness. He took a step back and swallowed the lump in his throat. Words. That was what he needed to use; not actions. Although, it was not much help since he was not good with either.

"I'm sorry I ran out," he croaked out. He did not owe her anything; not an explanation, not an apology. Yet, he was giving her one. "I was drunk and I freaked out." He smoothed the skin of his forehead and mumbled a curse. Wrong word choice.

He freaked out? "Freaked out about the kiss?" She popped her lips. "It was an accident. I was drunk. But I'm glad you found a way to un freak out."

Her words left a haze of mystery that forced him to follow her line of sight. As he did so, he understood the source of her earlier state of distress. There was fucking lipstick on his collar. Fuck. How did he miss that? And now she had the completely wrong idea about what took place. Yes, he often did partake in the pleasure of the flesh at that particular location - but not last night. Yes, he did intend on doing that, but it did not happen. He wanted it to happen and then, at the last minute, his conscience showed up.

Her lips were on his neck, her blunt teeth raking down his neck. It could barely feel it - and it was not because the alcohol had numbed him out. Yet he remained because there was a dying desire inside of him and he felt the obligation to fulfill it. Plus, if he did this, it would take his mind off Kagome and it would chase away the memory of her lips. He could not hold on to that because she could never be his. She was not as broken as she thought and there was hope for her. There was no hope for him. This was it; this was his life. He had accepted his situation a long time ago and nothing was going to change.

The feel of the girl's hands gliding down his chest pulled him out of her his thoughts. He grabbed them and pushed them to the side, but she did not seem to understand. Instead, she lowered herself, dropping down to her knees. He watched her mass of hair, the light brown looks spilling all around her. She never even looked up at him; she was too busy battling his belt. And he did not care. Her name was a distant memory in his mind. He got the one information he needed from her and after that he tuned off; she was not from around here. He did not need a local girl tracking him down. All he was looking for was a one time thing.

He could already smell the dampness coming from between her legs and despite his lack of interest, his cock was pressing against his jeans.

Finally, she managed to unhook his belt and before he knew it, she was dragging his pants, and boxers, down to his knees. Cold hands wrapped around his cock and she pumped him while biting her bottom lip. Wasting no time, she shoved him in her mouth, allowing him to bask in the feel of the warmth. He grunted while she tried to push as much of his erection inside her mouth as possible and he let his hands go limp by his sides. He wanted to think of her, focus on the feel of her mouth, but none of it was possible - because where there was brown, there should be black and - and Kagome's mouth would feel differently. She would not be this direct, she would be shy and explore. Her lips would be plumper and moist and her tongue would be reticent.

Kagome's mouth would feel better.

And when he would look down, he would see those blue eyes looking at him, uncertain, and a cute blush on her cheeks.

But there was none of that.


At that point, he knew all hopes were lost. She ruined him. He put his hand on the girl's forehead and pushed her, his cock popping out of her mouth. Her knitted eyebrows informed him of her confusion, but he paid no attention to it. Instead, he tucked himself inside of his pants and then retrieved his wallet. His fingers brushed up the condoms as he picked up some money. He handed it to her and she looked at him with a surprised expression.

"Go buy yourself a drink."

The way it sounded did not occur to him, but it did to her. She was not a fucking prostitute. She crumbled the money in her hand while he walked away from her.

It did not end well, but he did not fuck her.

And she thought he did.

"I didn't."

"What you do or don't do is none of my business," she replied casually.

"But I didn't." He needed her to believe him - though he would not go as far as to explain to her that he pictured her on her knees, giving him a blowjob. Or the way her tongue would feel, lapping at the head of his erection… and then he stared at her lips, those nice, red parted lips and he thought of them… pictured them wrapped around his cock…


Already he felt the need that rushed downwards and his penis swelled. He had to keep her gaze up; he could not let her see how twisted he actually was. It was a need he could never get rid of. Ever since things shifted, all his emotions went through this system. He was angry? He wanted to fuck. He was feeling the loneliness of the past? He would bury himself in between a nice pair of legs. It was easier. It re-directed the memories, the feelings, he never wanted to think about. It always took his mind off everything. Except - Kagome was not a pair of legs. She was Kagome and he could not use her like that.

"Well I didn't," he repeated.

There was something different about his tone; threatening. It was deep and it rumbled through her body, pulsing through her blood. There was a need coming from him; he wanted her to believe him. Why did it matter if she did or did not? Why did he care so much? She did not want him to care. And she wanted answers. Many questions burned her lips and her mind scrambled for answers, but found none.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I told you."

She raised a hand, trying to keep it as steady as possible, and pressed it to his chest. He stiffened under her touch and she sucked a breath in. He did not want her to touch him. "What happened to you?"

He thought she might ask that eventually. Obviously seeing his scars sped up the process. But he did not have an answer for her. He did not want to shatter this idea she had, this concept of what life was. "Life happened," he breathed out.

There it was; for the first time, he let his guard down and she saw the hurt, the pain, that he tried to shield away from her. It flashed through his eyes and disappeared as quickly as it appeared. She wanted to reach out for his cheek and cup it, take the pain away, but she stopped herself. He did not want her touching him. She needed to keep repeating that over and over again.


"I don't need pity." He tried to keep his tone soft, but it was a tedious task. "I don't want it." His facade was slowly fading and he struggled with how to maintain the charade that was left.

She wanted him to let her in even though he had no reason to trust her. "K-kouga."

"It's fine." And then, he pulled away completely.

She was pressed against the wall while he walked away. She remained that way, panting, as she heard the sound of glass clinging. He was taking alcohol. In the morning. Again. She wanted to tell herself it was a flux, that it meant nothing, but she was wrong. She saw it now; the alcohol was a way for him to bury the pain. She could not quite judge because she was traveling in the hopes of outrunning her problems, but it was not as damaging as his habits were. Alcohol, all the time. Youkai or not, it would kill him. Unless that was his ultimate goal… but she did not even want to consider that possibility.

Kagome gathered her courage and peeled herself off the wall. Once she walked into the living room, she found him by the alcohol cabinet, swinging by gulps of rum. She marched in his direction with a determined step. She wanted nothing more than to grab his shoulder and turn him around, but somehow she felt like that might not quite help the current situation. For some reason, he did not enjoy touching - and she was not going to push the issue. She wanted him to trust her and she wanted some answers out of it. She could not watch as he destroyed himself. It was not her life, none of her business, but it was who she was; she helped people.

No matter how screwed up she was herself.

"Kouga, put it down."

"There's more if you want some." Battling the evil with more evil. At this point, he did not know if he was hungover or it was just a constant numbness. Could he cure a hangover with more alcohol? He could not remember. Honestly, since Kagome's arrival his drinking had toned down. He had to keep up appearances. Although as he felt the flare of her aura, he knew it was all about to fall apart. He let himself slip when he panicked and left.

He should have stayed. Why didn't he stay?

Most of all, why did he invite her to stay?

Because he wanted her there. He wanted to feel the soothing effect of her presence.

He was that selfish.

He did not use to be.

"I know that."

He knew where this was going.

Kouga turned around, the bottle still to his lips. "I don't want it."

"The alcohol?"

"Your pity. I don't want it."

"Kouga, it's not like that."

He scoffed. "You think I haven't seen it before? I'm fine. I survived. I'm a survivor. The last thing I need is pity. It was in the past and it's over." He closed the distance between their bodies. "I'm fine, Kagome."

Since she made the conscious choice not to touch him, her only other option was to gently grab the bottle from his hand. Despite the fact that her fingers were wrapped around the neck of it, he did not let go. His hand shook, trembling with stress, and he wanted to let go, but he did not. Kagome barely tugged, but she already knew how this would go down; he would not give it to her. He could not.

It was too much for him to handle; she was there, all the time. When was the last time he had to pretend everything was fine for such an extended period of time? It was cracking, the whole masquerade slipping from him and he did not know how to hold it back. He wanted to fall apart, he wanted to smash a hole through the nearest wall. He could not. Kagome thought he was something he was not and he needed to be that. He wanted to be that person for her. He inhaled deeply and then, finally released the bottle from his grip and Kagome took it from him.

He did it. He gave it to her.

She did not expect that.

Unprepared, she simply put it down on the coffee table behind her and focused her attention back on Kouga. His back was facing her as he kept his face away from her. Had she pushed too much? Should she back off and let him cool off? There was a desperate cry in his eyes that she had not been able to ignore earlier. She could do something for him. In this era, she could not help anyone - not even herself. If she could make his life a little better, then should she not take that chance? It was no way to live.

"Kouga, I'm not taking pity on you. I'm just trying to help."

"I don't need help, I'm fine." He forced his eyes closed while taking slow deep breaths. Last time, she pushed him to a point where he had to run away. He could not do it again. He was fine, he could handle this. Fuck he hated that word. He was using it over and over again and it was starting to lose its meaning.

"I need help," she admitted. "I'm here because I don't know what to do." Maybe honesty would be a good way to start it all? If she shared, then he might be more inclined to do the same.

He was not one to compare misfortune, but - this - no. He would do it. He would not say, anything, he would not talk to her. It was best if she followed through her original plan; leaving. That way she would keep a vague memory of him, a memory in which he was not totally fucked up. Unfortunately, his voice and body kept betraying him and he could not actually tell her to leave. There had to be another way. What could he do, what could he say to make her leave? He was not about the share his past; he was never going back to those distant nightmares. It had to be something else.


He could be honest and make her leave.

There were things, thoughts, that he should be ashamed of - and they would send her running. She would see what kind of twisted person he was without him revealing anything. He had to do it, he had to put a straight face on and push himself. He crisped his hands into fists, gathering whatever strength was left in him, and he focused on the element of surprise. For the second time that day, he pushed her against a wall, trapping her with his body. One of his legs managed to insert itself between her legs while he pressed both of his palms right by her shoulders, his thumbs brushing the bare skin of her arms.

"I didn't touch that girl last night."

Warmth spread through her body while he stared her down. When she tried to pull away, he pushed her around, when she tried to break down his walls, he did the same thing. It only highlighted further his confusion. He wanted her gone, and he wanted here. And he was bringing up the incident from earlier. He said he did not do anything and she chose to believe him. What was the point of bringing it up again? She forced her lips shut, preventing herself from asking any questions.

"I couldn't."

Could he do it? Could he push himself to embarrass her? He could not tell her to run away from him; he had to make her do it all on her own.

"I kept thinking about you."

Her stomach churned and she was forced to swallow hard. What was he talking about? He ran away from her. All they shared was a kiss and then he left.

"What if it was you on your knees."

His voice was hoarse, deep, sending shivers down her spine and palpitations spinning through her heart. His words held promises that forced her to clench her thighs together. She had convinced herself of his newfound disgust for her and he was slowly shattering that opinion. Her knees wobbled, weakness spreading through them, but she kept herself steady. She parted her lips, ready to speak, but no words came to her. What was she supposed to answer to that? How twisted was it that he was telling her how he fantasize about her while being with another. And why did it matter? It did not, it should not.

"Don't waste time on me."

There, he has said the fatal words, the one that would make her leave, run away. After all this time, he became a stranger and now, he gave himself an aura of dangerousness. She should fear him, she should leave. He could lose his mind at any moment. A normal person did not go through life like he did. She needed better. She needed to return home and fix her life. There was still time for her to be more than he ever would be. Nobody should hide in the woods, waiting for life to be over. She had a whole world waiting for her. A family even. He did not have a family; he did not even have a pack. He was a lonely alpha leader. What was the point? What legacy was he attempting to maintain?

Once he was gone, there would be nothing; not even a memory, or a linger in the wind. Everyone would have forgotten the history of his pack.

At that point, Kagome was panting slightly, her chest rising much faster than she intended. In his eyes, she saw the coating of shininess, the one that indicated the pain deep inside of him. He was trying to push her away. He was waiting for her to leave because he thought of himself as unworthy. Despite the missing centuries, she doubted Kouga could have turned out to be such a bad person. Yes, he could be restless and focused, but it was only about things he furiously believed in. He never doubted himself and everything he did, he believed was for the right reasons - even when he was killing humans. Where did that trust in himself go? When did he think he became so undeserving of good things?

he did not mean the words he said. There was no desire behind them, only fire.

He wanted to prove he was unworthy, but he was not.


The word came out like a whisper caressing his skin. "Why what?"

"Why did that stop you?" All creditability was lost when her cheeks turned red. No, she was not a virgin, but her experiences with Hojo had left her quite limited and it was not as though she was at ease with everything regarding sex.

Was she actually asking him that? His cock began to engorge with blood, aroused by her curiosity. Kagome always did manage to surprise him and that trait of her had not changed with the years. She was not giving in as easily as he expected. Did she not realize how dangerous he could be? He had not intentions of harming her, but he could never prepare himself for when the nightmares would strike. There was a reason why he remained awake ever since she arrived. There was the usual lack of sleep, but there was also the desire to remain safe. If something happened to him because of him, he would never forgive himself.

"Because it wasn't the same," he had to grit his teeth because the memories were too much. He could imagine the fell, remember her voice when she whispered his name in her dream and fuck. There was her scent. The more he spoke, the more her skin became coated with the sweetest aroma of them all. She was aroused - his words were turning her on. She was not supposed to be turned on. Her scent wrapped around him, inflicting upon him the same state of dizziness as when they had shared that kiss. He was not strong enough to pull away twice, not when he was this hard, this in need of a release. It was is way of dealing with his emotions and the past two days had been particularly difficult.

He had flashbacks he did not want and he felt more than he wanted to feel.

She had to pull away.

Why was she not pulling away?

"I'm no good," he croaked out.

He could not focus on his hard on, his mission, and his facade at the same time. Something had to give. What was it about Kagome that sent his life spiralling? He stopped eating humans because of her, he changed his ways and became a better person. One word and she transformed him. One word and she stole his heart. Five hundred years later, none of that had changed. Except, back then he thought he could make her happy. Now he knew better.

Kagome broke the new rule she had set for herself; she put a hand on his bicep. He never broke the glance, instead, he kept staring at her vividly. One wrong movement and he would flee. She saw this look in his eyes before; he had it when desperation hit him and the birds of paradise were killing off his pack. That Kouga was willing to do whatever it took to save everyone, even risking his own life. What broke him? It angered her; she wanted to know who stripped him of his personality, who turned him into someone she barely recognized. Where was the cockiness that made her roll her eyes? The determination that forced him to kidnap her? Or the courage that led him to proclaim his feelings on top of a mountain?


There was no love left in him.

Love for his pack, love of the thrill and adventure. All devotion was gone. He no longer believed in anything.

That was the difference.

He had nothing.

That empty house that looked inhabited. There was nothing personal, nothing warm. He had nothing to personalize it.

Sometimes, she felt alone, but she had something; she had her family. Most of the time however, they did not understand her, the struggles she went through. It was not for lack of trying, it was simply because it was a reality impossible for them to imagine. She tried to fight that loneliness with Hojo; a normal life was the perfect solution was it not? Wrong. It only made her feel even lonelier. This was the last option, her last chance at finding the thrill of life again. She was meant to figure out how she was to live in this world in which she no longer fully belonged anymore.

A girl out of time.

Just like he was a youkai out of balance.

She needed to believe there was hope. It would break her heart to think this was it for him.

Again, she did another stupid thing. Without the alcohol swirling through her blood and driving her courage, she buried her nose in the crook of his neck. He held his breath, but this time, he did not stiffen under her touch. Instead, his body pressed to hers and for the first time, she was able to feel his pressing need. It dug into her thigh, a wetness spreading between her legs. She remembered the earliest contact, the feel of his lips on hers and a need was created in the pit of her stomach.

"Kagome..." he warned. No, no this was bad. They had already established that much. She was untouchable, she was the path he could not travel. She felt small and fragile as she buried herself against his body. She was warm, so warm. And her scent had exploded, leaving no other aroma in his head. It was her, only her.

This time, she had less of a hold on him and yet he could not tear himself away. Temptation was the plague of his existence. Part of him dreamed of actually having her on her knees, sucking his cock, while the decent part of him wanted to hide away in shame. However, all thoughts went swirling when he felt her lips on his neck. She warmed up his skin, leaving a fire behind. Life; he felt alive. It was what she brought him. He needed to push her away. He was too fucked up, and he would only taint her further. That was the one thing he could not forgive himself. She was soothing, pure. He was nothing, but a mess.

If he spoke the truth and if his body's reaction was any indication, he did want this. It was not disgusting. But, he was blocking himself, shutting off everything around. He was trying to pull away, retract into his space of loneliness and pain. She wanted to pull him away from that and show him there was so much more than the torment he inflicted upon himself. If he saw it, if he believed in it, she might be able to do the same. There was something to look forward to each day, and she would remind them both of that. She had to.

Kagome forced his head backward by kissing his jaw. Her heart was pulsing, racing to the point where each heartbeat were painful. She was deafened by her fear and inhaled deeply as she rose to his cheek. His only reaction was to push himself harder against her, his erection digging into her, whispering promises. There was a fire burning inside of her, her brain melting with the feel of his body alone. Her past sexual experiences with Hojo did not bring her that passion she heard so much about. But him? His lips? His growls? They were the addiction and sparkle she heard about. She dared to dig her fingers into his biceps, clinging at the flesh, hoping for more.

Kouga wondered if he was in hell when he felt the slight roll of her hips. It was a sensory overload and he groaned before leaning forward. As he put his fangs against her collarbone, she was forced to tear herself away from his neck. She was playing with fire, forcing a desire to drum along his flesh. Fangs dragged down until he reached the top of her breasts, and they gave under the pressure of his teeth. He raked them back up, easily finding his way back to her neck. He wanted to pierce the flesh, nibble at it. He moved one of his hands, and grabbed hers. He used his new found hold and placated her hand against the wall and away from his body. She offered no resistance.

Afterwards, he resumed devouring her neck. Her blood rushed to the surface, but never broke the skin. She shivered in his hold, her wrist wavering as he held it down. He let himself taste her, despite the warning sounding off in his head. He was not good enough for him, but he wanted to take everything; he wanted to drink in her light and hang on to her. His lips found their way to hers and she wasted no time in melting against him. She returned the kiss, her tongue teasing his lips and his reciprocating, letting himself be blinded by the need that he felt pulsing through his body. He wanted to bury himself deep inside of her, feel her warmth and walls around him. Every time he touched her, every time he led his hand brush up her body, it was empowering. This he could do. He could not handle too much of it though. He had to keep himself in check, and calm. If not, he might lose all control.

Kagome bit back a moan while the novelty of the situation thrilled her. She wanted to touch him, craved to feel him beneath her fingertips, but it was impossible. One of her arms was pinned to the wall and she had a feeling that if she tried to move the other one, the same thing would happen. It was almost tempting. It was new; she was stuck. But it was not stressful, it sent her need spiralling. She was stuck in a daze when he tore his mouth from hers. She leaned forward at the loss of contact, but only found emptiness and coldness. His fingers brushed down her arm as he released her and pulled away. He slowly walked away from her, but this time he was not running. Instead, his steps were slow as he retrieved his bottle.

Again, he took a swung of it.

He was not leaving, he was just... stopping?

He had managed to make her body melt with nothing more than mere kisses. He had taken her need and magnified it, teasing her with the pleasures she never thought existed.

Kouga was a dark path that left her with one question.

Did she want to stay or run?


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