Adult-FanFiction.org : Inuyasha / Yashahime

Reviews for SURVIVE

By : ajj77sunhawk

From ANON - Caitriona on November 09, 2010
Chapter 7

AHHHHHHH. NOOOOOOOEEEEEEESSSSSSSS.

Ok. Now that I have that out of my system -- onto the review. You did a wonderful job of writing Manten as a whining, self-loathing, sycophantic, sniveling, little piece of crap who can only prove his own self worth by demeaning and degrading others. At this point, if he were real, I am sure that your readers would have snipped him into little pieces for the worms to eat. He has taken everything that Sesshoumaru did and turned it into crap. grrrrr. I just don't know how to exactly express my displeasure in the actions of the character. Don't get me wrong. You did a wonderful job of it. He just irritates the living hell out of me.

I found the initial reaction of Yasha to be wonderfully done. I look at Yasha as being almost like his Id. It knows what it wants and it just can't understand why it didn't go the way it wanted. The personalities of Inuyasha didn't have a real childhood, so it is understandable why this more animalistic portion of his mind would try to turn on itself when things don't go it's way. The ensuing conversation between the human, youkai, and hanyou portions of his mind was sad to read. While I have to wonder just what would have happened if the youkai portion had taken the hanyou's suggestion, I'm glad that it talked itself out of the whole thing.

Pup's comment about the group hug really made me smile. It was one of the few really uplifting sections of this otherwise angsty chapter. kawaii koinu!

The last few sentences of this really tugged at the old heartstrings. (and the angst strings as indicated by the first comment in this sections) Inuyasha's plan to merge with his past and then die was terribly sad. It makes me want to beat Manten a little more...

At this point I see only a few options. First, the nurse could wake up and tell them that Inuyasha didn't attack her. I don't see her doing that because you describe her as quiet and meek. That kind of person might not stand up for another when they are being brow beaten. It is more likely that she will try to tell the truth once and then Manten will twist it to suit his preconceived ideas. Second, Inuyasha could last the 9 days - growing weaker and weaker - and then when a guard or something notices him going terribly downhill they call Manten who relaxes his iron fist. I don't see this happening because that would mean the idiot would have to admit that he had done something wrong. He would more likely kill the guard to protect himself and try to say that Inuyasha did it! Third, Sess could show up at the last minute and nurse the incredibly ill hanyou turned human back to help. This seems slightly trite, and you have been great for throwing me curveballs, so I don't see this one happening. Fourth, Inuyasha could die.

and that would suck.

So, I guess I'm saying that your work has me thinking and worrying about the characters and wondering what you are going to do. Huzzah!

Thanks for writing for us!
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From ANON - angelsword on November 09, 2010
I don't know what sort of angst you were planning, this was enough to make me cry,I don't know if my heart could take more angst. Loving the story so far, please keep writing.
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From ANON - starlight on November 09, 2010
I love your new story! It's sooo good! You always leave me so on edge! I can't wait for your next update! I also hate how much I love how you torture poor little Inuyasha! I love the plot line and the development of this story! SOOOO good! Your writing is awesome, don't stop! Excited to see what happens next!
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From trystkinkou on November 08, 2010
mewwww..... poor poor inu and yasha. this is gonna be s rough transition and i'd hate to see seshie's response when he returns. i can't wait to read the next chapter. (starts rereading the others again)
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From ANON - Caitriona on November 08, 2010
I thought the section about the collar itself and the breaking thereof was really nicely done. I like that so much of Inu's inner personas were there to help protect him from the collar. I also liked that Sess was strong enough to defeat the evil of the collar. I liked his concern for the slave, shiro Inu or not.

I honestly got a little confused on the timeline of things after the collar was removed. Did they go the the King's palace and for how long? When did the cave-in happen? Was there a full day or two full days when the badger nurse was laying unconscious at the bottom of the stairs or was she found rather quickly and Manten just took care of Inu over those days. I think that you were trying really hard to get Manten left in charge of Inuyasha and things got a little convoluted. If you decide to ever go clean up that section, you might consider adding in a few hundred words to do a smidgen of clarification.

All in all, though, still rather enjoyable and I'm eager to read more.
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From ANON - Sanapet on November 08, 2010
Wow, this is really intriguing. I can't wait to read more and find out what happens to poor Inuyasha in the next chapter. Hopefully I'll get to find out soon!

Sanapet
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From ANON - kuroiryuu on November 08, 2010
Very nice job on this chapter. I remember reading Truth in Blood, and wishing for an expansion (though your other work was a nice distraction, and very much enjoyed), and now I'm getting just that. Although the chapter was a little short, it was a transition chapter, and i'm admittedly impatient to sink my teeth into more.
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From kougaslover on November 08, 2010
I have to say, I'm really liking this story. While I hope that Inu winds up snapping and killing this traitor in Sesshomaru's rank, I'm sure whichever direction you take it'll be a good one. I like Sesshomaru's attitude, aloof but somehow deeply interested in Inuyasha, perhaps due to his great power, surviving such an ordeal. I can't wait for the next chapter, and to see how Inu and Sess' relationship will develop.
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From ANON - river girl on November 08, 2010
Saw Maten coming, no. Figured things wouldn't be pretty, yes. And no, not going to tell you how much I hate you, as I'm personally against insincerities ^_^ Thank you for Sesshemoru's role in this chapter. I particularly enjoyed his words to Inuyasha. And the interplay within Inuyasha's self. Quirked an eyebrow at the nurse falling down the stairs. She needs to learn how to use her tail, then again, maybe her type of demon are really not meant to be at the top of towers either, more like underground or near water.

Wow, though, 20K, you've really been on a roll!

Well, I promised myself some sleep. Don't be down on yourself.
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From ANON - river girl on November 07, 2010
Ok...you really have me sitting on the edge of my seat! So enjoyed this chapter, thank you for updating so fast, and now definately teased with the hint of a darkening and deeper plot around the gem being played out by the Temple of Light. I completley agree with one of the earlier reviews, can the Temple of light be properly torture and wiped out at some point? Pretty please, avenge our beloved Hanyou. Bankotsu's disgust with the city felt very, very satisfying. Completely in symphathy with him. And his compassion, if somewhat distracted and briefly mentioned offered hope and horror for Inu's future.

I'm racking my head for good helpful questions, but right now only one thing is running around my mind like a crazy hamster, what's the Lord of the West's reaction to Inu kneeling in the middle of that glyph, and why do I feel like that's going to be slighly different from Sesshemoru's reaction, even though I don't think there's any grounding for that thought in your story and I'm probably off the mark. And what is that reaction going to be, and please, please, Inu, be strong enough not to completely break, at least not till someone will catch you. Ok, that does bring one more question to mind, where does Inu get his strength? He feels like such a pure, beautiful soul. Yes, I've completely fallen for him, present in his own body or not. Hm...I'm getting sappy. ^_^

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From ANON - Caitriona on November 07, 2010
This chapter completely rocked. I can't even really express just how much this chapter rocked. You showed the degredation and loathing that Inu has grown up in - the personality of the place where he was raised. It will truly be a long long haul before Inu will be able to be the person/hanyou that he was born to be.

Bankotsu did his job perfectly. He played the priestesses with their own weaknesses. I can see him ranting to his lord over the whole experience now - while Inu sits patiently and waits - in fear. I wonder what lies the priestesses have told him in the past to make him fear the demons so. I wonder if it has something to do with the Temple of Darkness. (I don't remember you mentioning it before)

:hugs poor Inu:

Thanks for writing for us! I didn't expect to see two chapters today! A Treat!
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From ANON - Caitriona on November 07, 2010
Chapter 4

:pouts: But I want this Kagome to die painfully. Imagining Sess whipping into the city with destruction in his wake does seem rather nice. I understand though. Onto the chapter.

You give a completely plausable reason for Sess to not go himself into the city. It kinda reminds me of Tokijin's desire to drink Inuyasha's blood. Nicely done. I also really like the mirrors. They remind me of teleconferencing computers for a web-i-nar.

The tribute gifts were rather interesting. I loved Ah-un's arrival. It completely made me giggle. If you play DragCave, it's even funnier because we have to wait and wait and wait for the eggs to hatch only to get rid of it and it hatch immediately. grrr. Silly dragons.

I'm really looking forward to reading about the Western City's reaction to their tribute...

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From ANON - river girl on November 07, 2010
Yikes, I wrote this long review and my computer messed up at the last minute, so let's see if I can get it all out again.

You said that you "stretched" this chapter, but I didn't really feel it. Longer stories allow, even call for detailed background and firm placement in their particular 'verses. If you even have traveling or more wide spread politics in this story, this chapter definately served as a sort of brief introduction to the spread of politics, economic deversity and temperments of some of the major players. You also gave us a glimpse of some of the people in Sesshemoru's cabinet or court. The dragon hatching was cute! I got a silly smile on my face just remembering it. I also felt some sympthay with the city that offered the egg, because they wanted the dragon hatchling to enter life. Is Sango a kangaroo demon because of the boomerang and the geographical connection?

I don't have suggestion really, more like questions that might inspire frequent and constant updates of what is currently my favorite story in progress. I know writing at this speed is hard. I don't post online, but I do write seriously. I'm uncomfortable making outright suggestions to authors. So, here we go. First, smirk....I can't see Kagome being happy about giving up her 'mongrol'. What's going to be her reaction? Will she be absolutely nuts and order Inu do to something? How far will she be willing to go to keep him? How about Kikyo? Inu's been protecting the city, so, will they fess up and try to demand to keep him on the grounds of Sesshemoru's promise that he wouldn't take anything important to the safety of the city? Or will they try to keep face and not admit to that? How will Pup react to moving? And I guess that I've been assuming Sesshemoru will get his way, because, well, he doesn't seem the kind of person to do anything else. What will happen if anyone dives into Inu's mind and see his actions during the death of the Lust demon and their conversation?

Ok, this is my longest ever review. Whoops...Hope I didn't tread on any toes. Please keep writing!
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From ardentes on November 07, 2010
oh my goodness! I find myself fascinated by this story! I cannot wait to read more! Please write more when you get the chance! I would absolutely love to read what happens next. Good luck with NaNoWriMo! Hope you can do it!
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From katzeiason on November 07, 2010
really great story line you have going here,
soooo can't wait for the next to come out.
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